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[2009: SEP-OCT] Feedback


Ryan Horn
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The Darkness within...

Do you remember the first time you saw the episode with the Borg? That it wasn't just that they would win...but that in losing you'd become them. Much like any zombie thriller, there is something about fighting a battle that you can't overcome. In reading this story, there was that same feeling. The main character did everything she could to survive, but at the end was unsuccessful. My only regret is that there isn't a way to see the second "episode" of this story!

Reviewed by Capt. Ben Walker.

Starfleet priority two

I really enjoyed this story. While we normally discuss the shipboard politics, romances, and actual missions...this story dealt with the relationships that occur and are split. I also felt that the title was equally telling, that to Starfleet, interpersonal relationships are secondary to the mission. No matter what it does to the individuals put into that ultimate Koyabashi Maru. Excellent job!

Reviewed by Capt. Ben Walker.

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"End of Days" by Eliaan Deron

Feedback by Toni Turner

I have to say at the beginning, I am not a fan of stories that jump back and forth between place to place, but this particular story drew me in masterfully, making me thirst for the jumps to find out what would unfold.Eliaan gave just enough information in from the "KS Reclaw" to give credence to the next "Fellara Prime" segment, and visa versa, making me try to guess what had happened. At one point I had almost thought that the Fellarans were a minute race trapped in the device and Jados would find a way to help them, but then... BAM!... he hit us with a social statement that couldn't be denied. Once a species has been obliterated, it cannot be resurrected, and all that's left are remnants of what use to be, and of the price we pay for progress. The cries, "Help us. Somebody... please help us." could very well come from a species that we cannot understand, nor can they understand us. Jados asked the questions, "Where was the honour in this act? How could it be justified? How would he be able to deal with this?" He, then, looked at himself and he "seemed monstrous." It made me ask, "Is this how our children's children will look at us? Will they feel the shame of our apathy? The bottom line is this story was well-written, entertaining, and evoked a sense of responsibility in me with the message it carried. Excellent job, Eliaan.

"Good Name for a Shuttle" by Tal Tel-ar

Feedback by Toni Turner

I dearly loved this story. The action was great, making me see the predicament the character was in, and feel the pain of losing Kincaide, who he undoubtably cared deeply about, as well as the others who died in the same room. It was heart-wrenching... “He smashed his fist against the bulkhead again and again, screaming his rage into the silent interior. The echoes screamed back.” The “Wow Factor” was there, and continued throughout the story, then came the ending that honestly surprised, and delighted me, leaving me envisioning father and son, wheeling the butts of their guns at the Jem 'Hadar, like a scene straight out of history. The only things I found distracting were the spelling errors, and errors in contractions, like “could’t.” I would have liked to have seen more attention to spell check before it was posted. As far as anything else, I have to say that I was impressed by Tal’s storytelling abilities. Good job, Tal.

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Review of "Darkening Skies":

Reviewed by Lt. Whale

I quite liked the twist in this one -- the funeral being faked, the

exploding ship being a failed assassination attempt. There was some

initial difficulty on my part following who was doing what in the first

section, but the subsequent sections had better flow. I really liked how

events from the sims were incorporated (the Phoenix, the DS17 bombings)

and that the end of the story wasn't REALLY the end of the story.

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I don't know what happened to the reveiw, but here is a clearer copy, Tal.

"Good Name for a Shuttle" by Tal Tel-ar

Feedback by Toni Turner

I dearly loved this story. The action was great, making me see the predicament the character was in, and feel the pain of losing Kincaide, who he undoubtably cared deeply about, as well as the others who died in the same room. It was heart-wrenching... “He smashed his fist against the bulkhead again and again, screaming his rage into the silent interior. The echoes screamed back.” The “Wow Factor” was there, and continued throughout the story, then came the ending that honestly surprised, and delighted me, leaving me envisioning father and son, wheeling the butts of their guns at the Jem 'Hadar, like a scene straight out of history. The only things I found distracting were the spelling errors, and errors in contractions, like “could’t.” I would have liked to have seen more attention to spell check before it was posted. As far as anything else, I have to say that I was impressed by Tal’s storytelling abilities. Good job, Tal.

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