Dear Kr’Abby: Etiquette Questions

StarBase 118 Staff · July 10, 2018

Dear Kr’Abby,

I have to attend a fancy dinner party with my Tellarite in-laws. My mother-in-law is a terrible cook. How can I argue with her to be polite without truly insulting her food.

-Disruptor Rifle Wedding

Dear DRW,

Well step number one is to visit your doctor before the visit and get a tongue-numbing agent. Trust me, this has saved face in many inter-species dinner parties for centuries.

Second is to read up on Tellarite cuisine and learn as much as you can. Your in-laws will be impressed by your knowledge and willingness to learn about their culture.

Third is to learn and then practice the careful art of making points about cooking without making them personal. You can argue about the types of spices used or traditional cooking methods without directly insulting someone’s hard work. Think of it this way – you could say ‘That dress has an asymmetrical cut that draws the eyes horizontally across the fabric creating an illusion of width. I think it would look great on someone who was very tall and wanted the illusion of a rounder figure.” Or you could say “You look fat in that dress.” Which one do you think will get you punched? Learn not to say that.

Dear Kr’Abby,

Should I headbutt my half-Klingon boyfriend to show him I like him?

-Young and Curious

Dear Young and Curious,

Absolutely.

Then make him read love poetry to you and be sure to throw some chairs at him.

Also, book an appointment to see a doctor afterwards. It will probably get rough, but it will be oh so worth it.

Dear Kr’Abby is written by Doctor B’Rusk, the Federation’s foremost half-Klingon psychologist who specializes in tough-love advice. We take submissions from across the galaxy!

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