JP: LCDR Nolen Hobart & LCDR Talia Ohnari — The Stakes

[Randal Shayne]

Quote

I'm coming to the conclusion that good writing is a delight, but great writing hurts. And guys... ouch. 

Incidentally, it took 102 backspaces to format this monstrosity correctly. Just in case you were wondering if I loved you or not. 

((Sickbay, Deck 6, USS Khitomer))

Some engineers were scatterbrained, always picking up a project, carrying it for a while, and then setting it aside for another day, only to immediately repeat the cycle with another long-dormant matter. Such was the life of a perpetual tinkerer, and Lt. Commander Nolen Hobart knew it well. But his concern now was on the other kind of Engineer. The Dewitts and Lacy’s of the world.

Give them a task, and they'll do it, straight away and without a fuss. Starfleet was full of engineers like that, which is why the Khitomer’s repairs were coming along swimmingly. Too swimmingly. Nolen was on the hunt for something to break. Besides hearts.

He was elbow deep in a wall panel in a back corner of the medical compartment when he heard a familiar throat clear itself.

For several moments, Talia Ohnari didn't quiet understand the scene in front if her. It wasn't the first time she had walked in on Nolen Hobart elbows deep in some engineering project in Sickbay, But this? This looked very much like he was breaking it. 

Her feelings for the engineer turned First Officer were…complicated at best. Her heart had been crushed. And yet? He hadn't been cruel….persay. He just….wasn't interested in pursuing a personal relationship with her. And, while that stung, he didn’t owe her anything. And he wasn’t a vindictive man… which meant he was doing what he was for a reason. Stashing her spiky-uncomfy feelings in the proverbial back of the emotional closet, she straightened and cleared her throat politely. 

Ohnari: Um…Commander Hobart? Is..uh…there a reason you're um…trashing my Sickbay…? 

The professionalism hurt in a way that was hard to describe. Things had once been incredibly informal and intimate between the two of them, and he'd fouled that up pretty solidly. He owed her an apology. He owed her a lot of things. But he couldn't afford to make good on them, just yet.

Hobart: I'm sabotaging the ship.

Alright. Neither of them were Vulcan, but even she couldn't sus out why in the world he would do such a thing. 

Ohnari: Not to put too fine a point on it and all…but I feel the Alliance attacks did a very thorough job…and considering I still need a functioning Sickbay….I am going to have to insist you stop….Sir. 

He turned to look back into the guts of the wall.

Hobart: Nothing vital, just need to… how badly do you need atmospheric bioscanners?

Talia took a deep breath through her nose in attempt to stay calm. It was as if he didn't even listen to her. A pattern, it seemed. 

Ohnari: ::crossing her arms:: Why. Tell me the real reason you are doing this, and then I shall answer. 

Hers was a perfectly reasonable question, and all at once the explanation in his head got jumbled. He didn't look back at her because he was pretty sure her face would just jumble it all up even more.

Hobart: Ayemet is missing, so I need to break the ship.

Ayemet is missing. The simple statement rattled around in her brain, trying to find purchase. The bottom of her stomach bottomed out and she had to clutch the door frame. 

Ayemet is missing. She had just spent her down time working on the sketches for her bridal attire. The woman asked her to be maid of honor…and to help her plan. She was going to track her down after the medical needs died down to start taking measurements. 

Ohnari: Missing…how? 

She must have misheard. Ayemet was missing….her Barjon earring and thought she lost it in Sickbay. Behind a panel. And Nolen volunteered. 

Hobart: “Missing.” Whereabouts unknown. No longer accounted for. She was with me on the station but we got separated, and she hasn't turned up, dead or alive. Just gone.

He pulled on something in the wall and heard a satisfying Ka-THUNK, followed by a descending whir.

It wasn't a simple missing Holy trinket. Slowly; she lowered herself to the floor and held out a large, destructive looking tool towards Nolen. 

oO Oh Gods. Connor. He must be out of his mind with worry. Oo

Ohnari: Use this. Break what you have to in this room. Then my office, destroy the whole thing if you have to. ::wincing slightly:: just, spare Armand's display shelf and Statler Jr.’s corner. 

Hobart: ::looking around:: What is the minimum number of biobeds you need to keep functioning?

He gestured for her to follow him, as he approached the first of the set. He began to pry open panels at its base, confident that Talia would stop him before he took too many of commission.

The awkward, uncomfortable tension, that had previously been filled with heat and promise, floated between the two like some inflated emotional mascot, daring the other to say something and banish it. 

Suddenly, none of what transpired between the two seemed to really be all that important right now. Her heart felt heavy and sore. This war had taken a lot from everyone. A few gave everything. And now, someone she cared for deeply was being forced to give another piece of himself. And; her friend; whom she had become closer to in these last peaceful moments before the battle….where could she be? Was she alright? Had something….unspeakable happened? 

Reaching out, she squeezed Nolen's shoulder in comfort. For whom she wasn't entirely sure. As he gripped an important-looking hose that could away into the darkness of the medical bed’s mechanical and electronic guts, he felt a rush of blue enter his mind.

Ohnari: Please inform me if there is anything I can do to assist. ::shoulder squeeze momentarily tightening, and she mumbled mostly to herself:: We have to find her….

Hobart: ::muttered, working:: We have to do nothing of the sort…

All Talia could think of was Connor's drunken expression of pride as he beamed while Talia and Ras had devoured his pasta, declaring it the best thing they had ever tasted. They may have said the same thing about the leftover pasta water the next moment so….highly inebriated taste buds weren't picky. 

It was then Talia realized her travels through drunken memory fog had taken her out of the moment, of which she was still holding Nolen's shoulder. She released him quickly, as if he had become a Tholian. Standing; she gave an awkward head nod. 

Ohnari: Excuse me Commander, I will leave you to your task.

The blue vanished from his thoughts as soon as her hand left him. As she stood, so did he, instinctively. Maybe it was the thought of a missing friend. Maybe it was the thought of keeping his best friend’s mind on literally anything else. Maybe it was his own conflicted feelings. Whatever the cause, he didn't want her to go.

Hobart: Wait wait, don't go!

It was taking a lot to keep herself and her emotions placid. She reminded herself this was about Connor, not her. So she stood. Admittedly a little awkward. 

Ohnari: Did you need something else, Commander? 

He looked around, as if he might find an explanation in the room. But the swirl of reasons was no more clear to him. Maybe it was none of those reasons, or maybe it was all of them. He couldn't say.

Hobart: I just… it's— this compartment is magic to me. Wizardry. I can tell you how the machines work, but I don't know what they do. I need your help, or else I'm gonna lose Connor, too.

In addition to Ayemet, is what he meant. Right. Ayemet. Definitely Lieutenant Jacin that he “lost,” and not anyone else. Certainly not anyone within arm's reach.

He was acting strange. Although truth be told she wasn't a beacon of normalcy herself at the moment…his comment left her more confused. 

Ohnari: ::brows scrunched in confusion:: You're not going to lose Connor…

Hobart: I know him, Talia. He's playing the good soldier right now, but it's gonna eat at him. And sooner or later he's going to take off and look for her and get himself killed. I need my friend. I need my chief engineer. And I need your help, whether I deserve it or not.

Talia let out the breath she had been holding; and nodded in agreement. He wasn't wrong. Nolen had known Connor for a lot longer. But she could sense the sincerity and worry in Nolen's tone. She decided to just gloss over the last comment about deserving help. 

Ohnari: ::nodding slowly:: Alright. Tell me what to do. 

A little weird to ask him to tell her what to do in her Sickbay, but that was just the way it would be. Subordinate to supervisor. Did he have to look so damn relieved about it though? 

He smiled, softly. It was more than he had any right to ask of her, and he knew she wouldn't deny it to him. His ask felt manipulative in a way that disquieted Nolen, mostly because it harkened back to his pre-Starfleet habits. But, he hoped, he made up for it now with his sincerity.

He turned and crouched by the base of the biobed again. He started unplugging wires, with the intent of plugging them back in again, wrong. And as he got back to a shape of work he'd long missed since his promotion, his mind focused on what was in front of him, such that he was paying less attention to his own mouth.

Hobart: I'm frankly astonished he's still here. I mean, honestly if it was you I would— ::forced cough, throat clearing:: The medical display, what's it reading now?

A loud buzz went off in Talia’s brain. 

Ohnari: What did you just say…? 

“If it was you…” he said if it was you. Why? Carefully, she peeled back the layers of her own shielding and felt….a lot. A whole lot. It began swirling with her own conflicting, and deeply confused feelings.

Nolen suppressed a wince. It wasn't the first time he'd been accidentally more honest than he intended to, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. And, Commander Morgan's above notwithstanding, there was only so much he was ready to say. As he doubled down and reached deeper inside the bio-bed, he realized that he was going to have to choose between keeping Dewitt's hands full and removing his foot from his mouth. So, obviously, there was only one path to take.

He took a deep breath. He withdrew his hands from the machinery. He stood, and turned to face her. He looked her straight in the eyes. And then he played dumb.

Hobart: …I said something?

Maybe a little too dumb.

She was completely over this. She was getting whiplash between what he said, and frankly, what he felt. Towards her.

By now, she was onto the avoidance game that was one Nolen Hobart. Both hands, with the speed of a viper, landed on his shoulders, preventing escape. 

Ohnari: ::her eyes cautious:: Why are you feeling that way at me?! 

Trapped, Nolen considered the question. “At her?” His feelings for her had often overwhelmed him, and inconvenienced him, but he never imagined they'd ever attacked her. His eyes darted as he considered the implications. Was he an imposition on her, despite his efforts to keep his distance?

Hobart: Look, forget I said anything. I'll go back to breaking your workspace, if you let me know what the readout—

Ohnari: Forget the damn display readings and answer me. ::her hands gripped his shoulders, and her eyes narrowed their stormy gaze:: Please, Nolen. Answer the question.

Under the weight of her hands, his shoulders slumped. He sighed. Might as well get it over with. His lips puffed up in one final futile display of defiance against speaking the truth. He swallowed, and braced himself for the reaction she would feel to his words, which he would feel through his senses.

Hobart: Alright, look. I never stopped, okay? From the moment I met you, through to today, I never stopped. I don't think I ever will. 

Completely frozen. That's what happened. The loud buzzing in her brain nearly split her in two. Now; her heart was fully present; however her brain still had several questions. 

Ohnari: ::sputtering:: Y-you…but t-that day in, in your office…You said…

She trailed off. What had he actually said? In crashing, clarifying detail that conversation slammed back into her so hard that her chest curled slightly at the mental impact.

By contrast, he had no idea exactly what he had said, and he didn’t bother to try and recall. His eyebrows furrowed, because he remembered precisely what he felt back then, even if the words had been lost to time, and that was good enough.

Hobart: I said I couldn’t be with you, not that I didn’t want to be. I can’t… turn it off! That’s not how it works, the most I can do is just not act on it.

Her nails inadvertently curled into his shoulders, like a bird of prey finally getting her catch. However…unlike a bird of prey….she released him with a near shove. His palms comparing as he pressed them against the end of the biobed.

Ohnari: So…what? You were just going to….never do anything about it?? An almost kiss and then…::she pointed her finger and his chest with a solid jab:: I've been playing this over and over and ::near growl:: over how I got this so wrong…and the whole time you've been…

He wanted to be angry with her. Her feelings, bitter betrayal and cold grief, were as plain to him as the anger on her face. She was an empath, but not as sensitive as him. In that moment, he realized she probably hadn't read him there in his ready room, and he felt his heart drop into his gut. As her tone increased in intensity, his fell.

Hobart: Stuck on you? Yeah.

Ohnari: ::near shouting:: What was your plan Commander, ::the word dripped venom:: have us just…dance around each other feeling all awkward and miserable until what? You get your own ship and can finally be free of me? ::then the shoving came. She would certainly regret this later.:: Or one of us goes missing or dies?!

Another time, Hobart would have shot back with venom, caught up in the intense emotions Dr. Ohnari poured into the room, let alone the repeated shoving against the biobed. It felt thick with righteousness and he thought back to his coffee with Adriana. He owed her an explanation. More than that, he owed her a conversation. And so, he waited a moment before responding. It felt the Commanderly thing to do.

Hobart: It's not a plan. I don't plan. ::beat:: But yes. ::sigh:: I'd be a command officer, and you'd be… ::grasping:: The one that got away. I thought, you know, you'd find an accountant somewhere, settle down, adopt fifty-four-and-half war orphans…

It was as if he had struck her. She just stared for a moment. All the anger and fury just…sank into a swirl of sadness. And not just for her. 

Ohnari: ::quietly:: How little you think of me…

He meant it as a positive ending for her. But he couldn't have hurt her more. That wasn't her path. That was her parents' path. Hers was yet to be written. And she had hoped, he would be a major character in her story. But now? It was that moment she realized how little they actually knew about each other. 

Hobart: I know. I hurt you and I'm sorry.

Ohnari: ::wiping a traitorous tear angrily away:: Don't try and spare my feelings now…

His voice was but a whisper at this point.

Hobart: Talia, you know how many people died on Khitomer, and I've seen the reports. And that's how it's going to be for the foreseeable future. We're at war, and I don't know that I can be… whatever we are, and your superior officer. If it's either saving the ship or losing you, how can I make that choice? It's hard enough when we’re friends.

She took a step back from him. And here was the crux of their problem. And if she was entirely honest; despite the heartbreak; she could see where he was afraid. 

Ohnari: ::flatly:: I am fully aware of how many people died. 

Hobart: We should have had this conversation back then, and I'm sorry we didn't. It’s not a unilateral kind of decision, and I tried to make it one.

Ohnari: ::crossing her arms; she hugged herself protectively.:: Did you know I don't sleep? Not really. When I close my eyes I see OR rooms and morgues. That's it.

If he closed his eyes, the Khitomer XO could have seen any number of nightmares. He no longer needed to borrow his mother’s haunted memories, he had fresh scars all his own. He didn't need to close his eyes to see the charred and partially melted corpse of Private Jones, throat torn open by the horrifically effective weapons borne by a Lattice Alliance boarding party. By ordering him on point, Nolen had effectively ordered him to his death.

But he slept fine. He was used to nightmares.

Hobart: You don't sleep?

His voice carried concern, of a superior, of a friend, and of anything else they were to each other. His mind churned, and his heart pulled, processing it. A sleep deprived Chief Medical Officer was a problem for ship readiness, such was his cognitive concern. And Talia was suffering, a fact his heart could not stand. If he could have found a way to silence his own dreams, he would have shared it with her, even if it meant suffering his all the more.

Talia began to pace slowly; rubbing her arms in a soothing manner. This was not what she had expected to say. She had planned to call him a coward and storm off. Except that's not what happened. So; she was just rolling with it.

Ohnari: I don't. Not unless I'm blackout drunk or taking a sleep aid. But I stopped the sleep aid when I couldn't wake up from the dreams. ::her voice cracked:: I could have come to you. You could have held me, and made me feel safe so I knew I could sleep. ::casually wiping her eyes with her sleeve:: but I told myself you weren't interested in me. So, I had to let you and my feelings go. I have been trying. ::a soft, humorless laugh:: and yet…this whole time…

Her voice trailed off. For a moment, she just looked at him. Really looked. Her own feelings had clouded a lot. And he was terrified. Terrified and she had been yelling and shoving. Still, she wasn't ready to let it go. Not yet. 

Ohnari: You have made all the choices for us. So I'll leave you with this final one. You go ask Connor, ask him if he regrets loving Ayemet. Now that she's missing. Ask him if he wishes she was nothing more than an unrequited option he chose not to take.

At the mention of his best friend, he looked away, if only briefly. He could not ask Connor. He could not drive a knife into that open wound. But he could ask someone else, perhaps the only other person on the ship who could understand, and who had made the same choice. Cowardice, perhaps, or pride had kept him from raising the issue before. It would not stop him now.

He was determined, and his dark eyes reflected it as he looked back at her in the medical bay.

Hobart: You know that's not fair…

Her lower lip was starting to tremble. She was running out of time before she lost her nerve. She marched across the room and took Nolen's face in her hands. Her eyes searched his, her storm gray to his obsidian. 

Overwhelmed by emotion, and very worried this was the last chance she would ever have, she kissed him passionately. Pouring into the kiss her feelings, her hopes, and her hurt. When she broke the kiss, she nipped his lower lip with her teeth with a smidge more force than normal.

His hands gripped her waist tentatively, as if trying to hold onto a moment he wasn’t sure he was allowed to keep. His mind felt completely submerged in a blue sea, as her emotions enveloped him, and as she pulled away he felt it pour out of him, drawn out through his lips like a puncture in the ship’s hull, her very essence pulled into the vacuum beyond him leaving no trace of itself but the memory of her. It was one who wouldn’t soon give up willingly.

Ohnari: ::softly, but sternly:: Get your shit together, Nolen Hobart. In or out. You think about it, and come find me with your answer. 

Hobart: I will.

End

———

Lt. Commander Nolen Hobart

Executive Officer

USS Khitomer (NCC-62400)

A240001NH3

 

&

 

Lieutenant Commander Talia Ohnari, MD

Chief Medical Officer

USS Khitomer

C239205ME0