Salkath

I've been doing this style of playing for going on 20 years, and nearly all of my characters were escapist - in that they accentuated traits that I did not have in some sense of wish fulfillment or a step away from my actual reality. Traenor was designed to be a challenge in that he is the most faithful recreation of myself in a character. How do I take plain ol' little ol' me and make him an engaging character? I've taken some artistic licenses, of course, but it's been a true joy to take some of my real life traits and personal situations and transpose them into a fictional setting. That being said, I do yearn for my favorite of all ST species often enough... the Bajorans. Traenor is a hoot, but he ain't no Bajoran

Polling closes at 11:59pm Eastern on Saturday, July 30. This is a run-off poll, where our general membership (that's you!) chooses which sim, from Set 2 of 2016 (Rounds 7-13), should proceed to the final round of the contest for a chance to be selected as the Top Sim of 2016! These sims below were chosen by a panel of judges (one from each ship) from the sims submitted in Rounds 7-13 of the contest. TO START, please read these sims: Round 7: Captain Shelther Faranster, "Lost Context" Round 8: Cpt Jalana Rajel, "Fear the Reaper" Round 9: Dr Tarna & Iria, "The pain of rejection" Round 10: Lt Commander Falcon/Rhino the hamster, "The New Smell" Round 11: Doctor Saveron, "There, but for the vagaries of chance, go I" Round 12: 302nd Tactical Fighter Wing, "New Assignment" Round 13: LtCdr Sinda Essen & LtJG Solaris McLaren, "New Experiences" NEXT, using the poll above, vote for the sim you like the most. It should be the sim that's the best written, with strong characterization, and evocative or descriptive scene-setting. DON'T vote for a sim just because you serve on the same crew as the person who wrote it. Any crew that "stuffs the ballot" (by having everyone on the crew vote for the same sim to ensure that it wins this poll) will be eliminated from the contest and shamed by the rest of the community as terrible, terrible cheaters. That would be awful. Good luck to the nominees!

HOW VOTING WORKS There are two types of voting in this contest: member voting and judges voting. After each round of submissions, all the sims from that round are voted-on by a panel of judges. The winning sim from each round of judges voting then proceeds to a run-off round. Run-off rounds are open to all members for voting. The winning sim from each run-off round proceeds to the final round. The final round is open to all members for voting. For a sim to win the final round, at least 20% of the voters for that sim must be from a ship other than the ship it originated from. HOW THE JUDGES PANEL WORKS The judges panel is comprised of one member from each ship. Judges are free to resign from the panel at any time or be switched-out but are expected to judge for a full "Set" (see the Contest Calendar). At the end of each Set, Captains will be encouraged to review their ship's judge. A judge's "term" lasts for three sets, after which they must be switched with a new judge from the crew. After a judge's term is over, and a new judge has been selected and served for at least one term, the previous judge is again eligible to begin a new term. Judges can be of any rank, as long as they are able to demonstrate a basic grasp of good simming skills. Each ship's Captain appoints the judge from their ship, but they are free to use whatever method they deem appropriate to select that judge. They can select themselves as the judge. Judges use a ranked voting method called Instant Runoff Voting (IRV). For more information about IRV, see the Wikipedia page. When voting, judges are not permitted to vote in the top slot the sim from their crew. This ensures that judges are not favoring their own crew's sims. They can still choose their ship's sim in the second slot or lower.

Welcome to Top Sims Contest of 2016! All announcements for the entire 2016 contest will be posted in this thread. The Top Sims contest allows members of our fleet to be recognized by their peers for superior writing ability. Unlike the Writing Challenges, this contest allows only sims that have been used in a current plot to be considered. SUBMISSION GUIDELINES You can submit ANY sim -- from your ship, or another ship. You can submit your own sims if you wish. All sims are welcome, including staff (Captain, First Officer, etc.) sims. The sim must be written with good spelling, good grammar, and be in the correct format. Poorly structured sims will be disqualified. When a sim is submitted, it must have been created within the current submission period, or the previously lapsed submission period. Put another way: do not sims which are any older than a month. Submitted sims may not have any open dialogue tags. (i.e.: [respond here]) All dialogue in the sim must be filled in. (Just find the responding author's sim and fill in the blanks.) Sims must not include any "canon" characters. (i.e.- no characters who have appeared onscreen.) Please find a balance between nominating too many, or too few sims. Don't submit every good sim -- instead, post every great sim! Encourage your fellow crew-mates to submit at least a few sims a year. If you want your crew-mates to win more, you have to nominate the best sims, and encourage others to write higher quality sims! HOW TO SUBMIT A SIM First: Click the "Start New Topic" button. The format of the topic title should be as follows: "Character - Sim Title" For example: "LtJG Tristan Wolf - Everywhere you go, there you are" Note: Please do not clutter the topic title with an endless list of NPC or PNPC names or "JP" designations. Instead, simply include the primary character's rank and name. If it's a joint post, just include both rank and names -- no need to include the "JP" in there. Second: Choose from the "Topic Prefix" box the correct round number. (To check what round we're currently in, see the contest calendar below.) Third: Copy into the message box the complete sim. You don't need to worry about column width. Check to make sure that the sim is readable. You can click the "Edit" button to fix any issues, but don't delay -- you'll be barred from editing the post after 60 minutes. COMMENTING ON A SIM Everyone is welcome to comment on submitted sims. If you're going to provide constructive criticism, you are required to employ the "hamburger" criticism method: first, mention something you like; second, something you didn't like; third, something else you liked. If you just want to provide praise, no hamburger method required! Commenters who are rude, unfair, or overzealous in their commenting will be barred from future comments in the contest forum, and will have their actions brought to the attention of their CO. CONTEST CALENDAR Set 1, 2016 Contest Round 1, 2016 submissions: Monday, November 2 to Sunday, November 15 Round 2, 2016 submissions: Monday, November 16 to Sunday, November 29 Round 3, 2016 submissions: Monday, November 30 to Sunday, December 13 Round 4, 2016 submissions: Monday, December 14 to Sunday, December 27 Round 5, 2016 submissions: Monday, December 28 to Sunday, January 10 Round 6, 2016 submissions: Monday, January 11 to Sunday, January 24 Run-off Round 1: Monday, February 15 to Sunday, April 3 Set 2, 2016 Contest Round 7, 2016 submissions: Monday, January 25 to Sunday, February 7 Round 8, 2016 submissions: Monday, February 8 to Sunday, February 21 Round 9, 2016 submissions: Monday, February 22 to Sunday, March 6 Round 10, 2016 submissions: Monday, March 7 to Sunday, March 20 Round 11, 2016 submissions: Monday, March 21 to Sunday, April 3 Round 12, 2016 submissions: Monday, April 4 to Sunday, April 17 Round 13, 2016 submissions: Monday, April 18 to Sunday, May 1 Run-off Round 2: Monday, May 2 to Sunday, July 31 Set 3, 2016 Contest Round 14, 2016 submissions: Monday, May 2 to Sunday, May 15 Round 15, 2016 submissions: Monday, May 16 to Sunday, May 29 Round 16, 2016 submissions: Monday, May 30 to Sunday, June 12 Round 17, 2016 submissions: Monday, June 13 to Sunday, June 26 Round 18, 2016 submissions: Monday, June 27 to Sunday, July 10 Round 19, 2016 submissions: Monday, July 11 to Sunday, July 24 Round 20, 2016 submissions: Monday, July 25 to Sunday, August 7 Run-off Round 3: Monday, August 8 to Sunday, October 23 Set 4, 2016 Contest Round 21, 2016 submission: Monday, August 8 to Sunday, August 21 Round 22, 2016 submission: Monday, August 22 to Sunday, September 4 Round 23, 2016 submission: Monday, September 5 to Sunday, September 18 Round 24, 2016 submission: Monday, September 19 to Sunday, October 2 Round 25, 2016 submission: Monday, October 3 to Sunday, October 16 Round 26, 2016 submission: Monday, October 17 to Sunday, October 30 Run-off Round 4: Monday, October 31 to Sunday, November 27 FINAL RUN-OFF OF 2015: Monday, November 28 to Sunday, December 25 - this run-off selects the Top Sim of 2016. Set 1, 2017 Contest Round 1, 2017 submissions: Monday, October 31 to Sunday, November 13 Round 2, 2017 submissions: Monday, November 14 to Sunday, November 27 Round 3, 2017 submissions: Monday, November 28 to Sunday, December 11 Round 4, 2017 submissions: Monday, December 12 to Sunday, December 25 Round 5, 2017 submissions: Monday, December 26 to Sunday, January 8 Round 6, 2017 submissions: Monday, January 9 to Sunday, January 22 Run-off Round 1: Monday, January 23 to Sunday, February 19 Many thanks to FltCapt. Renos for putting together the calendar!

Welcome to the fleet, folks!

The death of newborn Naomi Wildman in VOY - Deadlock. It was a touching scene for me, simply because at the time there was no time for the characters to grieve with all that was happening. Of course, alternate/duplicate Naomi Wildman was returned to the prime crew with Harry Kim, but it didn't lessen the impact of the scene for me.

Welcome to the Fleet! Congrats!

Merrick R'Ven: "Past Goodbyes" wins this run-off round! Congratulations -- this sim will head to the final run-off round of the year!

((USS Darwin, Deck 10, Group Counseling Room)) ::In anticipation of the captain’s appointment, Didrik had cleared the furniture from the group counseling room, leaving just a few mats and pillows on the floor. He had dimmed the lights as well, making the room seem even more empty. By the time the captain arrived, Didrik’s eyes had already adjusted to the dark.:: Stennes: Come on in, and have a seat. ::Renos never knew what to expect when ne had an appointment with Didrik. Did everyone get the experimental treatment or did he employ these more creative techniques because he felt ne might be somewhat resistant to traditional counseling? The atmosphere here was comfortable and relaxed and the furniture was suspicious by its absence. The counselor seemed to have gone to some trouble in preparation for this. Ne didn’t wait for an invitation and took a seat on one of the cushions, finding them reasonably comfortable to sit on.:: Renos: Good day, I see you’ve been busy. ::Didrik awkwardly sat down, his larger frame not well built for sitting cross-legged on the floor. Didrik felt a bit clumsy when next to Renos, who appeared to descend down onto a cushion without any apparent struggle to attempt to balance. He pushed that thought out of his mind, in a method not unlike he was about to teach the captain.:: Stennes: Last time we spoke, we touched on the subject of fear. I want to explore that more deeply today. But first, let’s just focus on breathing. Getting our bodies and minds clear and present. ::Fear. Ne wasn’t altogether fond of digging more deeply into that, especially since the latest mission had brought an uncharacteristic amount of anxiety into nir life in the aftermath. It wasn’t even as if ne regretted nir decisions but ne wondered if ne was wrong. Everyone else seemed to feel the decision ne had come to was wrong. Was nir moral compass really set so differently to everyone else’s? With some effort ne concentrated on nir breathing. Seeing that Didrik had closed his eyes ne decided to do likewise even if it felt horribly uncomfortable. A deviant J’naii could scarcely afford to close nir eyes in the presence of others. You could never tell who was going to stab you in the back the minute you weren’t looking.:: ::Didrik wasn’t certain how effective a four-thousand-year-old Earth meditation technique would work on a twenty-fourth century J’naii, but decided to take his own advice and focused on his own breathing. Hoping to lead by example, he closed his eyes, placed his palms on his knees, breathed slowly in and out, and resisted the temptation to re-open one eye to check if Renos was doing the same.:: Stennes: Imagine your every action, your every thought, is like tossing a pebble in a lake. Casting ripples outward beyond where you can see. When your mind is troubled, it’s like many pebbles being thrown in all at once, creating a rough and rippled lake. ::This was not an easy exercise for nem exactly because nir mind was so busy. It was hard to get it to come away from fretting and analysing details to concentrate on another task. Slowly an image began to form in nir mind. A large lake surrounded by woodland with tall evergreen trees that hugged the mountains as far as they eye could see. Choppy, dark blue waters and a sandy beach. Ne was barefoot on the cool sand, with brown trouser legs rolled up. A pile of large pebbles by nir side. Ne kept throwing the stones in but the pile never got any smaller.:: Stennes: But each ripple is always smaller than the one that came before it. Eventually the ripples die down, and the lake surface is still again. Focus on that image of stillness, and create in your own mind a lake undisturbed by the tossing of pebbles. ::Splosh.:: ::Plop.:: ::Plink…:: ::Very slowly, the ripples did get smaller. Even the cool wind that whipped nir hair back seemed to still a little. A sense of calm seemed to descend over nem. Ne did not wish to speak and spoil the moment and focused on nir breathing and the imagery before nem. The lake of nir mind was a place Renos had often visited during the holidays as a child. It had been a favourite family vacation spot and ne did miss it. J’naii had a lot of beautiful countryside and as a child ne had dreamed of being a countryside ranger, of studying and caring for the woodlands, conserving the threatened species of flora and fauna. Ne had ended up in a very different line of work indeed.:: ::A few minutes into the exercise, Didrik realized he’d forgotten to cue the music he’d chosen for the session. He debated whether he should interrupt the flow of things by instructing the computer to play it, but Renos was seeming to get into the meditation exercise in all the right ways, and Didrik didn’t want the sudden jar of a music track to derail nem.:: Stennes: Look across the lake, and notice that no matter how wide or deep the water may be, the lake can contain it. ::Didrik hoped the transition he was about to make was strong enough to hold Renos to the exercise, and not snap him out of it. There was still so much he didn’t know about nem, and maybe this approach would be too radical or too in-one’s-face. Hopefully, through some careful direction, he would find out, and be able to help.:: Stennes: Now let’s look inside you. Remember to breathe, and as you do, I want you to see the fear that lives there. Find the place within you where that fear lives, and let it come forth. ::Didrik could feel his own body’s response to the prompt, and he found it difficult to merely facilitate the exercise without being a participant. Didrik was no stranger to confronting his own fears, and he hoped that his experience would give him the patience and the compassion to help Renos find his.:: Stennes: As it rises from within you, continue to breathe. Watch it gather. Can you see it? Renos: Yes but it’s not clear. ::Renos stared into the now still waters of the lake. Nir reflection replaced by an inky blackness that had no particular form. Ne felt fear grip nem even without fully understanding what it was ne was frightened of. Nir palms grew sweaty and nir heart rate increased even though ne knew logically that there was no threat.:: ::As quietly and unobtrusively as possible, Didrik shifted his weight on the cushion, alternating the way his legs were crossed in an attempt to prevent his foot from falling asleep. He’d remembered from his own experiences as a patient attempting these exercises that his frame wasn’t exactly purpose built for long periods of contorted sitting. As the thoughts rolled around in his head, he silently chastised himself for them and pushed them out of his mind, allowing his own mental lake to grow still and quiet again.:: Stennes: As it gathers, what color is it? Renos: Mainly black, but there is some grey there, a little red too. Stennes: Now, just take a moment and look at the fear. Notice the shade it takes, the shape it forms as it exists before you. Whether it moves, or changes size. Perhaps it takes the form of something you might recognize. ::Both Didrik the counselor and Didrik the human being were curious about how Renos perceived nir fear manifested in front of nem, but he didn’t wish to prod too deeply or force nem to explain. As he remembered, this was an intensely personal exercise, and sometimes things were discovered that were less than desirable to admit to oneself, let alone others.:: Stennes: Now see the fear. Focus your mind and stare into it. Keep looking into it, breathe, and focus until you can begin to see inside it. All the tiny components that make up this fear, you can see them all. You can even name them. ::The more the fear took shape the less ne wanted to see it. Dark faceless figures formed in the waters. They were familiar to nem. Ne had defeated them once, many times actually but no matter how many times ne defeated them, there were always more ready and willing to take the place of the vanquished. Ne did not recognise the figures themselves so much as what they represented. Senorn formed in the pool and members of nir own family such as nir family as well but as with the black clad hunters, ne did not fear the individual, ne feared what they could do.:: Renos: Betrayal. Loss of individuality. ::Emboldened, the counselor pushed forth to the next step of the exercise.:: Stennes: Good. The act of naming gives relief. By giving something a name, you begin to control how its identity affects you. Fear is just a texture of our existence. And just as you stared through the mass of fear and saw inside of it, you can stare through that texture of fear, and see beyond it. ::Ne was not convinced of any of this, nevertheless ne tried. As ne tried to stare through it ne merely found the images morphing into something else. More red. This time an image of nemself formed in the pool. :: Renos: I’m not sure about this. ::Didrik felt his own heart rate rising and sweat appear as he continued, and he hoped that this exercise was having a positive effect on the captain. He knew his own approach toward therapy was unconventional, but having been an unconventional case himself, he knew there was value in them.:: Stennes: You’re outside of it now, peering in at this mere texture of existence. ::Was Didrik going too fast? It wasn’t working. Ne was bound in a bright red straight jacket in a small cell that contained only a mattress. Nir head had been shaved down to a number 2 and tipped back, looking towards the ceiling above with an expression of anger and anguish. It was one of many ways they stripped away your individuality in a deviant treatment unit. Ne screamed in defiance, realising in a flash as nir eyes flew open, that the sound was probably making Didrik’s ears ring. Ne at once coloured and gave him an apologetic look.:: Renos: I apologise for the outburst. It is most shameful of me. I guess I am not as adept as humans as leaving these things behind… ::Didrik tried not to show his surprise at what had just occurred, but he was almost certainly not doing a very good job. The relatively tranquil exercise had erupted into Renos’ outburst seemingly out of nowhere, and Didrik feared that he was paying more attention to his own performance rather than whether the captain was benefitting from it at all. Stennes: There is no need to feel ashamed. ::Didrik didn’t know what secrets Renos was keeping, or what had nem so troubled, but he feared he had chosen the wrong exercise. It was clear to him that the captain was dealing with a deep, existential trauma, that had probably become so deeply a part of nem that simply trying to look through it was not the most helpful of suggestions.:: Stennes: I think to even consider looking your fear in the eye is an act of remarkable courage. Renos: In my head I know this to be true but right now I do not feel it in my heart. Stennes: Fear of betrayal is not uncommon. Especially if someone has experienced it in the past. Betrayal carries with it intense emotions–guilt, embarrassment, vengefulness–the loss of trust is difficult to live with. ::Ne considered his words and his approach. It was reassuring to know that the counselor did not expect nem to suddenly put these concerns aside, like some miraculous breakthrough would make nir fears, anxieties and bad memories vanish. Like ne would transform into a well balanced, well rounded individual who’d suddenly had a mental revolution. These problems ne faced had created deep rooted rust issues that had cost nem many friendships and prevented nem from forming even more still. It led to a sense of loneliness and isolation. If ne was an island then the borders were closed and very well protected. To date only one person had managed to slip ashore and things between them were not all sunshine and smiles.:: Renos: I’m glad you didn’t tell me I need to ‘get over it’. Stennes: I don’t like to use the phrase “getting over” something. I feel like it implies something that isn’t entirely true. Our pasts never really go away, we just get better at dealing with them. Hopefully. ::Without a desk or a PADD and stylus to hide behind or busy his hands, Didrik himself felt vulnerable sitting across from Renos, who seemed so troubled. Didrik didn’t know the extent of nir problems, but having lived through his own extended period of inner turmoil, which had only recently settled through disquiet and into calm, he felt for what the captain was going through inside nir own mind.:: Stennes: Enough breakthroughs for one day, yes? We still have some time left in this session, but I don’t want to put you through anything further if you’re not up to it. ::Was ne up to it? Part of nem wanted to press on and vanquish the foe inside. Ne wasn’t afraid of hard self-assessment and did not want to be seen as a coward for wanting to call it a day. A large part of nem did want to call it a day, to say ‘good effort’ and lie down somewhere dark and quiet, pushing away the demons back into their dark places to still nir mind again. To restore the barriers ne had spent years erecting and maintaining.:: Renos: The greater question perhaps is whether anything useful could be gained within the time that is remaining. That was an in-depth and time consuming exercise, do we have time to start over? :: Did ne want to feel the pressing need to ‘have a breakthrough’ in whatever time remains so ne could feel ne have not wasted the counselor’s time? No.:: Stennes: You’re right. We can re-engage in that exercise again in the future. If you like we can continue with a more traditional framework. Or we can leave things here, and you can take the rest of the session to reflect privately. Renos: I think it would be best to leave things here. Thank you for your time. ::There was a tinge of regret in nir voice for ne felt disappointed and as though no progress had been made here today. Ne had recognised nir fears and been unable to face them. Ne was spineless. A coward. Ne stood up, nir body language transmitting false pride and confidence. Ne wore a mask well, as ne always did, not wanting to admit nir true feelings to anyone.:: ::Didrik hoped Renos didn’t feel like the entire session was for nought just because they uncovered some turbulence. He admired Renos for nir openness and willingness to plunge deep into the vastness of nir own fear, his own mistrust. Having sat for an extended period, Didrik slowly stood back up, hearing his joints crack and pop as he straightened himself.:: Stennes: Thank you for yours, Captain. Fleet Captain Renos - Commanding Officer, USS Darwin NCC-99312-A * Executive Council & Captain's Council Member * Cadet Steward A238805EB0 and Lt Cmdr Didrik Stennes Counselor & Second Officer USS Darwin NCC-99312-A Justin D238804DS0 FNS Assistant Facilitator “Night, field of stars above us, I pick one and name it for you, and all who are to come.”

It was a pleasure to write with you, and I wish you both a world of success in the Fleet!

((Planet PR-652, Valley of the Core)) Jorey: Well we won't know what's inside Pandora's box until we don't open it? ::Pandora’s box was a term that Merrick had heard often enough during his science studies, as certain experiments and avenues of investigations were described with that phrase. In classical Greek mythology, Pandora was the first woman on Earth, created out earth and water. She was endowed by the mythical gods with beauty, musical ability, and speech and she was supposedly given a box or jar that upon being opened released death and many other evils into the world leaving only hope behind:: R'Ven: ::a small smile traced itself across his Rodulan features momentarily:: If memory serves, very little good came from opening that box. ::wiping his hands on his pants after he placed his scanner in his pack.:: And I am sure we could have found and easier to open this door. Jorey: ::Smirking.:: It's not the most efficient method, but it's mostly silent and a little fun to get your hands dirty. ::As Merrick helped Jorey brush more of the dirt and debris separating them from the interior of this section of the ship he looked over at Jorey and for a it seemed as if the Commander were hearing something from the other side . . . and for a moment Merrick thought he could hear it too. It sounded strange. Like one voice and many, but also jumbled as if he were hearing a conversation and snatches of words. It was all too mumbled to make it out.:: R’Ven: oO Could it be more of the Nanoprobes? Oo ::Retrieving his TriPadd Merrick tried to scan the interior but so far he was not getting a clear reading, but something was obviously there. Then Commander Jorey signaled.:: Jorey: There is something strange on the other side. Get it opened and take cover behind the open door. I'll hide out on the other side of the doorway. ::Looking at the door and then back at Jorey Merrick nodded as he got to the left of the door. With his right hand he held his TriPadd and with the left he reached out to engage the opening mechanism of the door. Even as he heard the door begin to slide open Merrick could not help wondering if this can be likened to Pandora ’s Box, were they now releasing the evils . . . or the hope? ::As the door opened completely there was an unusual sound coming from inside and was getting closer, it sounded to Merrick like a discordant buzzing noise, although that did not properly describe it.:: Jorey: Any idea what that is? R'Ven: ::glancing at his scanner and nodding:: Yes, it is . . . ::Merrick’s words were taken as a metallic cloud seemed to boil out of the doorway. It looked like a swarm of some sort of miniscule insect. Only the insect was so small that the swarm looked like smoke as it billowed and turned and spun! And it was almost as if Merrick could hear the cloud . . or at least he thought he could.:: R’Ven: oO FREEDOM!! Oo :: It took some time to realize that what he was ‘hearing’ was not through his ears but inside his own head, and it echoed like a klaxon in his mind!:: R’Ven: oO What was that? If there is something to be felt perhaps I can reach out to them? Oo ::Very carefully Merrick reached out with his mind, tentatively trying to touch whatever sentience was there . . . if there was any. What Merrick was unaware of was that while some of the cloud rose skyward a tendril had reached out for him . . . :: ((Inside Merrick’s head)) ::Merrick suddenly found himself standing in a vast open field. In each direction he turned there were only miles and miles of lush green grass and rolling hills stretching out as far as his eye could see. He could feel warmth shining down on him and looking upwards he saw a sky of the clearest crystal blue, the color was only broken by the sun beaming warmly down onto his dark skin. As Merrick looked around again figures start to appear of various races, some of them human, others Vulcan one even a Rodulan who is immediately familiar.:: ‘Arlisa R'Ven’: ::smiling:: You have freed us! R’Ven: Mother? ::Even as Merrick spoke, something was telling him that that was not his the Rodulan who had help to raise him.:: ‘Arlisa R'Ven’: ::a sad frown:: We are not your mother. ::The voice sounded strange, it was his mother’s voice, and yet wrong in some way he could not define. :: R’Ven: ::getting his barings:: You are the Borg then? ‘Kali Nicholotti’: We are not the Borg ::This voice came from his left side this time startling him and he jerked his to look at his old captain from the Apollo, a human woman of Japanese decent. She sounded almost angry, defiant!:: oO Why is she here? And where is mother? Oo ::As Merrick looked around his mother was gone, replaced by what seemed to be an endless sea of people.:: ::Turning back to speak to Nicholotti she was gone too now and he began to spin in place as different people moved around him, and yet all of them seemed . . familiar?:: R’Ven: ::sounding a trifle panicked:: Then who are you?! ‘Isabel Pond’: ::from behind him:: It's injured ::As Merrick paused to look at Pond he felt a coolness at his lip. Reaching up with a finger and pulled it back: Blood.:: oO I am bleeding? How? What is happening here? Oo ::As he looked back up at Pond Merrick thought he saw compassion on her face before she disappeared into the crowd of people that surrounded him.:: R’Ven: You are in my head! ::The realization hit him like a sledgehammer! Everyone he saw in the crowd is someone that he had met somewhere in his life. Family, shipmates, people he had not seen since his academy days.:: You are all memories. That is how you are communicating through my memories! ‘Maxwell Traenor’: We will not be silenced! R’Ven: Yes, but who would want to silence you. ::He thought he knew the answer to this one:: ‘Luna Walker’: ::The half Romulan engineer Merrick knew from the Apollo:: The Borg wish to recover us to take away our voice ::Merrick’s head was starting to pound as he fell to his knees, his strength failing suddenly. Telepathy always caused him pain, and now here he was pushing it harder than he ever dared. And he was paying the price.:: R’Ven: We want only to help you! ::He thought he heard a desperate edge to his voice. Maybe he was more injured then he knew.:: ‘Varaan’: Its communication apparatus is destabilizing ‘Graeme Cook’: We see it. It was not designed for this. It is damaged. ::Was that pity Merrick saw in [...] Cook’s eyes . . sadness:: ‘Renos’: Fix it R’Ven: oO What? Fix what? I have . . Oo ‘Vanik R’Ven’: You shall be free! R’Ven: Father . . . ::In a burst of humor Merrick realized they saw his telepathy as a form of communication much like a subspace transmission.:: oO Can they fix it something they do not understand? Oo ::Of course the tall dark eyed Rodulan standing above him was not his father, but he still felt a sense of comfort and compassion nonetheless. The question was, was that from his own memories or was it coming from them . . the nanoprobes who were ‘Not the Borg’:: ::Merrick’s world went black.:: ((Back in the real world)) ::Merrick found himself laying on his back once again, while above him the last of the billowing cloud of nanoprobes moved swiftly upward! He was alone again in his thoughts and for a long moment all Merrick could feel was a sense of profound loneliness and loss.:: Jorey: **unanswered tag** ::Strength was slowly returning to Merrick. Reaching up to his nose with his index finger, he pulled it back and found dried blood. He wiped it away:: R’Ven: I feel fine. ::Truth be told he did feel fine. He was tired and he felt like he needed to eat a very large meal, but he felt fine. Even his headache was gone. As he came to his feet Merrick glanced around, not quite sure how he felt when instead of a green field and blue sky he saw only a debris strewn area and a doorway leading into towards the Central Plexus.:: Jorey: **unanswered tag** R’Ven: I . . . I do not know what happened. I felt a . . . sentience there, it seemed almost call to me and I reached for it and . . . ::Merrick’s words were cut off by the chirp of an opening comline and then Varaan’s voice.:: Varaan: ::tapping his combadge:: =^=Varaan to Jorey and R'Ven. Doctor Cook and I are on the ridge roughly 20 meters from the wreckage. Can you communicate?=^= Jorey: =/\= I'm always ready for a little tittle-tattle, Commander. =/\= ::He turned to Merrick and whispered.:: You okay? ::As the call came in Merrick glanced at Jorey and then after a moment exhaled slowly and evenly as he realized that the voice was Varaan’s this time, not something else.:: R’Ven: ::nodding:: They must have completed their recovery of the Borg and are ready to join us? ::Merrick reached down to pick up his pack again and his TriPadd.:: I am fine, really. Jorey: ::Brayden holstered his weapon.:: What do we have, Lieutenant? =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= LIEUTENANT MERRICK R'VEN Science Officer =/\= Cybernetics Officer USS Darwin-A =/\= ID: A239210MR0 “Clarity of thought and accuracy of conjecture.” =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\=

There are a few studies online about the possibility of real-life synthehol attempts, and this link provides a nice, short, and concise explanation about how alcohol works on the mind and how synthehols could be produced and how they would act. From what I can gather, a synthetic alcohol would work to simulate the dopamine surge to elicit the pleasant mental effects of alcohol without any of the toxic, debilitating symptoms that occur with the breakdown of ethanol. So, pleasant short term buzz without the lasting detrimental effects. Thanks for asking about this, as it caused me to do a bit of research and I can now more competently use synthehol in my sims!

((Iria's Shuttle - Deep Space)) Tarna: Please don’t get upset. Iria you are a wonderful person and I greatly value our friendship. I’m certain you will find love but it won’t be with me. I’m sorry but I just don’t see that changing. ::Was he patronizing him now? The little ember of anger ignited and exploded in her chest at what seemed to be an offhanded remark. She began to squeeze her fists trying to somehow keep her temper intact. The words from her psych eval came tickled the back of her mind. "Iria is a high functioning psychopath with a tendency towards violence". Violence sounded so good right now.:: Iria: ::angrily:: Excuse me? You saved my life. You sent me PICTURES and you don't love me? ::Janel’s mouth opened and closed a few times as the bewildered Trill struggled to decide what to say next. Things were very rapidly escalating and that made him very nervous indeed. He knew he had to remain calm, speak gently and try to descalate the situation. He did not feel he had led her on and was shocked that she took these two things as a sign of love. He didn’t want to seem callous but when he had saved her life he had just been following order, he had just been doing his job. There had been many people on the radiation flooded deck that needed evacuating and he had saved as many of them as he possibly could, including her. As for the rest, that had been a simple gesture of friendship and nothing more. Now was probably not a good time to correct her and point out that he had actually only sent one picture… Probably this was just an honest sli of the tongue brought about by frustration and the last thing he wanted to do was add to it.:: Tarna: I saved a lot of lives that day Iria. That’s what doctors do. I sent you the picture as a gesture of friendship. Because I thought you might like something to make your quarters a little more like home… They were two acts of kindness but that does not equate love. ::The swirl of anger and hatred began to poke at her mind as the reason for his apparent lack of interest. How could she have been so blind? It had to be that other woman keeping him hostage from her!:: Iria: It's Rosek, isn't it! She's convinced you to stay with her. That's it, isn't it? :: growling:: I'll KILL her! ::Janel had loved Rosek like no other but the circumstances in which they had met, the things they had endured together and the drugs that had coursed through his system. It had been hard to figure out how much of his emotions had been his own and how many had formed due to the emotion enhancing drugs and dire circumstances. He had been heartbroken when he had been transferred. He had been suspicious that the counselor, thinking their relationship unhealthy, had brought it about to break the two of them up. He couldn’t prove that though and though his heart still ached for her he was getting over her. He definitely wasn’t looking for love right now and just wanted to figure out what to do now that joining was out of the question. In some ways he’d got his life back. He didn’t have to follow a plan set by others, he didn’t have to jump through endless hoops in pursuit of a goal that mattered more to his family than himself. He could do the things he was passionate about and figure out what he wanted from life. He felt panic that Iria would threaten to kill her as she had proven to be dangerous in the past.:: Tarna: You can’t do that!!! Rosek and I are no longer a couple. She has moved on. She has nothing to do with this at all. ((8 Months Ago - Ensign Lael Rosek's Quarters - USS Victory)) Rosek: ::laughs:: I meant are we dating or what? ::Janel scratched his cheek and considered it. Given everything that had happened he probably should have been avoiding making any commitments. Of course he wasn’t exactly thinking about the fact his decision making processes could be completely skewed right now and dating didn’t sound too bad though. He reasoned that it was hardly as big a commitment as marriage and it spoke to him of the getting to know you stage. That was what he wanted.:: Tarna: What do you want to do? Dating sounds good to me. Rosek: ::brushes her lips against his:: Sounds good to me, too. Oh! ::grabs a PADD from her bedside table:: This is for you. Tarna: Oh? ::He took the PADD and sat himself more upright so he could get a good look at its contents. He couldn’t imagine what was on here that had her looking so pleased with herself.:: Rosek: ::grins:: It's a letter to the Symbiosis Committee. Tarna: Huh? Rosek: I contacted my friend, Alva, when we got back and she agreed to look at your service record and write a letter recommending you for joining. ::Janel was totally blown away and found it hard to believe there was anything in his short career of 8 months only that would impress Alva, much less the symbiosis commission. In fact one could almost argue that each mission had gone more badly than the one before. By that logic he needed to hand in his resignation immediately. Furthermore, the Commission were expecting progress on the research project he’d undertaken while in his final year at the Academy, and shamefully he’d made no progress on it due to duty and time constraints. He read the contents of the PADD through several times.:: Tarna: Wow! Thanks so much, this really means so much to me! Rosek: ::smiles:: I thought it might. Tarna: There must be something I can do for you by way of thanks? Rosek: Keep yourself out of trouble and that'll be thanks enough. ((END FLASHBACK )) ::Fear coursed through her mind mixing with the rage that boiled within. He was lying to protect her now? How could she have been so blind not to see that he was only using her! Iria's mind was a mess of conflicting emotions with one side trying to convince her that it was all a big misunderstanding, but drowned out by the scream of the other.:: Iria: Liar! She's making you say that! I've seen the way she looks at you! ::Rosek had been the one to call it off with him. Having a long distance relationship wasn’t fulfilling enough for her and she had needed to be able to move on. Janel could understand that even if it hurt. He was jealous of the fact she had seemed to move on so easily. She had found someone else whereas he was still struggling to move on and find himself. He wished she still looked at him like that because nowadays they barely kept in touch as friends.:: Tarna: Not any more she doesn’t. Even if she did it wouldn’t change my decision. Can we go back to the outpost now, please? :: Through all the noise of her mind and the swirling emotions of devastation and hatred, the through hit her like a icy bolt of clarity. Tarna did not love her. Tears welled up in her eyes as sorrow washed over her. She had made a fool of herself, the man never had any interest in her. Iria arms drooped to her side as he tried to calm her. :: Iria: oO He doesn't love me. Oo ::It snapped. One could almost say they heard it, but a dark warm feeling flooded through Iria and her eyes grew cold with hatred and despair. A feeling that she had not felt since she fought and killed alongside her father Nugra. The hatred, the rage, that outright despair choked her. She flew forward with a scream of rage and struck him three times in the chest with her fist screeching.:: Iria: You. WILL. LOVE. ME!!! ::He looked stunned and then down at his chest. Iria's eyes followed his and the haze of violent emotion evaporated and the three growing circles of red on his chest. Janel's face blanched white and he stumbled back. Iria looked down at her left wrist and saw that the hidden blade that she always wore there was fully extended and dripping red. The young Myrivan murderess caught him in his arms as he fell sickness sweeping through her. What had she done? What in the name of all things innocent had she done?:: Iria: ::screeching:: NO! NO! NOOOO!!! ::She pressed hard on the wounds trying to force the life blood back in, but her hands quickly became coated in the slick liquid.:: Iria: ::agony:: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! ::Filled with the most intense pain he had ever felt Janel could no longer stand, he could hardly form a coherent though. Life was fading from him fast and he knew his time had come. There was no chance for goodbyes. He was already dead to his family - his mother having told the rest of his friends and family he was dead, told him never to return to Trill or contact any of them again. He had failed. He had failed to earn the love and respect of his family. His mother would surely feel relieved that she no longer had to worry about him coming back to spite her and expose her lies. He’d long imagined that even were he stood right in front her her she would deny his existence, claiming him to be an imposter rather than admit her own son was not fit for joining. Tears leaked from the corners of his eyes and he was filled with sadness and regret. No one would mourn his loss. He had followed someone else’s dream all these years and now it was over.:: Tarna: ::Weakly:: I’m sorry. ::Iria scooted back from the now lifeless eyes of her love. She clutched her fists to her chest wide eyed in horror. He was gone. Janel Tarna was gone. Stopping as her back came flat with the shuttle hull, she gaped dumbfounded. Iria, Daughter of Nugra, had murdered him.:: PNPC Iria As Simmed By… ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Colonel Nugra Marine Commanding Officer USS Doyle-A, NCC-80221-B Podcast Team Facilitator Deputy Commandant Captain's Council Magistrate V238008N10 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ & =/\=/\=/\=/\=/\=/\=/\=/\=/\=/\=/\=/\= PNPC Lt Janel Tarna - Outpost Unity Medical Officer Simmed by:- Fleet Captain Renos * Commanding Officer, USS Darwin * Executive Council & Captain's Council Member * Cadet Steward =/\=/\=/\= A238805EB0 =/\=/\=/\=

((Space, just outside the Darwin)) ::Praxo was flying Talaxian shuttles again, finally! After a month in the clean, advanced but somehow character-less Federation shuttles, he was very glad when he finally returned to Talax II and his own, custom built craft. However, today he was en route with a Dalex type Talaxian shuttle.:: ::He had left the Darwin after his assignment with mixed feelings. As much as he looked forward to piloting „real“ shuttles again, he most certainly missed the comfort of a Federation ship and the ever-changing routine of exploring the sphere. There of course weren’t many exciting incidents as they had on the very first trip and the further research on the blue space goo turned out unsatisfying, but it was an easy, comfortable life, and easy and comfortable was always good.:: ::When home, the first thing he did was taking his shuttle to his favorite low altitude race track and soon agreed that it probably had been a bit too much comfortableness during the last month. However, he indeed missed replicators and also, most surprisingly, also his fellow pilot Shayne. It was clear, as soon as there would be a possibility to move to the newly built outpost, he would take it.:: ::No question, when the Talaxian government contacted him again to participate in a completely new project with Starfleet, he not even bothered to play undecided to rise the rewards. He was supposed to teach Starfleet pilots the quirks of Talaxian shuttles, a task most certainly fitting for a pilot of his calibre.:: ::Soon after, he was on his way back to the Darwin. Unfortunately not in his own craft. As much as he would have loved to show it off, even he agreed that it was contra productive to learn the art of piloting Talaxian crafts on a one-of-a-kind ship. So he decided to bring the Dalex type instead, a master piece of Talaxian engineering that was as well not to be scoffed at. It was the highest performing ship out of serial production in the size of a shuttle. Of course warp capable, but not suited for long distance trips.:: ::When the already very familiar shape of the Darwin appeared on his view screen, Praxo hailed them.:: Praxo: =/\= USS Darwin, this is Talaxian Shuttle DX257, are you receiving me? =/\= Traenor: =/\= ::chuckling:: Loud and clear. Welcome back! =/\= Praxo: =/\= This is Talaxian delegate Praxo, request permission to dock. Traenor: =/\= Permission granted, Talaxian delegate Praxo. ::smirk:: =/\= Praxo: Thank you very much. ::Praxo had no idea if he really counted as a delegate, but whatever. He assumed that anyone in charge would know him anyway. It was almost too easy to pilot a shuttle into the Darwin’s shuttlebay, even if you would come off the required trajectory, there were tractor beams to quickly bull you back on track. He made sure that that would not be necessary, as the two pilots he would soon teach about flying were already waiting there for him, surely judging his entry performance.:: ((Shuttlebay, Deck eight, USS Darwin-A)) ::After a landing as on point as it gets, Praxo proudly exited the craft through the hatch at it’s rear. Waiting for him were two Starfleet officers, one of them he knew already.:: Praxo: Shayne! What a pleasant surprise! Shayne: Good to see you, Mr. Praxo. Nice of you to bring your ride here. Praxo: I’m glad you will be the first to lay hand on good Talaxian technology. And who we have here? I’m Praxo, first class flight instructor and record holder on not less than fourteen race tracks in this sector alone. ::He of course made this titles up as he talked, but they were somewhat truthfully. At the end, who cared that he made up most of these tracks himself for his personal use and that he never was outside of this sector?:: Manius: Lieutenant Manius, medical doctor and pilot. Praxo: I heard you are here to learn about the art of flying Talaxian shuttle, so should we start right away? Shayne: I don't see why not. I'm rearing to go. Manius: Then let’s proceed. Praxo: Good, I like your eagerness. I will consider that during your final exam. ::A bit less confident:: Will there be an exam? Shayne: Absolutely not! Praxo: Alright, no exam then. ::The Talaxian took his walking stick, one that he bought solely for an occasion like this one and certainly won’t need, and tucked it under his right arm while starting to walk a few steps back and forth. He thought he must look incredibly cool and super important.: Praxo: You’re standing in front of the finest piece of Talaixan engineering. The Dalex type is the newest creation of our skillful technicians. Warp 4, high performance impulse drive, redundant computer core, absolutely no automated flight control aids, what more could you possibly ask for? ::Dramatic pause:: Praxo: The Dalex type has a two seated [...]pit and in the back either a considerable amount of cargo space or two more or less comfortable passenger seats. It comes with a strong double-emitter defensive deflector system and two state of the art laser cannons. Do you have any questions so far? ::He was very proud of the delivery of his speech. oO I should definitely consider becoming an entertainer Oo :: Shayne: How does she handle? Praxo: I hear that some Federation pilots like to refer to their ships as women. That’s cute. But with the Dalex type, it is not only true, it is worse. This one is a diva. Forget your Federation craft flying skills and prepare for the „press a button, wait a few moments and see if it does what you want“-kind of flying. I’m kidding. The computer is sometimes a bit slow, but it will always EXACTLY do what your inputs are, it’s only doubtful that this will be what you want it to do. But enough of talking, let’s take a look inside, shall we? ::Praxo pointed with an inviting gestures to the still open hatch.:: Shayne: ::To Manius.:: Shall we? ________________ MSPNPC Praxo simmed by Ensign Isabel Pond Medical Officer USS Darwin-A D239212IP0

::She was aware she was conscious when she realized she could hear the soft beeping around her. Her memory was chunky and hazy, but somehow she recognized that the beeps were most likely coming from something mechanical. What exactly, she wasn't sure...yet. Speaking of memory, she decided to give it another try to see what exactly she could remember. Her name? Check. Where she was? Hmmm...no. Frankly, she was having a hard time remembering her last memories. But she did puzzle out that the reason all she saw was blackness was because her eyes were still closed. Why? Could be that the effort to open them meant she had to physically move a part of her body, even as small as her eyelids, and that concept made her feel exhausted. But, she felt that it was something important enough that she should at least try.:: ::So, she opened her eyes. The light hurt, even though she could tell that it wasn't very bright in here. Must have been because her eyes were used to being closed for so long. How long had it been? No way to tell unless her memory decided to work again. But what was she looking at? A pattern of white squares? Nothing else in her field of vision. She'd have to move her head. Great...more physical exertion! But it had to be done. Information was the most important asset you can have.:: ::Where did that thought come from? She have to puzzle that out later. But, she agreed with it. So, right now she needed to turn her head. it hurt, much more than opening her eyes, and the fatigue nearly overwhelmed her. But somehow, recognizing what she saw meant that her memory was still functional, if a little disjointed, and it gave her a sense of hope, which counted the pain and fatigue a little. Lots of neutral colours, and cool grey metal. And windows.:: ::The light was from natural daylight entering through the windows of the room, for now she could see that she was in a room. Outside the windows she could see green trees and grass, blue sky. A beautiful day. Something inside her longed to be out there, rather than cooped up inside. Inside. Inside where? Her longing for the natural world outside her windows made it difficult to look away, but she forced herself to, and a single tear managed to escape from the corner of her eye and trickle down her face. She lacked the strength to wipe it away, so she left it alone.:: ::What she was looking at reminded her of something...her memory was trying to work again. Funny how she could easily remember things like trees and sky, but had trouble recognizing other things. Wait. The room, it had an odd smell to it as well. It smelled...sterile, clean. But not fresh like outside. Then another sound drew her attention. Her eyes darted to the other side of the room from the windows. A woman wearing some type of clothing that tugged at her memory was entering through a door. The woman stopped when she saw the open eyes, smiled, and spoke softly.:: Woman: Good. You're awake. I'll go inform the doctor. ::She left through the doorway again, but she had left a very important clue. Doctor! The recognition came to her. She was in a medical facility! That woman was a nurse in a nurse's uniform. The neutral colours, beeping machines and sterile smell...she was in a hospital room!:: ::But why?:: ::Medicine was for the sick and injured. Was she sick, or injured? Now she realized that she was lying on a hospital bed, and had been staring at the ceiling when she first opened her eyes. But that gave her no clue. Both the sick and injured would be on hospital beds while they were patients. Her great fatigue could be the result of either an illness, or an injury, so that piece of information was irrelevant as well. The door opened and the nurse returned with another woman, most likely the doctor that the nurse had mentioned. They both were smiling the "rest easy, I'm here to help you, not hurt you" smile that medical practitioners spent years trying to perfect. They moved to her bed and began running scans, checking equipment, speaking medical-babble...all of which was too much for her sluggish brain to take in at once.:: ::Then the door opened again. This time two men entered, and they weren't wearing medical uniforms, but uniforms of some other type. The second man had no expression on his face at all, but the first man was also smiling. However, his smile was different from the doctor's. This man's smile had more...guile? hidden in it. And for some reason, she liked that smile more than the doctor's.:: Man: ::to her:: How are you feeling? Doctor: She's probably still too weak to speak, though I'm sure she can hear you fine. Man: ::still to her:: Do you remember anything about what happened? ::She just stared up at the man. Did she know him? Should she? Something about him was familiar...but was it his face or his uniform? And in answer to his question...remember what happened about what? And she couldn't move her mouth to answer...she was just too tired. So she did what she could - she stared blankly at the man.:: Man: ::looking to the doctor:: What is the prognosis? Doctor: Well, the fact that she's conscious already is a good sign. It means her body is healing at a normal rate. With injuries like she had sustained, some patients bodies take far longer to heal than they should. ::smiling down to her:: If she keeps resting and healing like this, I'd say she should make a full recovery in a month...maybe less. Man: Fine, fine. ::looking back down to her as well:: Because they have returned. And due to your familiarity with the situation and the location, we have decided to place you in charge this time. ::The man leaned down a little closer and smiled again. This time, his voice was just above a whisper, but filled with excitement.:: Man: How would you feel about a promotion...CAPTAIN Yenard? ::The memories suddenly came flooding back. This time, she had the strength to smile in response.:: -TBC (at some point) ------------- MSNPC Yenard, Captain Commanding Officer Numiri Imperial Worldsphere Recovery Fleet

Lyldra Didrik Stennes

Woot woot! Welcome back, folks! So glad to have your experience back among our ranks!

Congratulations! The hard part is done! Welcome to the fleet, and I hope you find all happiness and enjoyment here!

Again, congratulations! It was an absolute pleasure getting to write with the both of you!

(( Deep Space 6, Promenade, Orb of Taste Restaurant )) :: Didrik had disembarked Darwin at the first opportunity after her arrival at DS6. Dr Cook had kept him on a steady dose of drugs that ameliorated the worst symptoms of his Quantum Slipstream Sickness, but he still felt bouts of nausea when the device that powered Darwin’s faster-than-warp engines ramped up and wound down. :: :: He sat across a small cafe table from Dr Linnea Hanadani, who had been his therapist when he lived on DS6, between leaving Columbia and joining Darwin. They shared a pot of deka tea at a Terran-Bajoran fusion restaurant which seemed to be popping up everywhere. :: Hanadani: You look well, Didrik. Pardon me, Counselor Stennes. :: Didrik blushed at the compliment. :: Stennes: I feel well. It’s been a long time since I’ve been so clear headed. Hanadani: Maybe you’ve found your calling then? Stennes: I don’t know about that. I am really enjoying the challenges of being a counselor, but it’s not exactly being on the bridge of a Starship. Hanadani: Speaking of which, Didrik, I’ve had a few conversations with Starfleet Medical about you. :: Didrik froze, mid-sip, suddenly finding it difficult to swallow. He set his cup down and studied the doctor’s expression. She was smiling an ethereal half-smile, but that wasn’t unusual for her. The silence seemed to fill the room. :: Stennes: And? Hanadani: And they’ve not been ignorant of the fact that you’ve spend most of the last year working with Starfleet, albeit in a civilian capacity. Stennes: I’m guessing they weren’t pleased. Last I heard, I was still medically unfit for Starfleet duty. Hanadani: You’re right, there is a sentiment amongst the doctors in charge of your case that you’ve skirted around their orders. That you’ve exploited a loophole to continue working in environments that may be detrimental to your recovery. :: Didrik nodded slowly, feeling his commission slipping further and further out of his reach. :: Stennes: I understand. I always knew that was a possibility. I guess I was just hoping that I’d do such a fantastic job that it would prove I was fully recovered. Hanadani: No one who has been through what you have can “fully recover,” Didrik. You know that. But recovery isn’t a destination, it’s a journey along which you learn how to cope. Stennes: I feel like I have learnt to cope. Hanadani: Then what’s this I heard about you making racial slurs on the bridge of your ship? Stennes: I don’t know what-- Hanadani: You called your telepathic colleagues “a bunch of spoon-benders”? Stennes: That is not what I said… exactly. Hanadani: Didrik… Stennes: We were in a life threatening situation, two away teams were about to be killed. And besides, I profusely apologized personally to the captain and to everyone else on the bridge. I feel like my contrition should be worth something, I felt terrible for what I said. Hanadani: Of course it should. Starfleet Medical is continuing to evaluate your condition with a view of reinstating your commission if it’s in yours and Starfleet’s best interest. Stennes: I’ve been hearing that for two years. Hanadani: And you may continue hearing it for another two years, or twenty years. That’s Starfleet Medical for you. :: Didrik’s eyes lowered. It certainly sounded like she was trying to make bad news sound less bad. :: Stennes: So what should I do? Hanadani: No matter how many positive evaluations you receive, or how far your recovery has progressed, ultimately, the decision to reinstate you as a Starfleet officer is not, and will never be, yours to make. :: Didrik nodded. There was such a finality to that statement. Ever since his trauma, he thought that if he worked hard enough, stayed focused enough, he could get his old life back. But such a thing was not possible. :: Hanadani: I’ve told you this before. You’ve been so single minded about returning to Starfleet, and I’m telling you that you are perfectly capable of living a different, but no less fulfilling life. Stennes: ::quietly:: You’re right. Everything you’ve said is right. Hanadani: I don’t want you to give up on something you want, Didrik. I just want you to have realistic expectations. Stennes: I know. And I do. I really do. I’m enjoying my position on Darwin. Maybe you were right. Maybe I do have a new calling. Hanadani: That’s the spirit. I care about you, Didrik. Not just as a former patient, and not just as a colleague. :: She smiled so warmly that Didrik could feel it radiating from her. :: Hanadani: Excel in whatever you do, Didrik. I know you can. :: Didrik pressed his thumb onto the paypad and they stood. :: Hanadani: The university is looking for some guests for a speakers’ series. If you’re staying over a while, I could see about getting you a timeslot. Didrik: No thanks. Something tells me we may not be at DS6 for very long. I should be getting back to the ship anyway. I need to speak to the captain. Hanadani: Problem? Didrik: Maybe. :: Didrik decided not to talk about the somewhat ironic masquerade ball being planned, and what such an activity said about the current mental state of its attendees. He had a strong feeling that there would be quite a few secrets, not just faces, being unmasked at the event. :: Didrik: Thank you, for everything. Hanadani: My pleasure. :: Didrik wasn’t a hugger, but she pulled him into one and Didrik complied. The diminutive woman looked as though she was being swallowed up by his bearhug. They parted, and Didrik embarked Darwin though the gangway, heading directly for the captain’s ready room. :: =/\=|=/\=|=/\=|=/\=|=/\=|=/\=|=/\= Didrik Stennes Counselor USS Darwin NCC-99312-A D238804DS0 =/\=|=/\=|=/\=|=/\=|=/\=|=/\=|=/\=

((Shuttle Landing Site, Talaxian Base.)) Logan: Darwin shuttle closed, don't wait around Lieutenant. Thomas: Lieutenant, let's get out of here. ::Shayne was gratified to find the shuttle the way they'd left it. He had no desire to stay any longer than necessary. Indeed, given the...unstable nature of the structure they now planned to abandon with the definition of haste, Shayne couldn't wait to take off.:: oO And to get back in my uniform. This suit is killing me. Oo ::His instruments indicated a steady flow of power to the flight controls, and it was difficult to fight the urge to blast off at full speed. Training kicked in, however, and Shayne knew a slow ascent would be required to make certain the floor did not give way beneath them before they achieved a stable altitude. Shayne: Hang on, travelers. ::With a purr like that of a contented Sehlat, the Eddington lifted off from the wrecked base, on course for the Darwin.:: ((USS Triumphant, Deck 1- Bridge)) ::Shayne had been happy to note that whatever was left of the Numiri had limped away. But there had been enough blood spilt. Needlessly. Pointlessly. It was infuriating. He could hardly wrap his mind around what had transpired.:: ::Back at his station on the bridge, Shayne tried to distract himself with the many duties inherent to the helm position. There was much on his mind; the Talaxians, the Numiri, Raikenoff. His eyelids were made of lead, perpetually threatening to close, whether Shayne wanted them to or not. Exhausted, both emotionally and physically, he did his utmost to hang on to operational readiness until he was dismissed. He didn't dare relax. Not yet. He'd need to soon, but that required solitude, something not commonly found on the bridge of a starship.:: Renos: =/\= Renos to Commander Thomas, destroy the base, then lay in the coordinates we’re sending through, we’re taking the survivors back to the nearest colony on the way home. =/\= Thomas: =/\= Understood Captain. Thomas out =/\= ::Shayne looked forward. The ruined base, pockmarked with scorches, hung in space.:: Thomas: Ensign Logan, fire cannons and destroy the base camp. Logan: Yes sir. Area targeted..... and firing. ::In one blow, the terrible destructive force available to the Triumphant smacked into the base. A bright light, and then nothing.:: Thomas: Lieutenant, punch in the coordinates from the Darwin and keep us in close. As they prepare to warp, follow their lead. Shayne: Aye. ::The oddly shaped Darwin leapt into warp, and Shayne followed suite. The mesmerizing streaks of starlight confirmed their superluminal velocity a moment later.:: Thomas: Lieutenant, you have the Bridge. Varaan: Aye, commander. ::The commander departed from the bridge, and the subtle sounds of an operating center massaged the helmsman's ears like a lullaby.:: oO Time to go. Oo Shayne: ::Turning to Varaan.:: Sir, permission to leave the bridge. Varaan: Granted, lieutenant. Shayne: Thank you, sir. ::Slowly standing, Shayne made sure to control his breathing as best he could before proceeding out of the bridge.:; ((Corridor, Deck 1, USS Triumphant.)) ::He knew this part would come. It always did. But that admission never made it any easier.:: ::Doing his utmost to walk at a steady pace, Shayne tried to calm himself. Already his breathing had become shallow and quick. Sweat poured from his temples. His stomach, a volatile subject at the best of times, was churning like he was in an endless free fall. A wave of dizziness assaulted him, causing him to collide aggressively with a bulkhead.:: oO Just let me get to my quarters. Please, just let me get there...Don't let anyone find me like this. Oo ((Officer's Quarters, Cabin G, Deck 1, USS Triumphant.)) ::At last, he found his way to Compartment G, his designated living space. The tiny size of the cabin did not bother Shayne. He was simply grateful that the bunk bed's top level did not seem to have another occupant. Staggering over to the replicator, he managed to gasp out a request.:: Shayne: Pure...mint...extract. ::The alcove obediently provided the requested substance. Shayne wasted no time in pouring half of the contents onto the perpetually burned back of his left hand. The potent liquid reacted with the ever-present wound, causing pain on a staggering scale. Shayne didn't care. He eagerly lapped up the extract with his tongue. It had an almost immediate effect. While his stomach was still complaining angrily, he no longer felt in danger of vomiting. A definite improvement. But the worst was yet to come.:: ::With enormous emphasis on gentleness, Shayne pulled his tunic and undershirt off, and stared at his left shoulder. The sight that greeted him was not pretty by any means.:: ::While they were escaping from the Talaxian base, a Numiri boarding team had shown up, guns blazing. Shayne had been so ridiculously pumped on adrenaline, he hadn't registered that he'd been shot. A glancing blow at most; certainly nothing life-threatening. The energy bolt had cauterized the injury, as well. Nevertheless, it had taken an ice cream scoop- size chunk of skin with it, and the crimson canyon of flesh hurt like hell.:: oO I need to see the doctor. Oo ::It was a tempting thought for a moment. The idea of being cared for with the best equipment available, under the watchful gaze of the professional staff down in Sickbay appealed. Then he imagined explaining the burn on his left hand, talking to the doctors about himself, revealing things that no one could know...no one...:: oO Intolerable. Oo ::Once again he approached the replicator, this time asking for a serious amount of first aid materials; dermal regenerator, tricorder, cleansing unit. After laying the armload of stuff onto his bunk, Shayne began to clean the wound. It stung and burned and ached, but nothing was so blindingly agonizing that he couldn't function. He vaguely remembered his old Earth history, how amputations during the Civil War were achieved with hacksaws, and the patients were given a hunk of wood to chomp down on in order to keep them from biting their own tongue off. Shayne gave silent thanks to the universe for delivering him from that kind of barbarism. It would have made his job considerably less pleasant.:: ::It took time, but he was finally satisfied with the cleaning job. Next, the dermal regenerator. Having trained as a doctor for a year at the Academy, he knew the general skills required to treat such an injury. Several minutes of flesh knitting later, and Shayne's shoulder was still quite tender, but not the open gash it had been before. Making sure to cover his tracks, he returned all the unused materials to the replicator and wiped the memory logs. And then he sat.:: ::And waited.:: ::It wasn't long before it hit him. It was reminiscent of his difficulties in the corridor, only a hundred times worse. Panic and fear exploded in his mind and heart, tearing through reason and control, shredding his mental discipline. Anxiety seeped into his mind, driving away rational sense. Against this onslaught, Shayne could do nothing but curl into a ball on his bunk and cry like a baby, begging for the overwhelming feelings to depart. Deep down, he knew they wouldn't. Not for some time. And even when they abated, they were never truly gone. But even a moment's respite would have been gratefully accepted.:: ::It was hours before he finally fell into a fitful sleep.:: TBC... Lieutenant J.G. Randal Shayne Helmsman USS Triumphant NCC- 75692 Escort Vessel for USS Darwin-A NCC- 99312 G239202RS0

((OOC: Reference is made to previous posts named “Sweet Music” - Part 1 and Part 2. Though not necessary reading, it does provide background information on the situation. )) ((Holodeck 1, Deck 7 - USS Darwin-A)) ((1st POV)) Renos: =/\= You know, that’s not a transmission I think we should be worried about. =/\= :: The J’naii captain stopped mid stride, stooping to pick up a mishandled PADD ne’d fumbled and dropped. Ne had butterflies in nir stomach again today and was all thumbs. It wasn’t the first time ne’d sent something tumbling and clattering to the floor. It wasn’t like nem at all - ne wasn’t known for being a clutz. Renos huffed audibly, regretting putting the efficient Dokkaran in the role of Acting Chief of Tactical and Security. :: :: Ne paused outside of the holodeck door and thumbed the panel by the door, calling up the program ne intended to run, complete with secret subroutine. If only ne could get Icavoc to drop the matter, or at least postpone things long enough for nem to get some much needed down time. This was the third time ne’d tried to get some holodeck time and ne had to draw the line somewhere or ne’d never get a break. :: Icavoc: =/\= But it could contain a corrupted attachment that may have been garbled by a subspace relay or even something more risky, like a virus. =/\= Renos: =/\= Leave it with me! ::Insistently:: =/\= Icavoc: =/\= As you wish Renos. ::In the same neutral calm tone as ever:: =/\= :: By now the J’naii deviant was pulling out nir special red PADD and silently cursing the idiot who didn’t follow the proper procedure for contacting nem with underground business. Having nir activities uncovered and linked with an organisation considered criminal on nir homeworld didn’t make for a relaxed mood and ne didn’t notice the error that flashed up briefly on the holodeck control panel before ne breezed in, determined to get some joy out of the day. :: :: When ne entered ne couldn’t help but smile. The place was exactly how it was meant to be and there was Traenor by the piano. Ne’d been particularly withdrawn lately and had missed this man greatly. Ne felt like ne had a bit of making up to do after being so cold and withdrawn. Despite better judgement ne'd been reading about the complexities of human dating customs. It was genuinely mind boggling compared to the arranged pairing common on J’naii. It wasn’t necessarily a practice ne agreed with or liked but it certainly made matters simpler. Then again simpler wasn’t always better. :: Renos: Hello Gordie. ::Brightly while checking nir red PADD and then stuffing it away for later.:: :: Renos could see Gordie’s face was already lit up with a big smile as ne approached. Strangely, if Renos was reading things right he actually looked a little relieved. Why would that be? He couldn’t be expecting someone else surely? :: Traenor: Renos, I’m so glad that it’s you here right now! Renos: Of course it's me. ::In an amused tone:: ::With Noros gone and out of the way, no one remained aboard who knew about this program except for nem so this Traenor wouldn't be getting any other guests whether he knew it or not. Gordie gave nem one of his charismatic grins and Renos felt the tension begin to melt away. :: Traenor: Why don’t you come take a seat, and we’ll get some music started. :: Ne approached and scooted the holographic man over, feeling a rise in nervousness. Nir mouth seemed to dry up and the J’naii had to question what ne was doing here, what ne hoped to achieve. Had ne not ruled out this possibility the last time ne was here? :: Renos: Actually, I thought I'd show you what I've been working on. :: This was something of an exaggeration. Due to the demands of the mission ne hadn’t really had the time or opportunity to practice but hopefully ne'd get lucky and show enough improvement. All this really needed to be was an icebreaker to set nem at ease more so ne could try what ne'd come here to practice. :: :: Renos took a long, deep breath to steady nir nerves then demonstrated what Gordie had shown nem before. It did not sound good to nir ears and ne tried to focus on the positive - ne had at least managed to hit all of the keys. :: Renos: Ah well. I don’t have the same deftness or lightness of touch you do but perhaps we can agree that at least it wasn’t so wooden. Perhaps I’ll leave the piano to you. :: Ne made a gesture that invited him to play and wondered what he might choose today. The J’naii observed Gordie and his reactions to nem carefully, wanting to know what landed well with him and what wasn’t working. Ne’d never attempted anything like this and it was simultaneously exciting and terrifying. Nir heart was pounding hard and fast in nir chest and ne was increasingly aware of nir close proximity to the object of nir desire. :: Traenor: Oh, I don’t know about that. That was a pleasant surprise, and I hope you keep at it. I thought it was wonderful! :: Renos hadn’t tinkered with the program and yet had a sense that things were different this time. Was it nerve related paranoia? His responses didn’t quite add up to what ne was expecting, yet he seemed more natural and realistic than before. Ne didn’t know what to think of it but ran with it anyway. :: :: After waiting a moment to gather nir nerve ne was ready. The love struck officer had over half a dozen pick up lines prepared and ready to try. In the course of nir research ne’d found this was how humans expressed their interest in one another. Unfortunately the success rate was not reputed to be good but this was thought to be down to ill crafted lines. Renos didn’t expect to need or get the chance to try them all but preferred to have too many than come up empty handed should they all miss the target. Gordie had barely begun to play but Renos couldn’t bare to wait any longer and blurted out the first one to the holographic man, regretting that the delivery wasn’t as smooth because of it :: Renos: Did you just move from the subdominant to the supertonic? Because I think you’re my perfect counterpoint. Traenor: Heh, actually I believe that it was a variation of the mediant… wait, what did you just say? ::The J’naii winced at the sudden jarring break in the music and the way he clearly looked put off by nir comment. The colour of Renos’s face deepened further and ne felt the heat rising. Sweat formed on the palms of nir hands, the back of nir neck and back. This wasn’t the reaction ne’d expected. Ne’d been so nervous and shy that it must’ve come out as incoherent babbling and ne didn’t have the guts to repeat it. :: Renos: I was… just admiring your music… ::Sheepishly:: Traenor: Oh, okay. ::chuckle:: For a moment there, it sounded as if you were making a pass at me. How silly of me, right? I mean, not that there would be a problem with it. Er, not that it would be appropriate. ::vehemently:: Or inappropriate! ::big pause:: I need a drink. :: Renos felt increasingly flustered and looked away, wondering what to say. The thing that really struck nem in the heart was the question of how appropriate it’d be. This wasn’t a primary concern for nem, after all ne’d broken dozens of J’naii rules and helped others do that too, so clearly this wasn’t a deal breaker for nem. It was troubling because ne valued nir relationship with Starfleet and the Federation a great deal more than nir homeworld and didn’t want to unduly put at risk a career ne dearly loved. :: :: Gordie got up and poured them both a drink, leaving nem feeling confused and surprisingly vulnerable. Ne couldn’t help but notice the difference between the portions in the drinks and eyed the glasses with mild suspicion. Did the subroutine running the holographic Traenor not think ne could handle the same amount of drink? Did he simply not pay attention to what was being poured? That made even less sense. This was most unexpected and strange considering nir last experience here. :: Traenor: Perhaps I should try another song. How about this one? Renos: Whatever makes you happy. :: Renos listened to Gordie’s next song a while, letting the awkwardness of the failed attempt wash away while considering what went wrong. After a bit, ne decided to select the next one to try and plucked up the courage to deliver it. When the opportunity presented itself, ne tried again, this time trying to be more seductive without being overly obvious. :: Renos: Did you just move from V to I? Traenor: Yes, I did. Good catch! Why do you ask? Renos: Because I think you’re perfect. Traenor: I can assume that you’re talking about the chord switch, because that makes sense in a literal fashion. Or I can assume that it’s a thinly veiled attempt to ply me with a flattering compliment, in which case I’m left to wonder - why? ::suspicious glance:: What exactly are you doing? :: So far nir experiment into human dating had been a shuttle crash of embarrassment and mixed signals. It felt as though ne was navigating a minefield. The complexities involved were mind boggling, frustrating and clearly not getting nem anywhere. If ne’d learned anything from this experiment it was to stay clear of it. The pick up lines were a disaster. Ne couldn’t work out if there was a problem in the delivery of them or if ne’d crafted them to be too subtle. Was this simply a quirk of the holographic character’s programming? Perhaps there was simply a missing element, like touch. Ne hadn’t found a way to work this in yet and while the atmosphere seemed charged, ne hadn’t felt a kiss would be appropriate. :: Renos: ::With a creased brow:: What is it with humans? Why must you tip toe around your emotions so? Are you embarrassed by them or is it the fear of rejection that’s created such a complex yet hit and miss dating system. Help me understand why your people can’t just talk plainly. Traenor: I-- I don’t-- :: Ne really needed to get Gordie out of nir system. Ne still had niggling doubts and concerns over the appropriateness of all of this. It was hard to properly relax knowing the dubiousness of using a holographic character modelled on a real person anyway. Now was the time to say what needed to be said; maybe that would release those pent up emotions. :: Renos: I’m trying to tell you that I find you attractive. You’re handsome, very handsome, charismatic and funny. I just want to be with you. I don’t know if it’s appropriate or not but I can’t get you out of my mind or my heart. It’s exciting, alien and even a little scary but I’m tired of fighting it so do you reciprocate or not? :: Renos looked at him intently, waiting for a straight answer, wondering if ne’d get one. There was no doubt ne’d put him on the spot but then it wasn’t really him. Ne’d opened up nir heart but it was easier to do knowing the person you intended the words for was out of earshot. The admission was probably the first time ne’d been completely honest with nemself, so was refreshing and a weight off nir mind. Ne knew, should ne meet rejection here then exposing nemself to the real deal was out of the question. At least it’d put matters to rest one way or another. :: Traenor: Darn you, Renos! :: Renos was shocked by the growling response and initially took it to be rejection. Ne was caught off guard, swept up and trapped in a tight embrace before ne had a moment to process what was happening or what it meant. With his hand cupping nir neck, he leaned in, kissing nem hard. There was no room to retreat and nir senses were overloaded. Renos felt nir desire for him spike sharply. Caught by surprise and inexperience, ne was clumsy and highly self conscious because of it. Nir body tensed and stiffened up as ne floundered and struggled to cope with such a strong display of affections and the powerful emotions it brought out in nem. Just as ne had when the holographic Traenor had acted seductively the last time, ne felt nir level of anxiety rise as panic set in. :: :: The captain had dreamed about this so many times. Ne couldn’t believe the way he smelled, the way his skin felt as ne brushed the side of his head with nir fingertips, or the way he tasted. The experience was far more vivid, far more real than expected. Renos wanted him so much but at the same time was overtaken by terror until finally ne pushed him back forcefully. Ne couldn’t allow nemself to get too involved with a hologram, this wasn’t how it was meant to be. Suddenly filled with doubt again ne wondered what exactly any of this had achieved except to prove just how much this man could influence nir emotions. :: Renos: Computer. End Program. :: Renos’s eyes widened and ne stared ahead in disbelief when Traenor failed to vanish. Ne was terrified about the possibility of a malfunction and deeply regretted creating the program. Increasingly ne began to wonder if ne’d tricked nemself about the benefits of doing this. Ne was always on edge as it seemed ne was only ever two steps from discovery. The colour drained from nir face and ne gulped hard. :: Renos: ::Quietly, with befuddlement:: I don’t… What’s going on, why are you still here? Traenor: Why am I still here, pulse racing and out of breath? Fine question to ask! Let me ask you, what are YOU doing here? :: Slowly the pieces of the puzzle started falling into place. The reactions that had seemed not so much off but different - less robotic and more organic than before. Nir face burned red as ne took a step backwards, covering nir mouth with the fingertips of nir right hand. Soaring anxiety left nem feeling somewhat light headed and dizzy. :: Renos: oO ::Horrified:: What have I done? It’s not… It can’t be… Oo Renos: ::Apologetically:: Sorry! Ignore me. I’m babbling. I should go though. :: It was a really stupid thing to say and ne regretted it instantly. Nir mind was buzzing but not forming coherent thought. Traenor had never spoken to nem like that before and while ne could hardly blame him it still hurt. Renos was increasingly mortified and angry at nemself. Ne’d known this was a foolish idea from the get go but had put aside inconvenient facts and downplayed them until ne’d convinced nemself to do it anyway. As an ex-mental health professional ne knew ne should’ve known better and felt a particularly strong surge of guilt and shame. Ne didn’t need to be an expert on behaviour and body language to see how Traenor was hurting and it made nem feel a stab of pain. :: Traenor: I don’t think you should go anywhere, Sir, until you explain just what is going on in here! ((Holodeck 1, Deck 7 - USS Darwin-A)) ((Concurrent - 2nd POV)) ::Although he had a piano in his quarters, Maxwell Traenor was content to open his personal program on the holodeck and play piano there. Being designed and based on a fond locale from his past, it was where he preferred to go and play when he wanted some quiet, nostalgic reflection. He practiced in his quarters, with it being a relatively sterile environment, but here, in the warmth and comfort of the bar, he created. Sitting at the piano, swaying gently to the tune that emanated forth from his ministrations, he let his mind wander aimlessly.:: ::It came as a bit of a surprise when he heard the distinctive whoosh of the exterior holodeck doors faintly through the simulated leaden glass portal of the holographic bar, and his thoughts instantly went to one person. There was only one individual who ever entered the sanctity of his privacy unbidden. Noros Tanna. But that made no sense, as she had been transferred off the Darwin, so it was with great curiosity that he awaited the arrival of the interloper.:: Renos: Hello Gordie. ::Brightly while checking nir red PADD and then stuffing it away.:: ::Letting out a huge sigh of relief and smiling broadly, Maxwell turned to face his friend. Compared to who he thought it might be, he was very happy to see the J’naii captain. He had fully feared that Noros was back and up to her old tricks, so this was a nice surprise.:: Traenor: Renos, I’m so glad that it’s you here right now! Renos: Of course it's me. ::In an amused tone:: ::Grinning even wider, Maxwell was struck with how easy going and natural Renos seemed right then. As of late, there had been a certain kind of tension between them. Nothing tangible, nothing terrible, just a difficulty in keeping eye contact, or conversations that faltered slightly where before they would flow naturally. It had started sometime over the previous shore leave, and Maxwell wasn’t sure why. But the old chemistry was back, and in full force, so he intended to take full advantage of it.:: Traenor: Why don’t you come take a seat, and we’ll get some music started. ::Expecting nem to take a seat at a bar stool next to the piano, Maxwell was surprised when Renos moved in and scooted him over on the piano bench. Willing to play along, he made room and locked eyes with Renos as ne looked at him expectantly.:: Renos: Actually, I thought I'd show you what I've been working on. ::Showing a surprising bit of initiative by tinkering with a topic that he didn’t know his friend had any interest in, Maxwell was bemused by the genial, playful manner of Renos. He had missed this side of his friend for so long, that he was going to encourage it for as long as he could. With calculated, deliberate movements, ne placed nir hands on the keys and played a faltering yet passable primary musical scale. Eyes wide in surprise and mirth, Maxwell wondered when Renos had decided to try nir hand at playing the piano.:: Renos: Ah well. I don’t have the same deftness or lightness of touch you do but perhaps we can agree that at least it wasn’t so wooden. Perhaps I’ll leave the piano to you. ::Unable to take his eyes off the newly invigorated J’naii as ne looked back at him, Maxwell was almost at a loss for words. From the recessed, protected, withdrawn individual over the past several weeks to this… outgoing, smiling, eyes bright and mischievous… he couldn’t process it. But, he sure could relish it. Spilling into one of his face-splitting grins, Maxwell took the challenge and decided to try his hand at a Vulcan piece that had inspired him during Kael Thomas’s promotion ceremony a while back.:: Traenor: Oh, I don’t know about that. That was a pleasant surprise, and I hope you keep at it. I thought it was wonderful ::The compliment seemed to give Renos pause for a moment, as now it seemed that perhaps ne was at a loss for words. And it might be Maxwell’s imagination, but it almost looked as if ne was sporting a slight blush.:: Renos: Did you just move from the subdominant to the supertonic? Because I think you’re my perfect counterpoint. ::The tune stopped momentarily, in a discordant sound. Though fluent in the terms of musical theory, over the years Maxwell had learned to play intuitively, and hadn’t needed to think about the notes he was playing, but rather just breezed through by touch. Trying to think back to the notes he had been playing a few bars back, and digging through the archived theory he hadn’t referenced in a long time, caused his fingers to temporarily tie up in knots. With a nervous chuckle at his error, he resumed playing.:: Traenor: Heh, actually I believe that it was a variation of the mediant… wait, what did you just say? oO Did you really just say what I think you did? Oo ::Being a plain, unassuming person, and a scientist to boot, Maxwell tended to look at the literal, logical context of words first and foremost. It meant he was slow on the uptake when there was subtext or innuendo. And if he wasn’t mistaken, that last phrase was heavy innuendo. Now it was his turn to blush.:: Renos: I was… just admiring your music… ::Sheepishly:: ::There was no way that Maxwell was going to let Renos backpedal out of that unexpected statement. Was it a come-on line? Just the possibility of it made his heart flutter with emotions that he had been suppressing and resolutely discounting for months now. Yet, the rational part of his mind sternly told him that it was an inflated weight placed on innocent words, a desperate grasp to make more out of a closeness that had been conspicuously absent as of late. Far too late, Maxwell tried to affect a calm, flippant air, as if he took Renos’s dismissive answer at face value. However, it just came out at awkward.:: Traenor: Oh, okay. ::chuckle:: For a moment there, it sounded as if you were making a pass at me. How silly of me, right? I mean, not that there would be a problem with it. Er, not that it would be appropriate. ::vehemently:: Or inappropriate! ::big pause:: I need a drink. ::All too quickly, Maxwell arose from the piano bench and went to the bar. Grabbing a bottle of brandy and two glasses, he came back and sat down at the bench again. He poured up a sizable portion for himself, and a reasonable one for Renos. He put his drink back in one long pull, feeling the warmth spread through his midsection and invigorate him. Though the holodeck only dispensed replicated synthehol, the psychosomatic effects still instilled him with liquid courage and he was able to recollect his composure.:: Traenor: Perhaps I should try another song. How about this one? Renos: Whatever makes you happy. ::Switching to a simple, melodic composition, Maxwell took a few moments to mull over what was happening here. Renos had entered his program unbidden, though that was hardly an issue, just uncharacteristic from nir recent behavior. Ne was lively, friendly, provocative, all the things that Maxwell wanted from and craved from nem, and yet it all felt off, somehow. :: Traenor: oO How can ne know what I want from nem, when I don’t even know myself? Oo Renos: Did you just move from V to I? Traenor: Yes, I did. Good catch! Why do you ask? Renos: Because I think you’re perfect. ::Again with the provocative statement. He didn’t stop playing this time, but Maxwell did turn his head to fix Renos with a questioning stare. This conversation was getting eerie. The two of them had never talked this way before, and he wasn’t sure why it had suddenly started. Though ne was flush with emotion, Maxwell had a twinge of intuition that ne was testing him, trying different methods to get a reaction out of him. But to what end? What precipitated this? Was it the change in their professional dynamic? Was it a release of pent up stress from their recent encounter with Raikenoff? Maxwell was flattered and heady from the attention from his dear friend in ways he dared not admit to himself, but it was so far out of character that it was too jarring.:: Traenor: I can assume that you’re talking about the chord switch, because that makes sense in a literal fashion. Or I can assume that it’s a thinly veiled attempt to ply me with a flattering compliment, in which case I’m left to wonder - why? ::suspicious glance:: What exactly are you doing? Renos: ::With a creased brow:: What is it with humans? Why must you tip toe around your emotions so? Are you embarrassed by them or is it the fear of rejection that’s created such a complex yet hit and miss dating system. Help me understand why your people can’t just talk plainly. ::Maxwell was certain his jaw had dropped, and his ears were ringing with the words that Renos had just said. Emotions? Rejection? Dating!? He was so confused, and his racing pulse did not help matters any. He felt lightheaded and weak. He could hardly formulate a coherent thought, let alone verbalize the jumbled mass of conflicting ideas tumbling through his mind.:: Traenor: I-- I don’t-- Renos: I’m trying to tell you that I find you attractive. You’re handsome, very handsome, charismatic and funny. I just want to be with you. I don’t know if it’s appropriate or not but I can’t get you out of my mind or my heart. It’s exciting, alien and even a little scary but I’m tired of fighting it so do you reciprocate or not? ::The J’naii had the audacity to sit there, ramrod straight, and look at him with intent earnestness and anticipation. No sense of impending “Gotcha!”, no sense of theatrical sleight, just plain honesty. Maxwell wanted to slap nem. All the repressed emotions that he had worked so hard to discount, dissuade, and discredit seethed just beneath the thin veneer of self-control that held them in check. There was no lying to himself any more. Renos was more than a friend to him, ne was an object of desire. A paragon of traits and skills that Maxwell had coveted for a long time now, eliciting emotional urges from him with greater and greater intensity as time passed. And now, to have nem sit before him and profess a desire that matched the one he had tried to deny himself, for fear of impropriety and rejection? It was more than he could bear. With his heart bursting in equal measures of fear and elation, he growled a response.:: Traenor: Darn you, Renos! ::In one quick, fluid movement, Maxwell swept Renos to nir feet and swooped in closely. Wrapping one arm around nem in a tight embrace, he used his free hand to cup the back of Renos’s neck. Fingers entwined in nir silky, thick black hair, he pulled nem in and kissed nem fully. Savage in his intensity, his senses exploded in a fireworks of sensation overload as he breathed deeply, gripped tightly, losing himself in the tsunami of emotion that overwhelmed him. Lost in the moment, he didn’t even notice Renos tense and stiffen, until ne pushed him away forcefully.:: Renos: Computer. End Program. ::The holodeck environs froze, then whooshed out of existence, leaving Maxwell staring at an obviously startled and frightened Renos.:: Renos: ::Quietly, with befuddlement:: I don’t… What’s going on, why are you still here? ::Now it was Maxwell’s turn to be confused and upset. What did ne mean, “why are you still here”? Ne had led him on, drove him past the point of self-restraint, brought out emotions and urges that he had carefully crafted to be so hidden as to even deny them to himself, and the response was “why are you still here”? Heightened by the surge of adrenaline that still coursed strongly through him, Maxwell’s response was harsh and accusatory.:: Traenor: Why am I still here, pulse racing and out of breath? Fine question to ask! Let me ask you, what are YOU doing here? Renos: ::Apologetically:: Sorry! Ignore me. I’m babbling. I should go though. ::Hurt, confused, angry, and vulnerable, Maxwell fell into an ingrained stiffness and formality, infused into him by Starfleet, that really had no place or appropriateness in the current conversation. He could tell the words stung its audience as soon as they left his mouth.:: Traenor: I don’t think you should go anywhere, Sir, until you explain just what is going on in here! ((Holodeck 1, Deck 7 - USS Darwin-A)) ((Continuation - Combined POV)) ::What had started off as a nice, relaxing visit to the holodeck for Traenor and Renos each had devolved wildly into confusion and mixed signals as each discovered the disparity in the others purpose for being there. Hurt, confused, angry, and vulnerable, Maxwell fell into an ingrained stiffness and formality, infused into him by Starfleet, that really had no place or appropriateness in the current conversation. He could tell the words stung its audience as soon as they left his mouth.:: Traenor: I don’t think you should go anywhere, Sir, until you explain just what is going on in here! :: Renos stared with mouth agape, struggling to figure out just what to tell the man. Part of nem really hoped this was a malfunctioning holoprogram but intuitively a deeper part of nem knew it wasn’t so. Ne glanced towards the control panel near the door frame, feeling the urge to run over there and find out where the real Traenor was and how ne’d stumbled so blindly into this situation. Renos: Okay… I can explain. Just, uh, there’s been a bit of a… small… mixup. ::Struggling to reply coherently or confidently:: Traenor: Were you expecting a holographic version of me? oO That’s it, isn’t it! Is it true? Oo See, the way it looks to me is that you’ve been using my personal holodeck program to do, well, who knows what with a holographic doppelganger that you’ve cobbled together of me! How long has this been going on? The last few months that you’ve been distant with me, you’ve been cavorting with a shallow approximation of me? Is that it? ::It stung terribly for Maxwell to think that somebody he considered as his dearest friend would be content to ignore him, while secretly experimenting with a fake version of himself. In his private sanctuary no less, a holodeck program that he had painstakingly fostered over many years and hardly ever invited people into, let alone allowed others unfettered access to. And experimenting romantic gestures and overtures on a pale shadow of himself? It made a mockery of all the confusing emotions and attractions he had buried for so long now towards Renos.:: :: That sounded and felt harsh to nem, more harsh and awful than how ne’d seen things anyway. It occurred to nem belatedly that this whole terrible thing had been about control. The J’naii had known well enough how ne felt, but being so unfamiliar to nem, so new, it had left nem uncomfortable. Renos had wanted to control these romantic feelings and urges yet it had become clear during nir first encounter with the program that they were stronger than ne’d thought they could ever possibly be. When controlling them and making them go away hadn’t worked ne’d been forced to reconsider nir intentions. This was about controlling how ne expressed nir feelings, about controlling nir friends reaction, testing to see whether he would reject nem. Figuring out what to say, how to say it to get a reaction ne could feel comfortable with. It was motivated from a place of intense fear. It wasn’t about pursuing romance with a figment of nir imagination to the detriment of their friendship - but the result was the same. :: :: As difficult as it was, there was only one thing ne could do now - come clean and tell the unaltered truth. If ne did that and was sincere in nir apology perhaps ne could be forgiven in time though ne didn’t hold out any hope their friendship would survive. The outcome ne’d sought so hard to avoid by using a hologram - rejection and permanent damage to the most valued friendship ne’d ever formed - was happening right before nem right now. It was truly heartbreaking and perhaps it was no more than ne deserved. :: Renos: It’s not like that, I swear. I’ve only used the program twice… well once actually. ::Quickly correcting nir error. :: :: This would’ve been the second time had ne not carelessly barged in on Traenor using his own program. :: Renos: But it’s not and never was intended to act as any kind of replacement for you. It was a bad, bad, stupid idea and I regret it completely. I was only using it to analyse my own feelings in what was supposed to be a safe environment, look for ways to impress you and find an adequate way to express my feelings without… hurting our friendship. Renos: oO And a fine job I did there. ::Remorsefully:: Oo ::Maxwell stood throughout Renos’s pained explanation with his arms rigid against his sides, hands balled into fists to try and control the torrent of emotion he was feeling. He was trying to make sense of that very emotion, to place a name on it in order to face it and deconstruct it before it consumed him. Was it a sense of betrayal? That didn’t feel quite right, though there was definitely a sense of that in there. Indignation? Some, certainly, thinking of a holographic version of himself being used like a puppet. Anger? Tons of that, though it was mere shading to the true emotion. And that emotion was fear. Fear that he had been duped into expressing his true passions for Renos, when those passions were not reciprocated. Fear that the resultant mistrust and awkwardness would poison and wither the strong friendship that these two had cultivated over so long. The power dynamic being what it was between them, and that he had made the overt advance that had been rebuked, stung him with shame and embarrassment. Despite his best effort, he could hear the woodenness in his own voice, tinged with just a touch of malicious barb. It sickened him to speak such, but he hurt too much to avoid it.:: Traenor: ::but a whisper:: I never would have kissed you had you not… oO had I not been conned into playing the fool Oo ...had I known that it was unwanted. If I could take it back, I would. :: Renos felt crushed, like nir heart was breaking to hear of his regret. Ne wasn’t sorry for the kiss. Ne was sorry for nir reaction to it. It was clear the J’naii had a problem that needed addressing before ne would be capable of being a good partner to anyone. Nir response came slowly because it was carefully considered and completely honest. Under these circumstances and after what ne’d done he deserved the truth even if it was incredibly difficult to express, especially for one who valued privacy so highly and so rarely confided anything in anyone. When ne finally had the courage to say it, all of the words tumbled out as ne hurried to get the painful admission out. :: Renos: I do want it! I just wasn’t expecting it and you were so intense. I’ve never been intimate with anyone before and I just… I just panicked. ::Placing nir fingertips to either side of nir face in distress:: This is all so messed up. All because I was too scared face my feelings and face you. Fear or rejection, fear of being embraced only to disappoint you with my… inexperience, leading to rejection… :: Renos had started rambling and pacing, ne could barely stand to remain in the room a moment longer. Ne only remained and put nemself through this because ne recognised this problem was of nir own making. Ne remained because ne hoped to make him understand. A tiny flicker of hope burned for forgiveness. Running out of steam and not sure where ne was headed with it all any more ne trailed into silence. :: ::Maxwell could hear the conviction in Renos’s words, but the memory of how ne had recoiled from his touch and pushed him away still burned like a raw wound. The caress of nir fingertips lit his senses on fire anew, but he didn’t think he could handle yet another rejection should Renos decide again that this was all too much too soon. He stepped back as his counterpart paced slightly.:: Traenor: You’re right. This is all so messed up. I need time to think. I need to figure out what just happened. I need space to digest this. I need… ::angry sigh:: I don’t know. :: The emotional pain that came with his words was unbearable and unlike anything ne’d ever experienced before. Renos began to believe that allowing nemself to become in any way close to anyone was a mistake. Nir only attempt at it had gone so catastrophically wrong ne never wanted to feel like this again. Ne couldn’t cope with it and wanted to raid the pharmacy for drugs that would dull nir emotions and take them away, take the pain away. An intense wave of rage bubbled to the surface, anger at nemself for all the decisions that had let to this and all the pain it had caused. Ne thrust nir hands out with fingers splayed and raised nir voice at him. Even though he hadn’t said it outright, this was clear rejection in nir mind and ne deserved it. :: Renos: You need space? Fine! I’ll give you all the space you could want. Good day! :: Renos turned towards the door and exited just short of a run, pushing back tears of anger. How could ne be so stupid? None of this should have happened. Ne was filled with such self loathing that ne could quite easily punch nemself in the face repeatedly. In nir mind Traenor had been completely ripped out of nir personal life, it really felt as if ne’d lost a limb. Their friendship was in tatters and they were going to have to work side by side as Captain and First Officer every day with this horrible wedge between them. It was enough to make one consider retirement but ne knew that was just the impulse to run talking and pushed it away. :: ::As Renos left, every fiber in Maxwell’s being screamed at him to stand up and run to nem, sweep nem up in his arms, apologize profusely for being such a boorish fool, and kiss nem again and again. His arm actually raised, reaching plaintively towards where the heavy holodeck door was already closed, before he realized what he was doing. And like that, ne was gone, and with nem went every ounce of happiness within him. Spent, morose, he grabbed the bottle of brandy that the two had shared. The cut glass bottle screeched a piercing scratching sound as he dragged it clumsily along the polished finish of the piano, though the sound didn’t even faze him. He brought the bottle up and gulped sloppily, letting the numbing warmth of the synthetic alcohol fill the void he felt. Boorish fool, indeed.:: END Captain Renos - Commanding Officer, USS Darwin NCC-99312-A Executive Council Member =/\= Captain's Council Member =/\= Promotions Coordinator Cadet Steward =/\= Publicity Team Facilitator =/\= FWPA 2015 Co-Facilitator =/\= A238805EB0 ~and~ LtCmdr Maxwell Traenor - First Officer, USS Darwin NCC-99312-A Graphic Contest Taskforce =/\= Characters Guild Co-Facilitator A239111MT0

((USS Darwin, Deck 7, Personal Quarters)) ::Kael was a creature of habit. He liked to maintain a schedule and achieve certain things while on every shore leave. It’s not to say that he didn’t like the touch of spontaneity or surprise but just that his shoreleave tended to look much the same every time. Which is why he was sure that no one would be surprised by his need to visit the Gym as much as possible during shore leave. Although, he hardly imagined anyone particularly cared to give it a thought. Entering his quarters he realised he had failed to organise with Ensign Logan to join him, and made a mental note of it next time. Working out alone wasn’t a problem for Kael, but doing it with someone else allowed him to push his boundaries a bit higher.:: ::Showering and getting changed Kael sat on the corner of his bed, put on his shoes and pondered the rest of the day. Having just worked out food was his first plan of attack. There were a few places on the Promenade that he favoured but he had heard there was a new place open. Deciding that is exactly what he was going to do, he stood up and headed for the door.:: Renos: =/\= Captain Renos to Commander Thomas =/\= Thomas: =/\= Thomas here =/\= Renos: =/\= I’m holding a little get together tonight for all of the senior staff and a few friends. I felt the crew have had to deal with so much recently that it would do us all good to enjoy a meal together. =/\= ::Smiling as if the Captain could hear his thoughts about food, Kael was glad the crew was getting a chance to get together. They had worked incredibly hard of late and any opportunity to recognise that would be most welcome.:: Thomas: =/\= I think that’s an excellent idea. Is there anything I can do to help? =/\= Renos: =/\= It’s all arranged. I’m about to make the announcement to the rest of the crew. All you need to do is turn up at 20:00. Oh and it’s a dress white occasion. =/\= Thomas: oO Dress whites? Oo ::Kael had been around often enough to know that wearing dress whites almost always indicated something else was happening tonight. Not one to raise conspiracy theories whatever the reason was for tonight, he was enthusiastic. The man actually liked the idea of dressing up formally, but he would have rathered, if the Captain wanted a formal attire to be allowed the freedom of civilian dress.:: Thomas: =/\= Understood Captain. I’ll see you there. =/\= ::Having checked the time recently, he knew that he had more than a few hours before the event. His dinner tonight would not derail his plans to have an amazing lunch right now and proceeded immediately to the Promenade.:: ((20:00 - Deep Space 6, Deck 21, Function Room A1)) ::Kael always ensured he had plenty of time to dress himself when the occasion called for dress whites. So formal was the occasion that looking as though you’d spent about 30 seconds getting ready was obvious to all and entirely unprofessional. Taking pride in one’s appearance didn’t seem unnecessary to Kael, but important. Particularly in his case, being a senior officer it was important to set a good standard to model for the junior crew. Finally satisfied with his appearance, he stepped into the room.:: ::The room was large and well dressed with decorations and people in various places around the room. Central to the room was numerous round tables already housing well dressed staff. Immediately in front of the middle set of chairs it was hard to miss the stage setup which at least confirmed there would be some announcement or platform for a speech. Unsurprised by it all, Kael turned to Captain Renos who was just inside the door.:: Renos: You look so smart your mother would be proud! ::Kael’s eye twitched every so slightly. It was entirely involuntary but brought on by the reference to his parents. Very seldom had anyone made reference to Kael’s parents during his career. The single reason being that they were not a presence in his life. They had chosen to remain on Earth and were in various conditions of ailing health. Captain Renos had certainly never met them and the reference to them certainly caught him off guard, and took his mind back to them. A place it hasn’t been for some time.:: ((Backsim - Several years prior)) ((USS Vigilant, Personal Quarters, Deck 2)) ::There were a few days of shore leave left, and Kael was planning today, to just spend them in the Gym and the Holodeck. He thought about seeing if anyone would want to come along, but decided he's just wing it. He was ok with heading out on his own.: ::Dressing in his casual Gym gear, he grabbed a towel and headed towards the door, when he was stopped by his communication terminal.:: oO Incoming call from Mum. Wonder what she wants? Oo Thomas: =/\= HI Mum =/\= Jolaina: =/\= Hi Kael, how are you? =/\= Thomas: =/\= Yeah good. ::Pausing a moment, and asking the question he knew his mum was waiting for.:: How's Dad? =/\= ::Kael had a good relationship with his Mother, but his father clashed with Kael often. It wasn't that they didn't like one another, they just were so similar. Throw in that Kael never seemed to match up to his expectations tends to create for fiery discussions.:: Jolaina: =/\= He's good. You can talk to him if you want? =/\= Thomas: =/\= Nah Mum, I don't think we have much to discuss for a few years. =/\= ::Their last discussion was during Kael's leave of absence. Kael spent a few months at home, when his dad became quite ill. His dad had a difficult time accepting his compassion, and simply used it as an excuse to attack his career goals. Had Kael been a rational observer of it all, he might have realised that his dad was under a great deal of stress, and his ego couldn't allow his son to be helping him. But he wasn't, he felt the target of an unneeded attack from someone he was trying to help. The situation remains unresolved.:: Jolaina: ::Making a face displaying her disappointment, she move don.:: =/\= Well, when are you coming home? =/\= Thomas: =/\= DO we really have to do this again. How well did coming home last time work out? =/\= Jolaina: =/\= You know what your Father is like, he doesn't really mean that stuff....=/\= ::Kael wasn't really sure if his mum was naive or genuinely believed that. Her face indicated however that she did believe it.:: Thomas: =/\= As a matter of fact I think he does. =/\= Jolaina: =/\= Ok, ok, well, have you spoke with your brother lately? =/\= ::Kael hadn't spoken with his brother since the last mission. He knew he was going on something also dangerous himself. He assumed it ended up fine, as he hadn't got that fated call. Nor did his mother open with this question.:: Thomas: =/\= Not for a while. Why's that? =/\= Jolaina: =/\= He's not responding to my calls. =/\= ::His mum had a propensity for blowing things out of proportion. Anthony was extraordinarily busy, as was Kael. There wasn't always time to report in. Kael was ok with assuming he was fine, and talking to him whenever he could.:: Thomas: =/\= He's Chief of a Department mum. He doesn't always have time to answer every call. =/\= ::A fact she knew all to well having been in Starfleet herself for the majority of her working life.:: Jolaina: =/\= I guess. I only want a few minutes though. =/\= ::If Kael wasn't on a video call, he would have smiled to that comment. His mother rarely was only wanting a few minutes. :: Thomas: =/\= Yeah, well, If I speak to him, I'll make sure he gets in contact with you. =/\= ::Kael and his Mother both knew, that no one controlled Anthony. Of the pair, it was clear that Anthony had infact inherited their Father’s stubbornness.:: Jolaina: =/\= How are you going anyway? Still Chief Engineer? =/\= Thomas: =/\= Yeah. It's going well. We just got a few upgrades, which could change our discovery of the region. =/\= ::Kael was going to say what it was, but he didn't know if this communication was being monitored. He didn't need anyone else knowing the Vigilant now had a Slipstream Drive.:: Jolaina: =/\= That sounds exciting.::Pausing:: We are very proud of you, you know. =/\= Thomas: =/\= I know mum. =/\= ::Speaking on behalf of his dad had become the norm for Kael’s mum. His father and his relationship so strained that Kael could not remember the last positive thing his father had to say about him. His Mother now entirely shouldered the burden of trying to mend that gap.:: Jolaina: =/\= Well, that's all I really wanted to say. I'm glad your doing OK. Please come home for a visit soon. =/\= Thomas: =/\= Thanks Mum. I'll talk to you later. =/\= ::Deliberately ignoring the request for the second time.:: Jolaina: =/\= Bye Kael, Love you! =/\= Thomas: =/\= Love you too Mum. =/\= ::As the link closed, Kael took a moment to pause. He did love his family, and he did miss them. But they were fine without him ,and he knew his mother never really dealt with the fact that him and his brother both moved away. He could imagine living with his father, was moderately difficult for her. :: ::Getting up from his chair, he moved towards the door, and out to the Gym just like any other day..:: ((Present Time)) ((Deep Space 6, Deck 21, Function Room A1)) ::Turning his head back to the Captain, he warmed to the comment. It was a nice one, and one meant with no ill intent despite the complexities of the comment for Kael.:: Thomas: Thank you Captain. Renos: You get the best seat in the house today. Come on, let’s get settled and you can tell me about how your shore leave has been. ::Renos led Kael over to the middle of the three front row seats. There were enough seats for 5 people and Kael thought nothing of the other occupants. Simply assuming it was likely other Darwin crew yet to arrive or someone important from the Station. Sitting comfortably on the chair, Kael got to talking with the Captain; a too rare of an event for the two of them. :: ::Sipping from his recently filled glass of wine Kael was enjoying himself. He had only been here for a few minutes but he’d already gotten to share and learn much more about the Captain in that short time then he thought they’d managed since launch. Kael wasn’t one to strike up events or conversations like this, but he wasn’t one to shy away once invited either. Grateful for the opportunity, he had to stop talking as the Captain made a move towards the stage area.:: Renos: Since it's been a while with the crew I just wanted to share a few words. Excuse me. Thomas: No problem. ::Renos stood up and took place at the centre of the stage a short distance from their table. With a gold curtain backgrop the Captain certainly popped and yielded a great presence. It took mere moments before the room took notice of an impending announcement and ceased their conversations.:: Renos: ::With a Clap of hands the Captain got things underway.:: Ladies and gentlemen, crew of the USS Darwin, it’s my great pleasure to be back in command and with you all again. We’ve been through some incredibly testing times together this year and got through it as a team. I couldn’t be more proud of you all and felt we all deserved a moment to enjoy each others company and reflect upon our successes. ::Kael could not have agreed more. The last few missions had been trying and difficult for all involved. The Captain in fairness had probably shared the brunt of that with the health concerns. The chance to get together and celebrate the crew's great work and their bond with each other was an excellent opportunity and further highlighted the great things the Captain was doing.:: There are a few people I’d like to recognise today beginning with a man who has been the Darwin’s backbone since the day it launched, as in originally launched. A man who has an unrivalled sense of justice and always wants to do the right thing. Whose hard work, dedication and passion are unrivalled. Thomas: oO Mmmm Oo ::The pit of Kael’s stomach churned. There was a crescendo building and Kael felt it centering on him. He expected dramatically for there to be a spot light that might track to him any moment requiring him to have to slink under the table. Kael could handle surprises but only so long as they weren’t centred on him. Looking up at the Captain, he had no idea where this was going, with the only certainty being that his anxiety was building.:: Mister Thomas, you’re been with the Darwin and with me since the beginning of our journeys and I couldn't have got through it without you, so get yourself up here so you can get what’s been coming to you for a long time. ::It took a few seconds for Kael to register the request. His head was busy spinning with what this could possibly be all about. Standing up, Kael moved with enthusiasm and thinly veiled curiosity stop stand up near the Captain who made no effort to hide a smile..:: Thomas: Thank you, for the kind words Captain. Renos: You’re an outstanding officer and it is my absolute pleasure to promote you to the rank of commander with all the rights and privileges that go with it - but I’m not going to pin you - no. I was pipped at the post by some very important people. ::The announcement alone was enough to almost floor Kael. He’d worked hard these last few years but never felt as though the giddy heights of a Commander promotion were yet within his grasp. His heart racing at the news Kael did not need to wonder long about the Captains other final piece of information.:: ::As the veil fell, three people appeared in it’s place. His family. There was his Father. Completely stunned for a moment, Kael baulked at what to do next. Torn between appropriate behaviour and wanting to run to his family and the realisation that they were barely a family he was stuck. In the back of his mind were all the times he slammed the door on his father, the times they yelled abuse all the times that his father didn’t care about his development or his existence. His anger at the man kept his feet planted like boulders bolted to the ground. His indecision was ultimately assisted by his father moving. Kael’s father moved towards him with the traditional rosewood box in his hands. Had Kael met his Father's face however he might have realised that something was different.:: Thomas: oO Dad, how is this possible? Oo ::Kael’s father had dementia that Starfleet Medical to their credit had tried for years to cure or at least provide a remedy. They had been unsuccessful from Kael’s knowledge and the evident worsening of his Father's condition. It was his Father’s condition and attitude, even during his most lucid moments that drove Kael away and to break off most of his contact. That’s not to say that before his dementia he was a shining example of a man, but it was his cutting comments during the last few years that destroyed their relationship. :: ::His last engagement with his father was one of anger and frustration not unlike all before it. To see the man in front of him, his Father, now looking at him with life in his eyes was too much for Kael. The deep seated hatred, resentment and anger were gone from behind his eyes. Replaced was his Father, smiling from ear to ear with a face that Kael hadn’t seen since he was a little boy. Something inside Kael gave way. The little [...] inside of him that held back all of this resentment and anger broke. Tears streamed down his face despite his wishes to hold them back. He’d never expected to see his dad again least of all like this, least of all with the look of pride on his face.:: ::His Father still surprisingly silent replaced the half pip on his collar with a full one. Kael wiped his eyes with the back of hand and turned to his father. The strong, stubborn man who raised him, now shared the same red eyes as Kael. :: Reynold: Congratulations son. ::They embraced longer, and harder than Kael could ever remember. The tears fell from their closed eyes onto one another’s shoulders as though they were meant to. The void in their relationship that Kael once felt was impossible to mend had all but closed in this one moment. He cherished the embrace and the moment for as long as he could. Opening his eyes he saw his family, he could see Anthony and his Mother with their arms around each other looking at the bonded pair. Kael smiled at them with the deep knowledge that they were closer to being that family unit his mum had always tried for.:: ::Pulling back from the embrace naturally Kael looked at this father, who by all rights shouldn’t be as lucid and as clear as he is right now. His eyes were alive and the cloud that was on his mind lifted. He knew that question would get an answer shortly, but right now, he developed a sudden realisation he was still standing on a stage, and the applause was alive. Wiping his eyes as though he was a little boy on his shirt sleeve, and turned around to compose himself.:: Renos: Congratulations again Commander. ::Grinning:: ::Captain Renos. The J’naii that Kael didn’t even know before his most recent posting on the Darwin had done more for Kael than almost anyone he had known. The simple act of bringing his family here, to bring them together had changed his family. From this day forward they had a new shot at it and for that Kael wouldn’t never forget what was done here. What Captain Renos had done for him and his family, without even knowing it.:: Thomas: Thank you Captain, but this time, a handshake won’t cut it. ::Kael hated involuntary hugs and contact. But none of that apprehension would stop Kael's riding of emotions right now. Renos was his Captain and he wouldn’t ever consider hugging his Captain, but right now, he considered Renos a friend. Friends deserve a hug.:: =============================================================== Commander Kael Thomas - First Officer, USS Darwin-A NCC-99312 Academy Statistician, Calendar Master, Training Officer V238010KT0 ================================================================

((Corridor, Deck 8, USS Darwin-A)) ::Iniko and Iy set off down the corridor, wandering aimlessly. Iniko couldn’t remember the last time jhe had just walked around without a destination in mind. It was not exactly peaceful. Jhe was still agitated and the bright lights and occasional people passing by were irritating and left jhea feeling exposed. Jhe tried to steer jheas mind away from the uncomfortable thoughts.:: Mpeba: We never really got a chance to talk back on Zakdorn, with all the . . . ::jhe shuddered and let that sentence trail off.:: I mean, we worked together, but I don’t know much about you personally. What sort of things do you like to do? Iy: ::switching to a more serious tone:: I don't do a lot for fun, unfortunately. Before I arrived on the Darwin, life was a bit hard. Being a refugee on the run from your own people is a full-time endeavor. ::ne paused, then lightened up:: But, there's lots of fun things to do now! I'm particularly fond of phaser drills. Reading Starfleet regulations? Not as much! How about you? Mpeba: ::jhe let out a huff of laughter:: I guess I’m still finding that out. I liked to run, but that’s . . . well, it’s a long story, but that isn’t happening at the moment. Some reading, fiddling with mechanical things. Those are pretty low key, though. There’s nothing to spend my energy on at the moment. Probably part of why I exploded back there . . . Iy: That's a shame. It's important for everyone to have an outlet. We could always go and shoot targets in the range... ::Iniko wasn’t a big fan of that idea. While jhe could use a phaser for engineering tasks without trouble, shooting targets was just a step closer to shooting living beings, close enough that jhe would break out in cold sweats and jheas hands would shake. It wasn't something jhe could do to relax anymore.:: Mpeba: I guess so. I don't think that would be a very calming exercise for me though. Iy: ::laughing:: I didn't think so, but it didn't hurt to ask. But it's not so bad here, on the Darwin. I mean, we have a nice ship, a good crew, ::non-committally:: a decent captain. ::Iniko wasn’t sure what to make of that statement. Jhe had assumed that the two J’naii would get along, but Iy didn’t seem particularly enthusiastic about their captain. Perhaps the situation was more complicated than jhe had thought. Jhe didn’t want to alienate a new friend, but jhe felt jhe had to defend their absent captain. At the same time, jhe tried to keep jheas words measured, not wanting to begin another fight so soon.:: Mpeba: Ne is more than decent. I couldn't imagine a better captain. ::The look jhe gave Iy would not brook disagreement, but ne did not seem inclined to argue. In fact, ne started talking about how Renos and some other person jhe hadn't met had rescued nem from bounty hunters and given nem refuge in the Darwin, leading to nir request for asylum. Iniko couldn't understand how ne could be lukewarm about Renos after such an introduction. But then, on second thought, maybe jhe could understand. Jhe remembered vividly the few months after escaping Til'ahn and taking refuge in the Federation, how even when jhe was theoretically safe jhe still saw a potential Romulan operative in everyone jhe met, coming to take revenge. For Iy, having been hunted down by nir own people, trust must be even more difficult to find. Jhe tried to reassure nem that Captain Renos was trustworthy by recounting a few stories of jheas own about nem. Jhe quickly realized, though, that jhe really didn't have many stories to tell. Jhe hadn't been aboard very long, and while jhe trusted nem wholeheartedly and would gladly defend nem at any cost . . . jhe didn't really have the history with nem to back that up. Jhe pushed the doubt away for the moment, to contemplate later in private.:: ::Iy was beginning to look a little contemplative nemself. Jhe was just about to suggest that maybe they should part ways for the moment when ne stopped outside the arboretum. Iniko hadn't been paying any attention to where they were as they walked, having been so caught up in jheas own thoughts.:: Iy: I apologize for talking so much about Renos. Certainly, though you can see how for someone like me, seeing how ne got to the position ne is in is inspiring. But, enough of that. I'm going to pop in here for a little while, and actually make the rounds I was tasked to do. What are your plans now? ::Iniko hadn't actually given that a thought, but the answer was right in front of jhea.:: Mpeba: The arboretum is actually probably the most calming place on the ship. I should stay here a while and think some things over. Iy: Very well. It was great talking with you. I hope we get more opportunities to do so again in the near future! And no more fights with uppity scientists! ::Ne affixed jhea with a genuine grin, and Iniko couldn't help but smile back. Jhe was grateful that ne had come along before jhe had done something jhe would really regret, and ne had been easy to talk with. There was potential there for a good friendship.:: Mpeba: I'll do my best. Good luck on your rounds! ((Arboretum, Deck 8, USS Darwin-A)) ::Iniko followed nem into the arboretum, but found a secluded corner and sat on the ground, leaning against the trunk of a small tree. Jhe had no intention of mediating or attempting fielding practice today. Jheas mind was overflowing with thoughts and feelings that needed to be sorted through and examined, but jheas main purpose here was simply to become calmer. Jhe leaned jheas head back and watched the leaves of the tree rustle in the light artificial wind. It wasn’t quite like home, just reminiscent of it enough to create a sense of peace. There were no voices here, no people bustling about and possibly giving jhea disappointed looks. It was the ideal place to relax.:: ::And still . . . something niggled at jheas conscience, that had been bugging jhea since that conversation. Why had jhe felt such immediate loyalty to Renos? Jhe had read nir Starfleet bio of course, before joining, but it had been pretty standard for a Starfleet captain. And yet jhe had immediately felt curiosity and even hero worship, which had solidified into a sense of loyalty and an odd attachment upon meeting nem. Jhe knew the explanation for it, of course, it just felt a little shallow.:: ::Jhe had always looked for a mentor growing up. So much was expected of a young lom, especially after making first contact, when jheas mother had retreated into one of the most conservative sects of Laudean religion, trying to shield her children from alien influences. With that shift, the pressures on Iniko to act as an ideal lomale increased, but Chioma had not had the personal experiences to be able to mentor jhea. She had tried, once, to find a better mentor for jhea.:: ((Flashback, 11 Years Ago)) ::Iniko's mother had that worried look on her face again. She was talking with a friend, and as usual they had been discussing the aliens and their bad influences, how they were destroying Laudean culture and values. Iniko always felt nervous when they talked like that. Jhe wasn't sure what sort of things the aliens had planned for them, but jheas mother always made it sound like they were lawless pillagers, out to take every resource of their world and steal all the lomales to breed their own race of fielders. Jheas mother usually seemed most worried about Iniko’s future during those discussions. She was off the comm now, and came over to talk to Iniko.:: C. Mpeba: Iniko, come with me. I have someone you need to meet. ::Iniko nodded and followed along, trying to be properly demure. Chioma sat jhea down on the seat next to her and started another call. It took a few moments to be picked up, but when the picture appeared it was of a serene and elaborate garden, full of carefully pruned trees, delicate flowers and exquisite sculptures. The person sitting in the middle of all of this was a handsome lomale a few years older than Iniko's parents. Jheas hair was piled in an sophisticated knot on jheas head, and jhe wore finely embroidered robes of a shimmery and slightly translucent fabric that showed glimpses of jheas form in the afternoon sunlight. Iniko was entranced. This was what jheas mother kept pushing for, and jhe had never been able to grasp. This person was poise and elegance and sensuality personified. Iniko didn't believe jhe could ever achieve such a thing, wasn't entirely sure jhe even wanted to. But it was certainly a beautiful sight.:: Chalor: Hello, how can I -- why, Chioma, isn't it? What a pleasant surprise! C. Mpeba: Sawat, it's so good to see you again! Chalor: It is always a good day to see you, my dear. How have you been? It's been far too long. ::The older lomale’s drawl was hypnotizing, but jheas words made Iniko blush. Jhe was finally starting to grasp who this person was, and the images that conjured up were not something jhe wanted to contemplate.:: C. Mpeba: It has been too long. So much has happened recently. But that isn't what I called you about. I wanted you to meet our child, Iniko. ::The lomale on the screen flinched, momentarily losing jheas composure. A moment later jhe had it back, but the smile jhe offered Iniko was weak and brief.:: Chalor: Hello, child. Would you mind running in the other room for a moment? I need to speak privately with your mother. ::Iniko wasn't sure what to make of that reaction, but given jheas mother's crumpled frown, it hadn't been what she had been hoping for. Iniko felt guilty, wondering if jhe had done something wrong, or if it was the lomale on the call who had disappointed her. Chioma turned to Iniko, though, and gave jhea a small nod in the direction of the open doorway. Iniko stood and left the room as quietly as jhe could, but stopped as soon as jhe turned into the hall. Jhe leaned against the doorframe, just out of sight.:: Chalor: Chioma, what were you thinking? I thought we made this clear in our agreement! C. Mpeba: But Iniko is your only lomale child! I checked the coven records! I thought jhe would mean something to you, especially now that jhe is approaching the age of apprenticeship! Chalor: ::sternly:: I don't know how to make this any more clear. You and Akinade I would be happy to see again, anytime. You two have always been wonderful fun. But the . . . results of those encounters? I want nothing to do with them, regardless of their age. That was made clear from the very beginning. They are yours, not mine, not in any sense. This child is not my responsibility, and I am entitled to no part of jheas life, nor do I want any. C. Mpeba: But, surely if you just spoke to jhea for a moment. Chalor: Do not press this, Chioma. It is a thoroughly inappropriate request. I will not be a part of this conversation. Goodbye. ::Iniko felt jheas throat close up. Jhe stifled jheas anger as best jhe could, but a little squeal of indignation escaped. What jhe was saying was perfectly reasonable, of course. Iniko was well versed in the basic tenets of lomale duties, even if jhe struggled with the more complicated aspects, and this was about as basic as they got. Lomales had no rights or responsibilities regarding their offspring, except in extreme circumstances. Chioma opting to pursue this in opposition to the decrees of the Fielding League she respected so much spoke volumes about her worry for Iniko's future. But it had been for nought, and now they were both humiliated.:: ((End Flashback)) ::That rejection had stung. Later there had been other lomale teachers, trying to coax jhea down the right path, but those relationships had always ended in disaster, as one after the other finally despaired of teaching Iniko the arts of seduction.:: ::Years later, when jhe had finally arrived in the Federation and there were no more behavioral expectations laid upon jhea, jhe had thought things would be easier. They were, actually, much easier. But nonbinary gendered species were few and far between even in the diverse halls of Starfleet Academy. There wasn't even a standard set of pronouns for other-gendered persons in Federation Standard. Jhe had ended up borrowing the lomale pronouns from the Laudean language, even though they sounded odd when speaking a different language. At least they identified jhea correctly. But that had been just one example of the many small hurdles jhe had had to overcome as a lomale in Federation Space, and later in Starfleet. When jhe had seen Renos would be jheas captain, there had been a hope that maybe here, finally, was someone who would understand, who might be able to help jhea navigate the complexities of a binary society. They hadn't discussed it yet, and Iniko had later learned that the Captain's relationship with gender was even more complicated than jheas own. Still, the idea remained, that somehow jhe had finally found someone jhe could emulate. Jhe didn't know if it was a good reason. Jhe didn't even know if it was a valid reason. In fact it was a rather frustratingly vague reason, but jhe remained stubbornly attached to the idea.:: ::Jhe sighed and thunked jheas head back against the tree trunk a couple times, frustrated with jheas own thought process. Jhe was more agitated than ever. Silence was clearly not the calming influence jhe had been hoping for. Jhe got up and brushed jheaself off. Maybe there were still some people in Natural Selections.:: Lieutenant JG Mpeba - Engineering Officer, USS Darwin NCC-99312-A Image Collective D239205IM0

Congrats on your achievement, and look forward to seeing you around the fleet!