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Ensign Trovek: I want to go home.

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This is another fine example of @Arys writing talent.

A word of caution this isn't an easy reading but gives a good account of the feelings running trough the character.


((OOC1: Trigger warning - death)) 
((OOC2: Please note that all thoughts and feelings are IC only and do not reflect how I OOCly feel about anyone)) 
((Engineering, Deck 16, USS Juneau ))
Arys let out an involuntary and short-lived scream as Ensign Riekel decided to put an end to his torment and flung himself into the warp core. 
And just like that, he was gone. Not only his guilt but his hopes, his dreams, his future - all of it gone within a split second. The Counselor covered her mouth even though the scream had long escaped her lungs, mixed with Riekel’s laughter, and then had dissipated into nothing.
Time seemed to slow down and come to a complete halt, and Arys felt nothing. 
Having trained as a doctor, Arys was no stranger to the concept of untimely death. There was never a guarantee that a story had a happy end. When Tito had told her about his wife and child she hadn't said it, but she had witnessed scenarios like that more often than she wanted to admit. But this was different. 
Who prepares you for something like this? Of course, as part of her training, she had been taught what to do in the event of a suicide. How to prevent it, how to react to those reaching out, and if it had happened, how to best support the crew and family. No one had told her what to do if she actually witnessed it. 
If Sival and Kendrick were doing or saying anything, she neither heard nor saw them right now. No, that wasn’t the right way to describe it. She saw them, she heard them, but her brain didn’t register what it was they were doing. 
She felt like she was floating, detached from time, space, and reality. And it was cold. Why was it so cold? And why did it not really matter?
oO I should not have come here. Oo 
All of this was a mistake, she had thought that she was a good Counselor, but realized now that she was by no means equipped to deal with mass hallucinations and-… Hallucinations. That was it. Maybe this hadn‘t really happened. Maybe it was the defective Vulcan with the messed up vole-brain who had conjured up this image. It upset Arys that someone she respected would think of such a vile thing. The feeling didn't last. 
Thoughts and images and emotions collided, lingered, and then disappeared. As much reprieve as the Hallucination theory offered, It had felt too real. 
oO I have made a mistake coming here. I hate it here. I want to go home. Oo
There was no emotional attachment to those thoughts. 
Arys had no idea how long she was standing there, but she knew the numbness would fade eventually. And just as she thought this, time began to speed up again, accelerating to a rapid pace that allowed her to catch up to where everyone else was, like a computer lagging behind and skipping frames to be back in sync.
Her senses returned. The emotions did not. She could once more feel her feet on the floor, feel the weight of her own body, and hear the others speak just on time to hear T'Lea bark orders. 
T’Lea:  Ensign Trovek, we need you here.  Now. 
Arys nodded, before remembering that she probably preferred verbal confirmation. 
Trovek: … Yes, Commander. 
She made her way towards T’Lea, and while she wasn’t as lively as she usually was, she was functioning. That’s what mattered. 
Trovek: How can I help? 
T'Lea: response 
Ensign Trovek Arys 
USS Juneau 


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