Lt. JG. Sheila Bailey & Fleet Captain Taybrim - Lament

[Alora DeVeau]

 

OOC - This sim has mention of abuse, not graphic. All thoughts and opinions are of that of my character.

((Sal Tybrim’s Office - Starbase 118))

Sheila would not deny that she was scared to talk to Sal. Sal was her commanding officer and about the 4 person she was going to tell about what happened. This time however she was planning to outright say it. It would make things easier. Plus she even had to tell them how the thoughts pretty much almost got in the way of her work on the mission. How she felt over run with panic. It wasn’t that she couldn’t handle going on missions or even being in Starfleet but it was a matter of how much those feelings got in the way. 

Sheila stood outside of Sal’s office wearing her 1700’s style flats, a pair of black leggings and a dark sunshine yellow long sleeve sweatshirt. The sweatshirt had an image of flowers, mainly sunflowers, in the middle, with the words ‘Plant These’ [top] ‘Save the Bees’ [bottom]. The pink of her crutches complemented the dark sunshine yellow of her sweatshirt. 

Sheila rang the doorbell.

Taybrim: Response 

Bailey: ::entering the office:: I’m sorry to be so forward. I want to thank you for meeting with me. Mind if I sit?

Taybrim: Response 

Carefully Sheila took a seat, setting her crutches down on the floor. She was ready to go out and say what was on her mind yet she had to take a few deep breaths before she spoke. It rattled her brain to outright say what had happened to her. 

Bailey: I wanted to let you know of some personal details that could affect my work. So far it hasn’t but in this most recent mission I felt like it could have. 

She didn’t mention how it had affected her work during her appointment with Glaven but that wasn’t she was here to talk about. 

Taybrim: Response 

Bailey: I would like to mention this to my friend not my CO if that’s okay? 

She was asking for Sal to put away his CO persona for a minute. She hoped this would help him see the situation with compassion and not authority. She could do her job, that wasn’t in question. The question was how much of a problem it would be. 

Taybrim: Response 

Bailey: Thank you. My Uncle, Marc Clarence, was not a nice guy. Not nice to me. He spent his life physically and mentally abusing me and my sisters. During this mission I was reminded of those instances while fighting Klingons and treating Commander Galven. Reminded me of how I had failed. 

Taybrim: Response

TBC/TAG

Lieutenant JG Sheila Bailey 

Medical Officer

Starbase 118 Ops

M239512BG0

Edited July 8, 2020 by Alora DeVeau

[Alora DeVeau]

((CO’s Office – The Hub – StarBase 118))

Now, back at StarBase 118, Sal felt he could relax more.  Reconnect with friends and crewmates, and, unfortunately, get some paperwork done.  That was, perhaps, his only dislike of command was the endless stream of official reports.  Even with staff to help him with the mundane part of the reports, there were always the classified bits and the things he needed to sign off on. 

Which meant that Sal was always happy to have a distraction while he was working on after-mission reports.  Fortunately he had a scheduled meeting so he tucked the paperwork away in his desk and leaned back to enjoy a moment of quiet contemplation.

It was calm in the CO’s office this late morning.  Behind Sal was a large bank of windows affording a wonderful view of the traffic coming in and out of StarBase 118.  He had the lights set to a soft golden glow, giving a warm feeling to the room.  Moby was nestled all warm and snug in his terrarium, cooing softly that his master was back home.  The air smelled of Rigellian orange cider, overlaid with the slightly spicy, floral scent of long pepper.

He looked up as the chime rang, feeling the emotional presence of Doctor Bailey before he called out.

Taybrim: Please come in.

Bailey: ::entering the office:: I’m sorry to be so forward. I want to thank you for meeting with me. Mind if I sit?

He smiled gently at her, in a welcoming manner, moving out from behind his desk to join her in a sitting area with a variety of comfortable chairs, some higher, some lower, some with arms and some without arms, gesturing for her to choose the one she liked.

Taybrim: Please do

Once she was seated he took a seat that was close by, but not directly next to her, pulling it forward to be able to converse comfortably.

Taybrim: Please, tell me what is on your mind, Doctor?

His voice was warm, open, calm.  Not pushing.  He watched her gently.  Empathy told him that she had heavy thoughts in her heart.  No, he couldn’t safely read her thoughts and wouldn’t do so even if he could.  But with the damage to his telepathy he navigated the loss of that sense with the compensation of his Empathy.  It was his guiding star in almost every interaction he had with anyone.

Bailey: I wanted to let you know of some personal details that could affect my work. So far it hasn’t but in this most recent mission I felt like it could have.

Sal nodded gently.  He did not judge crew who had such trauma in their past, and he was honestly very proud of her for addressing it before it became an issue.  That showed self-awareness and maturity, two things he valued in up and coming crew. 

Not to mention that almost every person had some sort of ghosts they were dealing with.  Including himself.  Having such ghosts was never a problem, but how one dealt with them spoke volumes about the person as well as how they would progress from those ghosts.

Taybrim: I know ghosts of the past are a difficult subject to discuss, but my ears are open for you.

Bailey: I would like to mention this to my friend not my CO if that’s okay?

He nodded to her in assent.  He could separate himself from Sal the commanding officer and Sal the person.  He was, in both roles, Sal the counselor.  But that had always benefitted him – not the idea that he was trying to shrink heads, but the idea that he had learned how to listen to people.  To ask good questions that prompted them to talk more.  A good counselor was never in the pilot’s seat.  Always the co-pilot.  The person speaking was the driver and the only one who could make true, lasting changes within themselves.

Taybrim: I promise you that this is friend to friend.  ::he reached up to his collar and removed his pips, setting them on the table, before he looked back at her.:: Off the record.

Bailey: Thank you. My Uncle, Marc Clarence, was not a nice guy. Not nice to me. He spent his life physically and mentally abusing me and my sisters. During this mission I was reminded of those instances while fighting Klingons and treating Commander Galven. Reminded me of how I had failed.

Sal nodded gently, leaning forward to rest his chin on his hand, full attention afforded to the Elaysian.

Taybrim: Why do you feel that you failed in the past?

The question was open, not accusatory.  But gently pushing her to consider how she saw herself.  And that was the one thing Sal immediately picked up on.  The feelings of shame and blame.  He could understand why someone would feel that they failed in an instance like this, but part of his role as a counselor and as a friend was to help people adjust how they saw their role in such things.  To reassign blame to those who deserved it and forgive themselves for past actions, eventually erasing that mark of failure from their mind.

Bailey: ?

Taybrim: Did anyone speak negatively of you beyond your uncle?

He wanted to know if she was told by someone else that she had failed, or if this was something implanted by Marc Clarence’s actions.

Bailey: ?

He shook his head slowly, reassuringly.

Taybrim: No, I do not need details of what happened, unless you would find it cathartic to speak of them.  I believe you when you state that he was abusive and I understanding how manipulative a relationship like that can be, and it’s entirely valid to feel like a failure after that.  ::He paused and caught her gaze::  However feeling like a failure does not make you a failure.   

Bailey: ?

Taybrim: ::Gently:: And why would you say that?

Bailey: ?

~*~
tags/tbc
~*~

Sal Taybrim
Sometimes just your friend and counselor
StarBase 118 Ops

[Alora DeVeau]

((CO’s Office – The Hub – StarBase 118))

Sheila would not deny that she was scared to talk to Sal. Sal was her commanding officer and about the 4th person she was going to tell about what happened. This time however she was planning to outright say it. It would make things easier. Plus she even had to tell them how the thoughts pretty much almost got in the way of her work on the mission. How she felt over run with panic. It wasn’t that she couldn’t handle going on missions or even being in Starfleet but it was a matter of how much those feelings got in the way. 

Sheila was stood outside of Sal’s office wearing her 1700’s style flats, a pair of black leggings and a dark sunshine yellow long sleeve sweatshirt. The sweatshirt had an image of flowers, mainly sunflowers, in the middle, with the words ‘Plant These’ [top] ‘Save the Bees’ [bottom]. The pink of her crutches complemented the dark sunshine yellow of her sweatshirt. 

Sheila rang the doorbell.

Taybrim: Please come in.

Bailey: ::entering the office:: I’m sorry to be so forward. I want to thank you for meeting with me. Mind if I sit?

Walking into the office the Elysian noticed first the large windows behind the desk. It afforded a beautiful view. Next she noticed the way in which the lights were set to a soft golden glow. She felt calm yet a little nervous walking into the office. 

For Sheila Sal was acting in complete calm as he smiled gently at her and moved out from behind his desk. The two of them ended up moving over to a sitting area with a variety of comfortable looking chairs all at various heights. 

Taybrim: Please do.

Carefully Sheila took a seat, setting her crutches down on the floor. She was ready to go out and say what was on her mind yet she had to take a few deep breaths before she spoke. It rattled her brain to outright say what had happened to her. And no matter how comfortable the chairs were she still felt uncomfortable. 

Before she spoke she watched Sal take a seat that was close to her. She was grateful that it wasn’t next to her. If it had been she would have shuttered at being so close. Instead he had taken a seat that was in front of her, moving it closer but stopping at a comfortable distance. 

Taybrim: Please, tell me what is on your mind, Doctor?

The way in which Sal spoke was so warm, open and calm that she felt herself relaxing some. She still however pulled her legs up to rest on her chair while she played with the hem of her sleeves while she spoke. 

Bailey: I wanted to let you know of some personal details that could affect my work. So far it hasn’t but in this most recent mission I felt like it could have.

She didn’t mention how it had affected her work during her appointment with Glaven but that wasn’t she was here to talk about. 

Sal nodded gently while she spoke, showing that he understood. 

Taybrim: I know ghosts of the past are a difficult subject to discuss, but my ears are open for you.

Bailey: I would like to mention this to my friend not my CO if that’s okay?

She was asking for Sal to put away his CO persona for a minute. She hoped this would help him see the situation with compassion and not authority. She could do her job, that wasn’t in question. The question was how much of a problem it would be. 

He nodded once again. 

Taybrim: I promise you that this is friend to friend. ::he reached up to his collar and removed his pips, setting them on the table, before he looked back at her.:: Off the record.

She didn’t feel surprised at that, more like relieved. Part of it was in her medical record but she felt if it had to be written up that it would be another mark against her, something that she didn’t want.

Bailey: Thank you. My Uncle, Marc Clarence, was not a nice guy. Not nice to me. He spent his life physically and mentally abusing me and my sisters. During this mission I was reminded of those instances while fighting Klingons and treating Commander Galven. Reminded me of how I had failed.

Sal nodded gently, leaning forward to rest his chin on his hand, full attention afforded to the Elysian. At his leaning forward Sheila leaned back. She wasn’t afraid of men but seemed to get uncomfortable whenever they got too close. 

Taybrim: Why do you feel that you failed in the past?

Bailey needed no time to think about it. Sure she might know that it wasn’t her fault deep down but she still felt like she could have done better. She could have stayed and saved them. But she felt for her own good she had to leave. Save herself. 

Bailey: He hurt us. Not just once but many times but one day it ended badly. I felt I had to leave. Leave the planet. I failed my sisters because I couldn’t keep them safe when I left. I couldn’t keep Galven safe because he got injured. 

Taybrim: Did anyone speak negatively of you beyond your uncle?

Did herself count? She only hopped not. A lot of the time as a kid she wrestled with agreeing with the man and telling herself that it wasn’t true. She knew it wasn’t? But she was told so many times that people would hate her, look down on her when she left the planet. Her Uncle seemingly anytime she messed up or did the wrong thing no matter how small would pull her to the side, verbally tell her she was a [insert bad word here] and then pull and grab at her hair yanking her around. 

Bailey: It’s hard to explain, should I? 

He seemed to shake his head at that. Telling her that it wasn’t needed. She wanted to though if he was willing to listen. As Sal spoke again she could feel her chest get tighter. 

Taybrim: No, I do not need details of what happened, unless you would find it cathartic to speak of them. I believe you when you state that he was abusive and I understand how manipulative a relationship like that can be, and it’s entirely valid to feel like a failure after that. ::He paused and caught her gaze:: However feeling like a failure does not make you a failure.   

Bailey: It should. 

Taybrim: ::Gently:: And why would you say that?

Bailey: I’ve struggled, in my younger years, to not believe all the abusive things my Uncle told me. Not hurt myself in similar ways. 

Taybrim: Response 

Bailey: I feel that if someone tells you you are a failure so many times one can not only start believing that but acting like that as well. 

Taybrim: Response 

Sheila was now feeling very uncomfortable. She had told other people but never in this much detail. It physically hurt. Not like the panic she felt during the mission but much more like someone was squeezing her. She pulled off her sweater leaving it on the floor by her chair.

Bailey: I have a permanent reminder of what he did. 

Taybrim: Response 

Under her sweater she was wearing a simple white tank top which made it easier for her to show Sal the small white but still visible scar that she has on her upper spine. She turned around in her chair to do so.

Taybrim: Response 

Bailey: You see that there? That small white scar? He did that to me and it won’t go away. ::her voice sounded desperate::

Taybrim: Response 

TBC/TAG

Lieutenant JG Sheila Bailey 

Medical Officer

Starbase 118 Ops

M239512BG0

[Alora DeVeau]

((CO’s Office – The Hub – StarBase 118))

There was always a story behind trauma.  Well, truth be told there were many stories behind trauma, but Sal was not interested in the story of the abuser, the villain, the criminal.  Why give that person any more attention than they already had?

No, he was interested in the story of the survivor, the one who took the abuse and lived through it.  There were so many details, nuances, and strange tricks the mind could pull on an innocent person.  Those were always difficult to figure out and generally the most complicated and painful things to overcome.

Because an abuser wasn’t just an outside trauma.  They dug into their target’s brains to turn a person’s thoughts against themselves.  It was insidious and cruel of the abuser, almost always lingering far longer than any physical signs of the trauma.

Taybrim: Why do you feel that you failed in the past?

Bailey: He hurt us. Not just once but many times but one day it ended badly. I felt I had to leave. Leave the planet. I failed my sisters because I couldn’t keep them safe when I left. I couldn’t keep Galven safe because he got injured.

Sal steepled his fingers, letting his two index fingers come to a point just at his mouth as he digested that.  That made sense to him, even if he didn’t agree with the assessment.  He could understand the thought process, and would validate it before trying his best to help Sheila re-assess her view of her own actions and help to repair some of the emotional damage.

Taybrim: Did anyone speak negatively of you beyond your uncle?

Bailey: It’s hard to explain, should I?

Yes and no.  He wanted to assure her that he did not need her to relive the details of her abuse.  But he would gently probe for more details of how she felt about this and who might have either been a voice or reason or a voice that complicated her own internal thoughts about the situation.

Taybrim: No, I do not need details of what happened, unless you would find it cathartic to speak of them. I believe you when you state that he was abusive and I understand how manipulative a relationship like that can be, and it’s entirely valid to feel like a failure after that. ::He paused and caught her gaze:: However feeling like a failure does not make you a failure.  

Bailey: It should.

That was, in his opinion, a cruel judgement for one to make upon oneself.  And Sal knew full well that the one person who could be the cruelest to a person was themselves.  It was very, very difficult to break free of long held negative beliefs, especially when one was struggling against an overwhelming negative influencer who cause a person great degrees of trauma and pain.

He could feel her internal struggle, that desire to be strong coming up against a deep-seated vicious voice that had told her time and time again that she wasn’t good enough or strong enough.  What a horrible person, to diminish the light of someone like Sheila Bailey.

But again, this wasn’t about the Uncle.  This was about the bright young person sitting beside him.  

Taybrim: ::Gently:: And why would you say that?

Bailey: I’ve struggled, in my younger years, to not believe all the abusive things my Uncle told me. Not hurt myself in similar ways.

He gave a small nod to that. In many ways that was the absolutely hardest part, was to undo the trauma done.  But it never worked to just tell yourself ‘that isn’t true.’

Taybrim: That is one of the most difficult things you will grapple with.  But you can overcome it.

He spoke reassuringly, identifying both the very real struggle and the hope that relief was possible.

Bailey: I feel that if someone tells you, you are a failure so many times one can not only start believing that but acting like that as well.

Taybrim: It is, most unfortunately, a natural part of a being’s ability to learn that means that if you are taught something with enough repetition – including a destructive lie, that the brain will pick up that pattern and absorb it.  You are not weak for that, you are simply sentient and capable of learning – a trait that your abuser took advantage of.

What a horrible crime for someone to take an impressionable, intelligent youth and twist that precious ability to learn into the cruelest expression of self hatred.

He felt the emotional tension in the room rise as Sheila moved uncomfortably in her chair and finally pulled free her sweater letting it drop to the floor.

Bailey: I have a permanent reminder of what he did.

She turned and under her light top, he could clearly see a white scar that was plainly visible.  Something she would see and feel each day, in the mirror, under her fingertips as she dressed.  It might not physically hurt anymore, but it keenly hurt in other ways.  He didn’t need empathy to tell him that, but empathy clearly reinforced it.

He remained quiet as she finished describing what was done in her own words.

Bailey: You see that there? That small white scar? He did that to me and it won’t go away. ::her voice sounded desperate::

Taybrim: I am so very sorry, Sheila.  ::His voice was tender, soft.:: No one deserves to have that sort of pain and abuse done to them.  No one deserves to have that reminder carried with them.  No one as bright or as compassionate as you ever deserves to have their world twisted by an abuser.  I am so very sorry.

He was dead earnest.

Bailey: ?

Taybrim: No ::He shook his head gently, watching her move back into a more comfortable position.:: I don’t think it is hopeless or that you will fail in your career.  I think you are father along the path to recovery than you think you are, but I also know that yes, the road ahead is difficult.

Bailey: ?

If there was one thing Sal Taybrim believed above all others, was the ability of his crew to overcome.  For them to grow, blossom, and shine becoming more than anyone thought they could be.  He utterly and truly believe in Sheila Bailey and knew that if she could face Klingon Cultists and Orion Syndicate criminals she could face the demons of her past and win.

Taybrim: I believe in you.  I know you can do this.  Again, you’ve already taken the first step – you recognize what your Uncle did and you called it out – abuse.  You can see it, and you can talk to people about it – that’s not easy and it shows you are strong and brave.

His tone was firm, reassuring.

Bailey: ?

Taybrim: You learned these abusive things through repetition, continually being taught them.  You can unlearn them through repetition and continually being taught something else.  And, you’re right – simply telling yourself that it’s a lie won’t help.  You can know that it’s a lie and still feel those emotional welling within you because you’ve been taught that guilt and shame by a horrible person.  You have to unlearn those basic responses.

Bailey: ?

His brows knit together, knowing that what he was about to say would feel foreign, maybe even insurmountable.  But necessary.

Taybrim: This may be the hardest part for you.  You are a medical officer, a compassionate soul who is dedicated to caring for others.  But you need to re-establish your own sense of self beyond what your Uncle taught you.  That means setting up a sense of self-preservation where you reinforce the self you believe in when your Uncle’s voice haunts you.  ::He leaned forward a bit to explain.:: The reason this will feel so difficult for you is because you will need to be a little selfish.  You may not be able to endure other’s emotional trauma while you are protecting yourself and re-stablishing a new sense of self outside of your Uncle’s abuse. 

It was difficult for him to describe.  Someone who was compassionate by nature may be drawn to others and want to help them recover by sharing their burden, draining themselves and allowing the ghosts of the pasts to creep in and continue to viciously beat upon their brains.  But after abuse one needed to re-establish barriers, and create a new vision of themselves based on who they are outside of the abuser’s influence. 

For Sheila, that was Sheila the doctor, Sheila the Starfleet officer, Sheila the friend and companion.  All the wonderful things she had built by herself.

But doing so was hard work, and she would need all her energy to be able to do that.  She might need to learn to break away from supporting others for a time to take the necessary steps to support herself.

Bailey: ?

~*~
tags/tbc
~*~

Sal Taybrim
Counselor and Friend
StarBase 118 Ops

[Alora DeVeau]

((CO’s Office – The Hub – StarBase 118))

Bailey: It should.

Sheila knew that she was sliding backwards. When she left home for the academy she didn’t have a reminder of her Uncle. Maybe that was because she was getting used to a whole new level of gravity. Her Uncle didn’t even come up when she was first posted to Federation starship. She guessed that her mind had just been strong for too long and it was finally time to face what he had done to her. Overall she was in a constant internal battle where she had a desire to be strong. That was now coming up against that small voice in her head that threw back everything her Uncle said to her; put it right back into her face. 

Taybrim: ::Gently:: And why would you say that?

Bailey: I’ve struggled, in my younger years, to not believe all the abusive things my Uncle told me. Not hurt myself in similar ways.

Sal nodded, showing that he was listening. Sheila appreciated that. 

Taybrim: That is one of the most difficult things you will grapple with. But you can overcome it.

Could she overcome what he had done to her? In a way it would always be with her but she could get to a point that it would no longer bother her, that the thoughts would no longer come up and that she would no longer feel she would have to tell her commanding officers what had happened. Those thoughts didn’t come as a surprise to her. She knew the medical science behind what she was going through as she studied it in her training. Sal however made it all that much more real. He spoke reassuringly. He didn’t sugar coat anything. 

Bailey: I feel that if someone tells you, you are a failure so many times one can not only start believing that but acting like that as well.

Taybrim: It is, most unfortunately, a natural part of a being’s ability to learn that means that if you are taught something with enough repetition – including a destructive lie, that the brain will pick up that pattern and absorb it. You are not weak for that, you are simply sentient and capable of learning – a trait that your abuser took advantage of.

Sheila was now feeling very uncomfortable. She had told other people but never in this much detail. It physically hurt. Not like the panic she felt during the mission but much more like someone was squeezing her. She pulled off her sweater leaving it on the floor by her chair. She also realized that yes her Uncle had taken advantage of her. He took advantage of her in so many different ways.

He had told her that no one other than him would want her. That she couldn’t outshine others; that would draw too much attention to her. Lead to mistakes. And everytime she did something he didn’t approve of he showed her physically that she had messed up. Usually what he did was pull at her hair and throw her around. It would give her a loss of control. 

These uncomfortable thoughts had her telling her friend, who was sitting across from her, about the worst thing he had done to her. 

Bailey: I have a permanent reminder of what he did.

Under her sweater she was wearing a simple white tank top which made it easier for her to show Sal the small white but still visible scar that she has on her upper spine. She turned around in her chair to do so. 

The scar didn’t hurt anymore but it left a slight phantom pain anytime she brushed her fingers along it. She was only glad that it was in a hard to reach location as well as in a place that she couldn’t see when she looked in the mirror. 

Bailey: You see that there? That small white scar? He did that to me and it won’t go away. ::her voice sounded desperate::

Taybrim: I am so very sorry, Sheila. ::His voice was tender, soft.:: No one deserves to have that sort of pain and abuse done to them. No one deserves to have that reminder carried with them.  No one as bright or as compassionate as you ever deserves to have their world twisted by an abuser. I am so very sorry.

Sal wasn’t faking his honest sympathy. 

Bailey: I know I don’t deserve what he did to me. ::she turned to get more comfortable in her seat:: I just...feel like I’m stuck in this endless loop of failure. It feels hopeless right now. 

Taybrim: No ::He shook his head gently, watching her move back into a more comfortable position.:: I don’t think it is hopeless or that you will fail in your career. I think you are farther along the path to recovery than you think you are, but I also know that yes, the road ahead is difficult.

Bailey: It’s going to be hard. I know that for a hard cold fact. I studied about the subject in medical school. It’s however not the same thing as fighting the criminals of Starfleet. We go after then as we have strong evidence as to them committing criminal acts. My Uncle, he not only hurt me but after he would tell me how good I was or how much I wanted it. Words like that. 

Working in Starfleet was easy as they had clear reasons to go after the people they did. Bailey herself knew that the “death fog” was deadly based on its chemical makeup, so in her mind it was a clear black line of bad. With her Uncle however he seemed to go back and forth between black and white so quickly and easily that she wasn’t sure if it really was his intention to hurt her. What she later learned was that yes he did have a reason to hurt her and her sisters. Of course he hurt them less then her but that never made that any easier. 

Taybrim: I believe in you. I know you can do this. Again, you’ve already taken the first step – you recognize what your Uncle did and you called it out – abuse. You can see it, and you can talk to people about it – that’s not easy and it shows you are strong and brave.

Sal’s tone was firm, reassuring.

Bailey: I’ve told those I felt had a right to know. I still find it hard to tell myself that I was told lies my whole life. Even when I do it doesn’t make it better. 

Taybrim: You learned these abusive things through repetition, continually being taught them.  You can unlearn them through repetition and continually being taught something else. And, you’re right – simply telling yourself that it’s a lie won’t help. You can know that it’s a lie and still feel those emotional welling within you because you’ve been taught that guilt and shame by a horrible person. You have to unlearn those basic responses.

The Elaysian woman hardly knew what to say at that. In all honesty she felt a bit choked up. Her body was cold but if she put her sweater back on she felt like she would overheat. With that she left her sweater on the floor. 

It was a silence that seemed to stretch on forever. Sheila could feel the anticipation of what Sal was going to say. Throughout their conversation it was the first time she hadn’t spoken which got her mind thinking in a million different directions. 

Taybrim: This may be the hardest part for you. You are a medical officer, a compassionate soul who is dedicated to caring for others. But you need to re-establish your own sense of self beyond what your Uncle taught you. That means setting up a sense of self-preservation where you reinforce the self you believe in when your Uncle’s voice haunts you. ::He leaned forward a bit to explain.:: The reason this will feel so difficult for you is because you will need to be a little selfish. You may not be able to endure other’s emotional trauma while you are protecting yourself and re-establishing a new sense of self outside of your Uncle’s abuse. 

Sheila Bailey didn’t completely freak out at Sal’s words. From the tension she felt she thought he was going to tell her that she was going to have to step away from Starfleet for a time. If she left she was going to break down fully no doubt about it. But was that what Sal was meaning? She wasn't sure. Sheila figured that he didn’t but thinking about it she in fact didn’t know. Her brain was torn between what she knew and what she felt. In the end her feelings won out. 

Her feelings won out to the point that she started tearing up. 

Bailey: You're not asking me to quit my job are you?

Taybrim: Response 

Bailey: I...I don’t understand. 

Taybrim: Response 

Bailey: Okay..Okay..::Sheila was taking deep breaths as she spoke. Her breath was shaky however, making her feel slightly more uncomfortable:: Let me backup. My Uncle abused me. That is a fact. 

Sheila was trying to recap some of what they had talked about in order to try and understand what Sal, her friend, was asking her. Make sure those feelings that had her thinking she was going to have to quit could lose. If she broke it down then they would lose and she would be left knowing what she knew all along. That Sal was only asking her to limit herself and know her boundaries. And throughout their conversation he was guiding her through finding herself in a way that didn’t connect to her abuser. 

Taybrim: Response 

Bailey: I know it could affect my work, not that I’m going to let it. I am a compassionate person and work strongly in helping others. You’ve just got my brain fighting against my heart. I know your not asking or even telling me to quit right?

Taybrim: Response 

As she listened to the man in front of her talk she went about wiping her eyes, her breathing slowing. She had just been confronted with her biggest fear but she knew the right outcome even through the confusion. Sheila was glad that she had taken a step back and asked for clarification. 

Bailey: Thank you. I’m just so scared. How do I move forward when I work in medicine?

Taybrim: Response  

TBC/TAG

Lieutenant JG Sheila Bailey 

Medical Officer

Starbase 118 Ops

M239512BG0

[Alora DeVeau]

Sal could feel the weight of past experiences pressing down on the conversation between himself and Doctor Bailey.  It was as if Marc Clarence was silently sitting in the room, present for the conversation even if he was a million light years away.  His words, his action still lived on in a very palpable way.  The most frustrating thing about that for Sal is that presence was exactly what an abuser wanted.  That gave them power far beyond physical reach – and it was one of the most enduring and terrifying things about abuse. 

He was not frustrated with Sheila, not in the least.  Those who suffered and endured abuse were strong to survive and no blame was theirs.  Sal was angry at Marc Clarence, emotions he kept carefully walled away.  He knew he could project emotions as well as he could sense them and what he needed to project was calmness and support.  He would save the anger for action, for a driving force in helping her in whatever ways she needed.

Taybrim: This may be the hardest part for you. You are a medical officer, a compassionate soul who is dedicated to caring for others. But you need to re-establish your own sense of self beyond what your Uncle taught you. That means setting up a sense of self-preservation where you reinforce the self you believe in when your Uncle’s voice haunts you. ::He leaned forward a bit to explain.:: The reason this will feel so difficult for you is because you will need to be a little selfish. You may not be able to endure other’s emotional trauma while you are protecting yourself and re-establishing a new sense of self outside of your Uncle’s abuse.

He could feel the tension started to reach a boiling point and fear and panic stoked the flames.  Her entire expression tightened as tears threatened to fall.  Sal reached out, very slowly and put a hand on the table in a calming, stabilizing gesture.

Bailey: You're not asking me to quit my job are you?

Taybrim: No, I’m not.  Not in the slightest.  ::He reassured in even tones.:: But I am asking you to put yourself first while you start to retrain yourself.

That was a complex concept, Sal would be the first to admit that.  So he started to break down his thought process into smaller steps, to explain each one better.

Bailey: I...I don’t understand.

Taybrim: I apologize ::he said openly, honestly:: I’m being complex.  Let’s start over.

He wanted to get a clear line of communication going on what the process towards healing looked like.  What the struggle would be moving forward, and how to prepare for that so she had the greatest chance of success.

Bailey: Okay..Okay..::Sheila was taking deep breaths as she spoke. Her breath was shaky however, making her feel slightly more uncomfortable:: Let me backup. My Uncle abused me. That is a fact.

Taybrim: That is a fact.  ::He punctuated that acknowledgement with a single nod.:: And recognizing that fact is good, it sets you on your journey forward.

He could see her processing that, working through what the pitfalls were.  What she had already experienced on Vankoth and what she feared might happen moving forward.

Bailey: I know it could affect my work, not that I’m going to let it. I am a compassionate person and work strongly in helping others. You’ve just got my brain fighting against my heart. I know your not asking or even telling me to quit right?

Taybrim: That is correct.  I want you to stay as a medical officer and grow to become a department head or a specialty medic – whichever you are more interested in.  I just want you to know that it will be more difficult for you some days because you are in medicine.  That said, something being difficult does not mean it is impossible or should not be attempted.  Very much the opposite.  It is valuable because it is difficult and I know you will become a stronger person as you work through it.

That much he was sure of.  She had already showed so much strength and she had honest, compassionate and supportive friends on StarBase 118.  She would succeed, and she would support getting there.

Bailey: Thank you. I’m just so scared. How do I move forward when I work in medicine?

Taybrim: That is a good question.  I recommend that the first step for you is to focus on re-defining yourself in your own way – by your actions and your desires rather than your abusers words.  ::He paused, dark eyes settling upon her:: And I know that you have likely started to do this and found that it is difficult. 

One could know that they succeeded in one thing but still have the voice in the back of their head saying they would fail.  That was the horrific power of abuse – and if that voice got loud enough it started to win, and the person could self-sabotage. 

That was exactly why they were talking.  Sheila Bailey was too smart, too strong, too bright to let herself fall into that trap.  No matter how hard the journey was, it was worthwhile.  He was already impressed by her ability to recognize what she had gone through and seek to heal what was done.

Bailey: ?

Taybrim: Your new view of self is certainly up to you, but it may help to base the first steps on concrete facts.  You successfully graduated Starfleet Academy.  You are a doctor and a respected medical officer.  You are a decorated officer who has earned her promotions.  From there you can expand to things that cannot be easily proven but are equally if not more valid – such as you are a compassionate person and a valuable friend. 

Each step in re-writing a concept of self was a small one.  Some people could certainly hinge their new viewpoint on the less empirical parts of their personality such as kindness, love, or bravery.  And in the end those were some of the most important pieces of self.  But when the mind was struggling against insidious lies, sometimes cold hard facts were the best things to lean upon.  It was hard for the voices inside your head to tell you that you failed as a cadet when you were wearing a Starfleet uniform.

Bailey: ?

Taybrim: I know ::he nodded gently:: I know you will have times when there is a conflict and you will hear your Uncle’s voice beat you down and try to reassert his view of you rather than your own view of yourself.  And this is why I know it will be difficult.  You will need to make a plan for ways you deal with that voice.  Things you can do to reassert your own view of self and push back your uncle’s voice.  You may need to stop doing something, step away and take time for yourself to rebuild those barriers against his teachings.  This will feel selfish at first.  But you’re taking time for yourself now so you can be more present and able to shine later.  It’s a small price to pay.

Sal could empathize.  He was a compassionate person who would set aside himself to help others if called upon to do so.  He could do that easily now because he felt at peace with himself.  Peace with his family, peace with his past.  But there were time in his life when he was in turmoil and he had to step away and build up walls against the ghosts of his own past.  It felt so selfish to do, even cold.  But it was worthwhile.

Bailey: ?

Taybrim: I understand there will be mission situations where you do not have the option of stepping away, such as on Vankoth.  That is always a possibility of Starfleet Duty.  That said, while those moments are very, very acute – they are not the majority of out time in Starfleet.  You will be able to step away and battle your uncle’s voice in the way you need to at most times.  Regular duties can also be supported or covered by another person in the department. 

Bailey: ?

Taybrim: My advice is to find a few key people you trust and let them know some of what you are doing.  Let them know you are working on some important things and may need to step away.  You don’t have to tell them everything.  For some people you may not need to tell them anything other than you are working on overcoming something.  Communication is important so they understand your need for space or silence or to walk away at times and reaffirm your control over your Uncle’s voice inside is a part of a healing process.  People will accept that with minimal explanation so long as you are open to them early in the process.

Bailey: ?

Taybrim: I will absolutely support you in this.  ::he affirmed with deep conviction.:: And I am open for you to tell me how you want me to support you.

Bailey: ?

~*~
tags/tbc
~*~

Sal Taybrim
Captain, Counselor, Friend
StarBase 118 ops

[Alora DeVeau]

((CO’s Office – The Hub – StarBase 118))

The Elaysian woman hardly knew what to say at that. In all honesty she felt a bit choked up. Her body was cold but if she put her sweater back on she felt like she would overheat. With that she left her sweater on the floor. 

It was a silence that seemed to stretch on forever. Sheila could feel the anticipation of what Sal was going to say. Throughout their conversation it was the first time she hadn’t spoken which got her mind thinking in a million different directions. 

Each option her brain thought of was worse than the last. oO It’s my fault. Sal’s going to want to talk to my Uncle. I’m going to lose my job. Oo she had to shake her head for what seemed like the millionth time since she started being plagued but her thoughts. 

Taybrim: This may be the hardest part for you. You are a medical officer, a compassionate soul who is dedicated to caring for others. But you need to re-establish your own sense of self beyond what your Uncle taught you. That means setting up a sense of self-preservation where you reinforce the self you believe in when your Uncle’s voice haunts you. ::He leaned forward a bit to explain.:: The reason this will feel so difficult for you is because you will need to be a little selfish. You may not be able to endure other’s emotional trauma while you are protecting yourself and re-establishing a new sense of self outside of your Uncle’s abuse.

Sheila Bailey didn’t completely freak out at Sal’s words. From the tension she felt she thought he was going to tell her that she was going to have to step away from Starfleet for a time. If she left she was going to break down fully no doubt about it. But was that what Sal was meaning? She wasn't sure. Sheila figured that he didn’t but thinking about it she in fact didn’t know. Her brain was torn between what she knew and what she felt. In the end her feelings won out. 

Her feelings won out to the point that she started tearing up. 

She guessed her friend noticed as Sal reached out, very slowly and put a hand on the table in a calming, stabilizing gesture. Sheila herself didn’t want to touch his hand afraid it would hurt. Afraid it would bring back and trigger the memories of all the times she had touched her Uncle. Of all the times that he had forcibly touched her. Sheila’s body shook at the thought. At the thought of her uncle's rough arms going around her waist. At that she shook her head again and reached for Sal’s hand; she gave it a quick squeeze before pulling back. 

Bailey: You're not asking me to quit my job are you?

Taybrim: No, I’m not. Not in the slightest. ::He reassured in even tones.:: But I am asking you to put yourself first while you start to retrain yourself.

Bailey: I...I don’t understand.

Her mind was running a million miles an hour. 

Taybrim: I apologize ::he said openly, honestly:: I’m being complex. Let’s start over.

Bailey: Okay...Okay..::Sheila was taking deep breaths as she spoke. Her breath was shaky however, making her feel slightly more uncomfortable:: Let me backup. My Uncle abused me. That is a fact.

Sheila was trying to recap some of what they had talked about in order to try and understand what Sal, her friend, was asking her. Make sure those feelings that had her thinking she was going to have to quit could lose. If she broke it down then they would lose and she would be left knowing what she knew all along. That Sal was only asking her to limit herself and know her boundaries. And throughout their conversation he was guiding her through finding herself in a way that didn’t connect to her abuser. 

Taybrim: That is a fact. ::He punctuated that acknowledgement with a single nod.:: And recognizing that fact is good, it sets you on your journey forward.

Bailey: I know it could affect my work, not that I’m going to let it. I am a compassionate person and work strongly in helping others. You’ve just got my brain fighting against my heart. I know your not asking or even telling me to quit right?

Taybrim: That is correct. I want you to stay as a medical officer and grow to become a department head or a specialty medic – whichever you are more interested in. I just want you to know that it will be more difficult for you some days because you are in medicine. That said, something being difficult does not mean it is impossible or should not be attempted. Very much the opposite. It is valuable because it is difficult and I know you will become a stronger person as you work through it.

As she listened to the man in front of her talk she went about wiping her eyes, her breathing slowing. She had just been confronted with her biggest fear but she knew the right outcome even through the confusion. Sheila was glad that she had taken a step back and asked for clarification. 

Bailey: Thank you. I’m just so scared. How do I move forward when I work in medicine?

Taybrim: That is a good question. I recommend that the first step for you is to focus on re-defining yourself in your own way – by your actions and your desires rather than your abusers words. ::He paused, dark eyes settling upon her:: And I know that you have likely started to do this and found that it is difficult. 

Bailey thought about that. Sure she knew who she was. But none of it seemed to be set in facts that couldn’t change. If the fact could be twisted by her uncle’s voice then she couldn’t be certain if it represented herself. However she was strong. She had gone four months in Starfleet without her mind bringing up any mention of her Uncle. She hadn’t been all there in those four months but it was four months she would never forget. 

Bailey: How. Most of who I am can be twisted. 

Taybrim: Your new view of self is certainly up to you, but it may help to base the first steps on concrete facts. You successfully graduated Starfleet Academy. You are a doctor and a respected medical officer. You are a decorated officer who has earned her promotions. From there you can expand to things that cannot be easily proven but are equally if not more valid – such as you are a compassionate person and a valuable friend. 

Sheila took that all in. She had passed Starfleet academy. She had healed and saved countless people. That much went into the cold hard facts column of the situation. The rest she knew to be true but her brain, in this moment, wanted to twist it up, make it into a lie. 

Bailey: I believe you. I believe you but facts don’t make it go away. 

Taybrim: I know ::he nodded gently:: I know you will have times when there is a conflict and you will hear your Uncle’s voice beat you down and try to reassert his view of you rather than your own view of yourself. And this is why I know it will be difficult. You will need to make a plan for ways you deal with that voice. Things you can do to reassert your own view of self and push back your uncle’s voice. You may need to stop doing something, step away and take time for yourself to rebuild those barriers against his teachings. This will feel selfish at first. But you’re taking time for yourself now so you can be more present and able to shine later. It’s a small price to pay.

oO You will need to make a plan for ways you deal with that voice. Oo This was shore leave, a time meant for working out one's problems. That or rest, hang out with friends. It wasn’t always like that. During missions was when she had the hardest time. There usually wasn’t any room for escape. Last mission she had felt so much panic. She had thought she was going to break. Break into a million little pieces the second the situation was over. As it turned out she just went right on with her work. 

Bailey: But it won’t always be like that. During the mission I had no escape. I couldn’t take a moment to myself. What then? 

Taybrim: I understand there will be mission situations where you do not have the option of stepping away, such as on Vankoth. That is always a possibility of Starfleet Duty. That said, while those moments are very, very acute – they are not the majority of our time in Starfleet.  You will be able to step away and battle your uncle’s voice in the way you need to at most times.  Regular duties can also be supported or covered by another person in the department. 

oO Someone could over my post? Oo The thought seemed strange. It made sense. If she needed to step away she 100% would as she would hate to work through when she could focus on the job. She could also easily designate jobs to other officers if needed. What seemed to hang her up was if someone else told her they were going to take over because, in that moment, she couldn’t do her job. That’s what scared her. 

Bailey: Let's say that happens. What do I tell them?

Taybrim: My advice is to find a few key people you trust and let them know some of what you are doing. Let them know you are working on some important things and may need to step away.  You don’t have to tell them everything. For some people you may not need to tell them anything other than you are working on overcoming something. Communication is important so they understand your need for space or silence or to walk away at times and reaffirm your control over your Uncle’s voice inside is a part of a healing process. People will accept that with minimal explanation so long as you are open to them early in the process.

Tell a few people. Tell people she could trust. She had already told Malko back when he was counselor. Then she told Nijil as she trusted his invitation to take after they worked together during a mission. Now she was telling Sal. Sal, she trusted more than any of the others. But she had told these people because they had the right to know. Back when she let it slip to Galven, she had used it as a way to justify her actions then and her actions during the mission. But maybe Galven did deserve to know more. Maybe she needed to tell Wyn next. She almost had but maybe, in case she did have to step away, he should know why. He didn’t need the whole story but he needed to at least know what she was working through.  

Bailey: What about you? 

Taybrim: I will absolutely support you in this. ::he affirmed with deep conviction.:: And I am open for you to tell me how you want me to support you.

How did she want to be supported? That was something she didn’t even know yet. Sure talking about it helped. Over time though she knew it would get exhausting to keep repeating herself. However she was clear in knowing that she needed a place she could go when things got bad. Talking wasn’t needed but she would have liked to be around people when she was at her lowest. 

Bailey: This might sound silly.

Taybrim: Response 

Bailey: I don’t want to be alone when it gets bad. 

Taybrim: Response 

Bailey: I know I can’t or rather shouldn’t bother those I trust every time. I can’t always have a long chat to work it out. I have to be strong and able to work it out for myself. I just don’t want to be alone. 

Taybrim: Response 

Bailey: Logically I would go back to my quarters but that place, thinking about it now, feels lonely, like another reminder, what with the way the furnishings are modeled after my childhood. 

Taybrim: Response 

Bailey: I guess what I’m asking is if there is a place, a different, place, that I can go. A safe place. 

Taybrim: Response 

TBC/TAG

Lieutenant JG Sheila Bailey 

Medical Officer

Starbase 118 Ops

M239512BG0

[Alora DeVeau]

((CO’s Office – The Hub – StarBase 118))

One of the hardest things for someone who was trying to recover from an  abusive relationship and revise their own view of who they were was to give themselves permission to heal.  Permission to take the time they needed.  Abuse all too often told the person that they were wrong, evil, selfish for worrying about anything but what the abuser wanted.

The truth was there was nothing wrong or evil about taking time for one’s self and selfishness was a natural part of a person.  Like salt in food, it was absolutely necessary in the right amount to balance the self-esteem.  Too much and certainly it could be overpowering, but its presence was crucial nonetheless.

Sal felt the need to not only give Sheila permission to think of herself and her own needs, but the counsel on how to manage those needs.

Taybrim: My advice is to find a few key people you trust and let them know some of what you are doing. Let them know you are working on some important things and may need to step away.  You don’t have to tell them everything. For some people you may not need to tell them anything other than you are working on overcoming something. Communication is important so they understand your need for space or silence or to walk away at times and reaffirm your control over your Uncle’s voice inside is a part of a healing process. People will accept that with minimal explanation so long as you are open to them early in the process.

Bailey: What about you?

He gave her a soft smile, one with confidence in her.  Doctor Bailey was a valuable member of his crew and he knew she could grow and reach even greater heights and wider potential if she was given the support to heal herself.

Taybrim: I will absolutely support you in this. ::he affirmed with deep conviction.:: And I am open for you to tell me how you want me to support you.

He also felt it was important that Sheila had agency moving forward.  He wanted her to have both comfort and control of the healing process – that would not only be the most efficacious, but it supported her growing sense of self.

Bailey: This might sound silly.

Taybrim: I don’t think requests of the heart are ever silly.  ::he said gently.::

Bailey: I don’t want to be alone when it gets bad.

Taybrim: That’s an honest and vital request.  I would not want to be alone either.  ::He paused for a moment, his mind starting to go through ideas of how that could be accommodated.:: Do you know who or what you would prefer to have with you when you need support?

That had to be a very personal choice.  For some it was a best friend, family member or confidant.  For some it would be a more professional ear to talk to and for some it might be a pet.  Sometimes Sal had leaned upon people without ever letting them know that he needed support, he just enjoyed the company to still his thoughts.

Bailey: I know I can’t or rather shouldn’t bother those I trust every time. I can’t always have a long chat to work it out. I have to be strong and able to work it out for myself. I just don’t want to be alone.

Taybrim: I know we can find you the support you need, and there are many around you who are happy to help.  The most difficult part may be the simple act of asking.  Or deciding.  I am here to help you, but the final decision is up to you.

Bailey: Logically I would go back to my quarters but that place, thinking about it now, feels lonely, like another reminder, what with the way the furnishings are modeled after my childhood.

He could see the stress there, especially if her quarters would trigger memories. 

Taybrim: Would you prefer a more public place?  ::he queried gently::

Not everyone preferred to hide away when they were stressed.  Some wanted away from the eyes of others and some wanted to immerse themselves in a sea of other people.  Again that was a deeply personal decision.  Sal, himself preferred the people – getting lost in the emotions and thoughts of others would help him forget his own.

Bailey: I guess what I’m asking is if there is a place, a different, place, that I can go. A safe place.

Taybrim: ::he nodded an assent:: Yes you have some choices available.  As an assistant leader of the medical department, one easily open choice is that you will have an office.

Bailey: ?

He leaned back, considering options, nodding slowly as ideas came to mind.

Taybrim: You do have the ability to change quarters.  And there are several choices of safe spaces within the commercial center.  There is a spa that is owned and operated by an Elasyian woman who suffered abuse in her younger years and opens her space up to any citizen – women in particular, who are feeling vulnerable.  The Bajoran temple has two Prylars who are open to any citizens of any faith in need of support.  Our counselling offices also have specifically space spaces in a variety of set ups, everything from very stimulating to very calming for crewmembers to release tensions and take some time away.

Having places for people to go when they were feeling nervous, upset, stressed, or in need of support was important.  Despite having a well run station with very little crime, not everyone who travelled to StarBase 118 had lived a life of sunshine and lollipops.  Even with the security of the Federation, the threat of the Borg and the Dominion were within recent memory – as Sal was well aware. 

All of these spaces were available for people of any species and need, to help them deal with whatever they were dealing with.

Bailey: ?

Taybrim: There are many open options ::he nodded:: Making your decisions is a little daunting, but don’t be afraid to try something and change your mind if needed.

Bailey: ?

He leaned back, thinking of other resources for ways one could feel more supported no matter where they were or when.

Taybrim: You might also wish to connect with Doctor Foster.  I’m not one much for pets, but I know he breeds and keeps therapy tribbles… and there are certainly other animal options if you are more of a pet person.

Fortunately being on a Starbase allowed far more flexibility for pets than a starship.  Sal never had pets growing up – they were not common in Betazoid households.  Beyond Moby, who barely pinged Sal’s telepathic senses at all beyond the creatures contentment – which was nice – he had never owned an animal.

Bailey: ?

~*~
tags/tbc
~*~

Sal Taybrim
Friend and Counselor
StarBase 118 Ops

[Haukea-Willow]

@Alora DeVeau I know I've already said it but your too kind. Your appreciation means a lot ❤️ 

[Alora DeVeau]

((CO’s Office – The Hub – StarBase 118))

 

oO Someone could cover my post? Oo The thought seemed strange. It made sense. If she needed to step away she 100% would as she would hate to work through when she couldn’t focus on the job. She could also easily designate jobs to other officers if needed. What seemed to hang her up was if someone else told her they were going to take over because, in that moment, she couldn’t do her job. That’s what scared her. 

Bailey: Let's say that happens. What do I tell them?

Since the mission Sheila had started shaking her head whenever bad thoughts entered her mind. She figured it would clear her head of the unwanted thoughts. However it only ever seemed to make her dizzy. Deep breaths worked but these strategies only ever seemed to help her consider the thoughts bad. As if they won’t worth having. What she really should be doing was confronting the thoughts. The thoughts she had surrounding her uncle were real even if what they were telling her were untrue. 

Taybrim: My advice is to find a few key people you trust and let them know some of what you are doing. Let them know you are working on some important things and may need to step away.  You don’t have to tell them everything. For some people you may not need to tell them anything other than you are working on overcoming something. Communication is important so they understand your need for space or silence or to walk away at times and reaffirm your control over your Uncle’s voice inside is a part of a healing process. People will accept that with minimal explanation so long as you are open to them early in the process.

Tell a few people? Tell people she could trust? She had already told Malko back when he was counselor. Then she told Nijil as she trusted his invitation to talk after they worked together during a mission. Now she was telling Sal. Sal Sheila trusted more than any of the others. But she had told these people because they had the right to know. Back when she let it slip to Galven, she had used it as a way to justify her actions then and her actions during the mission. But maybe Galven did deserve to know more. Maybe she needed to tell Wyn next. She almost had but maybe, in case she did have to step away, he should know why. He didn’t need the whole story but he needed to at least know what she was working through. Most importantly she had to tell herself. Not in the way she would tell her CO’s but in a way where she told herself a new set of truths. What those truths would be she didn’t know quite yet. 

Bailey: What about you?

Once again Sheila felt like out of all the people she had told Sal was the one she trusted the most. Sure she trusted the rest but sometimes you trust someone enough to tell them everything even down to the smallest detail. With Sal she could feel his empathy as well as compassion. It didn’t settle her mind completely which she was glad about. Sheila would have rather worked her way back to a state of normal on her own. 

Taybrim: ::Sal smiled:: I will absolutely support you in this. ::he affirmed with deep conviction.:: And I am open for you to tell me how you want me to support you.

How did she want to be supported? That was something she didn’t even know yet. Sure talking about it helped. Over time though she knew it would get exhausting to keep repeating herself. However she was clear in knowing that she needed a place she could go when things got bad. Talking wasn’t needed but she would have liked to be around people when she was at her lowest. Not a crowd of people. That seemed like too much incase she did have a full on panic attack but she didn’t want to be completely by herself. 

Bailey: This might sound silly.

Taybrim: I don’t think requests of the heart are ever silly. ::he said gently.::

Bailey: I don’t want to be alone when it gets bad.

Taybrim: That’s an honest and vital request. I would not want to be alone either. ::He paused for a moment, his mind starting to go through ideas of how that could be accommodated.:: Do you know who or what you would prefer to have with you when you need support?

Bailey: I know I can’t or rather shouldn’t bother those I trust every time. I can’t always have a long chat to work it out. I have to be strong and able to work it out for myself. I just don’t want to be alone.

Sheila would resort to being alone if her support was busy. She would hate to feel like it was a mistake to confide in someone if they couldn’t or didn’t want to spare the time for her. She almost felt that in her appointment with German. It was as if he had told her she couldn’t be vulnerable. Of course that wasn’t true. In that moment she wasn’t being professional. She had to be professional when telling someone that she needed space or that she was going through a tough time. 

Taybrim: I know we can find you the support you need, and there are many around you who are happy to help. The most difficult part may be the simple act of asking. Or deciding. I am here to help you, but the final decision is up to you.

Bailey: Logically I would go back to my quarters but that place, thinking about it now, feels lonely, like another reminder, what with the way the furnishings are modeled after my childhood.

Her room didn’t always bring up bad memories but she was sure if she was having a bad day that it would definitely not be the best place for her to be. 

Taybrim: Would you prefer a more public place?  ::he queried gently::

Bailey: I guess what I’m asking is if there is a place, a different, place, that I can go. A safe place.

Taybrim: ::he nodded an assent:: Yes you have some choices available. As an assistant leader of the medical department, one easily open choice is that you will have an office.

Bailey: ::nodding:: I’ve used my office plenty of times but I’m mostly by myself when I do. 

Taybrim: You do have the ability to change quarters. And there are several choices of safe spaces within the commercial center. There is a spa that is owned and operated by an Elasyian woman who suffered abuse in her younger years and opens her space up to any citizen – women in particular, who are feeling vulnerable. The Bajoran temple has two Prylars who are open to any citizens of any faith in need of support. Our counselling offices also have specifically space spaces in a variety of setups, everything from very stimulating to very calming for crewmembers to release tensions and take some time away.

The idea that there was another Elaysian on the Starbase surprised her. Seconds later it saddened her to know that she too had had abuse. Sheila would have to go visit her sometime. What unsettled her however was that this other woman too had suffered like she had. Sheila barely knew how to handle her own suffering that she was scared to open up to someone who had been in a very intensely similar situation. She also felt like at this point in time she didn’t quit yet want to tell someone else her trouble when they had been through it too. Maybe she would wait on that and instead decide to just check out the spa. 

Bailey: That’s a lot of options. 

Taybrim: There are many open options ::he nodded:: Making your decisions is a little daunting, but don’t be afraid to try something and change your mind if needed.

Nodding the woman knew she would find it difficult. She always seemed to know how things would go. The trouble was how to go about it, how to get rid of the feeling so that all she was left with was the knowledge. 

Taybrim: You might also wish to connect with Doctor Foster. I’m not one much for pets, but I know he breeds and keeps therapy tribbles… and there are certainly other animal options if you are more of a pet person.

That got her mind thinking. A therapy animal would be a lot like an emotional support animal. She had read about them in her medical textbook. They comforted their owner but didn’t perform any specific tasks. It was their presence that comforted. However according to the old rules given to emotional support animals they couldn’t go with you many places. What however was used in that respect was a service dog. They went almost everywhere with their owner and helped with medical and psychological aspects by performing specific tasks. They weren’t used much due to the demand of Starfleet life. But her thought was that if she thought one would help her then she could have the dog with her during her everyday work as well as calmer parts of missions. 

Bailey: Have you heard about service dogs?

Taybrim: Response 

Bailey: Well they assist with their owners medical or mental troubles by performing tasks to help. 

Taybrim: Response 

Bailey: it just occurred to me that...well…::she wasn’t sure how to phrase herself:: I have this feeling that it could help.

Taybrim: Response 

Bailey: I know they usually accompany their owners to a lot of places. In Starfleet life that won’t always be possible but I figured I could have them around as much as possible. 

Bailey only figured that if therapy/emotional support animals were still a thing and possible then having a service dog would be too. Plus she only suggested the idea as she had this feeling deep down that having one, having a big strong dog devoted and who loved to assist her, she would feel much more comfortable. They could remind her of her anxious habits, calm her if she ever did end up full on panicking as well as assist her with her mobility. An added treat would be their comfort after a long hard mission where she might have been away from the Base. 

Taybrim: Response 

Bailey: Do you ever get this feeling where you know exactly what to do? That that feeling feels so right you don’t even have to question it. I feel that now. Do you think it would be possible for me to get a service dog?

Taybrim: Response 

TBC/TAG

Lieutenant JG Sheila Bailey

Medical Officer

Starbase 118 Ops

M239512BG0

[Alora DeVeau]

((CO’s Office – The Hub – StarBase 118))

The conversation had progressed to ideas for how to move forward.  This was, at once, one of the most exciting and daunting parts of the conversation.  He was there to guide the ideas and make sure the task didn’t feel insurmountable or that ideas were discarded as bad ideas before being considered.  There were so many options available and he didn’t want to assume one thing would work or would not work.  Assumptions were not his prerogative nor was the decision his to make.  He was more like a tour guide of ideas, pointing out the possible.

Taybrim: You might also wish to connect with Doctor Foster. I’m not one much for pets, but I know he breeds and keeps therapy tribbles… and there are certainly other animal options if you are more of a pet person.

Pets were a curious sideline in Starfleet rules – they were allowed on starships with permission at certain ranks, and more openly for those of higher ranks.  StarBase 118 had the luxury of more space which meant more options for everything from housing to having various types of pets including therapy and service animals.  There was also a much greater access to specially trained animals to provide physical support, emotional support and many other options.

Bailey: Have you heard about service dogs?

Taybrim: I have heard of them, but I don’t know much about them.

Pets were uncommon on Betazed due to the awkwardness of telepathy paired with animals, so Sal was no expert on pets.  But he also could clearly see the benefits they had for most species.  Even he had grown more fond of the idea of pets as he lost his telepathic abilities.  Not that he wanted a pet, but he had grown more fond of other people’s pets.

Bailey: Well they assist with their owners medical or mental troubles by performing tasks to help.

Taybrim: That sounds fascinating and very beneficial.  What do you think about having a service dog as a companion?

Bailey: it just occurred to me that...well…::she wasn’t sure how to phrase herself:: I have this feeling that it could help.

Sal nodded slowly, considering the logistics of how that would work.  He knew it could work, the question now was how would that work.

Taybrim: That is possible.  It does have some challenges, but we can certainly overcome those.

Bailey: I know they usually accompany their owners to a lot of places. In Starfleet life that won’t always be possible but I figured I could have them around as much as possible.

Taybrim: I think you can look at it in terms of where the dog cannot go and then assume it can accompany you in other places.  For instance your dog could bad down in your office in sickbay, staying out of Main sickbay or any patient areas, but available for you if you need to take a break.  Dogs are allowed most places in the commercial center, there are plenty of parks and trails to exercise together.  You can bring your dog onboard a starship if you are comfortable knowing that the Narendra’s mission can be dangerous and again it can be in the hallways, lounges, your office and quarters.  Or there are many options for pet care if you choose to keep a pet on base while you are on mission.

Just don’t let Commander Dal pet sit. He was a compassionate gentle person who had the reputation of losing pets and then finding them bathing in the Bajoran temple reflection pool…

Bailey: Do you ever get this feeling where you know exactly what to do? That that feeling feels so right you don’t even have to question it. I feel that now. Do you think it would be possible for me to get a service dog?

Taybrim: I do think it is possible and I can get you in contact with one of the trainers for service animals on the Starbase. 

Bailey: ?

He nodded gently, bringing up some data on a PADD

Taybrim: A well trained animal will follow command and be easy to keep nearby even when you are in different rooms for work purposes.  You may even find the animal becomes an asset for recovery work with certain patients – but always check with the patient first, make sure they do not have allergies and gain permission from them to bring the dog in.  But I know research shows that for certain patients being able to interact with a compassionate animal improves recovery.

Bailey: ?

Taybrim: From here?  One step at a time.  Get your safe spaces.  Plan those out.  Get your safe headspace, practice reminding yourself of the facts that you can’t deny – you’re a doctor.  You’re a Starfleet officer.  You graduated Starfleet academy and have earned your promotions.  No one can take any of that away from you.

He had a soft tone in his voice, like a vocal smile, warm and supportive as he walked through the conversation in recap.

Bailey: ?

Taybrim: And here ::He pressed a PADD into her hands.:: There are two contacts for service animals on StarBase 118.  The first specializes in Terran breeds, especially dogs and cats.  The second specializes in rescued animals from many worlds.  I am sure you will find a perfect companion.  ::he did smile at that, encouraging and warm.::

Bailey: ?

~*~
tags/tbc
~*~

Sal Taybrim
Friend and counselor
StarBase 118 Ops

"Why do we fly? Because we have dreamt of it for so long that we must"

~Julian Beck
E239010ST0

 

[Alora DeVeau]

((CO’s Office – The Hub – StarBase 118))

Nodding the woman knew she would find it difficult. She always seemed to know how things would go. The trouble was how to go about it, how to get rid of the feeling so that all she was left with was the knowledge. 

Taybrim: You might also wish to connect with Doctor Foster. I’m not one much for pets, but I know he breeds and keeps therapy tribbles… and there are certainly other animal options if you are more of a pet person.

That got her mind thinking. A therapy animal would be a lot like an emotional support animal. She had read about them in her medical textbook. They comforted their owner but didn’t perform any specific tasks. It was their presence that comforted. However according to the old rules given to emotional support animals they couldn’t go with you many places. What however was used in that respect was a service dog. They went almost everywhere with their owner and helped with medical and psychological aspects by performing specific tasks. They weren’t used much due to the demand of Starfleet life. But her thought was that if she thought one would help her then she could have the dog with her during her everyday work as well as calmer parts of missions. 

Bailey: Have you heard about service dogs?

Taybrim: I have heard of them, but I don’t know much about them.

Not many people did. It was an older tool that wasn’t used much anymore. Frankly if Sheila had been on a ship she might not even have suggested the idea. It would have been a lot harder. Her life would have been a lot different too if she lived on a starship. She might not even be having this conversation if she was. No use thinking about that as it wasn’t her current reality.

Bailey: Well they assist with their owners medical or mental troubles by performing tasks to help.

Taybrim: That sounds fascinating and very beneficial. What do you think about having a service dog as a companion?

Bailey: it just occurred to me that...well…::she wasn’t sure how to phrase herself:: I have this feeling that it could help.

Taybrim: That is possible. It does have some challenges, but we can certainly overcome those.

Bailey: I know they usually accompany their owners to a lot of places. In Starfleet life that won’t always be possible but I figured I could have them around as much as possible.

Bailey only figured that if therapy/emotional support animals were still a thing and possible then having a service dog would be too. Plus she only suggested the idea as she had this feeling deep down that having one, having a big strong dog devoted and who loved to assist her, she would feel much more comfortable. They could remind her of her anxious habits, calm her if she ever did end up full on panicking as well as assist her with her mobility. An added treat would be their comfort after a long hard mission where she might have been away from the Base. 

Taybrim: I think you can look at it in terms of where the dog cannot go and then assume it can accompany you in other places. For instance your dog could bad down in your office in sickbay, staying out of Main sickbay or any patient areas, but available for you if you need to take a break. Dogs are allowed most places in the commercial center, there are plenty of parks and trails to exercise together. You can bring your dog onboard a starship if you are comfortable knowing that the Narendra’s mission can be dangerous and again it can be in the hallways, lounges, your office and quarters. Or there are many options for pet care if you choose to keep a pet on base while you are on mission.

That made sense. Not everyone liked dogs or were comfortable being around them. Plus she had to be aware of being professional in her job. Sheila knew though that having the companion around, being hers, even if they had to spend some time in her office, would also help to calm her thoughts, give her something to look forward to. 

Bailey: Do you ever get this feeling where you know exactly what to do? That that feeling feels so right you don’t even have to question it. I feel that now. Do you think it would be possible for me to get a service dog?

Based on how the conversation was going she knew it was possible but in order to ease her mind she wanted to ask about it directly and get a straight answer back. 

Taybrim: I do think it is possible and I can get you in contact with one of the trainers for service animals on the Starbase. 

Bailey: That would be majorly appreciated. 

Sal nodded gently, bringing up some data on a PADD.

Taybrim: A well trained animal will follow command and be easy to keep nearby even when you are in different rooms for work purposes. You may even find the animal becomes an asset for recovery work with certain patients – but always check with the patient first, make sure they do not have allergies and gain permission from them to bring the dog in. But I know research shows that for certain patients being able to interact with a compassionate animal improves recovery.

Of course, of course. Sheila would be very respectful of her patients and their needs and wants. She would ask first before having her service dog with her during their appointments. Overall she had to tone down her excitement. Earlier she felt like she had to give up. Felt like she was being told to quit. She knew now that she wasn’t. Now though she was starting to have hope. 

Bailey: Of course. I’ll be extremely respectful. From here though, are there any particular steps I need to take?

Taybrim: From here? One step at a time. Get your safe spaces. Plan those out. Get your safe headspace, practice reminding yourself of the facts that you can’t deny – you’re a doctor.  You’re a Starfleet officer. You graduated Starfleet academy and have earned your promotions. No one can take any of that away from you.

He had a soft tone in his voice. It was always a welcome tone of voice. One that always seemed to calm. 

Bailey: I do agree that having those spaces is important. 

Taybrim: And here ::He pressed a PADD into her hands.:: There are two contacts for service animals on StarBase 118. The first specializes in Terran breeds, especially dogs and cats. The second specializes in rescued animals from many worlds. I am sure you will find a perfect companion.  ::he did smile at that, encouraging and warm.::

Having this information was going to be very helpful. She was excited to look it over later when her headspace was better. She wouldn’t want to make any wrong decision when choosing. 

Bailey: Thank you again. ::holding the padd out to Sal:: Would you mind writing down those safe spaces and the name of that woman you mentioned. I don’t want to forget.

Taybrim: Response

Sheila waited for Sal to take the padd and write down the information. She was grateful for Sal being so open to helping her. With the others she had more or less let them know what had happened but never in this much detail. In both situations she ever felt like she told too much or too little. Now though she felt done. Not in that way that she was upset and over and done with everything but done talking. She now had a lot to think about as well as was getting tired. Plus the conversation was starting to come to its natural end. 

Bailey: Thank you again. I highly appreciate you being willing to talk about all this with me. 

Taybrim: Response

Bailey: I’m getting a bit tired now so I think I better get going. 

She had to think about the wording of that for a bit. She didn’t want to sound rude but she was rather feeling a nap or even going to bed early now. Even more so was all the information. It was a lot to take in and even though she was feeling better it wasn’t magically going to stay that way. 

Now thinking about it she did have a few more facts to add to her list. Sal was a friend; fact. Sal was supportive; fact. She had a plan moving forward; fact as well. Working on getting a service dog was also a big big fact that she was proud of. 

Taybrim: Response

Bailey: Do you mind if I ask for a hug before I go?

Taybrim: Response

Sheila took her time getting her sweater back on and standing up with the use of her crutches. In getting up her body was very achy due to the emotional release she had just gone through. However Sal was a comfort to hug as well as gentle. 

Bailey: I’ll see you around yeah?

Taybrim: Response

With that Sheila waved as she limped out of the office. She was leaving in a happy state. Not an overly happy state. Maybe the word relieved would have been better. Relieved that the initial conversation was over and relieved that she had steps for moving forward. But she still felt a bit empty inside. It was that weird place in the process. Where the first step was over but it would be a while before the second step was taken. In the meantime she would have to work through all the small, but still equally important, feelings that came up. It was not going to be easy but if she could get through telling people about the worst thing that happened to her then she could get through those feelings. 

TAG/END

Lieutenant JG Sheila Bailey

Medical Officer

Starbase 118 Ops

M239512BG0

 

"Ta-er al-Safar" - The Canary; "No woman should ever suffer at the hands of men" - (Quotes) Sara Lance; Legends Of Tomorrow

[Alora DeVeau]

((CO’s Office – The Hub – StarBase 118))

Nodding the woman knew she would find it difficult. She always seemed to know how things would go. The trouble was how to go about it, how to get rid of the feeling so that all she was left with was the knowledge. 

Taybrim: You might also wish to connect with Doctor Foster. I’m not one much for pets, but I know he breeds and keeps therapy tribbles… and there are certainly other animal options if you are more of a pet person.

That got her mind thinking. A therapy animal would be a lot like an emotional support animal. She had read about them in her medical textbook. They comforted their owner but didn’t perform any specific tasks. It was their presence that comforted. However according to the old rules given to emotional support animals they couldn’t go with you many places. What however was used in that respect was a service dog. They went almost everywhere with their owner and helped with medical and psychological aspects by performing specific tasks. They weren’t used much due to the demand of Starfleet life. But her thought was that if she thought one would help her then she could have the dog with her during her everyday work as well as calmer parts of missions. 

Bailey: Have you heard about service dogs?

Taybrim: I have heard of them, but I don’t know much about them.

Not many people did. It was an older tool that wasn’t used much anymore. Frankly if Sheila had been on a ship she might not even have suggested the idea. It would have been a lot harder. Her life would have been a lot different too if she lived on a starship. She might not even be having this conversation if she was. No use thinking about that as it wasn’t her current reality.

Bailey: Well they assist with their owners medical or mental troubles by performing tasks to help.

Taybrim: That sounds fascinating and very beneficial. What do you think about having a service dog as a companion?

Bailey: it just occurred to me that...well…::she wasn’t sure how to phrase herself:: I have this feeling that it could help.

Taybrim: That is possible. It does have some challenges, but we can certainly overcome those.

Bailey: I know they usually accompany their owners to a lot of places. In Starfleet life that won’t always be possible but I figured I could have them around as much as possible.

Bailey only figured that if therapy/emotional support animals were still a thing and possible then having a service dog would be too. Plus she only suggested the idea as she had this feeling deep down that having one, having a big strong dog devoted and who loved to assist her, she would feel much more comfortable. They could remind her of her anxious habits, calm her if she ever did end up full on panicking as well as assist her with her mobility. An added treat would be their comfort after a long hard mission where she might have been away from the Base. 

Taybrim: I think you can look at it in terms of where the dog cannot go and then assume it can accompany you in other places. For instance your dog could bad down in your office in sickbay, staying out of Main sickbay or any patient areas, but available for you if you need to take a break. Dogs are allowed most places in the commercial center, there are plenty of parks and trails to exercise together. You can bring your dog onboard a starship if you are comfortable knowing that the Narendra’s mission can be dangerous and again it can be in the hallways, lounges, your office and quarters. Or there are many options for pet care if you choose to keep a pet on base while you are on mission.

That made sense. Not everyone liked dogs or were comfortable being around them. Plus she had to be aware of being professional in her job. Sheila knew though that having the companion around, being hers, even if they had to spend some time in her office, would also help to calm her thoughts, give her something to look forward to. 

Bailey: Do you ever get this feeling where you know exactly what to do? That that feeling feels so right you don’t even have to question it. I feel that now. Do you think it would be possible for me to get a service dog?

Based on how the conversation was going she knew it was possible but in order to ease her mind she wanted to ask about it directly and get a straight answer back. 

Taybrim: I do think it is possible and I can get you in contact with one of the trainers for service animals on the Starbase. 

Bailey: That would be majorly appreciated. 

Sal nodded gently, bringing up some data on a PADD.

Taybrim: A well trained animal will follow command and be easy to keep nearby even when you are in different rooms for work purposes. You may even find the animal becomes an asset for recovery work with certain patients – but always check with the patient first, make sure they do not have allergies and gain permission from them to bring the dog in. But I know research shows that for certain patients being able to interact with a compassionate animal improves recovery.

Of course, of course. Sheila would be very respectful of her patients and their needs and wants. She would ask first before having her service dog with her during their appointments. Overall she had to tone down her excitement. Earlier she felt like she had to give up. Felt like she was being told to quit. She knew now that she wasn’t. Now though she was starting to have hope. 

Bailey: Of course. I’ll be extremely respectful. From here though, are there any particular steps I need to take?

Taybrim: From here? One step at a time. Get your safe spaces. Plan those out. Get your safe headspace, practice reminding yourself of the facts that you can’t deny – you’re a doctor.  You’re a Starfleet officer. You graduated Starfleet academy and have earned your promotions. No one can take any of that away from you.

He had a soft tone in his voice. It was always a welcome tone of voice. One that always seemed to calm. 

Bailey: I do agree that having those spaces is important. 

Taybrim: And here ::He pressed a PADD into her hands.:: There are two contacts for service animals on StarBase 118. The first specializes in Terran breeds, especially dogs and cats. The second specializes in rescued animals from many worlds. I am sure you will find a perfect companion.  ::he did smile at that, encouraging and warm.::

Having this information was going to be very helpful. She was excited to look it over later when her headspace was better. She wouldn’t want to make any wrong decision when choosing. 

Bailey: Thank you again. ::holding the padd out to Sal:: Would you mind writing down those safe spaces and the name of that woman you mentioned. I don’t want to forget.

Taybrim: Response

Sheila waited for Sal to take the padd and write down the information. She was grateful for Sal being so open to helping her. With the others she had more or less let them know what had happened but never in this much detail. In both situations she ever felt like she told too much or too little. Now though she felt done. Not in that way that she was upset and over and done with everything but done talking. She now had a lot to think about as well as was getting tired. Plus the conversation was starting to come to its natural end. 

Bailey: Thank you again. I highly appreciate you being willing to talk about all this with me. 

Taybrim: Response

Bailey: I’m getting a bit tired now so I think I better get going. 

She had to think about the wording of that for a bit. She didn’t want to sound rude but she was rather feeling a nap or even going to bed early now. Even more so was all the information. It was a lot to take in and even though she was feeling better it wasn’t magically going to stay that way. 

Now thinking about it she did have a few more facts to add to her list. Sal was a friend; fact. Sal was supportive; fact. She had a plan moving forward; fact as well. Working on getting a service dog was also a big big fact that she was proud of. 

Taybrim: Response

Bailey: Do you mind if I ask for a hug before I go?

Taybrim: Response

Sheila took her time getting her sweater back on and standing up with the use of her crutches. In getting up her body was very achy due to the emotional release she had just gone through. However Sal was a comfort to hug as well as gentle. 

Bailey: I’ll see you around yeah?

Taybrim: Response

With that Sheila waved as she limped out of the office. She was leaving in a happy state. Not an overly happy state. Maybe the word relieved would have been better. Relieved that the initial conversation was over and relieved that she had steps for moving forward. But she still felt a bit empty inside. It was that weird place in the process. Where the first step was over but it would be a while before the second step was taken. In the meantime she would have to work through all the small, but still equally important, feelings that came up. It was not going to be easy but if she could get through telling people about the worst thing that happened to her then she could get through those feelings. 

TAG/END

Lieutenant JG Sheila Bailey

Medical Officer

Starbase 118 Ops

M239512BG0

 

"Ta-er al-Safar" - The Canary; "No woman should ever suffer at the hands of men" - (Quotes) Sara Lance; Legends Of Tomorrow