constitution PNPC "Queen" - What am I doing here?

[Dizmim ChNilmani]

Quote

“There's just something obvious about emptiness, even when you try to convince yourself otherwise. ”

((Saloon - Spiral Staircase ))

Queen had no idea what she was even doing here. Telling herself she came to socialize went right through the window because she did not really do that much. Maybe coming for a drink? But she knew that too was just an excuse. She had heard about the post mission party, and of course knew that she would be here, the woman who said she was Lazarus from another dimension.

The Linara still had not come to peace with the thought of Lazarus being gone. But every day when she came into the quarters it was quiet and empty. Other than Admiral the teacup targ of course. Their joined pet. The pet that had destroyed his guitar. She still remembered how mad he had been. In that tiny apartment where neither had their own space, squeezed into a united life after having been thrown into this new situation.

As Queen reached a step on the spiral stairs high enough to see the stage, her heart began to ache and quickly felt like she was torn to pieces. That woman.. Azura stood there telling everyone her story. It was possibly good that nobody would be able to see Queen's eyes, and the pain that danced in their shimmer. She wasn't an emotional person but in the last days she had lost enough salt water to fill a lake, or so it felt. But she was as empty as before.

Her pale emotionless face didn't show any hints, any impulse but inside she wanted to stop her talk about him. The man who had saved her life in more than one way. The man who had taken the time to meet her were she was, who didn't push, who didn't demand. Two years of living together side by side it took for her to admit that she had feelings to herself. Another year until she admitted it to him. Finally, finally they could start their path together not just beside each other.

And then he was gone. Just like that. Torn out of her reach before she could hold onto him. Ripped from her life by the very same thing he had lived for: Science. And here _she_ was. The woman who claimed to be him. She wasn't. It couldn't be.

The rest of the speech went down in the storm of memories, emotions and thought. Queen only came back into the present when Azura was announced to be the new First Officer. Realisation settled heavy in the Linaran's stomach that she was here to stay. In his place.

The longer she stayed, the more her emotions spiralled, tumbled down the staircase into the lower floor, through the metal out into space. If they only could be sucked into a black hole and be gone.

Service Ribbons were handed out. The wedding... her husband's last mission. She wished she could have been down there with him, especially now that she knew what would happen afterwards. The realisation rammed a knife into her heart. She covered her mouth to push down the sound of the choke she felt in her throat. Then she couldn't do it any longer. She averted her eyes as she began to move down the stairs, hearing the last remaining cheers of the Ceremony.

And Queen still had no idea what she had been doing here. Other than morbid curiosity or the urge to torture herself. Nothing else made sense to her.

-----
PNPC Qeene "Queen"
Spouse of Lazarus Davis

Of course, I had to submit this excellent piece from @Jalana with Queen dealing with the loss of Lazurus due to the quantum swap that brought the Connie Azura Ada.