Yalu

"I am not a hero. I just did what any decent person would have done." –Miep Gies

This was so good.

I'm torn between something with quintessential Star Trek anthemic melancholy... and a straight up bop.

This was very good.

I enjoyed this bit.

Thank you, everyone! I'm delighted to be back!

My goodness, can @Randal Shayne ever capture the immediacy of a moment!

@Anath G'Renn wrote this. ((Duty Doctor’s Office - Deck 18, USS Blackwell)) ::Sleepwalking would be the best way to describe Anath the entire day of the memorial service for the lost members of the Blackwell crew who had been lost when the ship had run into that minefield. It was strange, every time she thought that her feelings of grief and anger couldn’t get any worse they always managed to.:: ::When the disaster first happened there was so much raw fury and grief mixed in with the fear and confusion of being caught in the moment, fueled by adrenaline and anxiety. It couldn’t get worse than that. Then came the aftermath and the autopsies. Those hazy memories clouded by stress and a storm of feelings almost felt like one long and very dark nightmare. Having to perform the gruesome task of verifying just how each one had died hit home how very real everything had been. The barely contained despair, the flashes of anger whenever her thoughts turned towards those responsible. It couldn’t get worse than that. Then there was their shore leave on Oscion, a time for relaxation and time with friends. But in the back of her mind she kept remembering the names on the casualty list, whenever she was finding herself enjoying their shore leave. She always drifted back to the people who would have no more shore leaves, and no more missions either. No matter what she did she couldn’t escape that nagging feeling. It couldn’t get worse than that.:: Nurse: Doctor G’Renn, it is time for shift change! The rest of us are going to the memorial service. ::She looked up from her desk, pulled back into the present from her world of introspection by the nurse’s voice. Anath nodded quietly and motioned for the sickbay staff to switch out with their replacements. She had tried to build the schedule that day to allow as many people as possible could have the option to attend the memorial service. The massive sickbay felt somewhat off with a meager skeleton crew on watch as was always often the case during shore leave.:: Nurse: Will you be joining us, doctor? G’Renn: Go ahead, I’ll catch up with you… ::Anath handed over the reigns to sickbay to the next doctor on duty before hanging up her lab coat and heading towards the turbolift. As she walked, memories of one of the autopsies played back in her mind.:: ((Flashback - USS Blackwell, Morgue - Two days after the minefield encounter)) ::Anath keyed a sequence of commands into the wall panel, causing the morgue cold chamber to seal back shut. She had just finished the formal set of scans and tests that protocol dictated were done to confirm what she already knew. Ensign Kalto had died of multiple internal injuries caused by a piece of ceiling falling on her. Anath knew very well what had happened as she had been the one to drag the debris off of the ensign and have her moved to sickbay.:: Nurse: Subject scans are being uploaded to the file now. Autopsy report just needs you to sign off on it. G’Renn: Thank you for your help, I’ll handle it from here. ::After the nurse left Anath approached the desk where the autopsy report was open on a desktop monitor. She scrolled through the report to make sure they hadn’t missed anything or filled in any information incorrectly.:: G’Renn: Everything seems right… ::But it wasn’t. Nothing about the situation she was in was right! The autopsy report was filled out correctly and it was not an unusual situation for a doctor to find themselves in, but the whole encounter with the minefield and the alien ships were just all wrong. The damage to the ship, the destruction of the other alien vessel, and the deaths of her crewmates. What for, what meaning did their losses have? Starfleet officers knew the risks of their chosen profession well. The threat of death was omnipresent when exploring the final frontier and defending the Federation from threats. But there was no heroic death or even a meaningful sacrifice for the crewmembers that now occupied the cold chambers in the morgue. Just casualties lost in a tragic accident all caused by some coward’s minefield.:: G’Renn: Computer, confirming details for autopsy report Kalto, Alyssa. Authorization G’Renn Omega 4-5. ::The computer beeped to confirm that it had saved the autopsy report. She sighed and sunk deeper into the chair before glancing around the morgue. There were still autopsies to be done, too many. She never wanted to see the room so full ever again if she could help it.:: ((End Flashback)) ((Corridor - Deck 18, USS Blackwell)) G’Renn: oO Yes, her too! Oo ::When an inquisitive child had asked whether or not their substitute teacher was going to be saved as well that had been her answer. Ensign Kalto had not been dead upon discovery. She was still fighting for life when they found her under a piece of ceiling in the schoolroom. But even getting there in time hadn’t been enough to save her. Anath had promised that she would be safe too, and now she was dead. Names and faces came to mind as she walked down the corridor.:: G’Renn: oO Alyssa Kalto. Ensign. Found in the schoolroom. Oo G’Renn: oO Nigel Buchanan. Ensign. Found in his quarters Oo G’Renn: oO Robert Smith. Petty Officer, 3rd Class. Found in the gymnasium. Oo ::The fire of feelings spread through her, boiling away any sense of tranquility and order in her mind left as she stepped into the turbolift. She couldn’t face it! Growing up on Vulcan had made it hard to find ways to express her emotions, and it was coming back to haunt her now especially. She couldn’t take it, or let the others see her in such a state.:: G’Renn: Deck 12 ((G’Renn’s Quarters - Deck 12, USS Blackwell)) ::Once she was in her quarters she stepped into the small bedroom off of the common area in her quarters and let out a long sigh. She pulled off her uniform jacket and the teal shirt beneath it, untucking her gray undershirt before falling onto the bed and letting out a long sigh. The grief was driving her up the wall, and she felt powerless to stop it. Only making things worse was the realization of how poorly prepared she was revealing herself to be.:: ::The uniform shirt now laying on the foot of the bed was teal. The color of the Science department in Starfleet, as well as the Medical department. She was a doctor, first and foremost! While she might like to focus on the good she did, having studied medicine to keep as many people as possible from experiencing the same experience of a loved one’s death that she had gone through so many years before. She always assumed that she could handle the inevitable times when she would lose patients. It wasn’t her fault, she had done everything that she could to save them. But that thought did little to calm the whirlwind of emotions inside. Part of her wondered if she really had what it took to be a doctor at all if she couldn’t deal with the inevitable downside of being a healer. Questions kept popping up as Anath set her head on her pillow and let the exhaustion win. Could she truly expect to never lose a patient? How was she going to cope when she did? If she couldn’t handle that fact, did she have any business wearing that uniform?:: ::Those were questions she had to answer, but she didn’t have to answer them right away.:: Lieutenant (Junior Grade) Anath G'Renn Medical Officer, USS Blackwell - Andaris Task Force A239402AG0

((DS26, Level 4, Conference Room 1)) ::Ren snored loudly from his seat at the conference table, supremely unaware of the presence of his hard-working crewmates in the room. He was completely at ease, snuggled onto a captain he barely knew, his mouth hanging open carelessly, all the better to drool from.:: ((Ren’s Dream)) ::Arnmere was shining a little brighter than usual in this dream, this vision, this radiant, vivid experience.:: ::Ren strode across a field, headed home to the house he and Navin had built for themselves, far across the opposite side of Tro’Arn. It was a happy place, because it had cheerful rooms and bright, airy windows, but most of all because they were there together. No matter the day, Navin and Ren always came home to each other.:: ::As Ren came in the front door and kicked off his boots, a voice he loved called out from upstairs, and made his heart squirm pleasantly.:: Navin: Ren! How was work? Did you pick up dinner? ::Ren squirmed in a different way. He had not remembered to pick up dinner, and this was the week the replicator was out for repair.:: Rennyn: Uhhhh….. ::Ren’s conversational contribution faded out as Navin came into view, making his way down the stairs. The breath went out of Ren, and his lips curled up in a smile. It was like a conditioned response with him. The sight of his husband never failed to make Ren smile. Navin was impossibly handsome, and the smile he gave in return lit up the room. Dark-skinned, strong-jawed and kind-eyed, he’d captured Ren’s attention at first sight, and Ren hadn’t wanted to look away since. Even when he was in trouble.:: Navin: Dinner, sweetie? Don’t tell me we have to walk all the way back to the village. ::Ren’s smile disappeared, replaced with a falsely casual posture and a poorly masked look of stress as he tried to think his way out of this quickly.:: Rennyn: Well… We could walk part way there and use my mom’s replicator? ::Navin finished his descent and came to plant a kiss on his husband, despite the irritation Ren caused him. Navin stood an inch taller, the only man who could make the very tall Ren feel sort of safe and protected.:: Navin: Is that what you want to do? You want to make us have dinner with your mom? I mean, I like your mom a whole lot, but we live on this side of the field for a reason. So that’s what you want? You want to make us have dinner with your mom right now? ::Ren gulped. Was it a trick question?:: Rennyn: I don’t… ::He reached for the right word.:: ...know? Navin: I need a definite answer, Ren. ::It was a little teasing, but a little serious. Ren had this answer in the bag.:: Rennyn: I am definitely not sure. ::This was the life. This was the dream. Together, for the rest of their lives. Relying on each other, leaning on each other, being there through thick and thin. People weren’t meant to be alone. Ren wasn’t. He was so happy to have found Navin. There was no one better for him. Even their little spat was a comfort. It let Ren know they were in it together.:: Navin: You are always just all about any excuse to hang with your mom, aren’t you? ::Ren feigned shock.:: Rennyn: I never! Navin: Ohhh, yes you do. ::The scolding banter came with a hug, so Ren was okay with it. This was just the way things should be. Like they always were. Like they always would be. He leaned his head on Navin’s shoulder.:: Rennyn: I’m in trouble, aren’t I? Navin: You’re not in the doghouse yet, but we can say you’re not exactly allowed up on the furniture. ::Ren chuckled softly, and leaned in tighter. He would fix it. He would make the walk himself. He would fire up the old hovercraft if he needed to. Dinner was a very minor hurdle. They’d faced bigger, and there was no hurdle big or small they couldn’t handle together.:: ::Ren didn’t want to let go. He could search the universe over and never find a man like this again. This was how it always was with them. This was just how it always would be.:: ::At the same time, it wasn’t. It began to dawn on Ren, a creeping feeling at first, then real knowledge of another life he’d lived, one without Navin in it. A life where Ren was almost lost to grief. A life where he joined Starfleet, made wonderful friends, had crazy adventures, and never could explain to anyone just what it was that was missing from his life. The man standing before him right now. The love of his life. Ren pulled away, stepped back in shock, and his face fell in horror.:: Rennyn: You’re not real. ::That was the tragic answer. This perfect world only existed in a dream. Ren whipped around, searching for that pesky rascal Arnom. Ren’s symbiont guide to the afterlife was nowhere to be found, but the Trill man’s eyes landed on something else. A spot of that brightness, and another gate, different from the first, an ornate solid gold thing that belonged to a faraway fairytale palace. But it was just as final, just as insistent as the first. Ren knew he had to leave.:: ::Navin grabbed Ren’s arm, pulled him back, and held him, wrapping him in a hold Ren didn’t want to break.:: Navin: You don’t have to go. You could stay here. We could have our happy ending. ::Something in that closeness almost made Ren stay. It was a scary world out there without Navin. Ren often felt alone. In moments of triumph, he couldn’t share his success with the person he wanted to. In moments of sadness, he couldn’t lay his pain on the one who would understand it best. Most of all, it was hard to make friends and new relationships, and be known as only Ren, and not as half of Ren and Navin. That was the hardest part of loss. Ren was the only one who knew what the relationship had meant, who could see who he was as part of the pair. No one else would ever see him that way, and there was no way to explain it to them. You didn’t just lose the person you loved, you also lost a part of your own identity, and as each new adventure brought you new memories and introduced new people into your life, you only moved farther away from the person you once wanted to be. Ren was a very different man than he would have been with Navin in his life, and he was never sure if he could be his best self on his own.:: ::Ren wanted Navin back so he could be himself again, but a dream of Navin just wouldn’t cut it. Ren had made a decision in Arnmere, to let Navin go, despite the lingering questions about his supposed death at the hands of the Borg. It was time to move forward with finding out who Ren Rennyn could be on his own. Caught in the dream of an embrace, Ren forced himself to follow through on that decision. Even though it wasn’t easy to let go.:: Rennyn: I’m sorry. I wanted to say that for a long time, but I couldn’t, because you were gone. The last thing I said to you was that I was mad at you for leaving on your mission, and that wasn’t fair. And I know we would have made up and it would have been something we didn’t even remember happened. But then the Borg happened. And it became the last thing I ever said to you. And I’m so sorry I sent you off that way. ::He clung to Navin one last time, knowing it wasn’t the real Navin, but grateful that he got to look into those eyes and finally say what he’d always wanted to say. It would help him move on. Tenderly, Navin pulled tighter, planted a kiss on Ren’s cheek, then rested his forehead on Ren’s own.:: Navin: Whatever comes, I’ll always wish we could have faced it together. But I know you can face it on your own. ::The strangely linear dream at last had mercy, and Ren found himself standing at the gold gate, 100 meters from the house and Navin. Through tear-drenched eyes, he looked back on what might have been, as brightly lit clouds rolled in across Arnmere.:: ::Ren half expected Navin to turn into a Borg, and flip this dream into a nightmare. That didn’t happen. Navin waved from the door until the clouds drifted in across him, obscuring him from view. Their happy ending was lost in the mists of a dream, just exactly how it always felt in Ren’s heart.:: ::He was wearing boots again, and they felt like led. Ren forced his feet to obey. Through the gold gate he marched, and hoped he would awake from this nonsense soon.:: TBC LtCmdr Ren Rennyn First Officer USS Blackwell, Andaris Task Force A239102RR0

((Deck 7, Shayne and Pond's Quarters, USS Darwin-A)) ::Shayne wished he was knitting.:: ::It was a peaceful, productive, time consuming activity that offered a level relaxation could sometimes border on catatonic meditation. As one became more practiced and skilled, new projects and more difficult goals could be sought and completed. One's dexterity might also improve with prolonged execution of the art form, and, when all was said and done, everyone enjoyed receiving a fuzzy sweater from a loved one or friend.:: ::And apart from all these wonderful benefits, the act of knitting had one very important feature; unless you screwed up, the quality and size of a project is directly proportional to the work and time put into it. You could earn progress. The more you worked, the more you achieved. If only every activity in the universe could be that fair.:: ::But, of course, there were a multitude of exceptions, and as Shayne glowered at the computer terminal before him, he rued this fact. After all, he'd been sitting there for nearly an hour, straining to think of something to say, and what had he to show for his valiant effort? An empty data packet, a bad mood, and a pulsing headache.:: ::How could it be this difficult to send a simple communiqué to someone? He wasn't informing a family about a death, or anything like that. For god's sake, all he wanted to do was talk to family. How long had it been? A year? Longer?:: Shayne: Computer, start recording. ::Beep. It was as if the computer were saying, you're on.:: Shayne: Hi, Dad. It's been awhile. I, uh...I hope you're doing okay. I'm sorry I haven't contacted you for so long- things have been pretty intense out here. ::Growling in frustration.:: No, no, that's terrible. Computer, pause. Delete that last sentence. ::Dad wouldn't want to be reminded of the fact that he was not in the service anymore, or that his eldest was stationed in the line of fire of a hundred different alien threats. Shayne knew that his father's love for him conflicted with his desire to keep the young helmsman out of harm's way. The contradiction put a constant strain on the retired admiral, and Shayne was loathe to add to that worry any more than absolutely necessary.:: Shayne: Computer, continue. ::Beep.:: Shayne: The Delta Quadrant has held some...interesting surprises. ::Perfect. It was simple, informative without suggesting that most of the interesting surprises in particular were dangerous and even life threatening. The second thing that his father had ever taught him, long before he'd been indoctrinated into the Academy, was that honesty was paramount, and the truth was far too important a thing to be omitted or tampered with.:: Shayne: I just came back from a bit of an explore inside the Dyson Sphere I'm stationed near. You should've seen it. I've seen some weird stuff in my time, but few things compared to this. Holographic technology beyond anything anyone's ever seen! ::Pointedly omitting the more dangerous aspects of the last mission, and the one before it (and the one before that...), he moved on.:: Shayne: I'm, uh... I'm with someone. ::Here he smiled.:: Name's Isabel. A Trill doctor serving on the same ship as me. It's... pretty serious. ::Smiling awkwardly.:: We've moved in together. Yeah. She's wonderful. Kind and compassionate. A hell of a medical officer, and a talented dancer to boot. I'm beyond lucky to have her. Next time we're within distance of Earth, I have to introduce y'all. ::He pinched the bridge of his nose. What else did he have to say? So, so much. What was he going to say? Not much else. He'd wanted to, perhaps without even realizing it. So much he wanted to confront, to get off his chest.:: ::There is a certain point that a person reaches, where they have subjected themselves to so much self-ridicule and hatred and disgust, that they're mind becomes accustomed to it. From then on, each reminder of the reason for that hatred does not illicit a feeling. Rather, it manifests itself as a shape, a sound, a color. It passes through the back of your mind like an unholy shade traversing a graveyard. All the memories and feelings associated with it wrapped up into one dreaded totem.:: ::Now that shade passed behind his eyes. Grey and lingering, it obscured his thoughts and tainted his joy. Dad, he knew, forgave him his trespass. Mom did, as well. And Zach, ironically, was perhaps the most eager to forgive, the most willing. In fact, the only person in the universe that seemed to be unwilling to forgive was himself. This was why he didn't want to contact his father, or anyone who knew. Out here in the wilderness of unexplored space, he could run, and hide, and forget. By contacting his family, he was awakening those memories, those not-quite-feelings. And that was something that had to be avoided.:: Shayne: I'll talk to you... Shayne: oO When? Oo Shayne: Sometime. Love to you and....everyone. Be safe. ::With that, Shayne ended the message, and transmitted it to the Endeavor, which would carry it to the Alpha Quadrant. He hesitated before hitting the send command, but only for a moment. It would be good to catch up with family, he told himself. Very good.:: END Lieutenant Randal Shayne Helmsman USS Darwin NCC 99312-A G239202RS0

((Corridor, Deck 6 - USS Darwin-A)) ::The clouds were following him.:: ::They seemed to snake their metaphorical, wispy ways just behind Shayne’s striding body. He paid them no more mind than he had in the holodeck. Of course, passersby would be unable to see them. They existed purely as a figure of his imagination.:: ::But he’d always had an overactive imagination.:: ::Somewhere, long ago, he’d heard that when an angry, panicked, or trapped individual ever becomes calm and controlled suddenly, under their own volition, that individual was more dangerous than ever before. They will have accepted their fate, and come what may, they are prepared for desperate actions.:: ::And Shayne was so... very...calm.:: ::He was going to walk into that man’s quarters. And he was going to tell Traenor what he felt. There would be no stopping him.: ::He finally arrived in front of the door, and without any hesitation, he pressed the doorbell.:: ((Inside Traenor’s Quarters, Deck 6 - USS Darwin-A)) ::Maxwell was sitting at his piano in casual clothes, idly picking away at a tune that he could not resolve in his head. He had been at it for an hour with no success, but the rote activity was soothing all the same. Barque was lying contentedly on the couch napping, happy to have the quiet companionship of his master, but he perked up at the sound of the chime with a quiet woof. Not expecting the summons at the door, Maxwell took a moment to assure his beagle before calling out an acceptance.:: Traenor: Come in? ::Shayne walked in a few feet, stopped, and stood at ease, hands clasped behind his back. He was going to tell the First Officer exactly what was going through his head. But he was going to do it by the book. It would do no good to loose his career over this. He couldn’t bear that.:: Shayne: Sir. ::Randal was the last person that Maxwell had been expecting to see, and yet all the same he knew that a meeting like this would have to occur eventually. He had not exactly been avoiding the helmsman, but neither had he gone out of his way to seek him out. The events of the past mission still played large in his head, and the eventual results of that mission had led to Maxwell to be uncomfortable with how Randal would react to him and his part in it. Subtle cues from Shayne’s stance and demeanor informed him that this was likely not to be a friendly social call.:: Traenor: ::forced geniality:: Mr Shayne, a pleasure! What brings you by today? Shayne: ::Keeping his smile friendly, instead of allowing it to turn into a snarl.:: I was wondering if I might have a word with you, sir. ::Leaning forward slightly.:: May I have permission to...speak freely? ::Barque let out an almost inaudible, low growl. Shocked by the uncharacteristic behavior, Maxwell shooed Barque into the sleeping chamber and closed the door, before offering Randal a seat at the small table in the main room. He made his way to the replicator.:: Traenor: Of course. Please, have a seat, can I get you anything? Shayne: Oh, no thank you sir. That won’t be necessary. ::Now his voice was beginning to exhibit some of the cold fury that had run through his veins for weeks. They were cold words. But he wasn’t even getting started yet. He sat, slowly, as if his entire body were made of warped, creaking metal, never taking his eyes off the First Officer.:: ::Taking calm, measured actions, Maxwell summoned a Bajoran coffee for himself and sat down at the table himself. He made sure to keep his posture and expression open and inviting, in contrast to the nerves and apprehension he felt ruminating within.:: Traenor: ::earnestly:: What’s on your mind, Mr Shayne? Shayne: Oh, the usual tribulations of life. I was just wondering...how you were feeling after the...mission. ::The question was not asked in a concerned fashion. No, it was clear that there were fangs behind it. Frankly, Shayne couldn’t give two [...]s what Traenor was feeling at that moment. His anger was starting to boil, and pretty much anything Traenor said would likely feed the fires of his ire.:: Traenor: It has caused me a lot of introspection. It was a difficult mission for all of us. Shayne: oO Introspection, huh? How’s this for “introspection”? Oo Shayne: ::Still keeping a perfectly neutral smile on his face.:: Oh, yes, quite difficult. It’s a miracle we all came back...isn’t it? ::Maxwell wondered how Randal would react if he knew the large role his doppelganger played in his dreams, the vicious, snarling shell of a caricature that loomed large in the nightmares that deprived him of quality sleep. Still working through the portent of the images with counselor Stennes, Traenor had no idea if would be helpful or harmful to himself or to Shayne if the truth of those dreams were revealed to him.:: Traenor: ::trying to stay neutral, professional:: The results of the mission were less than ideal. I find solace that all of our team came back relatively unscathed. Shayne: “All of our team”, hmm? ::Feigning confusion.:: That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, sir. It seems, and I may be incorrect, that not all the team came back. Is it possible that we left a member of our team down there to be obliterated? I remember her quite vividly. ::Had Randal reached across the table and slapped him, Maxwell couldn’t have been more caught off guard. Cutting straight to the quick, Shayne had laid bare the root cause of all his own fears and consternations. Vivid images from his dreams flooded forth, paralyzing him with indecision and regret. The hand holding his coffee cup started to shake, from what overload of emotion he was not yet quite sure, and he placed it back on the table with a bit of a clatter.:: Traenor: That was… unfortunate, Randal. I didn’t want to condemn her to death, but circumstances at the time were out of our hands. Shayne:”Unfortunate”? No, no, sir, losing a game of Parrisses Squares is “unfortunate.” What happened down there was murder. Do you DENY IT!?!? ::He’d finally begun to lose his calm. Seething, white hot fury, resonating from his heart, spread to every tendril of his being and threatened to detonate in a fiery explosion of hatred. It was both liberating and sickening. So this was rage. He’d never understood why people got so violent when angry. Now he understood. Perfectly.:: ::A muffled sharp barking emanated from the bedroom. The scent of coffee was overpowering and nauseating. The pulsating sound of the warp engine bore down on his eardrums like a painful percussion. Every slight impetus was enhanced and was contributing to a sensory overload. Head pounding in concert with his racing pulse, Maxwell stared mutely for a long moment at Randal as one word echoed over and over, as it so often did in his recent nightmares... Murder. Murder. Murder.:: Traenor: ::quietly:: That’s taking things a little too far, Lieutenant - Shayne: Really? Really!? We could have saved her! You know that! Don’t deny it! It’s our job! We’ve sworn to preserve life, in whatever form it takes- whether it has skin, feathers, scales, or Borg implants. You...we were wrong! She’s dead because of us! ::The all-consuming fire of Randal’s white-hot rage was spreading, and despite his feeble efforts to resist, Maxwell was being consumed in the conflagration. Face contorting into a matching scowl, he lashed out with his own harsh words.:: Traenor: You think I don’t know that, Randal?! You think I don’t see her face every time I close my eyes, knowing that I let her die? You at least have the comfort of being absolved of responsibility. You were overruled. I don’t get that luxury! ::Chest heaving with gulping breaths that would not draw enough oxygen to keep his vision from swimming, Maxwell regretted his loss of control immediately. He was a senior officer, dammit! He needed to be the one to keep control, to keep his emotions in check. But, exhaustion and - yes, the truth - overwhelmed his professional sensibilities. With sleep deprivation etching deep lines of regret on his face, he sat back spent, sorry anew for all he had inflicted on Randal. The barking in the other room had given way to howling, but Maxwell was so invested in seeing his dreams writ large on the officer before him that he could barely acknowledge it.:: ::Shayne was still embroiled in his own emotions, but something small and potent penetrated his field of rage. Traenor was feeling it too. And he was the one in command at the time, a burden that Shayne did not envy, one that he could barely imagine. It wasn’t enough to end his tantrum, but it did bring it down ever so slightly. The pressures of command were astonishing. Anyone could make a mistake.:: Shayne: oO And he sees her face, too. Oo ::Her face had been practically all that he could see for weeks. Nothing was sweet anymore, nothing hopeful or friendly. Even the joy of being with Isabel was tainted with the knowledge of what had happened.:: Traenor: ::simply:: This is the point where I am supposed to spout the vapid platitudes that have absolutely no meaning and no comfort. “The greater good.” “The responsibility to the crew and the ship.” “Weighing risk versus reward.” But I insulted you with those already, in the heat of the action, and you deserve better than that. I bitterly regret my decision, and it haunts me continually. I feel your pain, and I want to legitimize it and acknowledge it for you. ::Now it is was Shayne’s turn to be surprised. Traenor recognized the the futility of trying to appease Shayne by talking about the usual things. Furthermore, it seemed like he wanted to apologize to Shayne. He said that the helmsman deserved more- hardly the response Shayne was expecting. Was he expecting anything? No, not when he came into the room. Not when this conversation began. He just wanted- needed- to vent. To lambast. But Traenor was a human, too, most likely a better one than Shayne would ever be.:: Shayne: ::Not trying to rub it in his face.:: I think we’re all going to regret the choices each of us made on that day, not just you. Traenor: I can’t take back my decisions. What’s done is done. And I won’t insult your intelligence and lie to you, and tell you that this type of situation will never occur again. Hindsight is a luxury that officers never have the benefit of in the heat of the moment. But that doesn’t mean that we aren’t human, and that regret isn’t the burden we bear for those actions. Own your regret, be angry at me. You deserve it. But, don’t think me an unfeeling monster. There’s enough regret for everyone. ::He was still angry enough to fracture transparent aluminum. But...if anyone understood regret, in all its sickening grandeur, it was Shayne. Traenor’s words were so...familiar. They echoed what he’d wanted to say so many times over, regarding his own various regrets. The man wasn’t looking for the easy way out, he wasn’t begging forgiveness- not, at least, that Shayne could tell. He was owning it. He was taking responsibility. And while Shayne still found his actions repulsive, Traenor’s words struck a most potent chord. Almost at once, his burning hatred left his body, and he found himself utterly exhausted. He slumped into the chair. Traenor’s pain was something he was intimately familiar with; the desire to be forgiven, but refusing forgiveness. It was a dangerous slope. And while the helmsman didn’t doubt that Traenor had his fair share of regrets over the years, he might not have the same experience as Shayne. Shayne knew he wanted forgiveness, and he knew that he could never truly have it until he forgive himself. Perhaps that was what he’d need to do; help Traenor to forgive himself. He only wished someone would’ve told him that long before. It would be a long time still before Shayne truly forgave himself. Maybe he could spare Traenor from the same fate.:: Shayne: I still can’t agree with you. ::Maxwell would have dearly cherished absolution from Shayne, but he was not so naive to think that it would be so easily earned. Besides, what reason would Shayne have to grant him what he could not even grant himself? It tore him up inside to think that any other of the crew… his friends… burdened themselves with additional baggage that was not theirs to carry by right. He would be content to allow Shayne to rail at him for hours, days, weeks even, as long as it gave him an outlet to shed some of the pain from actions and decisions that had gone awry. Maxwell would have to come to terms with the situation through his own means, and the expert ministrations of Didrik, but in the meantime this cathartic confrontation stood on its own merits.:: Shayne: ::Very, very quietly, almost as if he was selling his soul.:: But I understand. Traenor: I… don’t know if there’s anything more I can add at this time, other than my sincere apologies for causing you such grief. A hollow sentiment, I’m sure, but I extend it all the same. Shayne: ::Surprised at his own words.:: Then let me make a, perhaps equally, hollow sentiment. Somehow, sometime, not now, not soon, but sometime, forgive yourself. Only then can you live without weight wrapped round your soul. ::Feeling that both men had spent their destructive energy and were, if not at peace, then at least at an uneasy truce over their emotions, Maxwell rose wearily and moved next to the door, signalling an intent to bring this confrontation to a closure… for now. He would make himself available to Randal any time the helmsman needed someone to vent to, and he would respect the sanctity of the honest right to speak freely, and never hold the man’s strong words against him.:: Traenor: This doesn’t have to end here. Anytime you need to revisit this, I’ll be here. ::Shayne stood heavily, and slowly made his way to the door. It opened as he approached, but he stopped, and, hesitatingly, he turned to the First Officer, exhaustion, sadness, and a hundred other sensations apparent in his eyes. Then, without a word, he began to to extend his arm, obviously thinking of shaking Traenor’s hand. But he found that he couldn’t. There were no words, and no gestures that would sufficiently express what he (or Traenor) was feeling. Letting his arm drop to his side, he left Traenor’s quarters, seeking the solitude of his own, if only for a little while. The world looked a little different now.:: LtCmdr Maxwell Traenor - First Officer, USS Darwin NCC-99312-A A239111MT0 and Lt Randal Shayne - Helmsman, USS Darwin NCC-99312-A G239202RS0

Congratulations! Welcome to the fleet.

Congratulations and welcome!

Though he only got a minute or two of screen time, I always had a crush on Tobin.

This is extraordinary work.

Way to go! Welcome.

Welcome welcome!

Hello and welcome back!

Way to go! Congratulations and welcome.

Congratulations, and welcome!

((Deep Space 6, Level 21, Function Room A1)) ::Varaan entered the multi-function room, which was decorated in an extravagant manner, to say the least. The last time Varaan had attended a formal gathering of crew like this, had been less than a year ago on Deep Space 26. It had been a combination of promotion ceremony for the crew of the USS Atlantis, and a "fun" get-together for the crew after the completion of the Outpost Bravo mission. It had also resulted in a terrorist attack on the station which trapped the crew and threatened thousands of innocent lives, and Captain Raj Blueheart had been kidnapped in order to brainwash him and implicate him in the assassination of some politician or diplomat within the Par'tha Expanse. Fortunately both plots were foiled. But, needless to say, Varaan did not have fond memories of the event. Couple that with the fact that Varaan was never an individual to enjoy a social gathering, and Varaan had serious reservations about attending tonight.:: ::Plus, his tuxedo was riding up.:: ::Captain Renos of the Darwin had announced that this get together would be as a masquerade ball. Varaan had to do a little research into the subject. It seemed that his uniform, even his dress whites, would not be sufficient attire to attend this function. He could have donned his ceremonial Vulcan robes, but seeing as this was following an ancient Terran tradition, he had opted for more traditional Terran garb. Now, he was thinking that maybe he had made the incorrect choice. Hoping no one would notice, he carefully positioned his back towards an wall devoid of onlookers, and used his left hand to attend to removing part of his undergarments from near an orifice where they did not belong. He was successful. Again. This was not the first time, and the Vulcan was sure it would not be the last tonight.:: ::In addition to the traditional black tuxedo, he had also chosen a very simple mask that only covered his brow and eyes, and the bridge of his nose. Half was silver metallic and the other half was electric-blue metallic, but the entire piece was covered with inlaid scroll-work. It was simple, yet elegant. Conservative, as would be the Vulcan way, but serving the proper function of attempting to his identity. Of course, his pointed ears would give him away.:: Renos: Mister Varaan? So nice to see you here, how are you doing? ::How very quickly had his ears given him away. Of course, Varaan was not ashamed of his ears. Conversely, he was not proud of them, either. They were simply...ears. They served a purpose and a function. Tonight, that function was to bring himself to the attention of the Darwin's captain. They had met briefly before, and not officially. They had both been on Away Teams sent to rescue Talaxian survivors of a doomed mission on a Dyson Shell. During the intervening time, when both the Darwin and the Triumphant were delivering the Talaxians to their world, and then returning to Deep Space 6, there had been some inter-ship movement and much communication, but there had never been an actual opportunity for Varaan to meet his new captain. Until now. Luckily, he was Vulcan. There was no anxiety about meeting your commanding officer for the first time. However, Varaan did feel a tad uncomfortable. His trousers were riding up again.:: Varaan: I am well, Captain Renos. Renos: How did you find your time on the Triumphant? ::Often Varaan's first-impulse answers were very literal. His old friend Torin Jamar, who had really been Varaan's coach towards understanding humanity, said that Varaan should skip his first impulse. Most people did not say what they meant, or mean what they said. Granted, Captain Renos was J'naii, and not human. But far too many sentient species operated under the same principles. Vulcans were direct and to the point. Why couldn't other species be the same? Renos was most likely making small talk. But Varaan had always had trouble with idle conversation in the past. A waste of time and energy.:: Varaan: Satisfactory. Renos: I've heard good things about how the crew performed and am delighted to welcome you aboard the Darwin. I hope your time here will be ::pause:: ...productive. Varaan: Well said, captain. Renos: Will you join me for a dance? ::Varaan had expected this question to come up at some point during the ball. Not necessarily from his commanding officer, but one generally did not attend a ball to stand around and make small talk. The entire purpose of a "ball" was dancing. Vulcan dancing was unlike anything he had seen from other cultures. Certainly nothing that would be appropriate for a Terran-based masquerade ball. Varaan's first thought had been to decline if someone inquired. However, thinking about his purpose for actually attending the get together, that answer would have been counter-productive.:: ::So Varaan had decided early on to study the types of dancing that would be appropriate for a ball. Waltzes he had tried, and could handle the steps easily. After all, they were a basic mathematical formula. Tangoes and flamencos were another story, as they required an injection of "passion." That was not something that Varaan was prepared to provide. Luckily for Varaan, the musicians had just started a waltz.:: Varaan: I only learned how to dance 23.7 hours, so I am not an expert. But I accept your invitation. ::From what Varaan knew of the J'naii, they were neither masculine nor feminine. So was Varaan to lead, or would the captain? Judging from the dress Renos was wearing, ne had chosen a slightly feminine tilt to his evening, so logically Varaan would lead. But Renos was the captain...how would ne feel about someone else usurping nir authority, even unofficially? Varaan decided to go with the higher probability, and extended the crook of his elbow for Renos to take, as per tradition.:: ::The two walked out onto the ballroom floor, Varaan very aware of the eyes watching all around. Watching, but not judging. That was an important social advancement that the Federation had over many of the cultures they had encountered. Individuals were free to be themselves, and did not have to conform to society's precepts. As long as no laws were broken. Varaan knew that the J'naii culture was a unique one to the Federation, being a genderless society. The Laudeans were also unique, in that they had three genders. Varaan was aware that at least a smattering of the Darwin's crew were from Duronis II, as well.:: ::Varaan stopped in the center of the floor and assumed the proper position for the lead dancer, allowing the captain to assume the more submissive position, should that be what ne wanted. If not, Varaan was sure that Renos would let him know. Varaan could take correction...he had no ego to bruise. While the captain and he began to move to the music, Varaan continued to wonder at the J'naii culture. Now, while dancing, he had a J'naii specimen 'captive.' Their conversation would not be interrupted. Varaan popped the question.:: Varaan: Captain, your species is unique. May I inquire as to the level of difficulty for a genderless J'naii to integrate into a gendered social construct, such as the Federation? I know that you may only be speaking from your own perspective, but the sociological implications are intriguing. --------------------------- Lt. Varaan Engineering Officer USS Darwin-A, NCC-99312-A Serial: V237810V10

Voter apathy a major concern on Bajor By Nash Blaxland Stardate 239210.15 BAJOR — A poll of eligible voters on Bajor this week has shown that nearly three in every five Bajorans do not plan to vote in this year’s presidential election. Consistent responses across all eighteen provinces indicate the majority of Bajorans view the upcoming election, which will determine Nan Bacco’s successor as Federation president, as an issue of relatively little importance. In Jerad and Tozhat provinces, only 51 percent plan to vote (the highest proportion planetwide), while in Kendra Province, an overwhelming 71 percent intend to stay home on election day. The poll was taken in the aftermath of the Berengeria caucus, during which the five major candidates met with journalists and voters, explained their major policy goals, and outlined their strategic plans for the Federation. Since the close of the caucus, everyone from interest groups to bookmakers has been anxious for early predictions about the result. Everyone except, it may seem, the Bajorans. Voter intention by Bajoran province. “I watched several of the debates,” said Gorna Zehesh, a katterpod farmer from Rakantha Province, “but I wasn’t very impressed with the candidates who participated.” Similar statements were made by poll respondents across the planet. Many also expressed frustration with a perceived decrease in the strategic importance of Bajor in the Federation. “We were the most important planet in the galaxy at one point not so very long ago,” said Yirduk Pim, a member of the Council of Ministers, “but in the four years since we joined the Federation, our influence has diminished considerably.” While stopping short of saying so explicitly, Minister Yirduk also implied that were there a Bajoran among the field of candidates, interest in the election might be higher: “I think the prevailing opinion amongst Bajorans is that there is no current candidate to which we can relate.” Indeed, the Bajoran poll showed low support for all five major candidates. Kevin Steiner leads with 9 percent, with newcomer Anari Kthria in second place on 5 percent. Adellia Vor and Narala share third place on 3 percent each, while Lily Ventu is last on 1 percent. “Councillor Steiner spoke strongly in favor of Bajor’s entry into the Federation, despite the difficult circumstances surrounding our accession,” said Seermi Aleya, professor of Contemporary Studies at the University of Bajor. “Out of all the candidates, he enjoys the highest name recognition on Bajor.” Dr. Keahvon of the Cerberus Group, an Earth-based think tank, concurs: “The Bajorans have not forgotten the Occupation, or the Dominion War. A candidate who commits to a continued Starfleet security presence in the Bajoran sector will likely win the support of the government. “As for the Bajoran people,” he continued, “that’s less easy to predict.” 79 percent of Bajorans do not prefer any of the five major candidates. Over 22 percent of Bajorans named a non-candidate as preferred president, while nearly 57 percent expressed no preference whatsoever. Analysts worry that the threat of low turnout on Bajor may be mirrored on other planets. “Low turnout on only one planet is not a mathematical concern,” said Professor Ograx of the Faculty of Social Sciences at the University of Betazed. “But voter apathy on a larger scale is dangerous for democracy, because it increases the likelihood that the result will not be viewed as a legitimate expression of the will of the people, and the election of candidates with only minority support furthers people’s frustration and reluctance to vote.” The Bajoran poll is only the first planetwide poll to have been published since the close of the Berengeria caucus, but political analysts, and the candidates themselves, will be watching to see if voter sentiment on Bajor is a unique phenomenon, or part of a larger problem. Read More: Exclusive Election 2392 Coverage FNS Home • FNS Data Feed • FNS on FB

Woohoo, way to go!

Welcome and congratulations!

Well done!