Jordan aka FltAdmlWolf

It's only 9pm and we have nothing to do. Don't normal couples go out and drink or something when they're bored on a weeknight? I don't know, that just sounds weird.

This is the first day in San Francisco that Hank and I have off together, so we're touring the city! Hey, did you know they have a Chinatown here, just like in LA?!

Mid-night asthma attacks: still one of the scariest moments of your life, even with a rescue inhaler. I can't imagine what it's like for people without them/without health insurance.

Leaf-blowers at 6:15am? Sure, why not? Howabout 2 leaf-blowers and a hedge trimmer? Great! Maybe we can add a lawnmower in there too?

What I want to know about the VP debate is: when am I going to be able to leave work, pull up the live stream of the debate, and seamlessly pick up where I left off on the commute home? *ahem*3rdworldcellservice*

Is there a sports thing going on? Why is everyone in the office and city cheering?

Just once I want to live in an apartment where the handles on the cabinets aren't conspiring to pull my headphones off me after every move I make. JUST ONCE.

I don't like getting my hair cut anymore. No one compliments me on my long my eyelashes, and I never got a piece of candy for sitting still and not crying through the entire thing. Plus, I have to pay. Totally bunk.

Sarah Lane: "What are you talking about? I'm not a hipster!"

[entire office]: *LAUGHTER*

Okay, that's it! Decision is made! I AM buying tennis balls to throw from our 4th story windows at the people on the street who annoy me. Yesterday it was a cabbie who honked his horn for two minutes waiting for his fare to come outside. This morning it was a group of white ladies in an exercise bootcamp, with the head moron screaming "that's it, keep it up ladies! watch for traffic! cross the street! let's go!" AT 6-EFFING-15 IN THE MORNING. Want to lose weight? Go to a park or a gym -- don'...

Doggy strollers: cute or JUST PLAIN WRONG?

A little Disney music always makes me feel better in the morning. I don't care if that's weird.

Just Shazamed a Bieber song. Oh the shame.

Kid in front of me at Walgreen, maybe 15, randomly asks me for $0.75. When I tell him no, he pulls a wad of $20 bills out of his pocket that must have had $500, at least. WTF?

Foaming hand soap is taking America's rest stops by storm.

I drove 16 hours today and all I got was this t-shirt that smells like Chester Fried Chicken from the last rest stop.

We are at "The World's Largest Rest Stop," in Iowa. It smells like grease and gasoline. There are a lot of porcelain figurines in glass cases.

Hank Hedland's new deodorant smells fratty as [...].

Never. Again.