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Rocar Drawoh

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About Rocar Drawoh

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    There's Klingons on the Starboard Bow

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    Commanding Officer

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  1. Please use this thread for any discussion or questions about this writing challenge.
  2. Please use this thread for any discussion or questions about this writing challenge.
  3. The Symbolic Tomb By Toni Turner Standing at attention, Captain Laura Willingham quietly observed her crew being buried in a symbolic tomb. Supposedly, the representation would encase the remains of their lifeless bodies so they would dwell in the repository for safekeeping throughout the eons of time, but judging from the size of the casket, the catastrophe left far too few remains to justify a remembrance of such grandeur. She thought of her Bridge Crew fondly, picturing them at their consoles, working together to fight the unknown. They were so young, filled with promise, well-versed in the
  4. Overall Some excellent entries all round this month. It was extremely difficult for everyone to judge between them. I think you should all be very proud of yourselves for such a high standard. Thank you all for some very enjoyable reads.
  5. "Stimulus & Response" --- Iolo Llewellyn An excellent first time entry and good telling of the classic Human-Vulcan interaction story. It was nice to see a story set at Starfleet Academy and I quickly warmed to how these two characters came to be friends. I particularly enjoyed the way Brian Kernan sets T’Lar up for an amusing encounter with the wink and think this a very apt way to address this month’s theme. I noticed the inclusion of “© 2008, all rights reserved” in the title of the entry and feel everyone should be aware of the UFoP Starbase 118 Terms of Services and familiar with the
  6. "Final Flight" -Della Vetri This story was well deserving of being this month’s runner-up. It has a nice balance between action / Star Trek battle scenario and the telling of a good people-story. The story manages to build up pace (which is quite hard to do in creative writing) and we, therefore, form a sympathy with the characters very quickly. However, this piece is heavily based on dialogue and I would perhaps advise including more description around what the characters are saying (e.g. how their voices sound/ what they’re doing as they speak etc). Nonetheless, we form a firm bond with the
  7. "Instant Eternal/Eternal Instant" - Idril Mar Another tour de force from one of my favourite UFoP writers. We can all learn a lot about how to write when we read this piece. Take for example the powerful descriptions throughout the story and the images they evoke. For example, the opening line alone: “A scream of pain, not physical but just as harsh, crawled up his throat and burst from his lips like a Gnenllian heart worm.” The story evokes a traumatic event and this, by its very nature, must be dependent on the role of memory. This is caught here perfectly by the narrative point and jumps an
  8. "A Klingon Fairy Tale" Tal Tel-ar I thought the idea of a Klingon Fairy Tale was an interesting one and liked the way it ends by introducing the reader to the storyteller and his current situation. Certainly a sad end for a Klingon! This entry could, however, have benefited from a spell checker or a proof-reader. Watch out particularly when you come to writing words that are spelt differently but sound the same (e.g. their/ there) as these errors do crop up occasionally. Nonetheless, I thought this was a good story and explored this month’s theme nicely. Well done.
  9. "Grand Intervention" by Nemitor Atimen This was a deeply moving story and the reader instantly feels sympathy with the protagonist and his plight. Perhaps the story could have benefited from a slight dénouement revealing more about the aliens’ race and the location of/ motives for these events. That said, the fact that this isn’t clear from the start is very gripping and draws the reader in to reading onwards. Well done.
  10. "In a Wink of an Eye" This is a most intriguing story. I like your choice of setting (both in terms of location and time period). There were one or two areas where the writing could have benefited from a grammar checker or proof-reader on past tenses etc, however, the reader still gets a good connection with the characters and their situation. Well done.
  11. "Beware the Quiet One" --- Lance Firestarter Beware the Quiet One was my favorite entry this month. I really appreciated the narrative structure and focalization. The juxtaposition between a town under attack and the descriptions of childhood were perfect and I appreciated the lyrical/poetic interludes. A beautiful and powerful piece of writing -I’m not sure how this piece could be improved; I wish I had written it. Keep writing like this.
  12. You're certainly more than welcome. I've learnt several foreign languages in my time and I'd say that simming here would be a good way to practice and improve your English. Not only in terms of writing a sim each day but also with regards to the friends you make with whom you could chat on the forums or over instant messenger. If you're still a little unsure, remember you could pick an alien race for your character. Then your use of English could just add to the effect of the character's alien exoticism as a non-terran because they speak slightly differently. Good luck applying!
  13. ((Command Hub - Starbase 118)) Hilzarie: =/\= Captain, Commander things are getting worse down here, the Embassy wasn't safe, Sickbay won't be safe with all the injured telepaths here. Plus I have a plan. =/\= Stone: :smirking:: Best news I've heard all day, Lieutenant Hilzarie. Prepare for transport. Commander. Engage. :: Cura glanced at her Captain. She knew he was concerned for his family's safety. Cura was glad that Gwen had called in and was alright. She and the twins would be safe here for the time being. Within a few moments time, the trio of Gwen and the twins appeared in a haze of blu
  14. Please use this thread for any discussion or questions about this writing challenge.
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