Jordan aka FltAdmlWolf

Sorry, Hillary Clinton and President Bill Clinton, your story doesn't hold water.

My modeling contract has arrived!

Okay people, I need everyone to know: When the tabloids call, GIVE. THEM. NOTHING.

Hello from the other side.

"The Adele video, released on Friday, surpassed 23.2 million views within the first 24 hours on YouTube. That edges out Taylor Swift’s “Bad Blood,” which reached 20.1 million within its first 24. Other first-day heavy hitters include ‘Anaconda’ by Nicki Minaj, which cleared 19.6 million on day one."

We must end the NRA and the tyranny of the gun manufacturers which believe that their profits are more important than our people.

A pretty picture from our apple-picking.

I know all the blah-blah about how apple-picking is unsustainable yuppie nonsense, but it's been a tradition of mine and Hank's that we haven't done in the last few years and I've really missed it. An opportunity in the fall to get out of the city and go somewhere cooler!

Not to mention that I eat an apple every morning and eating the ones straight off the tree is pretty satisfying

Last Madonna concert post just to say this: IT WAS EVERYTHING I WANTED AND MORE. She's still got it. Pop spectacle meets Cirque du Soleil! Despite not getting to bed until 2pm, it was totally worth it.

I can't wait to buy the DVD of the tour and then force all of you to watch it with me while I narrate my favorite parts.

I'm here! This is it!

Y'ALL I'M GOING TO SEE MADONNA LIVE TONIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIIIIIFE.

Like if you identify, share if you'd have a beer with him.

All these tweeters get me. Their tweets say, "hey Jordan, we GET you."

In contrast to you people who don't get me at all.

Remember when Hillary Clinton's supporters were the ones complaining about a media conspiracy against their candidate? That was like, SOO two months ago. Now conspiracies about media bias are just [...]ING RIDICULOUS. AMIRIGHT?

#LOL

Not "plantations," but "slave labor camps"!

"Let us drop the word 'Union' when describing the United States side of the conflagration, as in 'Union troops' versus 'Confederate troops.' ... The Constitution continued to operate normally; elections were held; Congress, the presidency, and the courts functioned; diplomacy was conducted; taxes were collected; crimes were punished; etc. Yes, there was a massive, murderous rebellion in at least a dozen states, but that did not mean that the United...

11:15pm. 65 degrees outside, 80 degrees inside. This house is broken.

Good thing Gawker and the rest of the vulture media didn’t lose a whole day of clickbait ad sales by waiting to get the whole story, huh? Otherwise we might not have had the chance to vilify someone!

O'Malley's new campaign slogan: Folksy as [...].

Shut up Jim Webb. When we want to hear from you, we'll ring your bell.

Today's trip to the dentist unveiled the unholy trifecta of phrases you never want to hear from a medical professional:

1. "Let's go deeper."

2. "I'm not sure what's happening here."

3. "This is something we've never seen before."

And then, just for the soft landing: "Yeah, this will be expensive."

FLEET WEEK!

"precisely because no reforms are possible today it makes perfect sense to flesh out the alternative - not minor restrictions on the margins but a society which has dramatically fewer guns, where private ownership was limited and regulated like how you would in a civilized society and one in which we took seriously limiting the needless deaths and suffering guns cause today."

I WANT A GUN FREE AMERICA.

Universal background checks and the assault weapons are the bare minimum we should acce...

Wow. This really bowled me over.

We break for a moment from the ongoing national discussion about gun control to watch my new "Egg Central" cook its first batch of hard boiled eggs. This had better work, Cuisinart!

This is what safe and sane gun regulation would look like: "To get a gun in Japan, first, you have to attend an all-day class and pass a written test, which are held only once per month. You also must take and pass a shooting range class. Then, head over to a hospital for a mental test and drug test (Japan is unusual in that potential gun owners must affirmatively prove their mental fitness), which you'll file with the police. Finally, pass a rigorous background check for any criminal record...

This is my monthly reminder to myself. The clock is ticking.

"You have exactly one life in which to do everything you'll ever do. Act accordingly."

Dear spiders who live in my book boxes in the garage,

How do you eat? How long is your food commute? Surely you should live closer to your food source and not inside a sealed box that has to be the equivalent of a lonely Nebraska dirt road in terms of delicious bug traffic?

Californians, sign this petition as a step toward ending the tyranny of money in our elections. Corporations and billionaires shouldn't be able to manipulate our democracy.