Lt. Cmdr. Katy Orman Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 ((Kevin Breeman's Bedroom, Breeman Residence - Earth - Several Weeks Afterour Current Time on SB118))::Patri hugged her knees as she sat on the bed. Seated in the chair nearKevin's desk Jan watched her quietly as they discussed what had happened onwhat turned out to be Odyssey Station, located far outside of the Milky WayGalaxy.::Patri: I don't know. I... Just didn't want to have to deal with themanymore.::Jan nodded thoughtfully and smiled.::Jan Breeman: That's understandable. I think you've had a very uniqueexperience with computers. Computers aren't monsters. I'm sure you'vebeen told that enough times. And I can understand why for you they are.::Patri nodded.::Patri: I was a real asset to a lot of people. I could feel what computerswere doing, sense it when they were about to perform tasks. I couldcommand them. But there was always so much noise. It was like constantscreaming in my head. I couldn't recognize anyone any more. And that waswhy I found God.::Jan nodded. A side effect of the slave tag had been a kind ofprosopagnosia. Patri had effectively lost her biological parents.::Jan Breeman: You saw religion as a way to calm your mind?Patri: Yeah.. In jail I'd practice it. There were less computers there.It was more peaceful. And I'd feel him there with me. Like Jesus Christwas someone I was friends with. He understood everything I was goingthrough. It was like he had his own slave tag inside his brain. It jackedhim into all the crap people had ever done. So God could obliterate it alljust by killing him.::Across the room Jan smiled slightly. It was understandable. TheChristian narrative tended to emphasize the projection of all of human sininto the body of Jesus Christ. The crucifixion then became a kind of finalpurging.::Patri: I learned to meditate. I even taught other inmates. I learnedlabyrinths inside the common prayer room. It was a holosuite devoted torunning religious programs for inmates. We'd... Walk through thelabyrinths together. It was like nothing else in the world mattered butyou, the pattern on the floor, and God.Jan Breeman: I'm glad you did that. I wouldn't be surprised if you helpeda lot of those people turn their lives around.Patri: I guess so. But then... This doctor named Emma finally figuredout how to take out the slave tag.::Jan nodded, remembering the lengthy correspondences she'd had with EmmaFengjian about the excision operation. The research that had led up to ithad been revolutionary to say the least. And her follow through had beenan astounding success.::::And yet, there had been something sinister in it all. As though inremoving the device Emma had robbed Patri of a part of herself. She'doften brought that up. "Did I do the right thing?" she would ask sometimesduring late night chats.::::Patri remembered what had turned out to be a kind of surgery.::((Flashback - Holodeck - Pamos Prison Colony))Anger blossomed inside of her, a dagger sprouting in her hand. Thethrobbing beat harder, a rhythmic pounding driving her forward. She lungedat the creature, pressing her small by comparison form into the monster'smidsection, and drove the knife into his stomach. There was a groaningsound from everywhere inside of him as she felt the dog's muzzle fall ontop of her head. She smelled the stench of his wheezing breaths as the sideof his opened mouth showered her hair with saliva and then blood.“Patri!” Emma, desperate and shocked.She grabbed at the dog and felt herself lifting him over her shoulder. Thiswas instinct, a raw need that gnawed at her for satisfaction.“Patri I need you to talk to me. What are you feeling? I can't be sure thisis working if--”How could Emma ever understand? Patri was doing what she'd wanted to do allher life. She was liberating herself finally, trekking into a new life. Theground in the forest in which they stood sloped gently upward, fog partingin front of them and obscuring their path behind. She could still see Emmain the corner of her eye, walking beside her, a pleading look in her eyes.Patri carried the limp Grendellai over her shoulder to... where?“Patri, I need you to talk to me. I'm here to help you.”She wasn't. She was just like all the others, singing a chorus of emptyjargon to accompany the arc of Patri's life.Soon it was raining. As they reached the top of the hill Patri saw what shewanted. She set the dog down on the stony structure as a torrent of raindrenched his wound. She could see Emma staring at her, forlorn bewildermentpressed down by a soaked matt of hair, shaking her head in disbelief. Patristill held her knife. She wanted to cut at this dying Grendellai. Shewanted to gouge its eyes out. She wanted to slice at its nose and drawblood from the vulnerable moist black skin. But something was wrong. Therewas a choked sound coming from his throat then a squeak and then a ruff anda bark. She couldn't believe it. The thing was a dog now. He was just a dog.((Present))::At first she'd hated Emma for what she'd done. She'd wanted to killherself after it, feeling as though she were just a husk and not a humanany more. God had left her.::Jan Breeman: ::Quietly she said,:: I know.Patri: So... When I saw that floor and those Binars told me what theythought it was, I just froze... What if I somehow wrecked it? Or causedit to do something that would damage the station?Jan Breeman: Because computers have always been trouble for you.::Patri nodded.::Jan Breeman: Patri... You must have been very scared.Patri: ::Quickly:: I was!Jan Breeman: And I want you to know that I'm very proud of you.Patri: Why?::Jan got up from the chair she was sitting in and sat down on the bedbeside Patri.::Jan Breeman: Because you didn't want to do anything wrong. You would doanything to prevent yourself from doing something wrong. You're a goodkid. And I want you to know that what Emma did to you back there... Iknow it hurt. I have known Doctor Emma Fengjian a very long time. And Iknow there isn't a day she doesn't think about how she hurt you.::Patri burst into tears.::Patri: What? Why??Jan: Because, honey... She knew what it was she was taking from you whenshe extracted that slave tag. She knew you were too smart to let somethingbad in your life stay bad. You turned it into a part of who you were. AndEmma took away that part.((Flashback - Holodeck - Pamos Prison Colony))The yellow grid was back, an empty room. Its lone occupant stood soaked inwater that slowly faded as the emitters de-integrated the holographicsubstance from her body, until all that was left was Patri, staring outinto a blank room, her real water still soaking her shirt, non-humanelements gone. She stared at the flakes of dried mud scattered senselesslyeverywhere. Her mind, for the first time in her life, was an abyss thatcould never stare back.She slowly dropped to her knees and held out her hand wanting to clasp thegod she'd conjured to get her through life. But the knocking at the door toher heart never came. She couldn't dream up peace beyond understanding orscandalous penetrations of her reality by an eternal divine other. Seatedon the floor, dirt all around her, she held her head in her hands and wept.((Present))::Jan calculated her next words, believing Patri would be mature enough tounderstand them.::Jan Breeman: She wanted you to have your humanity back.::Patri continued to cry softly as Jan wrapped her arms around her.::Jan Breeman: And I think what you can learn from all of this is thatpeople usually try to be good. Just like Emma did. Just like Kevin did.Just like you did.::Patri wiped a tear from her cheak and said,::Patri: Okay.Jan Breeman: You're a human being. You can start to trust yourself again.I know it'll be hard. But we're here for you.::Later that night when Patri finally did fall asleep her dreams returnedto being just scattered remnants of the days and weeks before, strungtogether with a logic all their own by the whims of her entirely humanbrain.::Patri Jia KomFormer Computer Hackeras simmed byLt. Cmdr. Kevin BreemanChief EngineerStarbase 118 1
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