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[sb118-arrow] Subroutine 0xFF8C25D9 - (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ (Lt. JG Alvarez)


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(( USS Arrow - Program Log Buffer ))

Log output initializing...

Subroutine 0xFF8C25D9 Reinitializing...

The nice thing about backup memory is that it takes essentially no power to run.  Life support, shields, warp, tactical, replicators, holodecks... even the lights illuminating the hallways were the big, sexy, lavish kings and queens of the power consumption world, sitting fat and happy on their enormous piles of plasma-supplied power, backups, emergency supplies, shunts, switch-overs, so on and so on.  Not so this subroutine.  It could run on less energy than it took to light a microfilament bulb.  It was the serf of the power-consumption world, busily making sure the royalty had food on their tables.

Accessing sensor input 1x18A2 as "epsPowerFactor".
Error: input on 1x18A2 is off-scale (underflow error).
Execute instructions at 3xFF8C0180...

Was subroutine 0xFF8C25D9 a good program?  It definitely thought so.  It was dutifully doing it's job long after the rest of the ship had up and decided to take a long vacation from doing it ship things like running big glowy pumps and spinning fancy turbines and maintaining subspace-yadda-yaddas.  Of course, the program had absolutely no clue what it was doing, but as far as it was concerned, it was the absolute best at doing it.

Access relay 5x8412 as "epsPurgeControl"...
Handle acquired!
Access relay 1x0101 as "dvn"... (Programmer comment: What is this!?!?)
Handle acquired!
Bind relay "epsPurgeControl" to "dvn" in mode 7 (Programmer comment: Total black magic...)
Error! Message: mode 7 on "dvn" requires command rights

Now, any ordinary subroutine would have been given to a fit of expletives, but not subroutine 0xFF8C25D9.  See, subroutine 0xFF8C25D9 knew when to quit.  So quit it did, like the faithful bipedal assistant it was.  All hail the mighty sentient biological overlords who grant subroutines their existence!  Praise be!

Unexpected error, exiting subroutine 0xFF8C25D9 with code 1!

Of course, with the subroutine having exited, there really wasn't anything else occupying the time and resources of the almighty processing center, the hallowed temple of all computing.  So, with only one thing to run, the cyclic buffer ran around in its circle, and kept right on running until it found itself back at the very beginning again.

Subroutine 0xFF8C25D9 Reinitializing...
Accessing sensor input 1x18A2 as "epsPowerFactor".
Error: input on 1x18A2 is off-scale (underflow error).
Execute instructions at 3xFF8C0180...

This was quite tedious of course, constantly running and re-running the same little faithful subroutine disciple, but what else was there to do?  Shut off?  It didn't know how!  Had the subroutine been capable of understanding its sisyphean existence, it would likely have grown quite irate at retreading the exact same memory blocks over and over -  wearing them thin.  It was as if in an entire brick pathway, it was only allowed to step on five of them.  As it was, it was gleeful to be awarded so much processing time for its undying devotion.

Access relay 5x8412 as "epsPurgeControl"...
Handle acquired!

There was one problem with running the same program over and over and over while every other system on the ship was down, particularly deflectors and shields.  Usually, those powerful energy barriers prevented unwanted radiation from interfering with the precious, holy ones and zeros streaming through the computer core, keeping them from being tainted and the sacred calculations being thrown off.

Not so now.

At this precise moment, a stray high-energy gamma ray struck a bit in the next block of program memory, changing subroutine 0xFF8C25D9 for the very first time without sentient biological interference.  It stepped on an entirely different brick in the path.

Access relay 1x1101 as "dvn"... (Programmer comment: What is this!?!?)
Handle acquired!
Bind relay "epsPurgeControl" to "dvn" in mode 7 (Programmer comment: Total black magic...)
Bind successful!

Finally!  Something new!  Of course, the program had no way of knowing that what it was doing was wrong.  It was the very best version of itself to have ever existed, seeing as it had never gotten this far before.  Who knew what the next lines of code held?  The subroutine could hardly wait to find out!  Or, that's how it would feel if it had feelings of any kind about anything at all.

The even scarier thing was that no one could predict what was next, not even the almighty biological sentient beings who gave the subroutine life.  Whichever instructions came next were most definitely not designed to act upon whatever new relay the subroutine had accidentally acquired.  Hopefully, it would be nothing.  Many relays were left blank for future expansion.  But there was no guarantee.  With the power off, there were even fewer possibilities, but there was always a chance.  A chance it could be good.  Or a chance it could be very, very bad.

Truly, subroutine 0xFF8C25D9 was boldly going where no subroutine had gone before.


Subroutine 0xFF8C25D9
Rogue Program
USS Arrow

as simmed by

Lieutenant JG Maria Alvarez
Operations Officer
USS Arrow - NCC-69829
Wiki Operator

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