Rocar Drawoh

I cant for the life of me remember what it was called, however, I remember reading a book which involved a young Captain Kirk visiting the Enterprise for the first time when Captain April was CO. Something like that might work well. Rocar

The Consequence of Happiness by Ensign Lance Firestarter From the opening line I was reminded of the themes explored in a Keats’ ode to Melancholy. The question of whether one would fully appreciate happiness and pleasure without having first experience melancholy and pain is an interesting notion and it was nice to see a writer apply the concept to this month’s writing challenge of “A poisoned Apple”. The First person narrative is an interesting technique, which is used well in this piece. We get a clear impression of someone looking back and recounting an event from their past. Although this inevitably leads the reader towards knowing the protagonist survives his ordeal, Firestarter executes an interesting narrative twist at the end of this story as we find out that the narrator is in fact not telling us his story but instead is in a coma recounting his own story over and over to himself. Short but well written, this story is cleverly done. The concepts it explores are important and the writer succeeds in conveying the thoughts and feelings of his character and why he was melancholy to the point of needing a “wonder drug.” The “poisoned Apple effect” is clear in that the instances of “ecstasy” that this wonder-drug provides also serve to exemplify the moments of melancholy that follow the next morning. Perhaps familiar to some readers, these notions are cleverly described throughout this piece. Responsible Poison by Ensign Cara Maria Cara Maria’s piece is written with some beautiful narrative descriptions of the setting and a beautiful flowing style. There were, however, one or two minor instances where the sentences didn’t make grammatical sense. Despite this, the majority of the piece is well written and the intent was clear. I find the notion of a “wasteland” particularly rich and interesting in terms of setting and was glad to see this brought out in this piece. It was also interesting to see that the “poisoned apple effect” is the sun which looks like the golden apple given “to the fairest”. The sun has traditional connotations with warmth, the day and light that makes things grow, yet here in the desert with no water the sun’s presence is not so sweet. Then again… if “the shadows” prefer to move at night, and silently then surely the sun’s daylight would be welcome? I found the concept of this race (the shadows) to be an interesting one and the story was certainly very gripping. How would these Starfleet officers cope having lost their CO and crewmates? How would they survive the desert heat and would the shadows catch up? Cara Maria’s descriptive writing style really hooks the reader and exemplifies the build up of intrigue. This was quite honestly unputdownable from start to finish. In terms of Star Trek Canon I would have to question the statement that unjoined trills do not have spots? (I’m fairly certain they do) However, it was nice to see how Starfleet officers react in this story’s situation. I was also a little confused as to why “the Ensign” was in command of the group and why she was better suited to lead than the others? However, it was nice to see so many “poisoned Apples” littered in the storyline, particularly the notion of Command and being the CO being a poisoned Apple which looks great till you’re the one having to lead. On a side note, it was also nice to see how the doctor interacted with the crew throughout and I thought he made for an extremely good character. Very cleverly done and a nice exploration of various issues. Apple Seeds, "Are Apples Poisonous?" by Lt.Cmdr. Julia Harden This was a nicely written piece and managed to do a lot in a short space. The reader can easily picture the situation and the characters, feeling sympathy for Jonni Jett from the start. Whilst traumatic, I was left wondering why a Starfleet Admiral (and presumably Starfleet Guards) would treat a young girl in this manner? It did not seem very Starfleet like and I have to say at first I presumed it was a Non-Starfleet Admiral. Although these may have been corrupt officers, would they not have been punished following Jonni’s rescue? That said it’s certainly very worrying what people in positions of power and trust could potentially get away with. A small note on Star Trek Canon –I think Yeomen is a non-commissioned officer rank like crewman and chief and therefore a Yeomen would not have attended Starfleet Academy (though that’s just my take.) In terms of the plot, it was certainly interesting to see the notion of Poisoned Apple being used in a literal sense, though I would have liked to see some explanation as to why Jonni chooses to poison the admiral in this way. Though the Vendetta was interesting, surely a Starfleet Officer would have learned of other ways to poison someone? It would certainly be interesting to see a squeal to find out how Jonni gets on and how she deals with the trauma of her childhood. Overall this piece is interestingly done, uses a different approach and is certainly very thought provoking and at times disturbing. Acid Green, A Captain's Table by Captain T'Pen The beginning of this story allows a good opportunity (often missed in sims and in the Star Trek TV show) to explore how characters feel after a mission is over and they wind down. The feeling “we could have done more” perhaps being a a familiar and appropriate one, it was nice to see a story start with Primary characters in the UFoP and I felt the writer showed their relationships and interaction well. For anyone who is unfamiliar with the Pocket Books “Captain’s Table” series you might like to read the following review: http://www.starbase118.net/members/?action...mments=1&id=110 Essentially the Captain’s Table series of books (though harshly criticised by some) works on the idea that there is a bar known as the “Captain's Table” that only Captains come across. A place "where those who have commanded mighty vessels of every shape and era can meet, relax, and share a friendly drink or two with others of their calling." The catch is that the bar exists outside the normal confines of the space time continuum and thus any Captain who enters the Bar joins a clientele from a variety of different Eras. As such Captain Picard of the Enterprise-D can step into the same bar as Captain Pike of the Enterprise-1701; a Captain from 18th Century Earth or the captain of the Titantic could find themselves sitting in the bar exchanging stories with Captains of Klingon vessels and of course our very own Captain T’Pen. I was glad to see T’Pen attempt this and think it might be nice if all our Captains could do something similar. As many captains before her, T’Pen takes up a seat in the bar and is asked to recount a story. The books manage this by using some clever narrative techniques. T’Pen does okay with this, however, it would have been nice to see her make a fuller use of this narrative structure and play with some narrative jumps back to the bar more often. This is a difficult narrative technique for a writer to do successfully but would have allowed the Captain character to recount her experiences to an audience as a First person narrator whilst the writer describes those listening. Had the writer succeeded with this difficult style then we would have see more descriptions of how the other drinkers in the bar were reacting to her story. Presumably prevented from achieving such a narrative effect by the word limit, T’Pen nonetheless manages to shares an interesting story about her days as an Ensign and it was a real pleasure to see the writer dive back into her characters past. In so doing, I found her description of the Hec-Torat to be (like the Shadows in Cara Maria’s story) an interesting and well thought up idea for a race of Trek Aliens. Again, as with Julia Harden’s story the notion of a poison apple was taken literally with an apple seed nearly poisoning an Hec-Torat. The story is perhaps a little narcissistic, in the sense that Ensign T’Pen is the sole hero to save the day rather than describing a set of Starfleet officers working together, however, I guess a little is excusable in a setting where a character is asked to tell a story about oneself. Overall this entry was a nice story that was well written, however, I feel more could have been done within the “Captain’s Table” format and the stylistic opportunities it offers. It was also a little unfaithful to some of the key concepts to do “Captains Table” Bar –for example how did a Romulan Centurion (not a Captain) get in? And I’m sure those familiar with the “Captains Table books” would also have found it nice if a gecko had been referred to at some point in the story. The Diary of a Mad Man by Ensign Pedro Sanchez Ramirez An interesting start. Reminded me of the story of the whaleship Essex, a terrifying real-life story from the mid-19th century and the origin of Moby [...]. The story was all set to be a real ripper of a yarn, but then it came undone, as the story turned into the ravings of a madman, reminiscent of a few episodes of DS9. However, unlike Sisko, we have no sympathy for the central character because we don't know him. The dialogue wasn't really believable for me. I do like the concept that the central character has stories to tell, and is being prevented from doing so. The main stinger, however, that a story is all someone's dream, is something a bit hackneyed. A Poignant Memory... by Lieutenant J.G. Salak Ahh, yes, I've seen this before. Several times since I've been judging this competition, people have attempted to rewrite plotlines from the ships they're on in reminiscence format. And I've never seen it work satisfactorily. The trouble with reminiscence is that there's usually a distinct lack of dialogue, which I think is pretty important for this genre. All description can make a story hard going. What is here is pretty well written, but I've seen Salak write better. The Last Entry, Archive access granted by Lt.Jg. Aresee Ventu Wow. This was spot on. A good plotline, tight writing, the right blend of dialogue (as it was a captain's log) and description. Throw in an unusual format and you've got a winner. It's difficult to see how this could be improved upon. But, being a judge, I have to try. I did find the codebreaking a little unbelievable. A simple substitution code in the 24th century? I mean c'mon Ventuu, that was a little careless. It'd have been great if you could have read up a bit on modern cryptology to make it realistic. But apart from that, a top-notch effort. Well done. Perfection, by Nemitor Atimen An excellent concept, Lieutenant Atimen. The origin of the Borg is a topic never discussed on Trek. Your story is believable and original. My quarrel with this one is that it's very short. While that's not necessarily a problem, I found myself wanting to know the backstory. I'd have liked to know a little more about the leader, the experimenters, the original Borg themselves. It left me unsatisfied as a narrative. It's really a vinaigrette told at one point only: the time the Borg first exit the experimental chamber and presumably assimilate the planet. But a narrative it is not. The Fruit Born of a Poisoned Tree By Ensign David Cody What does it mean to partake in something so innocent, but with cruel intentions? Is it to fall in `love' so quickly, upon the sight of someone who would be your savior? The chemicals and hormones that are associated with love are set off during the heroic acts of chivalry, or what would be an act as such. There is something underlying, some secret to Orola's captivity. The metaphor can be taken in several accounts in this passionate piece of writing. Living with being a clone, Orola paid a Ferengi to take her captive into what might be called an exotic dancer and slave. The treatment she endures can be the fruit of her choices and the poison of their consequences. In the time of watching Trek, this reviewer has never seen or heard any mention about cloning Orion Slave Girls and not being able to have children… then again, this could be true or just a creative throw by the author of this story. It's an interesting touch to an intriguing tale. Another, as it was clearly pointed out, the `savior' named Cody felt intoxicated by the fruit the Orion female offered him but would later find the poisons of her past. Were Cody's attraction clearly his own or another fruit that would turn to poison as cast by Orola… as we know how Orion females can manipulate men. Mr. Cody does a good job in his passionate writing of emotions. They are descriptive in both accounts, as he switches back and forth between Orola's and Cody's point of view. This is an delightful part of the writing, to be treated between perspectives. However, this reviewer was left thinking, "Did she plead her love to him to escape from an impossible situation?" The emotion she was feeling to the Starfleet officer seemed to be a little forced and strong, but, then again, love works differently in every individual… and species, I should say, too. So, did the characters partake into something so innocent, but with very cruel intentions? Were Orola's movements in the direction of something innocent? Were Cody's? Perhaps… then again… A Viper's Bite By Lieutenant Toni Turner This piece is incredibly written, treating the reader to a variety of beautiful comparisons. Who could expect any less from this writer? The story centers around two characters: Lieutenant Lori Striker with a voice that held a certain drawl and charm. Her voice could entrap and mesmerize any listener, negating any notion that she was a not a strong-willed woman. Then there was the Romulan Lieutenant, Tal Zeetra, who skills were in deception and the manipulation of others with his words. Then the two face off in a battle of wits in what is called `deliberations', leaving the reader thinking… until it is announced the winners of the debate, these two, are becoming husband and wife! While this is a beautifully written story, the reviewer is left a bit confused on the actual `poisoned apple' metaphor. Is it the underlying personalities of these characters to their outwardly appearance to the world? Is it the trick at the end? This story is based mainly on narrative and descriptions of the characters and their charisma which is done nicely, taking an interesting turn. However, while this metaphor is left open for interpretation, the clear meaning in which the writer may have intended is a little lost in the descriptions. Bitter Fruit By Lieutenant Ben Walker The efforts to surpass their opponents in an unnamed war, it is clear at the end of this `Twilight Zone' type story that the war has just gotten worse in the evolution of tactics. The will to survive had bitter consequences. The story begins with a man, locked behind a door in a room where he writes a cryptic message and awaits his inevitable demise. A flashback then allows us to see to story unveil… of warring factions with extreme tactics to ensure the win. But when the opponent brings in something new the situation becomes even more daring. Jamming sequences… implanting devices into their armies physical bodies. And, the injection that tamed the will of `man' himself. In the effort to surpass the new technology of their foes, this locked man creates technology that unifies the brains of their soldiers… which is called "Trust", which would later evolve into something cryptic as the Borg. Certainly, this is an interesting take on the creation of the Borg. The reviewer is not so sure if innocence was a factor more so than being naïve. Without thinking ahead to the `fruits' of their creation, the man who locked himself has created an otherwise bleak future where no one can evolve on their own… but by the assimilation of others.

I hate Lost and don't think much of the mission impossible films. I also don't think much of efforts to set things before TOS but making everything look newer. I say give me a pen and the $$$$ budget and I could write you a better trek movie any day!

Ensign Kaitlyn Rowean, Captain Rhys Bejain, and Captain Rocar. I'll let you decide which is the good, the bad and the ugly. Little low on entires this month. Does anyone else fancy a go? There's still time to post entry. As this competition is really all about the fun perhaps some of you would like to encourgage your crewmates? ...if you are a senior officer encourage your junior officers to have a go. If you are a junior officer... challenge your senior officers to stop sitting on their hands and see if they can beat you in a writing challenge!

Hey Takashi is exactly the same as me!!! ...thats a bit scarry two Geordis walking around!

Geordi Laforge You work well with others and often fix problems quickly. Your romantic relationships are often bungled Dunno what everyone else thinks but that sound remarkably accurate!

I see Kel beat me to it: http://www.starbase118.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=2744

Opening Remarks Perhaps one of the most successful writing challenge round to date, I was astounded by the large number of entrants (and very very glad that I was not going be one of the people judging them and picking a winner!) Our resident Judge for this round was Commander Rhys Bejain (USS Kodiak/ Triumphant). The Captain’s Council representative Judge was Commander Robin Phoenix (USS Victory) and they were joined by two guest judges. Lt.Jg Toni Turner (Embassy to Duronis II), our winner of the November/December Challenge and Lt Cmdr Solan (USS Ursa Major). Below you will find some feedback from the judges. We’ve done things a little differently this time round (due to the growing number of entries and to ensure a quick turn around in getting the feedback out to you) in that each story is now reviewed by one judge and not all three. (Though of course they still each read all the entries!) I sincerely hope the participants enjoyed writing their pieces as much as I know players throughout the fleet have enjoyed reading. I hope that some of the comments in this feedback will be of help. Remember, when judges sound critical they are really just offering tips and ideas on areas of your writing you may wish to improve. I look forward to seeing each of your entries again next round, where I hope everybody will have a go at exploring what is meant by a "A Poison Apple" All the best, ~ Captain Rocar *** I'm Home, Goodbye By Kaitlyn Rowan Ms. Rowan opened an aspect seldom discussed, although a very real, and conflicting, issue that exists in countless families. She presented a well-written story, meshing a recent death with a bigger tragedy that had taken place years before, tainting the character’s life forever. She documented the breach in the family and her character’s reaction perfectly. I could see the torment and resentment of hiding the truth for the families sake, and the battle of being expected to grieve, but not feeling anything but relief in saying goodbye to someone who had betrayed her love of them. It was a sad story, dark, and perhaps oblique to those not knowing the horror suffered, but it was a story justified in the telling, and Ms Rowen told it oh so well. I only found one misspelled word (acknowledgement = acknowledgment). Beautifully written, Ms Rowen, it was near perfection. I can’t say enough for the writing abilities of Ms Rowan, and I look forward to reading more of her work. Reviewed by Lieutenant Jg. Toni Turner *** Things to do in Dallas when you're dead. By Russ Heston This was a surprising entry; very dark, which is unusual in Star Trek, but one that captured my imagination. The author writes very well and evocatively. I liked it partly because of that, and partly also because it showed a side of life that is very rarely dealt with in Trek. Even in the 24th century, there will be dysfunctional families. Picard's relationship with his brother was never *really*explored. Here, we have a young ensign feeling like he's let his family down, and part of that *is* explored. The only thing I really would have liked is more of a storyline. The entire plot is let down a little by a 'so what' flaw. It seems like it's part of a larger plot than a story which stands on its own, a problem plaguing many writers who write of their own characters. Still, well done. A very solid and thoughtful entry. Reviewed by Commander Rhys *** Home is where the heart is By Julia Harden Certainly a story which tells the tale of coming home, albeit in a more emotional and darkened situated background. The words chosen and the construction of the sentences make this story easy to read as well as making the reader forget the time. Yes, even the fact that one is reading a story at times. There were no more then 3000 words used. Spelling and grammar are quite good and the story has a certain flow in it which grants the text a certain rhythm. Addictively, Harden has tapped into some very basic emotions which she used to communicate the emotions and thoughts the main character is undergoing. Fear, pain, loss, loneliness, longing... it is all there to read and experience as one is sucked into the story about the old and mangled Admiral who seeks the reason for her still being alive. I personally always love stories about life and death, especially when it is written in an enticing manner. Harden managed to build up the story, explaining the character and her family/surroundings and the situation she is in. Explaining and really deepening the character's way of mind, detailed information and psychology. Isn't it wonderful how such a sad story can leave a reader so content? Reviewed by Commander Phoenix *** This Bitter Aftertaste By David Cody This was an oddly intriguing story that kept my interest with the mystery Mr. Cody spun. By the time I experienced to the powerful emotion of the ending. I was completely captivated by his storytelling skills and compelling descriptions. The surroundings were so cleverly intertwined into the sentences, they were almost mini stories within themselves, weaving in sights and sounds. The writer was absolutely unafraid of long sentences with punctuation correctly used. I liked this aspect of the story great deal. It was refreshing, and it showed that Mr. Cody had comfortable command over his thoughts, and knows how to express it in written words. Even his short sentences flow flawlessly giving emphasis to points that he made and making the reader stop to consider each one carefully. I found the word usage excellent, painting concise pictures that Mrs Cody designed, oh so vividly. Molding his story around an unsolvable mystery, drew this reader into the misyt of the plot, but gently left me feeling that the future would looked brighter for the character he use. Reviewed by Lieutenant Jg. Toni Turner *** A home isn't what you make it, it's what makes you by Pedro Ramirez The first thing that struck me about this story was the appealingly intriguing introduction. From the onset it is not clear who the protagonist or narrator is and this mystery helps build-up for a good story. The description is just enough to clearly conjure up an excellent mental image of the setting and intrigue runs throughout with an eerie feeling something will happen. Indeed nice descriptions of the space, as “he” looks at something and remembers it from the time when he’d lived there. Nice descriptions of family relations, we get a strong sense of a character who did not know where he was going and was weary of the way the universe kept treating him. Extremely well-written, I would have argued this was a very strong contender for winner. I was left hoping Ramirez found his place on the Columbia but also alarmed at how similar this story is to my own real life experience of “heading home.” Reviewed by Captain Rocar *** The stars above By Aresee Ventu A well-written story that deals with something not often discussed in the Star Trek universe: that of life after death. Is the counselor's (I think it's Aresee herself, but it's not made obvious) experience an objective one that awaits us all when we die? Or is it the complicated chemical reactions as the brain shuts down? The story is well and evocatively written. The plotline is, perhaps, a little predictable. I wonder what would have happened if she'd *really* been dead? Still, a good, solid entry. Well done. Reviewed by Commander Rhys *** To Return You Have To Leave By Cara Maria A fascinating story to say the least. From the opening lines, the author sets the tone for a hazy, almost dreamlike scene. The reader isn't entirely sure what is happening, but the basic plot line is still clear enough to follow. The story does a good job of showing the less-heroic side of Starfleet Officers. All that being said, there were a few times I felt a few more details and specifics could have been given. For instance, whom exactly did the old man catch? How was the prisoner caught so easily? While these details would have enhanced the story, it's still a very interesting concept. Reviewed by Commander Phoenix *** Homecoming..home finding By Ben Walker Ben Walker's story Homecoming.. home finding was a good read. The sentences flowed nicely into each other, and the grammar near perfect. The storyline was interesting and commanded attention throughout the work, giving the reader time to digest each point before moving on to the next. I also liked the fact he didicated the piece to his crew mates. That added points with me. The only thing I found that could use improvement is in the possessive nouns, like. . .the pilots words should have been the pilot's words. In another place. "a days travel" should have been "a day's travel.", To sum his story up, I will use the author's ending words. . . “Well said Mr. Walker, well said indeed.” Reviewed by Lieutenant Jg. Toni Turner *** Thought of returning By Ensign Malcolm Wash Similar in theme to Heston's "Things to do in Dallas", this story deals with an unwelcome return home. The writing is darker and angrier than is common in these entries, and good use is made of description. But, ultimately, it suffers from the same flaw as Heston's. It's only part of a larger plot. What did happen to Ben's father's killer? Was he ever captured? It's a chapter rather than a standalone story. That limitation aside, this was a good entry, and a well-written short story. Reviewed by Commander Rhys *** The First Promotion by Sylvie Larocque It was nice to see two old ships from UFoP history feature in a story that used our SIM format. The use grammar and spelling was good, but the writing style could have perhaps flowed just a little more, for example by avoiding the use of the same words twice in a single sentence. That said, as the story goes on, the narrative seems to find its flow and this really helps build up the reader’s excitement. Unfortunately, this piece is at least 700 words over the word limit and that can really hamper an entry into the writing challenge. That said, however, the piece contains excellent knowledge of the Star Trek Canon, which makes for a very believable Star Trek story. It was also fully refreshing to see a few familiar retired UFoP character names in the story. This made the character’s more appealing to a reader familiar with their history and added to what was a nicely rounded story which would make a good read whilst ‘relaxing with a cup of hot chocolate in front of a fireplace’ ;o) Reviewed by Captain Rocar *** Homecoming By Anthony Creed A brilliant concept drives this story. The twist at the end caught me totally off-guard. The author did a good job of bringing the wistful regret of the main character and still tempering it with a desire for what is to come. The relationship between Clarisse and Jasek could have been developed a little bit more, but I liked their affection for one another. Overall, a very good story, and an interesting read. Reviewed by Lieutenant Commander Solan *** Fear By Nemitor Atimen Talking about horror stories, being trapped in a stasis machine for 350 years during which one is conscious. It certainly involves the essence of coming home, but more on the psychological part then the actual homecoming. It is written without too many spelling or grammar mistakes. Also it was written within the 3000 word limit, which made it easy and fun to read as well as thrilling. Going through an experience as the main character could indeed be described as a hell or psychological hell. The turn-around in way of thinking the character makes as a result is quite interesting and plausible. Nemitor has really given a great effort to let the reader see and experience what a mind goes through during such a situation. Being a great story, it is hard to give pointers how to improve Nemitor's writing methods. Except from the fact next time it might be a good idea to explain the character and his inner thoughts and motivations even a bit more, deepen it a bit extra to give the story additional background and foundation. Sufficient to say, this is one tale one would really love to read. And one really would hate to experience what the main character just experienced... I would. Reviewed by Commander Phoenix *** Home for the Holidays By Jalek An entry marred by ... you guessed it ... careless writing. Taking the opening paragraph as an example: "The chilly december breeze hit the half-romulan's chiseled features. Closing his eyes, he retained his stoic expression as he pressed on down the street. As the wind brushed his wavey ebony hair back, Jalek pulled the collar of his jacket up, and tightened it around him, to keep warm. The street was a familiar one. One that he had travelled time and time again in his youth, but those days are long past him. With each pass of his eyes, he saw the familiar facades of those he once concidered as neighbors. A soft smile crossed his lips as he thought back in time, remembering those days." I count three spelling errors (wavy, traveled and considered) and three grammatical errors (December and Romulan both have capital letters, and the sentence beginning "One that he had traveled..." is a fragment). Three paragraphs later, the tense moves from the past to the present. Don't think I'm picking on you here alone, Jalek, but time and time again I've seen some great stories marred by this kind of carelessness. You all put so much time into your stories. Surely you can run it past a spell and grammar checker? Apart from that, the entry is a little short. I think Jalek is going for a sort of word-painting here; a vinaigrette that attempts to capture the essence of a particular time and a place rather than going for a storyline or plot. It's a brave attempt, but one that fails on the grammar, and perhaps some slightly pedestrian description. If one is going to go for such a genre, it's important to have the language perfect. One of my favourite authors is Annie Proulx. She wrote Shipping News, Accordion Crimes, and Brokenback Mountain and other books and short stories. They're terrific examples of descriptive writing because she uses the language so wonderfully. It's prose rather than text. I'd like to see you try this genre again, Jalek. Reviewed by Commander Rhys Homeward Bound By Piet Maximoff Homeward Bound was is a well written exercise in one of life’s dramas. Mr. Maximoff gave us an excellent look at a family in crisis - united by their love for each other, yet still giving a hint to an undercurrent of the public humiliation, and the heartbreak of a breech in affection that overshadowed the relationship between the twins. The style was crisp, and descriptions heightened visuals into motion, like envisioning the dust from the railing flying about as he clapped his hands together, and "seeing" the ancient key he took from under the porch mat. The story was an easy read, flowed nicely, and captured my interest from the beginning to end. I particularly like the ending. Mr. Maximoff masterfully drew the reader, not only into the story, but into the family as well, making Erik’s tears emotionally stronger and personal. Reviewed by Lieutenant Jg. Toni Turner

We will have some feedback for you within the next week. Please be patient, and in the meantime I hope to see each of you enter this new round. It was really great to see so many entries last month.

Ensign Russ Heston will soon be posting below.

Creative Impulse by Lieutenant Ben Walker Cmdr Rhys: You know, that’s a really terrific story. I’ve just been reading Asimov’s biography, and it’s something he or another major sci-fi writer could have thought up in the halcyon days of Amazing! magazine. It reads well. It maintains interest. It’s a great concept. Ok, so the phrase “The Fair is in Minnesota, and that's not until summer” jarred a little bit, but that’s mainly because the rest of the writing was so good. I honestly can’t think of any criticism. Well done. *** Capt Hurne: A nice little story. It showed that sentient life can and will overcome all adversities and win.It is driven by a primeval will to exist I think the writer showed some good ideas on what could happen if Warp capabilities came to an end.Old enemies working together to overcome a common goal. *** Capt. Rocar: I really like this story, right from the first sentence which was a captivatingly intriguing opening line. “Two mem stood in the middle of the galaxy.” I loved what Walker did with this, indeed the entire opening was intriguing. The writing style was a nice in the way it mixed techniques but I felt each section could have been introduced a little better (eg. An explanation for swapping to say “Dear Diary” Captain Log style.) That said, the writing style is very clever and the way the plot develops at first is well excecuted with a very nice use of different adjectives. The grammar and spellings are mostly accurate, with the very occasional odd mistakes that a proof read might have even missed, whats good is how the opening sets the background out well. As much as I liked the opening, however, I found the switch to logs a little unnecessary.Was this just to cover a great amount of time within the word limit? If this was the method the writer wished to use, fair enough, but there is no real sense of time scale and it seems the omission of the standard “Stardates” after “Captain’s Log” is the major oversight. I also would have liked to see a deeper explanation of why people might commit suicide simply because warp power didn’t exist anymore. Also, I’m not sure “May you live in interesting times” is really a curse ;o).On the whole though, I found this an excellent piece with a story I loved. Particularly good twist to the “no warp” theme with a great end that left us to decide whether the ship succeed and whether the powers of the universe switched things back to go and watch a different bet. *** The USS MARX by Ensign Kel Mage Cmdr Rhys: This is a well-written entry with a few logical flaws. The ship, the USS Marx, is a Galaxy-class. Although perhaps no longer entirely cutting-edge technology, these ships are still very powerful vessels. The best of the best are sent to them. Yet the characters in this story exhibit numerous flaws. There is obviously deep mistrust between Captain T’vek and Commander Javik, who at one stage, believes the captain may have him killed, a very unvulcan action. Javik makes several mistakes unlikely to have been committed by a buck ensign, let alone a commander: he disobeys a direct order by his captain in a crisis situation. Just the other day, I watched Pegasus, the Season 7 TNG episode. Picard is appalled that a mutiny could have taken place on a Starfleet vessel. Warp drive or no warp drive, it happens very rarely. But more than this, I’ve got to admit that I didn’t like this story for reasons other than mere logical ones. It had a major theme of them-and-us xenophobia, something Rodenberry abhorred. If you look in every Star Trek episode one of the constant themes is different cultures overcoming diversity. The original enterprise had a Japanese member (not so long after WW2), a Russian member (at the height of the cold war), an African-American woman (at the time of civil rights disturbances) and a farm boy from Iowa. Yet they all got on. That, to me, was and remains one of the most attractive aspects of Star Trek. Particularly with the world in the state it is now. Sorry, Kel, but I’m going to be honest in my appraisals. *** Captain Hurne: This tells the story of a ship caught to near an anomaly as warp capabilities are lost. The ship is almost destroyed. Again I felt this was a little OOC for the Vulcan's. A race whose daily life is run by logic. Would they put racial preference for their own race over that of others. I found that hard to digest.That aside this was a well written story with a lot of depth. *** Capt.Rocar: This story has an excellent opening that grips the reader, however, beyond that I have to agree entirely with Cmdr Rhys. (See above.) The narrative worked well enough (despite the odd spelling errors) but as a Star Trek story would have worked better with an explanation as to why the Vulcans were acting like this. One possible thought was that this could have taken place in early TOS era when there was a hint vulcans found terrans hard to get on with (eg. Manning separate ships,) and with that pinch of salt in mind I thought the story had merit, however, if this was the writer’s intention it needed to be made clearer in the story itself. *** And So it Ended by Lcmd Solon Cmdr Rhys: What a sad story. I almost need to read Walker’s again. LOL. First person stories are, by their nature, more intimate than third-person, and this one’ s no exception: a tragic story of a broken star-fleet captain, who makes a tragic mistake. I think with a little work on the plotting, this could have been an almost Shakespearean tragedy, where every character is a cipher and the central character’s downfall inevitable. As it is, it reads well, is paced well and tells a story well. But I’d have liked a little more depth. Still, an excellent entry. *** Capt. Hurne: Although a well written story. I found it a little long. The fact that at the end he sits awaiting his death from the torpedoes from a Intrepid class ship. I found a little off Canon. Surely he would have been arrested for his crimes and stand trial.If indeed he had committed any. Not killed out of hand without chance of defence. His death was not Star Fleet or the Federation way.But like I said a well written story. Well done. *** Capt. Rocar: This was definitely one of my favourite pieces. I thought the writer pulled off the first person narrative well (which is often hard to do [well!]) That said, after the second paragraph, I felt perhaps more of an explanation could have been offered as to why Farchess was telling us this/talking to the reader. The captains melancholy is certainly enticing. When we meet Bryce the CEO, he could be better introduced –we are almost left expected to know who he is. I also have to question how why a CO with a background in Security wouldn’t have aquired some basic knowledge of Engineering. The scenario in which Bryce looses weight was very amusing and made good entertainment out of the situation that was believable. The story developed an interesting twist which was altogether well written. *** This little warp of mine by Cadet Ramirez Cmdr Rhys: Gargh! Apostrophe man strikes again! It’s=it is! Its=possessive of it! Animated suspension? Surely you mean Suspended Animation? These minor points (which would be fixed by any editor worth his salt) aside, a competent story outlining the failure of warp drive and the personal consequences of it. We think of what would happen to Starfleet or the balance of power in the alpha quadrant if warp drive collapsed, but this story is a more personal one. How many people would really be willing to ensure years of space travel far from home? In real life, I work a long way from my home and family, but only for five months at a time, and let me tell you, it can get very difficult sometimes. I wonder how many people would join Starfleet if a voyage meant years rather than months of travel. I’m giving you extra brownie points for making me think. *** Capt. Rocar: Really great to see a cadet (at the time) participating in a writing challenge and I look forward to seeing more entries from Ramirez in the future. Admittedly this story suffered from a handful of grammatical faults, however, I liked the setting. The concept of an old man writing home was nice, as was his determination to continue with his routine space run despite warp speed having been banned. The protagonist was certainly well written as he embodied all the characteristics of an old man (I particularly enjoyed his paranoia that SPA had been finding excuses to ban warp speed.) It was nice to see an entry that suggested cryogenic freezing was the way of space travel in a galaxy without warp speed, and I felt this story made a good exploration of the emotions around using suspended animation. Star Trek without warp doesn’t seem to be Star Trek, yet it has been said that the Sci-Fi setting of Star Trek is merely the back drop for stories that explore human emotion. This story does exactly that and I feel captures the very human reality of missing a lover across time and space; of not doing something for someone but still cutting yourself off from them; and, particularly the sense of being alone. All these aspects are extremely well explored and tie in nicely with this month’s theme. *** One Percent by Lieutenant Anthony Creed Cmdr Rhys: Hmmmm… characterisation was a little hazy here. At some stages, the Commander was behaving as a commander, and sometimes like a buck ensign, but the ensign always behaved like a commander. Ok, so the phrase “Cute as a button, and about as smart” made me chuckle, but it still belies uncommanderlike thinking. Think of Riker, of Kira, of Chekotay. Hell, think of Trip. I don’t think their professionalism would have them thinking such things about a young ensign. Characterisation is such an important part of writing. It means that people react in a way that is consistent and are believable. I had trouble believing your characters, Creed. *** Capt Rocar: Oh I dunno Rhys …I’m sure Riker’s had his eye on a few “cute young buttons” in his time. ;o) I do agree with Rhys though, characterisation is paramount and I don’t think this was your best attempt in that area (I’m thinking of characters in sims but also back to characters in previous competitions where we are some extremely well written protagonists of all ranks.) The opening was interesting in its reference to people as “The Comander” and “The Ensign” and I thought probably captured the way officers would think quickly in a crunch situation. This actually continues throughout even once we get the Commander’s name. Whilst it does add to the intensity of the situation and give an action film feel to the piece, it also places a barrier that blocks character building. This in turn blocks the reader from having any deep sense of empathy for, the characters That’s said, there were moments in the characters’ interaction that were very well written and highly amusing. This was an interesting piece in the competition. To me it was kind of like a scene at the start of a film that ends badly but sets up the plot for our heros to go and investigate… .you could easily imagine this on screen at the start of a Trek film…they all die then it cuts to Kirk enjoying a holiday on Earth before the Enterprise is called in to go find out what happened. *** Among the Stars by Counselor Turner Cmdr Rhys: An odd little piece. I like the style very much. And certainly it’s a thought provoking work. One of the things I love is the thoughtful and intelligent use of words (eg. the works of Annie Proulx). Words that ache to be read out loud so one can savour, taste them as they roll off the tongue. Counselor Turner has certainly achieved a measure of this in this work. And she’s addressed the passion that keeps all of us writing. We can’t warp to Risa, or battle Klingons, so we write about it. That’s really what all Science Fiction’s about, really. She’s also achieved something a lot of writers could learn from: concision. Not one word is wasted. I decided I liked this work after all. Well, done Counselor. I look forward to reading more of your work. *** Capt. Hurne: This was my favourite out of all the entries.Although short in gave insight into someone who dreams of visiting the stars. I took its slant not from the present Federation as we no it. But from the point of view of a civilisation who has yet to achive Warp capabilityies and can only dream of visiting other worlds. A culture on the start line of Warp technology. *** Capt. Rocar: This is one of those pieces where you’re truly left not sure what to say. The writer captures something in this months theme, which most of us (including myself,) completely missed –we are in a world with no warp drive and so each of us in the UFoP solve that by writing about those distant galaxies and races. Nicely done, short and concise. Riser’s lines are themselves poetical; in fact this piece contains a poem within in the story (take out all the lines of story and arrange what Riser wrote into verses… I tried, it works!) Very cleverly done and an excellent exploration of the month’s theme. Regression, A story of rememberance and forgetting by Idril Mar Cmdr Rhys: I’ve come to expect interesting things from Idril. She’s won this competition twice this year. And this story is also a good one. I’m not quite certain if it’s a what-if scenario (What if the Federation hadn’t existed, and the Trill had their own fleet of ships) or if it’s set before the Federation. Still, it’s an interesting read. Not entirely sure about the symbiont having a skeleton. Every time I’ve seen one, it looks like a slug, which don’t have skeletons. Still. A fine story, good characterization, and plotting, as expected. *** Capt. Hurne: This story had a lot of depth in it's content. Again it showed a point of view of a culture . How it deals with its isolation due to the loss of Warp capabilities. It final solution to it. It making itself inward looking. Something I think a culture that was advance enough to have had Warp capabilities would not had done. It would have strived to regain its place amongst the stars by other means. However I liked the twist at the end. *** Capt. Rocar: I think one day we will be able to take all of Cmdr Mar’s Trill stories and publish them in a collection of Short stories from Trill. This was another fine example of her work and very well written. I particularly liked the narrative jumps and the way the story was divided. It was also interesting to see a continuation of the “parasites” influence on trill life, something I remember from an entry earlier this year. An interesting slant, in that some of these characters voluntarily cut themselves off from space and warp speed. This was an interesting delve into Trill’s forgotten past and works well. An excellent piece that everyone reads and interprets in their own way. Element by Counselor Phoenix. Cmd Rhys: An interesting story told from a future where the Federation has been assimilated. (I was pleased to note that the Kodiak gave her all at a key battle,). Good characterization and plotting. Believable. I wonder what the lack of warp flight would have on a marauding species like the Borg. *** Capt Hurne: I liked the angle that this narrative took. Not losing the Warp technology through unknown scientific reasons, but through conquest from a more powerful foe. By using ship names it used a time scale that is current, thus, making it personal to the group of SB 118. The time scale was set far in the future and looking back at a Universe that was long dead. - A nice twist. *** Capt Rocar: This story has a very nice battlestar galactica feel to it, and gained credence from that similarity. Unfortunately, this story suffers from a few grammatical errors, especially past participles of irregular verbs (eg. speeded instead of sped). That said, the range of vocabulary used was extremely varied and extensive with only a few spelling errors. Though I liked the story, I was left wondering certain things. Why does this reducing of Starfleet to a battlestar galactica existence prevent them from using Warp technology? Do the Borg also have no warp? –These things really ought to have been explained in terms of this month’s themes. I’m also left wondering why the Borg could not pursue the shuttle after it left the asteroid field or indeed Why is the Eden II project a safe haven? -If the borg have assimilated 80% of four quadrants what is preventing them from coming over and assimilating the last terran outpost until much later? Ultimately, I’d have liked to see this piece clarify how it fits in with the end of Voyager and their D-Tonic? And also why pyramid shaped vessels? Little details too like “terran species” in the last line would have been all the more poignant and faithful to Star Trek canon had it be written as: Species 5618: [VOY: "Dark Frontier"] The stardate technique towards the end of the story was interesting and a nice link back to the UFoP way of doing things. But the reader could have perhaps used an insight into who was recording these logs and why? It ended up seeming like a method to cover a larger period of time very quickly to fit a word limit, and as such I’d have preferred to see jumps in time and chunks of emotion filled memories focusing on the catastrophe rather than a history book recording. This story certainly inspires a great deal of thought and emotion from the reader. For that it stands as a strong piece, as it asks the reader to explore how they feel about this death of the Federation people.

They will appear in the New Year. Sorry guys. I had one more entry's feedback to type up and then I came to my parents house for X-Mas, cleverly leaving all your feedback on my home computer (allong with about 3 other even more important word documents related to my RL work that I'm really at a loss without.) You'll def. have it by the 3rd of Jan. I know this is annoying, but the last month's workload was tough and I've I had countless things to do. Thanks for your patience. Rocar

I thought you'd all be interested in knowing: I put all your stories for this month's challenge into a word file and changed them to Arial size 11... I printed them out to read on 2 train journies this weekend and it turns out you've provided over 40 A4 pages of reading material!

guess whos back

Is there a button I can click to get you in a foreign language Lieutenant? Or is that only a region 2 dvd feature?

A Note from Captain Rocar: I know all the judges agree with me when I stress this was an extremely hard challenge to judge and took a lot of pondering. Every entry was of the highest quality and could have been the winner. Each had its own qualities and this was by far one of the strongest overall month of entries we've seen. Additionally, I am sorry to have kept you all waiting so long for your feedback. I'm afraid work and health in addition running the Embassy sim and other OOC commitments kept me from upholding my side of the bargain for quite a while. However, here's some feed back and I hope you will all take another go at winning this month and in the future. Kind Regards, Rocar Feedback for Aug/Sep. 2005: This Thing of Darkest Hate By Lieutenant Commander Solon Rocar:A good title, standing as another way of saying “the devil in the dark” we’re instantly drawn into what thing of darkest hate this piece will present to us. A great deal of consideration was clearly given to this piece. Attention to Star Trek detail is not bad, but could be tighter –for example instead of Capital city the writer could have placed the events in either the cities of Lakat or Culat? Likewise, I was unsure on the strength of details such as Cardassia having a Prime Minister. The English was okay, though wavered briefly at times, for example with word order in the sentence: “There was a distinct pause in the conversation as Phillips waited for a name, but it became obvious one wasn’t coming after several seconds.” Though these again were minor things and did not detract from the overall power of the story. There is an excellent narrative description of Cardassia’s past, showing especially good knowledge of Star Trek history regarding the Jem Hadar/Cardassian relationship. Rhys: This is an excellent piece of writing capable of winning the competition. Dark, moodily written and captivating, it captures a lot of the spirit of some of the darker DS9 episodes. There are two flaws in it, to my taste. One is a logical flaw... Why would Starfleet Command place an officer on Cardassia who has a known and unreasoning hatred of Cardassians? The other point is a pacing one... I feel it ends too quickly. Remarkably, the writer got the word count down to exactly 3 000 words, and perhaps this was why. Excellent work, though. The Devil in the Dark By Lieutenant Commander Nugra Rocar: This piece was nice as it explored the junior ranked officers on a starship and what its like fresh out of the academy. The plot itself was perhaps a little predictable but still made for a pleasurable read. This did remind me of a mix of Starfleet Academy style books and an excellent TNG episode (“From the lower decks”) An interesting approach to the devil the dark concept, one could read deeper into the statement –perhaps the real devil being that within the darkness of a bully. Unfortunately, This account of hazing in Starfleet was marred by obvious grammatical and spelling errors, one of my pet hates. It's suggested that the author runs his future work through a spell and grammar checker. Rhys: The story itself was sound, if a little pedestrian. I'd like to see the author tackle larger issues. The thing about simming in Startrek is that we get to deal with big issues: huge battles and interspecies negotiation. One of the TNG stories "From Lower Decks", which dealt with junior officers and it dealt with the death of one of them and the consequences. Nonetheless, a good solid entry. Well done. Isolate amongst the Irrational Lieutenant (jg) Salak Rocar: I felt this was a highly commendable piece and fully enjoyable read. What I particularly liked was that the write used this opportunity to examine a childhood moment within their own character’s memory. This was particularly well executed and I enjoyed the way events were presented to us through the eyes of a child… for example describing a Jem Hadar soldier not precisely as a Jem Hadar but as a menacing figure who’s face was Blood Green. With Green being the colour of vulcan’s blood this is a reminder of how the memory must have been all the more terrifying. I would have to question the Vulcan girl living in a Vulcan embassy not controlling her emotions and being more like a native. However, despite this, I feel this is an excellent work and strong contender for winner. Particularly commendable is the way the entry addresses this month’s theme without ever once making direct use of the term “devil in the dark” –and yet the reader is left knowing exactly how it fits the challenge. –Brilliant. Rhys: A solid entry in the competition. It's good to see officers developing background for their own characters through these competitions. I felt there was a 'so what' feeling about the plot. But a fascinating look at the background of one of our officers. Sanctuary By Lieutenant Creed Rocar: This is an excellent exploration of a secondary character’s background history. Unfortunately, it relies too heavily on the reader already knowing about Dachas. An interesting take on the concept of devil in the dark, this piece was well written but is based too much on dialogue and could benefit with more narrative description between the lines of speech. Rhys: On reading it, I felt the pacing was irregular, some parts of the story receiving a lot of attention, and some being glossed over. The basic premise is sound, though I would have a hard to believing that an ensign would speak to a seeming captain in that way, no matter what he believed. At lease, no ensign better speak like that to Rhys! [maybe Rocar is too much of a soft touch ;o) ] It'd have been more believable if the central character was of a higher rank. Still, a good story, and excellent writing. Lost in a Dreamland By Lieutenant Commander Maximoff Rhys: Ah, the old standard: the dream sequence. This one was well executed, and written. In dream sequences the object is to keep the viewer/reader off balance. Think how they achieved that in the 'Visits from the prophets'. The situations were familiar ones. The people speaking to Sisko were familiar, and yet, the lighting was golden. The camera angles odd. Movement slow. The film overexposed. When writing a dream sequence, it's possible to achieve the same with the language and description. I'd have liked to have seen a little more of that in Maximoff's entry. The description (one of my pet soapboxes) was very matter-of-fact, which was unfortunate, and marred an otherwise excellent entry. Rocar: A great exploration of how we react to familiar faces and setting acting in an unfamiliar way. Knowing the characters involved, the reader could easily picture this being played out on a televised filmed setting. I was impressed with the standard of writing and the style –a vast improvement from much earlier works Lt Cmdr ;o) Whatever you’ve been doing to improve your writing has worked wonders and you should keep it up as this was a thoroughly enjoyable piece. Shadows and Reflections By Lieutenant Commander Kai Rhys: My personal favourite. I thought this story was very well handled . . . and deceptive from the start. Who is this Petty Officer Kai? Towards the end of the story, it all resolves together into the parallel universe. The writing was good, and it drew in the reader. Well done, Kai. Rocar: A thoroughly intriguing piece, albeit a little confusing at time. I certainly found the connected mission an interesting read and believe the idea behind the piece to be well inspired. The standard of writing and language is faultless, however unless the reader knows what’s going on or reads it for the second time then its not the clearest of mirror universe stories. Still a strong contender and great submission. X Factors By Ensign Ventu Rhys: A nice piece of comedic writing. I always thought that Q was a terrifically funny character. Ensign Ventu has taken a very dark topic and turned it into a joke. Nice work, and unexpected. The writing is extremely mature for an Ensign. I though at times it could tend towards being slightly twee, but a well-deserved winner. Rocar: I fell in love with this story the minute I read it. In setting the challenge Flt Adm Wolf said: “Take the theme and create a completely original idea for a story. Work your magic. It's vague, it's a little dismal, kinda creepy... show us just how creative you can be while adhering to the topic. Keep a focus on good writing. Give us interesting and fresh images from the Star Trek universe.” Well this piece certainly does all of that and more. The comedy of the piece was well executed but also perfectly refreshing to the Star Trek universe. I feel it was well researched in terms of the devil in the dark’s different personas, well written and perfectly Q-like. Nice to see a submission from a cadet/ensign this is a highly deserving winner and worthy even of being expanded on for an episode of Star Trek or a short novel. Well done. Dark Whispers By Lieutenant Walker Rhys: A great idea here (if reminiscent of a DS9 episode), but almost too much to cope with in one 1,674 words. Or, maybe, to cope with in this fashion of a narrative style this happened, then that happened. Flashback maybe? Certainly, in this form it seemed rushed. Rocar: As with other entries, I thoroughly enjoyed the concept behind this story and found it highly original. The twist in what appeared to be a helper ruining the protagonists life was well thought out and fitted our human emotional reactions perfectly. If anything then this short story lives many questions open… perhaps this “T’Pree” creature would be an interesting creature to investigate in future sims/pieces and work towards closure of the many ideas opened here.

why do you think its taking me so long to reply to it!

Come on Anthony... I'm sure you can think of something!!!! Unless of course Toni has you scared!

Now now Mister Creed... I hope thats not an attempt to get Toni to withdraw so that you have less competition this month I for one will enjoy seeing the mentor be against the student in a challenge Relax a little everyone. Part of the problem here is again me not doing things I promised I would... I've been meaning to get a list of "what judges look for" out for months now. Stone me if you want, but I'm afraid people keep keeping me busy. Toni, neither Admiral Wolf nor Cmdr Bejain were criticising your piece. They were speaking in general terms with aim of explaining that if a shorter piece wins a competition the said shorter piece would need to achieve what a longer piece does despite having fewer words. It would have to be good... to use your own words It would need to suceed in painting a picture without the flowers, but it would not win if it hadn't. Nobody here is commenting on whether or not your piece or anyone elses specifically. As someone who's marked college essays I assure you that 2000 well written and constructed words that make several good points consicely will always score higher than 3,500 words that are full of irrelevant ramblings! When I say that, it does not mean that I believe any entries to the competition close to the upper word limit are unecessary ramblings... And thats the point. Any piece can win. As Adm Wolf wished to explain: if you are happy with the piece then that is all that matters. So if you feel your piece was good, if its how you wanted it and if you feel you have successfully painted a field without flowers then by all means leave the piece as it is. I can assure you the judges always read every piece in its entirety... I even read a piece a few competitions ago by Lt Rocket that over shot the upper word limit by five times and I still considered it and offered feedback. There is a South-American writer -Gabriel Garcia Marquez, who can do in two or three pages what other authors take an entire novel to do. His short stories are stunning and his novel "one hundred years of solitude" has moments where he outlines the life and times of a character in two pages yet you learn so much about the setting, the character, their thoughts and emotions. If you feel a short piece of writing has achieved something similar then let it stand and it has a good chance of winning. The Japanese have a form of Poetry known as Haiku. Suppose I set a writing challenge asking you all to write a piece: "considering news media, issues in the modern world and how it affects us in our everyday life." You could write me a 3 volume book, you could write me a 3000 word short story.... or you could write the following Haiku poem: the morning paper harbinger of good and ill - - I step over it Were that a 12 word entry in such a writing challenge the competition would have to be mighty strong. Despite being only 12 words -that haiku would take hours of work to construct so poignantly. Remember, every reader and every judge will take something diferent from your writing. As a writer you all need to consider what you take from your own writing. That is the real beauty of entering this writing challenge. If you're unhappy with a piece post a new version, if you are happy then let it stand as a testament to what you believe you achieved. It doesn't matter what others say -not everybody likes a certain piece of music or artist, but its by no means either good or bad because of that. Whats important is that you all enjoy writing what you write and reading one another's entries.

It won't be long...

Though you will probably be a Junior Grade Lieutenant by then I'd say someone got a lucky escape! Just in case anyones wondering... we are working on getting out some feedback on last months writing challenge. Its me holding things up I'm afraid as I hurt my back and got flu and got busy with a million other things. But I will get them to you as soon as I can. Thanks for your patience!

I can think of a few Star Trek civilisations who get around just fine without warp drive

Cadet Ventu, If you send me your story as a PM then I can post it for you. Or, if you send me your Title -I will open the thread for you and you can then click reply and post your story in that thread. Hope that helps. Captain Rocar Writing Challenge Judge

Big Congratulations to all the judges!!!! You've all earned a holiday in the sun. To the entrants...can you try and all be less good next month -picking winners was never meant to be this hard!!! A really good set of entries everyone and a pleasure to read. I look forward to seeing your next round of stories. In the mean time we've posted a little feedback for you. All the best and well done Rocar ps. love the new avatar Ms Devar

Honour - Honour is an ephemeral thing. The word means one thing to some (Klingons) and something completely different to others (Ferengi). Show us a form of honour that we may not have seen before, or give us a fresh perspective on a form of honour we're familiar with. Try and stretch yourself by writing something you would have never tried before. Use images you wouldn't consider in SIM. Wow us! In this months writing task, Honour is described as “ephemeral” -a markedly short-lived thing. As such I was looking for a story that would offer a new perspective of honour through the eyes of a chosen race or character and I also expected a brief examination of how such honour could be lasting for a markedly brief time ie. Appropriate to the timeframe covered by the story. The importance of the word By Lt. Kalin Terpes (Kodiak) This is a good attempt at a story set during the Cardassian occupation of Bajor and features the concept of collaborators betraying their own people’s freedom fighters. I liked the idea behind the story and could easily picture the setting and characters involved. Although not a bad effort, the story is weakened by certain grammatical errors. Areas the writer may wish to revise if he wishes to improve his writing in English would be construction of the pluperfect tense (i.e. “have come” not “have came”) conjugation of irregular verbs such as “to do” and the distinction between these and those. Whilst stories should be the entrants own work without co-authoring, I do not see any harm in foreign players asking someone to check their writing for grammatical or spelling errors (providing no content is changed.) A trusting Bajoran in this time setting was a little questionable, though on the other hand it was nice to see the concept of “family guilt” which is a long established narrative tradition dating back to the Oedipus cycle and Cain and Abel. In terms of writing style, I would suggest including more descriptions of the surrounding environment and other characters in between the dialogue –perhaps descriptions of the different characters reactions to what is being said. This would make it easier to follow which line of direct speech belonged to which character and improve the piece considerably. At What Cost, Honor? The neo-purist attack on Trill By Lt. Sakorra Jefferson Reed (Kodiak) / Ensign Kiarna Taiven Currently assigned to Trill homeworld. Telling the tale of a neo-purist attack on a joined trill, this story was very high powered throughout. What struck me most about this piece was the excellent and realistic depiction of family life. Very quickly we had a good feel, not just for the protagonist but also a clear idea of each character’s own traits. The style of writing read smoothly in almost flawless language though the writer should watch out for the very occasional colloquialisms e.g. “in the past years since she’d first went into Starfleet” Set around the story of a young Starfleet officer returning home, her situation and the families reaction to her is a sensation known to all who stay away too long, adding an air of realism. In terms of the Star Treksci-fi setting I enjoyed the writer’s nice attention to details, for example the technology announcing the children but also the personal side of the character, for example why people chose names for their kids. For non-trill experts such as myself, this story includes a good and concisely clear explanation of neo-purism on the trill homeworld. The setting (both planet and political situation,) was similar to a recent winning piece sometime ago and makes for an intriguing setting. Whilst the narrative and the characters already made for an excellent piece, it also picked up many points for the honour contained within the story –entwining the topic of honour in a greater variety of different ways to the other contenders. We see how the honour of being joined prevails despite dissident public opinion (and perhaps a hint of how the public view of it as an honour is short-lived.) Whilst our protagonist is Ensign Kiarna Taiven; it is in her sister Jandra Zak that the reader sees honour depicted as an ephemeral thing: She has the honour of hosting Zak and yet is caused to reject the symbiot before her time –the honourable experience has been short lived and the Zak worm is removed so that the smbiont survives at the cost of the hosts life. Jandra and Kiarna both act with traditional honour for the greater good of the symbiont worm and allow this removal to happen, yet this acting on traditional honour is also ephemeral as Jandra changes her opinion shortly after Zak’s removal. Finally with a subtle narrative twist, the writer suggest that the Neo-terrorists might have been slaughtering their own for the: “honor and glory of Trill” yet all the while the trill hosts felt the honour of being joined and Kiarna feels honoured to have had a sister Taiven. Not only to we get an insight to a canon star trek race’s definition of honour but we also see how the honour can be shortlived and we see honour in terms of different individuals definitions of honour. A thoroughly successful piece that lives up to all criteria of this month’s challenge, is well written and yet it does two further things that are a feature of successful short stories: it leaves the ending open slightly and the reader wondering what happens next on trill/to the family but it also succeeds in feeling like an entire epic novel in under 3000 words of a text. A first class effort and beautiful piece of writing. "Honour his Memory" By Lt Deran Beq (Steadfast) A well written piece with a good topic and excellent choice of setting, this piece would have been a strong contender but for the fact that it over-stepped the word limit by nearly half! The judge have been strict about this in the past and thus we ought to be again, as stated I’ve in previous competitions feedback: in all walks of RL, when submitting a piece of writing the upper word limit needs to be observed –to write over limit in a formal examination or essay assessment in college or university would been heavily penalised regardless of the contents merit. Lt Beq’s story, albeit a little too long, certainly had some strong points and originality. Again featuring a strong family motive, we get a good insight into the characters love for her husband and child. Her ordeal in face of the Borg attack on the El-aurians would indeed be truly horrific and what is good is the contrast featured in Beq’s life before, during and after the confrontation with the Borg. Whilst first part sets pre-borg friend and family life, I found the section a little over detailed and once in the shopping mall verging in being almost tedious in description. Despite this, the piece picked up point with good details –for example mentioning Lasers rather than phasers so as to capture the Captain Pike era time frame for when and feels a little like a film such as independence day. The writer skilfully changes the mood from everyday life and “girly shopping” to “run for your life action.” In terms of written English (presumably Canadians I would guess from the spellings?!) the very occasional grammatical error crept in to weaken the story, for example “drug” instead of “dragged” and more commonly “your” often slipping in to the text instead of “you are” or “you’re” and general confusion between when to use “its” and when to use “it’s.” Despite these discrepancies, this was a Good story and offered a well written analysis of loss and insight to both character background and El-aurian history. In terms of honour, the writer offers an interesting conundrum and fresh perspective from the other stories: that of honouring a lost one. I liked the contrast between what others on the shuttle epected Beq to do and what she felt she could do -this indeed would have been a very strong contender if it had not failed because of its length Adoption By Lt.Jg Ethan Brice (Independence) What stood out in this story was that the writer was either very well versed with fine details of Star Trek Romulan facts or else had done his research well (both of which are highly commendable.) Never actually naming the planet Romulus in the piece, I have seen Ch’rihan named as the Romulan’s capital city and this features prominently in double brackets at the start. As such from the onset we can expect a tale of Romulan intrigue and honour clad deeds –we are not disappointed. Lt.Jg Brice’s attention to Romulan detail continues as we come across phrases such as “you fool” written in the Romulan (Rhiannsu?) language. This really adds nice authenticity, shows great research efforts by the writer (as I’m presuming he’s not fluent in the Romulan tongue,) and really helps make the stories setting. –It is this kind of Star Trek research before writing a sim or entry to the writing challenge that can really make your writing go a long way. The writer offers an excellent narrative description of character, situation and setting. He has a wide range of high vocabulary and makes no spelling or grammatical errors what so ever [well except No spelling for counselled which has two Ls in British English {which the piece is written in} …but we’ll let him off ;o) ] Flawless in language use, the writer certainly has a flawless and elegant writing style. With the first part of the story being a “Nightmare memory” we get a good feel for the narrative point that really adds to the stories content. With the title adoption, we are left wondering how the high drama disappearance of the protagonist’s children will lead to a form of adoption. As with Reed and Beq submissions, piece is Family based again (almost making “family” this month’s secondary leitmotiv,) and once again succeeds well with its description –we get a strong sense for Galan’s feelings towards his wife and the effect of his children’s disappearance. Throughout the build-up is really excellent and yet the ending somewhat unpredictable –causing the reader to read on with intrigue. Our eagerness to find out how the mystery will end grows and grows as we find out the two young romulans have been found dead and the story finally concludes with an excellent ending that is left open to the reader for interpretation. Galan returns with a baby which he and is wife will adopt –presumably the ultimate honourable act after the romulan father acts on his parental honour and looks for his missing children. The question is as he stolen this baby, as he found it…or indeed has be brought back a child that his own children ran away to have together? The hint for this interpretation comes with the line: “They knew better then to venture from their rooms at night, not alone but together.” Though if this is the case then I feel the writer could have made the link a little clearer. This piece is a beautifully written story –clever in its build-up, intrigue and readability and flawless in its use of language; however, I personally feel it could have made more of the theme of “honour” and explained its role in the story. Well written but not overly clear on honour, I think it is thus weaker than Reed’s entry which is also well written and I feel makes more of this completion’s honour theme and is a stronger contender for winner. All That Has Been By Lt.Jg Creed (Embassy) This is a good tale of intrigue –who is this prisoner and what as he done? As the story starts out the prisoner is not like an individual but rather described as a possession (or bargaining tool). The writer cleverly describes the prisoner exchange up until we have two very different men sat in a shuttlecraft together with one clearly unwilling to talk the other not going to miss his last few hours of “free” -speech. And so gradually we find out more about the character and his background. We find out he is accused of terrorist bombs on the Kligon homeworld and yet as the story develops it is suggested that the man may be being falsely accused simply because he was a criminal in the wrong place at the wrong time. Perhaps a topical RL theme for the writer to address through the medium of a Star Trek story, he slowly builds up descriptions of the prisoner until he stops being a possession and exists as one of the stories two key characters. There are slight language errors, most of this could have been caught with a through proof read eg “Added the Chief with far too much enthusiasm than Commander Hart would have liked” rather than “Added the Chief with much more enthusiasm than…” or “you was too far ahead” rather than “you were too far ahead.” This weakened an otherwise well written story which really came into its element when it depicted the conversation between Captor and prisoner. The ending brings in a good twists –the reader utterly convinced that the Starfleet officer is about to shoot the prisoner, but instead he lets him go. Both characters’ backstory is thus cleverly built up gradually until we have a full picture. We see the lack of Klingon honour (something they proudly claim to have,) in charging and innocent. We see the honour of a prisoner saving his captor rather than leaving him die and this echoes the honour with which he acted on Cardassia in the past (when he rescued people from a fire.) Then there’s the honour of letting an innocent man go because of what you owe him. The story has a good examination of honour and the writer is very skilful in how much he reveals about each character and at which point in the story he is going to reveal it. Thus well built up with cunning twists and cleverly constructed moments of suspense, Lt.Jg Creed succeeds in surprising the reader with his characters suddenly acting different to what you would presume at that point in the story. One Knight By Lt.Cmdr.Daydan Taboo (Independence) Another very strong entry which as with Deran Beq’s entry I am presuming is designed to offer an insight into a primary character’s background story? These always may for exciting and insightful reads and Lt.Cmdr Taboo does not disappoint as he dishes up a very strong contender to be the winning piece. I liked the way the story had a clear introduction followed by a flashback to what had happened to Lt.Cmdr Taboo on the Romulan Border. This was done well and the rest of the story is well written with hardly any errors. However despite being well written, the actual story line seems to be overly narcisstic with its focus on protagonist being the strongest of the story’s characters and having an ability to solve all the problems in their path. Of course, he is acting with honour and this style of story-focus always worked well enough for stories about Captain Kirk! The writer is very skilled in mixing creativity with Star Trek knowledge –for example by mentioning the Kendra class bajoran ship… to my knowledge this class of ship is entirely made up by the writer and yet the name Kendra is taken from the canon name of a mountain range/ valley on Bajor. This gives the finer details of the writing an air of Star Trek believability even though they are entirely created by the writer and not strictly canon and is a nice technique to have included. The story is about “The Guild “ being hired to rescue a single terran from a Romulan penal colony. What is missing is a brief explanation as to what “The Guild “ is and their motivation. I reader not in the know read on in suspense and yet its never satisfactorily explained. What is clear is that this mysterious Guild are not Starfleet in their approaches, particularly in the telepaths use of his ability to torture his captor in a way that shocks the unsuspecting reader nearly as much as it would the Romulan woman. Perhaps difficult for some readers to stomach, I’m not sure how much the explicit scene either adds or detracts from the main storyline. In contrast I found the descriptions of the Brig and the prisoner under his rags very well done and adding a certain believable element to the story. A beaten man in a cell joined by a kind hearted new prisoner baring chocoloate and acting with honour as he defends the weaker man from his captors. As with Lt.Jg Brice’s piece, Taboo uses a little research to find out some Romulan language [though I suspect you used different online dictionaries ;o) ] and add a bit of authenticity. This attention to smaller detail add a great deal to the piece, although I’m afraid I couldn’t actually translate the entire romulan sentence Once again, this piece offers up a different kind of honour to what we expect; described in the authors own words as: “honour far older than the Federation...Going back in time almost two thousand years. To always protect the weak and to honour courage.” Although this piece could have made more of the secondary characters, it is nicely written and addresses this months task well. House Before Self By Lt Nathan Baker (Steadfast) Telling the tale of the IKS G’tag’s pre-empted attack on an enemy base in search of earning honour, this piece succeeded well at being very Klingon in style. However, I found the entry a little short, which was a shame as there were a few areas where it could have been expanded slightly. On the other hand, the Klingons are the Star Trek race automatically associated with concepts of honour and it was nice to see a writer tackle this association. Set during the Dominion war, this was certainly a setting known to many of us and the Klingons actions, albeit ill considered were certainly understandable and in keeping with that race’s tendencies. Overall, The story was well written though had occasional errors in language –eg. “sitting” instead of “citing,” and perhaps a little too concise in length. Despite this, particularly nice were the klingon-like descriptions of the crew Bat’leth fighting in the messhall and the Klingon Captain drumming up enthusiasm and support from the crew before going into battle. A believable story of Klingon warriors in search of honour and nicely written.