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[2007: MAY-JUN] Feedback

Jordan aka FltAdmlWolf

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Alright folks, look like we're going to try our new method for preparing feedback!

This thread is ONLY for moderators to post their feedback as they write it. All other posts will be DELETED.

Remember: you are under no obligation to accept or follow the feedback provided. It is only provided as a courtesy to challenge participants, and only reflects the personal opinion of the person writing it. If you don't like the feedback, we don't want to hear about it -- just close the thread and move on.

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"Almost Perfect"

By Emirry

I liked "Almost Perfect" a great deal. It flowed nicely, and was very well written using good grammar.

Emirry spun an interesting and bittersweet tale of two people who were in love with each other, but could not say the words.

"He was everything she wanted, and more importantly everything she needed. But her timidness and assumptions had gotten the best of her."

While I could see why the man could be confused by her reluctance, I could not see an accomplished woman - a Captain of a starbase - not fighting to preserve the love she indicated she had for him, and most importantly, being timid at all.

Reviewed by:

LtCmdr Toni Turner

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Tears of Redemption

By W.A. Carrington

It was most interesting to watch the progression of the character move from a mear number, 3528, to Commander Thom Savich. I liked the concept, and felt that Mr. Carrington pulled it off well, giving a realistic glimpse into the man's confusion throughout the journey. The final tests were extremely well done, and I liked the fact that he felt comfortable enough to use a slang word - Twitterpaited - as the word his wife sought. Certainly many couples choose simular off-beat words that have a special meaning between them.

Reviewed by:

LtCmdr Toni Turner

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"Kelly's Wish"

by Lt. Commander Ventu

This is an interesting tale that takes the reader well into the story to figure out exactly what happened. Keeping the reader in suspense is an excellent method to generate interest and keep them reading. The characters are well-developed and the author takes care not to over-state their descriptions, allowing the reader to develop their own feelings toward all involved. The only weak point I can think of is that it's difficult to tell exactly what went on, but subtlety has its own attractiveness in some stories. The author does an excellent job of drawing you in and keeping you there. Very well-written.

Reviewed by:

Captain Tyr Waltas

Commanding Officer

USS Discovery

Edited by TyrWaltas
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"An Ocean of Tears"

by h92o

A review by Captain T'Pen

U.S.S. CHALLENGER, Commanding

This is, overall, an interesting piece to read. I rather enjoyed the imagery. But, I stumbled constantly over grammatical errors, missing punctuation, random chains of thought, etc.

The idea of writing a themed piece such as this is exploration of a character and/or idea and digging deep within ones soul to find the balance of all the parts. But the flow of words must still interact with the ideas behind the theme in which the writer is trying to convey his/her message.

In the future, I suggest spending as much time on grammar and punctuation, as you do on the overall thematic presentation of the work. You may write the most profound piece of poetry, but a missing mark or unintended shift of word play will cause the piece to fall flat.

Keep exploring your ideas. You’re well on your way to being a fine writer.

I remain,


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