Ssam Canaan

But with a red uniform and hair highlights. Sure, Rocket can do that. I'm his agent, so I'll take 100% of his fee for costs and marketing and drugs and so forth. Just forward it in cash wrapped in plain brown paper to my address: Behind the Hot Water Pipes Third Bathroom on the Left Platform 2 Grand Central Station New York City, NY

That's right. Captain Archer. Hey, how come Spock got on here but Pike didn't? I demand my right to vote for the little beeping box guy!

Odd place to bring it up, then. I should certainly hope they do a DS9 movie long before they get around to Voyager.

Just dial 1-800-4-ROCKET. I wonder what program Tyr Waltas used for his avatar. That's a pretty nice piece of rendering.

Well, it is appropriate that you bring that up under "Movies That Should Never Have Been Made" ...

Wow. That's a really nifty mask. Hmmm ... if I was talented enough with Photoshop to provide scaling and an adequate hood, I could perhaps get something out of that.

Because I don't have enough scales, and I have too much hair, and a developed simian nose and prognathic jaw, and a few other traits more common to higher mammals than to reptiles. You can see for yourself in the picture attached to my profile. I make a very poor serpentoid.

No. No, like most pucks, I don't feel lucky at all. I feel like I'm about to be slapped at high velocity across slick ice with a bent wooden paddle.

Think about that next time you bring up the terrifying idea of a broken Shatner girdle.

If that had happened, Patrick Stewart would've died, suffocated under a wave of flab. Is THAT something you want to think about?

Well, yes, Rocket, I wasn't concerned about being able to find a picture of a snake. I have confidence that even a subpar search engine like Dogpile could find me fine pictures of many serpents with alacrity. I was balking at the amount of effort necessary to photomorph a sixteen-foot, limbless python into a bipedal, humanoid alien. I'm a doctor, not Industrial Light and Magic.

Now, wait a moment, Rocket. You're showing some nasty chauvinism there. Nothing about "hits like a girl" should imply that there is anything weak about the way she hits. She hits like a girl because she is a girl. Girl (noun) - a single or married female person of any age (Source: Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary, third definition) I could just as easily have said "she hits like a middle-aged Caucasian" or "she hits like a Terran" and it would have been just as accurate. Tut-tut. In this day and age. :: shakes head sadly :: For shame.

I voted for Jellico, because I have no idea who he is, but no one else seems to have voted for him, and I find his name terribly silly. Jellico. Jellico-Jellico-Jellico. Reminds me of that terrible song from Cats, actually. Also, I voted for him because Janeway wasn't available. Ugh.

Ha-ha! Indeed! :: casually checks out the window to see if the paddy wagon is here yet :: Tell us more, please. No, wait. Actually, you don't have to. I thought of a possible solution to my peril ... maybe I could just morph a regular picture of a snake into slightly more humanoid proportions. But that seems like a lot of work. It'd be easier if TNG had just done it right the first time.

The only thing less needed than Whoopi and her gigantic hat was William Shatner's toup' flopping in the breeze as he rode that horse, his girdle threatening to burst at every stride.

Now, what's all this talk of chauvinism? All I said was that Janeway hits like a girl, which is a perfectly fair characterization. She IS a girl. Also, I claimed that in Kirk's day, women were green. And that's kind of sweeping, but a good working cross-section of them were. Well, okay, some. A few. One. Whatever. Still, far be it from me to be a chauvinist. My wife would drop-kick me across the room.

Only if she's being gnawed on the Gorn.

Sisko suffers from too many lingering uncertainties and mood swings. And Janeway hits like a girl. Time warp me back to an era when men were men, women were green, and you could render any ravening alien monster helpless with a good punch. Vote for the best. Captain Kirk - the man with the chest! :: play stirring music ::

Yes, yes. The absolute coolest. :: slowly backs away ::

I ... I was talking about making a character picture for a Selayan. They're my race. A race of bipedal serpent-evolved aliens. From Selay. I was referring to how difficult it would be to MSPaint or Photoshop a Selayan from "even the ugliest actor" available on the databases linked above. The actress you've used appears perfectly fine. For a Wookie.

Bally difficult to make a big snake thing out of even the ugliest actor available. I even tried modifying Al Pacino ... no luck. The problem is that the one appearance of the Selayans in TNG was ... I dunno ... not great. The picture in my head of bipedal snake people is much cooler. Ah, well. Canon is canon. And Canaan is Canaan. Heh-heh.

Oh, gadzooks! All right, jokesters ... WHO voted for Riker? As it stands, though, I'm glad to see there's a few other sensible Kirk supporters. That's right. James Tiberius Kirk, a king among men. The kind of man you'd want guiding you through the endlessly hostile reaches of space, filled with strange bearded men who want you dead for no discernible reason and treacherous, if beautiful and vulnerable, women in a range of designer colors. Choose Kirk. The man with the left cross.

As boring as I was, you couldn't really have the series without it. As incredibly lame as V was ... well ... uh ... moving on. I just really didn't need to see Kirk brought back to life in an attempt to upstage Picard. Nor did I need that much Whoopi Goldberg served alongside my Star Trek.