Ilene Torza

I concur with Ms. Turner. Your entry was excellent and definitely deserved first place, Mr. Bockhorst. Congratulations Thanks to all the judges for your hard work.

((Flight Operations Center, USS Ronin)) Kolk: =/\= Kolk to Adair. We've got multiple casualties on the Flight Deck here. Are you ready for them? =/\= Adair: =/\= Aye Lt., send them in. Ma off duty staff are arriving, we have enough room and staff. =/\= ::Jack was getting confused, there was no one in close proximity to the Deck. He widened the scan.:: Kolk: =/\= Hold on, I'm... ::There they were, 27 humanoid forms... hundreds of kilometers behind them. How was that possible.:: Um. I'll let you go doctor. Beaming them to you now. =/\= Commander, the ejected officers were several hundred kilometers to the aft of the ship. ::The Andorian was already standing, his antennae twitching furiously to help him stay up-to-date on the pandemonium around him.:: Wayfel: And the planet is gone? Where are we? Baranduin: ::calmer than anyone else:: Attempting stellar triangulation. Nothing conclusive, yet, sir. Local constellations don't appear to have been charted ::Jack's mind was begging him to figure out what was going on, what had happened and where in the galaxy (or universe?) they were. But that had to wait till all the wounded were in Sickbay. Thankfully the other ships were helping to beam people aboard and the work was done in less than two minutes. But, Jack still had to determine who was wounded down below and send them in as well. He set to it and took in the activity of the Flight Deck as much as he could in the mean time. It may have been hectic, but he could tell right away that it was a place he would enjoy working... especially if it meant he'd be getting some command experience. Were one of Wayfel's XOs leaving? This disaster had postponed the revelation about what position he was actually getting. But that too could wait.:: ::The 8 FOs at the fore of the F.O.C. were in constant contact with the various areas of the flight deck and Jack had somehow ended up coordinating the emergency beam-outs with them, doing the job he'd expect one of Wayfel's XOs to do. Unbeknownst to Lt. Kolk, Wayfel nodded to one of his XOs and the Lt., a Bajoran named Niro Taan, left the room via the ladder. The LtCmdr. then asked Jack to use Lt. Niro's chair. Jack was surprised, but decided not to look the gift horse in the mouth. Taking the seat, he had a much better vantage point to the holoviewer, which had switched to a hologram of the entire Flight Deck and adjacent maintenance bays and work areas. It was chaos. Cargo crates had bounced off of everything, many flying out the open doors. Although none were lost, several fighters had minor hull damage. The last of the wounded had just been beamed down to sickbay when the yellow alert was sounded.:: Walker: =/\= Mr. Kolk, I want a CAP flying ASAP. =/\= Kolk: oO CAP? Must be some kind of fighter group. I need to study up on Flight Ops tonight. Oo =/\= Yes, sir. But you should know that it'll take some time. All but one of our fighters was damaged by something when theforcefield fell. =/\= Walker: =/\= Then get that fighter out there. For all we know we are in a Borg birthing cluster. When you get it out... meet me in Conference Room 1. =/\= Kolk: =/\= Understood, sir. Kolk out. =/\= ::Before Jack could get a single command out to one of the FOs, Walker had made the more general announcement.:: Walker: =/\= This is Commander Walker to all Senior staff. Please report to conference room 1 in 30 minutes. =/\= Kolk: ::swiveling his chair toward the forward line of 8 men.:: Alright you heard the man. How soon can we get that CAP in the air? Hyberstolm: Under normal conditions, we could have it up in two minutes, sir. Right now... 10? Kolk: Alright. Send them out one at a time if you have to, but I want the second out ASAP. I don't want our lead man out there alone any longer than he has to be. ::Jack sounded commanding, but on the inside he felt a bit odd being the one giving orders, since Wayfel and his Number One were right there. Plus, he still didn't know half of the lingo or anything about what types of squadrons or flight groups they normally used. He glanced at both Wayfel and Baranduin, wondering if they could see the hint of fear in his eyes. Wayfel was smiling, in that odd way that Andorians had that made you wonder if they were impressed with you or just planning how to kill you unexpectedly (the way Jhen had looked at him when he'd promoted Valis--although Jack was pretty sure that that time Jhen had been planning his death). A moment later, he got a message on his screen from Lt. Baranduin: "Combat Air Patrol. Picket Duty. In this case, 15 fighters to form a perimeter, about 5 per ship." Jack gave the El-Aurian man a small, but thankful nod.:: ::The FOs started ordering fighter and maintenance crews all over the place and Jack kept an eye on the situation, guiding the puzzle from what he saw on the holoviewer. In the designated 10 minutes the puzzle had proved a bit more complicated than Ens. Hyberstolm had estimated, but the Deck had been mostly cleared. Ten of the 15 fighters were out and the last five were about ready to disembark. Jack gave one final order to the FOs and then nodded to Wayfel as if to say, "That's done. Thanks for the opportunity." He stood and headed to the turbolift. Before he'd taken two steps, Lt. Niro was popping back up the ladder and making way to his chair. The two men nodded at each other. As Jack stepped into the lift, he could hear the Security officers talking with the fighters and coordinating flight plans and collating the data that was coming in.:: ::When the turbolift doors closed, Jack let out a sigh.:; Kolk: Conference Room 1. ::That had been stressful. Part of him wanted to slide down the wall and sit till he reached the briefing. He felt himself starting to shake as the adrenaline that he'd been using to keep on top of the situation suddenly had no where to go. He'd done well, he supposed, but... it all happened so fast! How had he managed to keep up?:: Kolk: oO By taking it one step at a time and keeping the goal in mind. Oo ::Speaking of the goal, if they were really in uncharted space... how would they get home? How would they even figure out where home is? The doors opened, and Jack walked down the short corridor into the room where, hopefully, they might begin to figure that out.:: Kolk: oO Together. Oo Lieutenant Jackford B. Kolk Flight Operations Officer... & Stuff USS Ronin NCC-34523

You know, I'm of the opinion that if you (applies to Danny and Toni so far but anyone else who started working on a story with the same idea) don't come up with anything else, I'd still like to see your take on the plot. I'd love to see how you guys handle it and I usually enjoy reading both your stories Besides I'd rather have competition revolving around a similar plot than no competition at all... I learn so much from reading all the stories.

You've got a week or two to think of something else... Don't deprive us of your stories In other notes regarding the writing challenge, I should say thanks ahead of time to Jack who helped me refine my story (and when Jack writes his which we brainstormed together today, he'll probably say something similar)

lol... guess I'm REALLY glad I got mine out first then! Are you still going to write one?

Wow - everyone has been so quiet on this topic. I'm thankful for a 6 hour train ride and my laptop - made writing my entry so much easier. Anyone else working on an entry?

This was a decent post. I'll start with saying that the formatting, to the best I can tell, is accurate and that is always a good start. My biggest problem with it is that it is incredibly hard to read, because the dialogue is gramatically incorrect and awkward and as a result it is very difficult to follow, especially since the content (converging parallel universes) can be a difficult concept to grasp. I like that you tackled converging universes though - it is an interesting subject to think and write about. Overall, a decent SIM.

Overall a good post. The dialogue is mostly realistic and its clear about what is happening. The biggest problem is that this post is weak on description. I like that there is more description than in some of the SIMs submitted so far, but there is so much more you can do with it. What is there comes off as a bit choppy. Essentially this is a great script, but when I look for a Top SIM, I look for something that is so descriptive that I can see/hear/smell/etc. what is going on (I look for it to create a movie in my head). I did like that there is some description (good job) and action. Overall a fairly good post.

Secrets and Lies Inye peered around the corner before she dashed to the door a few meters away. She was pretty sure Korel didn’t know, and that was the way she planned to keep it. She’d had a few close calls though, and she didn’t want to take any chances, even if she was just meeting someone in the Vulcan Academy Library on the station. She nodded to the Vulcan clerk, Sarkel, at the desk and walked purposefully through the darkened room looking at the numbers on the stacks to find the one they’d specified. Sure enough, between the books she saw him. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Korel was starting to suspect that Inye was up to something. His usually open wife seemed to be concealing something from him, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on why. It was mostly just a feeling. Take the other day for example. He’d been working on a power conduit on the promenade when he thought he saw her standing in the doorway of Twilight’s Edge. But she was gone when he looked more closely. Then, a couple days after that he thought he saw her talking to someone in one of the shops but when he went to call out, she wasn’t there. Then, later, when he’d asked her about it she denied ever being on the Promenade that day. He was beginning to wonder if he was loosing his mind or just getting overly jealous and suspicious of his wife. And yet, she seemed somewhat distant from him. While they still shared their link, whenever he touched her, he had the vague feeling that she was hiding something from him, like there was a bit of gauze concealing part of her from him. He could still feel her, but part of her was distant – and yet she also seemed inexplicably happier than usual. It was a feeling that made him quite uncomfortable. He didn’t enjoy feeling that his wife was hiding something from him. To add to his suspicions, she hadn’t really wanted to use the canar, the stone that deepened their link, in several months. He had sat watching her bustling about their quarters while he was eating breakfast that morning pondering the situation. Part of him wanted to confront her, to ask what she was hiding. Part of him feared her answer. He didn’t want to loose her, and yet, he was afraid that he already had. In the end he’d decided to watch and wait, and hope that he was wrong. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- She greeted Danny with a warm smile and a quick hug. She and Korel had known him for ages, ever since their Academy days. She glanced over her shoulder to make sure no one was watching and they slipped deeper into the shadows to carry on a whispered conversation. “Have you made the reservation?” “Yes, everything is all set for tomorrow evening,” he whispered back. “Are you sure he doesn’t know?” “I think he might have seen me the other day when I was getting my dress. He was even asking about my being on the Promenade. It was hard to convince him that nothing was going on but I think he only has vague suspicions right now. Let’s just try to make it to tomorrow night, ok?” They saw a movement in the shadows near the aisle and quit whispering until it passed, moving closer to the shelves and deeper into shadows. When it passed, she whispered, “Anything else we need to take care of? I’m on shift in 20 minutes.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- He’d thought about following her, or at the very least using the system to track her comm. badge. He had the right skills to tap into the network. It wouldn’t be hard. A half-hour worth of programming and he could figure out what she was up to, who she was with. He wanted to trust her, to believe that she’d be faithful to him. But that vague feeling that something was up was growing and trust was becoming more difficult for him. That morning, in fact, she’d left for “work” an hour earlier than the duty shift started. The station was big but not that big. He’d even asked why she was leaving so early. “Oh, I have an errand to run,” she’d said ever so casually. But she wouldn’t say what it was. She just kissed his cheek quickly and left him with his own fears and worries. She should know he was worried. He was sure she could feel it. So why didn’t she try to comfort him? Why didn’t she tell him he had nothing to fear? Was it because he really did have something to fear? A plan to win her back had started to form in his mind. He’d charm her tonight, after work. They could have a candlelit dinner, romantic music, their first good talk in ages. And then, he’d bring out the canar, they’d deepen their link. And everything would be ok. It seemed like a good plan. He pulled down the ornate box on the shelf that held their canar and opened it, expecting it to be there, but it was gone. “Where is it?” he thought. “What have you done with it, Inye? Are you using it with someone else? Our stone? How could you?” It was the final straw. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fifteen minutes later Inye slipped out of the library and headed to sickbay, tugging on her jacket as she walked. It was comforting to know that everything was set for the following evening. She was tired of having to hide things from Korel. She frequently avoided touching him, fearing that he’d realize that she was concealing this whole thing from him. He had been asking her more frequently if she would like to use the canar but she had declined, knowing that the telepathic link it created could easily reveal her secret. She knew it hurt him every time she said no, but it was for his own good. Her growing fear that he would pressure her to use it had even driven her to taking it from its box and hiding it. He couldn’t know. Not yet. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Korel went to engineering a little early and found an empty terminal to work on his program. He still felt guilty tracking his beloved but he couldn’t stand the secrets any longer; he wouldn’t accept the lies any more. He had to know what was going on, and who was stealing her away. As he thought, it wasn’t hard to write. Some simple coding and the right commands easily yielded a program that would track her combadge. He finished just around the time the alpha shift started. As the program got running it showed her in sickbay. A few more commands and it began feeding information to the PADD he held in his hand, one he could carry with him as he went about his daily tasks. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Work was uneventful for Inye. She had assisted the doctors in performing a number of routine physicals for station personnel. She had organized the stockroom. The most exciting thing was when she helped one physician patch up a broken leg from a holodeck misadventure, but even that injury hadn’t been urgent. On the one hand, it was nice knowing that for now, the station was at peace. But the routine, boring work left too much time for her to think and worry about the situation. She wished that something big would happen so she’d have to stay late. But nothing did. She sighed as her beta-shift replacement walked through the doors, knowing that it meant she had to go home to her husband. As she headed home, she made a detour through the Promenade, stopping at one of the cafés for a cup of coffee and one last chance to collect her thoughts and calm her emotions and excitement. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tinkering with power conduits could only keep Korel’s mind busy for so long. He had periodically checked the PADD, glad to see that Inye was still in sickbay. He hoped against hope that he was wrong. But in the back of his mind, he feared that she was getting more cautious and that tracking her may even prove difficult. Near the end of his shift he started a particularly challenging task that kept him on for a bit longer. He didn’t mind. He was afraid of going home, of letting her see his pain. He was even more afraid that if he went home she wouldn’t see his pain or at least that she wouldn’t care. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sighing, Inye drained the last of her coffee and set the cup down on the table in front of her. Steeling herself, she walked through the corridors headed for home. When the doors to her quarters slid open, she was almost relieved to see that Korel wasn’t there yet. His absence gave her a few more minutes without secrets. She thought of the events that were planned for the next day and smiled. It would be a good day. Walking to the replicator she ordered dinner for two. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Korel had checked the records on the PADD and found that his wife had stopped on the Promenade for half an hour and that she was home now. He longed to run home to her, to tell her his fears, to have her comfort him. He longed to remind her how much she meant to him. Instead, he pasted a smile on his face as he walked through the halls. He pushed his fears to the back of his mind, putting up the same curtain that he felt from her. He called up happy feelings and pushed his love for her to the forefront of his mind, hoping that if they were strong enough, they’d mask the fear he felt during their brief contact. The door to their quarters swished open and he saw the dinner she had prepared waiting for him. Maybe everything will be ok, he thought as he walked in. With a quick kiss to her forehead, they sat down to dinner. The two Haliians talked quietly about their respective boring days, laughing about the little quirky events that had taken place as they ate. Rather than addressing the distance between them, they joked as if nothing were different. After dinner they read in silence, each in separate chairs. That night, although they slept in the same bed, the curtain each felt between them, built through the secret that neither was willing to discuss, was almost visible. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Inye was the first awake in the morning. She made Korel’s coffee and his favorite breakfast: bacon, scrambled eggs, and toast. She had always thought it was a bit odd that his favorite breakfast was a Terran breakfast. He’d gotten hooked on it at the Academy. For herself she replicated a traditional Haliian breakfast pastry. As he ate she chatted gaily about anything and nothing, trying to keep the conversation going. She could tell that he was feeling a bit off and wanted to cheer him up. Korel picked at his food trying to make a show of eating it while she was around. He laughed at her jokes and told himself that everything was fine. Inside his heart ached. She gently kissed his cheek goodbye as she left for work. “Meet me in Twilight’s Edge tonight,” she whispered in his ear. “1800 hours.” With that, she was gone. Korel tapped his combadge. “Hanii to Fritz.” He heard his best friend’s voice crackle over the line. “Danny Fritz here. What’s up Korel?” Korel could barely hold his voice together. “Danny I need someone to talk to. Do you have a few minutes?” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Korel couldn’t explain why his conversation with Danny hadn’t made him feel better. Danny had tried to tell him that everything would be fine, but Korel was still worried. As the time for meeting Inye drew near, his sense of dread grew. He dragged his feet as he walked along the corridor. It opened onto the promenade. Across the way he could see Twilight’s Edge. He even thought he saw Inye waiting for him at a table just inside the door. The area in between bustled with people: happy, busy people. He envied them. He saw a couple cross holding hands and laughing quietly with each other. He saw a woman holding her baby in one arm and shopping bags in the other, and imagined that she was going home to her husband. He envied the peaceful happiness that others seemed to be radiating and dreaded another evening of thinly veiled secrets with his own wife, the one he thought would be the love of his life. Why does there have to be a secret? he thought. Tonight’s the perfect night. I’ll ask her what’s going on. We’ll get to the bottom of it. Even if she doesn’t love me anymore, at least there won’t be this secret. At least I’ll know. Purposefully he strode across the space that separated them, determined to close both the physical and emotional gap. He was going to find out. He was going to confront her. He entered the bar and let his eyes adjust to the darkness. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- She was stunning. Rather than the uniform he expected, she was wearing a brand new dress. The deep green of the cloth accentuated her matching green eyes. The cut showed off her curves as she stood to greet him. He was mesmerized by her characteristic crooked smile and the sparkle in her eyes. He stood there confused as she kissed his cheek. “Happy Birthday, my love,” she whispered in his ear. “SURPRISE!” Suddenly the bar erupted into cheers. He looked around stunned. Danny was there with his most recent love interest. His friends from engineering were gathered at various tables nearby. A waiter wheeled out a giant birthday cake. Inye hugged him and kissed his cheek lovingly. “I know you hate parties but I thought at least one birthday should have a special surprise. Besides, I have a secret to tell you.” Korel looked at her with a question in his eyes. Her eyes sparkled and danced in the low light and a mischievous grin spread across her face. She leaned in to whisper in his ear. “You’re going to be a daddy.” Relief and joy washed over Korel as his fears melted away. A smile exploded onto Korel’s face as he picked his wife up and spun her around with joy. He alternated between hugging her close and covering her face with kisses. “Really?” he whispered. She nodded. “Really.”

First of all, this is a good, solid SIM. The dialogue is realistic and moves the plot along, explaining a lot about what might be happening to the Challenger at the moment. For me, though, it doesn't scream "Top SIM", I think primarily because it's all dialogue. It could use more action/description/insights into the insides of the characters for it to jump into the "great" category. That being said, the description that is there does help bring it alive. Overall, a good SIM with good dialogue.

I liked this post when I first read it on the lists and I still enjoy it. The various scenes are well described with details that later SIMs can pick up on and expand on. While I can't exactly place my finger on why, its not as easy to read as I would like. I'm not sure if this is my gut reaction to present-tense or the strings of short sentences, but it just doesn't flow as well as perhaps it could. That being said, I really enjoy the way the SIM switches between several different viewpoints so that we as readers know far more about what is going on than any individual in the SIM. Well done, Admiral!

Excellent post by two excellent writers. I love the realism of both the description and the dialogue. I can feel each party's pain and frustration and I can really picture the encounter from each person's perspective. I've tried hard to come up with something to suggest to make it better but I'm at a loss. Perhaps someone else can think of something but I really do love the whole post and wouldn't change a word. Well done!

Another question (other than if there's a process for obtaining consent when posting a SIM with dialogue from a writer other than the primary writer) - does the contest start with posts from today (Feb 1st) on or is there some leeway for posts within the last week? Just so I know if I should go back and look at a few of the good SIMs from the past week.

Out of curiosity... does anyone know if any of my classmates are still with the group? I don't think they ever made it to the forums and I'd love to know where they are/what they're up to.

Congratulations to the winners! I liked both those stories so I'm really happy for you both

Congratulations and welcome back!

::tips head to the side:: Of course we know you exist, silly Karynn would even be your friend if you'd let her ;-)

Yeah I count you as at least 1/2 Ronin.... We'd love to claim all of you, but I figure your primary ship deserves at least half of you! Yeah - I suppose we do have 3-4 entries... that's not so shabby. But I was thinking more like Walker, Ethan, Maria... I'd say Thelev but he's judging... So, Toni, how much should the Ronin claim you?

Oh - and where are the Ronin entries??? Sheesh. Usually we have lots more than this!

Man its quiet here. I did manage to get my story done. ::shrug:: RL has been a pain though Is anyone else going to enter? Deadline is coming up fast... and its a GOOD topic :-D

Running Game Inye hit the ground running. She'd been running for as long as she could remember and she figured she'd be running until she dropped dead. Her only hope was that she could take out a few of Them out before that happened. In a way, this time hadn't really been different than any other. After a successful sabotage mission, her group of runners had been hiding out in a cave on Halii, getting an all-too-brief moment of rest, when they got word that the Dominion soldiers had found them. With that the rest was over and the group split, sharing a terse goodbye and a hope that they'd see each other at the next hiding place. Each time it was the same - and each time, fewer familiar faces met at the resting site. But, despite the deaths, despite the oppression, their numbers grew. Pockets of runners were scattered across Halii, and across many of the planets in what was formerly the Federation. As hard as the Dominion tried, they couldn't crush them completely. And when some died, others rose up to take their place. The Runners weren't as well known as those who openly rebelled, the Coalition. They didn't have ships and they rarely left their home planets. For as long as they could, the runners participated in normal daily activities. They had families and jobs. They lived and worked in what infrastructure remained. But by night they planned and executed sabotage missions, they delivered what intelligence information they could to the Coalition and the local runner cell, and made what plans they could for the day they were discovered. On Halii they targeted the factories and shipyards that supplied the Dominion fleet. Some Haliian programmers developed ways to sneak new viruses into the computer cores. They all hoped that one day perhaps their descendants would be free. In some ways, this time hadn't been different than any other. But in one special way it was definitely different this time. This time they had expected, even planned, that the Jem Hadar would find them. This time, the Runners planned to lead the soldiers into a trap. Several runner cells had developed the plan and hers had been chosen to be the bait. As she ran, she ran with a purpose and a direction in mind. She heard the soldiers coming behind her, but she had trained for this and she had an advantage: a head start and knowledge of what lay ahead. Her mind was focused on the landmarks that she'd memorized, the plans they'd made. She led her pursuers past this tree and next to that rock. She ran quietly but left enough clues that they'd be able to follow, without it looking obvious. Hers was the most direct path to the ambush and she knew that she'd bring the first group of Jem Hadar in. She almost smiled as she passed the invisible sentries, knowing that, as the enemy followed, the net would close around them. She saw the small clearing ahead and the bushes at the far end and sprinted through, avoiding the traps, and dropping and rolling under the shrubbery. Kalen held out a phaser rifle and Inye took it while crouching on the ground, peering through the bushes. They could all hear the Jem Hadar coming. They hoped that the rest of the group would be closing in behind them. As the small group of soldiers broke into the clearing the leader of the runner operation sent a green light to all the optical communicators each runner wore and as one they opened fire. Within moments it was over and their optical displays switched back to red. The sentries ran swiftly and silently back to their posts, while those stationed around the clearing disposed of the corpses that never had a chance to get a warning out. When the bodies had been transferred to covered pits toward one edge of the clearing and the pits had been recovered, Inye and Kalen took a moment to share a brief hug before resuming their posts. Several hours, and 4 decoy runners later, the 3 cells had successfully wiped out two Jem Hadar patrols, loosing only two runners. In addition, they had gained much needed weaponry and equipment. With a brief farewell, they left in ones and twos to their new safe havens. As the night closed in, Inye and Kalen ran side by side toward their new home.

Lovely stories all! I may or may not get mine finished. Real Life has been kicking me in the rear end lately.

I've had the first two lines of my story since the day I read the writing challenge... now I just have to figure out what to do with them.

Even though I'm not in this class, I just want to say CONGRATULATIONS!!!

I'd just like to point out that it is incredibly sad that no one else from my class has posted! How are y'all doing? Where are you posted? How is it going??