Lt. Lhandon Joseph Nilsen - The Cruel Irony

[+ Sevantha]

Tom decided to let everyone sit on edge waiting Lhandon's response to the long overdue apology from Toxin and Henri. I initially was going to highlight just his end quote but the entire thread deserves feature due to the emotionally satisfying and relatability in the debate is an apology enough sometimes? He brilliantly ties in his placement in the storyline with Morro and his need for an apology, reflecting if that would ever be enough. 
@Lhandon_Nilsen@Toxin Arlill 
You two have done amazing work on this. Toxin's character work as someone who was influenced by Henri who was in self preservation, who had to live years without his crew post mission and has had a realization of whats important and trying to get back his best friend has been wonderful. Bravo~

 

Quote

((Arlill’s Office, Operations Center - Upper Level, Deck 6))

Arlill had turned on SKIF mode, they were cut off from the rest of the universe. Even if there was a medical emergency, nothing could get in or out without authorization. They were alone, just the three of them.

He was learning a lot about Henri. Lhandon learned that Henri is a combination of the software of Alpha Brenkelvi II's computer and the OEB's computer. He seemed to have started as an interface but developed into so much more.

He got some more answers. To explain how Henri could walk around, he showed his mobile emitter that was attached to his ankle and under his trouser leg, like some kind of tagged criminal.

The timeline seemed to match up with what Lhandon observed, when Arlill's behavior seemed to change, and his heart pounded as he asked the question that he didn't know he wanted the answer to.

He knew that the emitters could only handle standard holographic programs, and not a full-blown sentient being such as Henri. Henri and Arlill later explained that potentially Henri's freedom was at stake—he's not sanctioned. He didn't, however, fully understand how he was cut off when they were in the future and able to get himself a mobile emitter. His best conclusion was that he can interact with other computers.

This was a lot to process and while the information is important, Lhandon is a human, humans are emotional

Nilsen: I’m coming to a conclusion, and I don’t like where this is going. Arlill, in the run-up to our fight, you seemed different, something was off, and you pushed me away.

He then thought about his next words, a short moment that seemed to last forever as he considered his next question—the cogs in his brain making those connections.

Nilsen: Henri, did you have anything to do with that?

Sat in the chair, Lhandon leant forward, elbows on knees and fingers intertwined, and he thought—just that. Thought. He considered all that came before: what he had seen, the words Arlill said to him, what this entire situation meant, who else knew about Henri, how he would keep this quiet, how Arlill had pulled this off without anyone else knowing—or did everyone else know about this, and Lhandon was once again the last to know.

He saw that Henri and Arlill’s eyes met, he saw that Toxin nodded and Henri looked back at Nilsen, Nilsen sighed and looked down at the floor.

Henri: That was a bit my fault. (beat) A bit of self-preservation, new sentience, and mistrust in my early days. I led Toxin down a dark path. ::looking down to his hands:: I am sorry.

Arlill: Me too, it was (beat) it was just so much. ::a tear rolling down his cheek::

Henri explained himself, and while Lhandon was in deep thought, he heard what Henri said, he heard Henri admit his wrongdoings and he heard the apology.

A hundred thousand different feelings came over Lhandon: anger, sadness at the fight that had happened, a sense of justice perhaps now knowing the cause, a mourning for what was before, and a wonder if it could be restored.

His earlier conversation at the start of the month with Morro came back to him, someone he'd grown close to since Arlill and Nilsen were no more. He thought of what Morro said, how Morro needed an apology that he would never get. Lhandon then thought of what he'd just been offered - the thing Morro wanted most in the universe was now Lhandon's.

He thought of what to tell Morro if the subject of his sister came up again, if Morro was ever faced with getting his desire of receiving that apology.

Should he even forgive?

Should he forgive?

Throughout all of this, Lhandon remained somewhat still, just in thought. He mentally caught the anger welling up in his chest, and regulated his breathing. Slowly it dissipated. He acknowledged his anger, he acknowledged the myriad of other emotions, and he acknowledged that he was the master of them, and not the other way around.

There was a pause, and even though Lhandon remained still, he felt the smallest tear in his right eye form and he caught it with his finger and wiped it away.

Arlill: Only a few people know Henri’s truth. And if more found out, it’s likely I’d be thrown out of Starfleet and locked up in a Star Fleet Medical mental facility. ::looking up to Lhandon::

Nilsen: : ::taking a deep breath, his voice steady and quiet:: That’s not going to happen to you. I ain’t having you locked up, even if I have to give this job up. I’ve seen enough to know he’s not just a program. ::pausing, meeting Arlill's gaze:: But I need you please to promise me something - no more secrets between us. Not like this. Not again.

Arlill: I never would. I wouldn’t want you to risk your commission for me, especially after what I put you through.

It wasn’t a snarl, but it was blunt. His voice low but steady,

Nilsen: Yeah, you did put me through something.

Arlill: ::looking to Henri:: Do you mind giving us a moment?

Henri nodded and looked towards Lhandon whose eyes met his. Behind those eyes were a hundred million different emotions; before him lay the answer and source of months of pain and torment. And while Lhandon knew he shared some of the blame, most if not all would agree that he did not deserve the punishment.

If he had known that there was someone whispering in Toxin's ear, like he had theorized at one point, he would have mentally laid out a plan to deck the cause, to send them flying into the floor of the ship and hit them until they stopped moving. Such was the hurt that was caused.

But now...

Henri pressed the mobile emitter on his ankle and he shimmered away into nothingness. The mobile emitter followed suit.

Arlill: ::unprompted:: He can control it autonomously. It’s not gone but phased.

Lhandon simply responded.

Nilsen: Right

Arlill: He uses some type of chronometer to make it reappear.

Arlill had seemed to want to lighten the mood

Nilsen: So a timer, I can get behind that. Old tech but never fails.

But Lhandon wasn’t ready to move on.

Nilsen: Why didn’t you tell me on day one?

Arlill: response

He stood from the chair and walked to the glazed-over window. Staring at the pattern, without SKIF mode, he would be looking out to the OC, but here, the vision was clouded—no one could see in or out, but that didn't matter now.

Nilsen: I could have helped. If you had just told me…I would have helped.

His eyes glanced up at the ceiling.

Arlill: response

Nilsen: Instead…I was pushed away. What we had built, the dreams we had. This damned OC, Project FORT: How one day I’d be your first officer, and I’d always be at your side. Just…tossed aside for someone you’d only just met. I know I was no angel but, I don’t think I deserved that.

A brief flash of raw pain surged in his eyes and he looked down at his feet as his hand mindlessly touched the glass. He was doing his best to keep a natural expression, but as Arlill used to say, before this happened, "I can read you like a book, you've got a terrible poker face."

Arlill: response

Nilsen: Do you know what the messed up part of all this is?

He turned his head slightly so one eye met Arlill.

Arlill: response

Nilsen: The most cruel irony.

And he turned to face Arlill fully. But not once did his voice get raised, nor did he rage. His voice remained steady, in command of his emotions.

Nilsen: Me and Henri should be on the same side, and that's what makes this situation so damned ironic. He loves you. Henri cares for you, and it shows. Did you see how he stood by your side through all of this, but still deferred to you? Did you notice whenever I saw you two in the gym, or even today, he always stood on your right-hand side? :He pointed to Arlill’s right side and his voice softened.:: That position, right there by your side - that should be my spot. That was supposed to be where I belong.

He needed Arlill to know everything that he was feeling, and he would have been damned if he hadn't gotten it all out. The sting of being discarded, the dismissed dreams sharing the cruel irony with Henri, and the lingering sense that Lhandon "didn't deserve that" despite his shortcomings.

Arlill: response

The rage controls him no more, but his tears may still yet come, now they will be expressions of hurt rather than rage

Tags/TBC

Lieutenant Lhandon Joseph Nilsen

Assistant Chief of Operations.

USS Octavia E Butler

O240007LN1

He/Him/His (Both player and character)

 

[Lhandon_Nilsen]

You're too kind in your praise, thank you so much for the kind words. 

I only left you all waiting for 48 hours haha 😅