Capt. Karrod Niac - Sectioned Off

[Toryn Raga]

A little late night, clear instability that is commonplace for Ronin. Enjoy and suffer as we have suffered.  

((Captain's Quarters, Deck 5, USS Ronin))

Turning over in bed and grumbling slightly in his sleep, Karrod mumbled something as the holoscreen in his room continued to display the latest antics of popular action adventure series that streamed its way aboard as the Ronin passed near a subspace relay.  It hadn't proven particularly popular with the crew yet many were talking about it, so Karrod had decided he'd give it a watch with an open mind.

He'd fallen asleep less than twenty minutes in.  Yet it took some purchase in his subconscious, aided by the obnoxiously loud and seemingly random soundtrack that accompanied the laughably vague narrative.  Dreams came and he rolled over in bed, snuffling and snorting as he twitched with the action in his mind.  

((A Seedy Yet Opulent Bar, Secret Dark Space, Sector Thirty One))

Kar tipped back his flaming beverage and bit down hard on the Ceti Alphan brainworm that floated inside, letting it wriggle between his teeth as he glanced around the room full of photogenic but forgettable people.  His edgy team of morally ambiguous and dubiously competent operatives were scattered around the room, failing to blend into the crowd in any way as they drew constant attention to themselves through outlandishly offensive accents, attempts at humor that were as wooden as they were loud, and aggressive ear touching to verify their top secret black market ear pieces were still in place, even if they were micro-implants that they could in no way feel.  

Everything was going perfectly.  A beautiful woman walked up to him, her cybernetically enhanced physique whirring and beeping with each batted eyelid and coquettish smile, and pulled out a gun.  

Sex'e:  This is where you die, Kar!  For that thing you did on Ventraxia Ten!  

Kar spit the brainworm in her face, laughed, and drew his twin latinum plated disruptor pistols.  

Kar:  Time to make'um see Spots, right little buddy?  

His symbiote, Nic, popped out of his abdomen pouch holding an identical if smaller pair of disruptor pistols and wearing sunglasses.  When Nic spoke his voice was as deep as a lounge singer and twice and velvety.  

Nic:  You're damn right.  Let's set these phasers to thrill!  Woooo!

Kar kickflipped backwards and began firing in all directions, seemingly at random, as everyone in the bar except for his team drew weapons of their own, variously diving behind tables or counters as if any of those things would even inconvenience a coherent bolt of energetic light.  He spared no thought for the nameless creatures running around at random as viewports were punctured and they were sucked out into space or yanked sideways through a hull rupture to meet a grizzly yet cinematic end.  

Time slowed as he unnecessarily rolled forward, his long black space-leather coat somehow deflecting weapons blasts and space-karate kicks.  His roll landed him perfectly in a booth with several sexy beings and as he continued firing his disruptors in every direction Nic, ever the player, took the opportunity to introduce himself.  

Nic:  We've gotta save the metasubuniverse real quick but when we're done I'm going to show you all how this symbiote is a Himbiote!  

Everyone laughed although no one seemed to be sure why.  Without warning or explanation, several dozen generic henchbeings in a variety of full face helmets materialized, carrying swords and other martial weapons that all seemed to light up.  

Kar:  Dope.  I thought tonight would be dull.  Guns, Engage Kobyashi KillU mode!  

His guns began metamorphing in his hands, mechanical arms extending to reveal that each gun was in fact several dozen smaller guns all at once.  They all whined loudly as they charged up while the most distinct of the featureless henchbeings stepped forward, holding a glowing box.  The voice that came from within the helmet was surprisingly sultry.  

Len'or'a:  Do you remember that thing you were flashing back about earlier?  Well I'm from that, and I hate you, and in this glowing box is the thing you said you never wanted me to have.  And I have it!  And I could've easily used it already but I wanted to see the look on your face when I did, giving you ample opportunity to stop my years long plan for vengeance!  What do you say about that, Kar!  Or should I call you....Brother!  

Kar gasped, not because he hadn't figured out who was threatening him or why, but because he just thought about how sick it would look if he got another even more badass face tattoo.  He nodded towards his evil metasister from across the unterverse, lit a cigar he'd somehow kept in his mouth the entire time, and took a deep drag.  When he puffed out the smokecloud formed the famous Starfleet Delta.  At the pre-planned and totally logical signal, his second team of even deeper cover operatives with even more dubious backstories snapped into motion, saving the day with trivial ease.  

Kar: Exactly like we planned it buddy, gimmie some tail.  

He spent the next few minutes working through an awkward and elaborate high five with Nic as the thumping soundtrack swelled and his team laughed at the idea they'd saved the entire inverse by fractions of a second.  

((Captain's Quarters, Deck 5, USS Ronin))

Karrod jerked awake, swatting at his abdomen and spitting an imaginary cigar out of his mouth as he slowly came to his senses.  The holo had just concluded, promising new chapters in the adventures of its unlikable antiheros.  With a grunt Karrod tapped at the controls to the screen, turned it off, and tried to go back to bed, traumatized as deeply as he'd ever been.  

Deeply within, Niac imagined himself with those sunglasses once again and gave a thumbs up before riding away on its tiny, yet badass, motorcycle.  

[End]

((OOC: In recognition of the release of Star Trek:Section 31 I thought I'd do this lunacy of a sim instead of having a stroke.  Thank you for indulging me.))

================================
Secret Super Cap. Kar Nic
Redacted Level 793 Sigma Agent
USS Redacted - NCC Redacted
Mission - Super Cool...and Redacted
V239509GT0

[+ TAma]

Quote

His symbiote, Nic, popped out of his abdomen pouch holding an identical if smaller pair of disruptor pistols and wearing sunglasses.  When Nic spoke his voice was as deep as a lounge singer and twice and velvety.

This is the best part 🤣

[Kirsty L. Carpenter]

XO, you beat me to it! Truly the moment I finished it, I thought to myself, "oh, man, the Forums GOTTA see this." @Karrod Niac is the best kind of crazy (which falls real in line with the tight shipwreck he runs). 

[Nolen Hobart]

I feel blessed to have experienced this film without having had to watch it