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Rocar Drawoh

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About Rocar Drawoh

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    Commanding Officer

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  1. Please use this thread for any discussion or questions about this writing challenge.
  2. Please use this thread for any discussion or questions about this writing challenge.
  3. The Symbolic Tomb By Toni Turner Standing at attention, Captain Laura Willingham quietly observed her crew being buried in a symbolic tomb. Supposedly, the representation would encase the remains of their lifeless bodies so they would dwell in the repository for safekeeping throughout the eons of time, but judging from the size of the casket, the catastrophe left far too few remains to justify a remembrance of such grandeur. She thought of her Bridge Crew fondly, picturing them at their consoles, working together to fight the unknown. They were so young, filled with promise, well-versed in their duties, and in her estimation, fit to wear pips far beyond their rank designation. In Laura's mind, she questioned the validity of the well-meaning logic of the symbolism. oO If the Federation can design a casket to hold them in safekeeping in death, why couldn't they have done the same for them in life and protected them from their enemy? Oo Her eyes lifted, and she gazed across the hallowed field to the tear stained face belonging to a young woman, one of many who had also come to show their respect to the fallen crew. In her arms, a baby rested quietly at her bosom. Laura contemplated the scene. oO New life will not come from the lifelessness found here. Is it too much to ask that these orphaned children be the last to lose a parent? Oo Laura pondered that question, then resigned herself to the facts. oO Of course it’s too much to ask. It’s something that happens in life, and although we hope to find the reason for children who must cry alone, we cannot justify the sense of it. Oo Laura's vessel, the USS Andrea Doria, had suffered the same fate as its namesake. She wondered, oO Had it been its destiny from the beginning to have an ill-fated crew? Was it happenstance or had it been the predestined climax of events rendering it foredoom to failure? Oo Replaying the events, her mind’s eye saw the collision with the enemy ship. A burst of blinding light, then the blackness of space became aglow with a million particles and ambers twisting violently through the heavens. No fireworks display had ever been so spectacular, nor heart and soul wrenching. She began to slump, but the young Aide standing beside her, caught hold of her elbow, and steadied her stance. With concern in his voice Ensign Pitts inquired, "Are you okay, Ma'am?" Giving him a weary smile, she tried to answer honestly, "Yes, Pitts, I'll be fine. It's . . . well, I was remembering." Her Aide nodded as if he knew exactly what she meant, but how could he? No one had seen her view of the tragic scene, unless . . . oO Oh, that's right he was the one who helped me from sickbay to the shuttle. Oo She gave him a strained smile, dismissing his hold, and stood up straight on her own volition, determined to see the ceremony through. Scores of Federation Officials were in attendance. All of them proclaiming the bravery of the ill-fated crew and posthumously awarding them with the accolades that Laura felt they should have had in life rather than death. oO How many requests for commendations did I send . . . a hundred? . . . two hundred? Oh, yes now I remember . . . the same number that went unanswered. Oo As a bugler played his rendition of taps, the casket was lowered slowly into the tear dampened ground, then the attendees filed by, adding handfuls of sod, until the grave was covered. Watching the crowd walk away, Laura imagined them starting life anew. It was a bitter pill to know her crew could not do the same. Her emotionless facade threatened to fall as the honor guard moved away so the headstone could be placed, but when she read the inscription, her knees buckled. Again Ensign Pitts steadied her, "Ma'am it's time to go. May I have the honor of escorting you?" She nodded, giving Pitts a slight smile, knowing the validity of his wisdom. Leaning on him, they walked until they vanished from the field. She had done all she could do for her crew in life, and now, a piece of her heart would dwell with them in death. A few moments later a young woman with a baby at her bosom stood quietly reading the headstone inscription. "Dedicated to the memory of Captain Laura Willingham and the crew of the USS Andrea Doria NCC 285996 - Lost in Battle 238603.22 " Weeping bitterly, the woman whispered the question she desperately sought to be answered, "Why did you go back, Mother?"
  4. Overall Some excellent entries all round this month. It was extremely difficult for everyone to judge between them. I think you should all be very proud of yourselves for such a high standard. Thank you all for some very enjoyable reads.
  5. "Stimulus & Response" --- Iolo Llewellyn An excellent first time entry and good telling of the classic Human-Vulcan interaction story. It was nice to see a story set at Starfleet Academy and I quickly warmed to how these two characters came to be friends. I particularly enjoyed the way Brian Kernan sets T’Lar up for an amusing encounter with the wink and think this a very apt way to address this month’s theme. I noticed the inclusion of “© 2008, all rights reserved” in the title of the entry and feel everyone should be aware of the UFoP Starbase 118 Terms of Services and familiar with the way any creative work connected to this group is protected by the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 license (see: http://www.starbase118.net/members/constitution/tos/) This writer has a clear strength in characterization and I look forward to reading more engaging stories in future. Well done.
  6. "Final Flight" -Della Vetri This story was well deserving of being this month’s runner-up. It has a nice balance between action / Star Trek battle scenario and the telling of a good people-story. The story manages to build up pace (which is quite hard to do in creative writing) and we, therefore, form a sympathy with the characters very quickly. However, this piece is heavily based on dialogue and I would perhaps advise including more description around what the characters are saying (e.g. how their voices sound/ what they’re doing as they speak etc). Nonetheless, we form a firm bond with the characters in a very short space and the story, therefore, succeeds in being deeply moving as it reaches its climax. Well done.
  7. "Instant Eternal/Eternal Instant" - Idril Mar Another tour de force from one of my favourite UFoP writers. We can all learn a lot about how to write when we read this piece. Take for example the powerful descriptions throughout the story and the images they evoke. For example, the opening line alone: “A scream of pain, not physical but just as harsh, crawled up his throat and burst from his lips like a Gnenllian heart worm.” The story evokes a traumatic event and this, by its very nature, must be dependent on the role of memory. This is caught here perfectly by the narrative point and jumps and added to further by the poignant use of repetition (look for that opening line again later in the short story). If I was to make a criticism? Well, for me, this piece does not quite capture the same “something” as when this writer writes stories about Trills on the trill homeworld. Unfortunately, I am afraid that I can’t quite say what that “something” is! Nonetheless, anyone looking to try some trauma writing would do well to use this piece as a good example of where to start in terms of structure and content. Moreover, we should all strive to work such vivid descriptions into our sims. Well done.
  8. "A Klingon Fairy Tale" Tal Tel-ar I thought the idea of a Klingon Fairy Tale was an interesting one and liked the way it ends by introducing the reader to the storyteller and his current situation. Certainly a sad end for a Klingon! This entry could, however, have benefited from a spell checker or a proof-reader. Watch out particularly when you come to writing words that are spelt differently but sound the same (e.g. their/ there) as these errors do crop up occasionally. Nonetheless, I thought this was a good story and explored this month’s theme nicely. Well done.
  9. "Grand Intervention" by Nemitor Atimen This was a deeply moving story and the reader instantly feels sympathy with the protagonist and his plight. Perhaps the story could have benefited from a slight dénouement revealing more about the aliens’ race and the location of/ motives for these events. That said, the fact that this isn’t clear from the start is very gripping and draws the reader in to reading onwards. Well done.
  10. "In a Wink of an Eye" This is a most intriguing story. I like your choice of setting (both in terms of location and time period). There were one or two areas where the writing could have benefited from a grammar checker or proof-reader on past tenses etc, however, the reader still gets a good connection with the characters and their situation. Well done.
  11. "Beware the Quiet One" --- Lance Firestarter Beware the Quiet One was my favorite entry this month. I really appreciated the narrative structure and focalization. The juxtaposition between a town under attack and the descriptions of childhood were perfect and I appreciated the lyrical/poetic interludes. A beautiful and powerful piece of writing -I’m not sure how this piece could be improved; I wish I had written it. Keep writing like this.
  12. You're certainly more than welcome. I've learnt several foreign languages in my time and I'd say that simming here would be a good way to practice and improve your English. Not only in terms of writing a sim each day but also with regards to the friends you make with whom you could chat on the forums or over instant messenger. If you're still a little unsure, remember you could pick an alien race for your character. Then your use of English could just add to the effect of the character's alien exoticism as a non-terran because they speak slightly differently. Good luck applying!
  13. ((Command Hub - Starbase 118)) Hilzarie: =/\= Captain, Commander things are getting worse down here, the Embassy wasn't safe, Sickbay won't be safe with all the injured telepaths here. Plus I have a plan. =/\= Stone: :smirking:: Best news I've heard all day, Lieutenant Hilzarie. Prepare for transport. Commander. Engage. :: Cura glanced at her Captain. She knew he was concerned for his family's safety. Cura was glad that Gwen had called in and was alright. She and the twins would be safe here for the time being. Within a few moments time, the trio of Gwen and the twins appeared in a haze of blue, florescent light. After another second or two, they materialzed. Cura turned to her friend, walked up to her and embraced her.:: Stone: Che? Xan! OH my goodness! Look at you two! My my my. you two have grown so big! ::Cura held out her hand towards them both, shaking their little hands.:: Do you remember me? I used to serve with your mommy and daddy on the USS Constitution a few years ago. I remember when you two very very little. Have you ever been up here before? :: The two children shook their heads, silently in awe by the activity in the large room. Just passed Cura they could see their tall father raditing power and authority as he looked up at the big screens on the deck above displaying fleet deployments. Whenever he spoke somebody did as he told them to.:: Stone: This is called the Command Hub. Your father is in charge up here, so this is where he works. So, this is the first time you get to see him at his job. He's a very important guy up here. He has to make sure everything is going on well. Right now, we are very busy trying to get everyone under control. So, do you think you two can watch your daddy and mommy do their jobs? ::The kids nodded, about to speak enthusiastically. But they were cut off by a loud booming voice... Lt. Cmdr Cura Assanti-Stone, not giving the emergency beam in from Gwen and her kids a second thought, had allowed for the transport. As the transporter materialized Gwen and the twins, all her professionalism and adherence to regulations and protocol had gone out a nearby airlock and Cura got caught up in how the twins had grown. She had gotten carried away in explaining what was going on to them, when her Captain's loud, authoritative voice brought her quickly back to her senses.:: Rocar: (almost angrily, but more blunt) Get those children off my command deck! :: Cura quickly snapped up on her feet and looked at her Captain with wide eyes.:: Stone: Sir! Rocar: Stone resume your duties... someone get them out of here now. This is no place for civilians or children. ::The Ktarian’s eyes snapped onto his ex-wife’s:: Lieutenant Hilzarie you will do well to remember that before bringing your children to work with you please. :: Immediately, Cura was sorry for having broken protocols. Sighing heavily, she quickly moved back into the heart of the command center, glancing at Gwen almost shaking.:: Rocar: Yeoman Colt, put them in the conference room until the situation passes. ::Rocar turned back to face forward, quietening his voice slightly:: Number 1... security update please? Stone: Captain, Lt. Cmdr Zubowskivich has apprehended our invisible man and has detained him in the brig with proper force fields and is now scanning him for other devices he may have on his physical person. I'm not sure what your orders would be. Shall we proceed with interrogation processes? Rocar: Have security proceed... carefully. Stone: Also, Captain, the criminal Armeni is still loose on the station. I had Lt. Geeva and Lt. Falcon scanning for her. I'm sure they were able to find her location, but I'm not sure with the curfew in place, where she would go. The plan was to have Lt. Falcon apprehend her as Lt. Falcon is not readable and more powerful than Armeni physically. Yet, other things happened and that plan never took place. Hilzarie: Who? Stone: ::to Gwen:: She's an old acquaintance of Lt. Cmdr Zubowskivich. Yet, she was not a nice person. She a full Betazoid that is EXTREMLY powerful telepath. I have a hunch she's probably behind some of what's been going on, but ::shrugs:: there's no proof, of course. She had come before and attacked Ta...Commander Zubowskivich. We tried to catch her with a team of Betazoids, but the plan failed and she got away. This time, she attacked me and Then went after his daughter, Ella. I moved his daughter to my quarters in the diplomatic wing, placed guards...she'placed guards...she'<WBR>s safe. However, other probably going around adding more flame to the fire, so to speak. :: Turning to Captain Rocar: Stone: But she's still a threat to the station as a whole. With all this anti-telepathic stuff going on, she's probably in her own fantasy world. But since we put the curfew in place, there's no way she'd remain out in the open to get caught. There's no people to toy with. So, I'm thinking she's found a way into someone's quarters without them knowing it, probably using her telepathic skills to do it. Rocar: oO Telepaths seem to be our main problem round here at the moment. Oo :: The Ktarian forced himself to take a deep breath and regained his composure a little. Wondering where his own bitterness was coming from he decided it was clearly a broken heart at the hands of a betazoid who'd reemerged in his life and the connected disapointment of his own offsprings development. :: Rocar: Then this crisis is far from over. Stone: Aye, Captain, There's still a lot of work to do. Where do you want me? Rocar; Until we have a plan, right here... the question is where this woman was trapped. With security fields in place she can't be running far. :: Cura folded her arms across her chest. She didn't have any ideas at the moment. She suddenly felt very tired. She walked to a replicator and ordered up some Argelian herbal tea. With her pregnacy, she had to lay off the Klingon coffee. It was too strong for the baby. Sipping the tea, she began to think deeply about the situation with Armeni. She thought about the growing hatred of the telepaths on the station, a bit of anger rising from the recent explosion of the Betazoid Embassy. She thought, at the moment, the best thing she could do was to be quiet, which is what she did.:: :: As the hot herbal tea trickled down her throat, Cura gradually began feeling a bit better. Deprived of sleep for some hours now, she was running on fumes. Quite frankly, they all were. The shout of Captain Rocar concerning the breach of protocol had shocked her to the core. Yet, she had never known the boundry lines of her Captain. Yet, she should have known better than to think that he'd allow even his own children on the command hub. Mentally, she kicked herself for having thought otherwise. Surely she knew Rocar well, but she knew him when he was an officer. She had not known him as a commander very long. There was a difference there that she was just now realizing. Biting her lower lip as she pondered these things, she leaned her backside against a console.:: :: John Stone would not have succumed to such, she thought. How quickly she had forgotten the very ideals she had fallen for before. Regulations..protocols was all that John had ever preached to her back when she was an ensign. She had clung on to those ideals, embracing them and making them her own. But had she forgotten them so quickly? She sipped her tea, looking at her fellow officers, but saying nothing. She glanced at Rocar, knowing what she needed to do, but feeling somewhat afraid to even approach him to do it right now. She knew what had to be said...had to say it, but now wasn't the time for it. What she wanted was to explain herself and apologise for having ....forgotten herself when Gwen and the kids arrived. She didn't even think that Rocar would want to hear what she had to say. Her mis-matched eyes danced from face to face in the errie silence.:: ::Finishing he tea and returning the mug, she tapped her com badge.:: Stone: =/\= Stone to Geeva =/\= Geeva =/\= Geeva. =/\= ::Geeva Kalpana still sounded irritated at the world, and as if the call were an intrusion upon her personal time.:: Stone: =/\= Lieutenant, I know you're busy, but are you still tracking the criminal Armeni? =/\= Geeva =/\= Aye. =/\= Stone: =/\= Where is she located now, Lieutenant? =/\= Geeva =/\= Habitat. =/\= ::The vague monotone answers would be a serious insult in her own culture, where vagueness is liable to get somebody killed. Here, however, Cura is unlikely to realize just how rude Kalpana is being. It has been a long day, after all, and the iridian has been working her long-fingered hands to the bone.:: Stone: =/\= Habitat? Upper or lower? Can you telll? =/\= Geeva: oO Fool woman. Not even the sense to be properly insulted.. Go bother somebody else and let me do my job. Oo Stone: =/\= Habitat? Upper or lower? Can you telll? =/\= ::Kalpana's voice gained an edge of sarcasm, as she went form no details at all, to far more than Cura was asking for. It was a childish attempt to get the Commander to go away.:: Geeva =/\= Lower level, Third deck that does be below the upper turbolift hub, fifth corridor, fifteenth quad suite, second room on the left. The quarters do belong to Heri Grina, single mother, who did arrive on the station five years ago on this date, and who does work as a civilian contractor in one of our hydroponics gardens. =/\= Stone: ::nodding: =/\= We should try and apprehend her there. What do you think? =/\= ::Kalpana just stood there for a moment, not sure if she should be offended by Cura's blithe disregard for her change in tone... or impressed at the woman's cool head.:: Geeva =/\= I will do take care of the details. =/\= Stone: =/\= How many life signs are around her. Is there a way to determine that? =/\= Geeva: =/\= Two, and there does be such a way. =/\= Stone ::nodding:: =/\= I don't know if apprehending her there would be a good idea then. With all the resentment of telepaths going on, for a civilian to find they have been "tricked" and victimized, won't make things any better around here. Keep tabs on her. Stone out =/\= :: Cura sighed as she russled up some courage to approach the Captain. She walked towards him slowly, with hesitant steps...self conscious steps.:: Stone: Um..Sir?,We have a location on the criminal Armeni Rocar: Whereabouts Commander? Stone: She's in the habitat area of the station, Captain. In someone's quarters, I believe. Should we pursue her there or wait for her to come out of the civilian residential area? Rocar: Have Lieutenant Fanel and Ensign Moon move in on her location but instruct them not to engage yet. Also, put marines on back up and inform Lieutenant Commander Zubowskivich of the operation incase he wishes to join Jacen. Also, best get Falcon down there... as you said earlier, this job might take an android and have the Chief of Operations coordinate the action with technical support from a distance. :: As Cura looked at the Captain, she wanted to say more about what had happened before, but she left it alone. After all, he had been right. She had dropped her guard...she knew it...she was sorry for having done so. But, ...there were not buts. She knew that too. Yet she wanted to explain and knew her explanation wouldn't make a difference. Okay, she was a sucker for little kids...she loved them and loved his twins like she loved her own Mulan and her own baby. But that was no excuse. So she bit her tongue and pushed passed it...left it there....moved on.:: Lt. Cmdr Cura Assanti-Stone First Officer Starbase 118 Ops
  14. Please use this thread for any discussion or questions about this writing challenge.
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