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[Round 1] The Four Horseman Part 1 & 2


Toni
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((Bridge))

::J.T. scoured the data that was on the chip that Jaxx had given him. Some of it looked like the tattoos worn by the Scarlet Brotherhood, but other symbols were different and unrecognizable. ::

Aadi: ::narrowing his eyebrow, ready to give up:: oO It's all Greek to me... Oo He paused thinking about that statement:: oO Greek, of course, everything they do has some kind of Greek significance. Oo

::Sitting up straight, keying in commands as fast as he could, And although the data commands brought up translations that were also coded, he began to see patterns in the cyphers. ::

Aadi: oO ßððïò ëåõêüò Conquest.. ßððïò ðõññüò War... ßððïò ìÝëáò Pestilence... ßððïò ÷ëùñüò, èÜíáôïò erm.. Death... The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse... THAT'S IT! Oo

::Excited now he recalled all he knew about the imagery described in the Bible. His face paled, and he stood up abruptly. ::

Aadi: ::forgetting decorum:: Good gods! Toni! Jaxx! I need to see you privately right away!

Turner: ::startled by the outburst:: J.T.? ::From the look on his face she knew it had to be important. She stood up quickly:: Mr. Barnes you have the bridge. Aadi... Jaxx.. ::pointing as she moved:: CRR.

((CRR))

:: Sitting down at the desk Toni looked at J.T. and Jaxx::

Turner: Now what is this all about?

Jaxx: Ma'am I got preliminary intel from Major Cameron...I handed it off to Commander Aadi, in the hopes we could find more to it.

Aadi: And in that data I found some information that I think will explain a lot of what's going on.

Turner: ::leaning forward, folding her hands together:: Okay let's have it.

Aadi: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse ... as described in the first eight verses of Revelations in the Bible....Look at the eight verses as the eight major planets in the Sol system.

Jaxx: When Earth was still a pre-warp culture...there was a point when they considered Pluto a planet.

Aadi: Yes, nine with Pluto, but its more a minor planet, and I'll get to its significance in a minute, so hear me out.

Jaxx: Continue...

Aadi: I think this is the way the Scarlet Brotherhood looks at it... The white horse symbolizes the Federation for its goodness and stance on peacekeeping.

The red horse, of course, is the symbol of War, Violence Mars... The Greek God of War ...Ares, or in this case, the Scarlet Brotherhood.

The black horse... corruption, famine, plague, economic breakdown... in other words destruction of Earth and most likely all the Federation controlled planets.

Turner: Okay, I can see that, but what does this have to do with the Challenger and why they have been so dead-set to destroy it?

Aadi: Because of its spirit. The Challenger has always had a strong conviction of righting wrongs, bringing justice to those who threaten freedoms... It's the epitome of the Federation's resolve.

Jaxx: It is what drives us and makes us stronger...they cant win unless they break it.

Turner: Okay, let's back up a minute. What do the eight major planets have to do with this?

Aadi: The data mentioned something about soldiers moving from place to place repeating themselves. This indicates some kind of transporter booster moving them from planet to planet.

Turner: If that's true then they could have an army in Timbuktu, and could move it anywhere in the Sol system in mere seconds.

Jaxx: Attempted invasion?

Aadi: No, I think they have to wait for the final piece of the puzzle before they make a move of that magnitude on Earth.

Turner: What's that?

Aadi: Earth's Moon... the final piece to there network is the Moon when it is directly between Mars and Earth. This alignment caused a planetary catastrophe in 701 B.C.E. during a full moon. When it repeats that scenario chances are something like that will happen again, and what better time to wage war than when chaos reigns?

Jaxx: And there is no telling how fast they can cripple the Federation.

Turner: It means we need to alert Cameron and Starfleet about these transporter boosters and break the sequence.

Aadi: ::concerned expression:: I'd be careful when you talk to Cameron.

Jaxx: Why?

Turner: Yes, why, J.T?

Aadi: The forth horseman... the pale horse.. translated as "green." Death represented by Pluto carrying a scythe... I think its a Marine... one who has been trusted. Toni I hate to say this, but I think Rybicki is the sleeper who shot you.

Turner: Rybicki, no it couldn't be. He's one of Colonel deMarc's most trusted men. What makes you think that?

Aadi: I hope I'm wrong, but Pluto is also known as ... Hades. And that's the name he uses. So in light of the other data, I think Cameron should know.

Turner: ::sitting back, pondering all that J.T. had brought to light.:: Jaxx, tell him. J.T. is right better he be forewarned.

Jaxx: I'll get right on it...

Turner: Get Lt. Tuttle to set up a secure link from the computer in here to talk to Cameron, and I'll tell Lt. Barnes, but for now, not a word of this to anyone else. While some of this is documented on the chip, some of it is based on speculation, and I don't want to raise undue alarm and I don't want to ruin Rybicki's reputation or career if it is not warranted. Understood?

Aadi: Yes, and I agree with you.

Jaxx: Understood.

Turner: ::standing up:: Looks like we have a time limit to fight now.

Aadi: Yes, ...hopefully they will wait until the full moon in four days.

Lt.(jg) Andrus Jaxx

Counselor

LtCmdr Toni Turner

ACO

and LtCmdr J.T. Aadi

Simed by LtCmdr Toni Turner

Counselor/Science Supervisor

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First of all, this is a good, solid SIM. The dialogue is realistic and moves the plot along, explaining a lot about what might be happening to the Challenger at the moment. For me, though, it doesn't scream "Top SIM", I think primarily because it's all dialogue. It could use more action/description/insights into the insides of the characters for it to jump into the "great" category. That being said, the description that is there does help bring it alive. Overall, a good SIM with good dialogue.

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I agree there could be more Action or even actions as dialog in communication with those kinds of actions. I applaud this sim especially if they were not considering this as an entry to the top sim contest when they wrote it. Over all this is the exact size a standard sim should be. It is the right length, not too long to get lost in, not two short with too little content. Perfect size, still I have been told, that is the down fall of most sims because what I consider perfect, usually is not.

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After finding a misspelled word, I agree that this sim may not be "Top Sim" material.

But for the sake of this discussion of this sims ability to be a "Top Sim," I do feel that a Top Sim is not just judged on descriptions of actions. We are a community of writers, many from different backgrounds and educational levels, and we all have different styles of writing.

The ability to research the amount of material needed to write a sim such as this, and present it concisely and clearly, is something that many miss. When time is of the essence in the context of a mission, unfettered facts can be of great help to a crew. Many times I have seen pertainate information lost in a maze of action descriptions that were redundant and added little to the story.

Top Sims should not be judged purely on one basis or because the writing style is different.

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