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PO3 Shevon Sherlock - Until The Memories Fade

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((Sera's Quarters, StarBase 118))

Sherlock: Ok. ::taking a deep breath and folding her hands in her lap:: I'm ready.
As Sera shifted positions towards her, Shevon sat still, only her head and eyes tracking the Vulcan. She could feel heat rising in her cheeks and her breathing became slightly hurried. She was nervous. She still didn't understand how this all worked. How suddenly, she'd just know what she needed to know. Nonetheless, she tried her best not to pull away.
Sera:  This will be a superficial meld.  I shall reiterate that I have no intentions of accessing any of your thoughts or memories, Ms. Sherlock.  
Shevon did her best to try and relax. To drive out all thoughts and keep her mind blank. She didn't have many secrets really. But she drifted to them and when they appeared, she did her best to "hide them behind the curtain."
Sera's hand extended towards Shevon's face and when contact was made, Shevon could feel the warmth of her fingertips.

Sera:  ::intoning the ritual words:: T'nash-veh kashek tor ish-veh kashek. t'nash-veh nahp tor nahp...

A sudden rush. Shevon couldn't think of how to describe it. At once, it wasn't something visible, but yet she felt like she could see it happening. And as it did, it seemed the curtains weren't holding.

Sera: ::in a soft, yet slightly-strained voice::  Ms. Sherlock…please control your thoughts…

Sherlock: ::nervously:: I'm trying. There's so much. Too much.

It seemed the more she attempted to drown out the bad memories, the more they were coming forward. She wondered what she was doing wrong. Nervousness was beginning to turn into fear. Fear of failure. A tightness came into her chest like she was holding her breath. She heard Sera's next words, but not aloud. It was as if Sera were walking around in her thoughts, speaking to her from within like one's own mind.

Sera:  ::emphatically:: ~Ms. Sherlock, you must desist—clear your mind~
Sherlock: I can't...
It was with those words a memory suddenly burst forth. But it seemed more than a memory. It was as if she were there again. Back on the Delight. A child. Her mother had passed, unexpectedly, when she was just seven years of age. She was left to the "world of men." There was one who had taken her in, the man her mother called Captain. In time, she would too. In time, she'd even call him father. But he wasn't there. In this memory, she was on her own.
She remembered how big the Delight had seemed to her as a child. It was a maze of crawl spaces, tubing, wiring...a mess of a ship. In her memory, it seemed even bigger. The man she would call father had told her to stay in his quarters, but she was afraid to be alone. She would venture out, sometimes even getting lost. And this time was no different.
A man was there, but not her father to be. She'd seen him before. Her mother never trusted him. And now he was there, cornering her. His voice was deep and he spoke kindly. The things he said were nice, but Shevon, by instinct, knew not to trust him. With her back against the wall, she shook her head no again and again. She wanted to scream, but who would hear her. And it seemed just as the man was about to grab her, there appeared the Captain.
He lifted the man with one arm around his midsection, slamming him into the nearest bulkhead. The Captain had always been a nice man and Shevon did not understand what she was seeing. He was suddenly scary. When they dropped to the floor he grabbed the man by his head repeatedly slammed it into the bulkhead. Shevon was frozen in fear. All in the briefest of moments she'd been subjected to the scariest things she'd ever seen. Shevon of now seemed to stand, frozen just as the child she was in the memory was, watching. She wanted to reach out, to help, but she couldn't, something was stopping her.

Sera:  ~STOP~

Sherlock: She needs me.

Sera:  ~This is a memory.  The past.  Yet it is…a living thing for you.~
Sera was correct. It still lived with Shevon. In her life since that moment, she'd never had to hurt someone and she hoped she never would have to. Both the idea of someone trying to hurt her and someone even hurting someone to protect her were terrifying. The violence was something she hated. Something she feared. Something she wasn't capable of.

Sherlock: He was evil. But ::beat:: I don't want anyone hurt.

Sera:  ~I am sorry.  It is a fear no child…no one should experience. ~

Sherlock: I don't want to be hurt.

Sera:  ~But you were protected, and yet you focus solely on the traumatic event just preceding a heralding that protection?~

Sherlock:  response

Sera:  ~You must shift your perspective, Shevon.  If you can learn that lesson, you can master anything.~
Perspective...Shevon had always looked at that moment in time from the point of view of herself that was seven. Maybe this was why she was afraid to accept help from others, like her sister. Why she didn't want to rely on anyone. Because helping her meant someone was going to be hurt. But maybe, sometimes that was just the way things had to be.

Sherlock: How? How do I change the way I see things?
Sera: ~?~
Shevon took in Sera's words. She went back to the memory. She walked past the point the where the memory normally ended for her.
She could see the man laying on the deck of the Delight. He was dead. The Captain was on his knees next to the man and he was breathing heavily. The look on his face was anger. More fear creeped inside the child and Shevon could feel it. She could feel the child's thoughts, she was afraid he was mad at her. She watched as he stood up, towering over the child, his shoulder heaved as he breathed. He stepped towards the child slowly and reached down for her with both hands on either side of her body and under her arms, scooping her off the ground as if she were a feather. Shevon stepped closer to him and her child self. She never before remembered this part. He pulled the child in close and whispered, she could hear his words echoing in the memory. I swore I would take care of you. I swore I would protect you. This will never happen again. I promise you. I promise.
The last words echoed. A sense of calm came over her. Brief flashes of future memories, times when she may have noticed nothing at the time but it was clear now he had watched over her, protected her, just as he had promised. All those moments, up until the end, he had kept his word. And with the sudden realization and calm, her mind went blank and the memories seemed to slip away in the distance and in her mind, she stood in the nothingness.
Sera: ~?~
Sherlock: I can see now.
She wasn't sure what she was saying. If it made sense to Sera. It just made sense to her in the moment. She could see that her mind was clear. She could see how she perceived things wrong in the past. Everything was clear now.
Sera: ~?~
Petty Officer 3rd Class Shevon Sherlock
Engineering Technician
StarBase 118
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Thank you. I'd like to give a shoutout to @Sera for writing this series with me. Without her ideas of the mind meld, this never would have happened.

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