Jordan aka FltAdmlWolf

If you'll be my bodyguard, I can be your long lost pal. I can call you Betty, and Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al.

There's someone wearing a gorilla costume in my BART station. Should I be worried? Ps, it's wearing a scarf.

Binders full of turkeys!

Not one! Not two! A TRIO of fratty [...]s in peacoats! My BART station looks like the Winter Abercrombie catalog, circa 2004. All decked-out for the SEXY season.

Sooooo.... where can I find these shirtless photos the FBI agent sent to Jill Kelley before the Petraeus email investigation?

Hank's last words as I walked out of the house this morning: "[if you don't put on a scarf and gloves] YOU'RE GOING TO FREEZE TO DEATH!"

It's 42 degrees outside, I'm wearing a jacket, a sweatshirt and a t-shirt and I'm sweating my [...] off.

The year of women who have had enough of old white men and their bull[...]. First woman elected to a Massachusetts Senate seat. All women leadership in New Hampshire. McCaskill over Akin. Luster over Bass. Anti-choice amendment goes down in Florida. Women helping to carry Barack to victory over the pathetic protests of the white male demographic. And more!

Amazing, wonderful, inspiring. Now onward to the White House!

Apparently the California Secretary of State is either passing on -- or allowing to be purchased -- the email addresses of the people who registered to vote online. California Democratic Party sent me an email, to the email address I exclusively used to register to vote, asking me to commit to vote or letting them know via Facebook poll if I already did vote.

Seems like a dangerous game, this.

Baxter and I just walked through a freshly painted (unmarked) street arrow. Now there's two unauthorized sets of painted footprints leading away. #immortalizedinOakland

What if I quit Facebook? WHAT IF?

My back itched, so I used a pen to scratch it. Put the pen down and realized the cap was off. Looked in the mirror, realized I have a new punk-rock tattoo on my back.

Taking a canvass break to organize in a park. Kids about 10 years old playing football, and one drops the ball. He screams back to others "that was your [...]got self! Throw better you homo!"

Still a long way to go...

Our washing machine sounds like the smoke monster from LOST.

My coworkers were devastated when I told them that Iron Eyes Cody was actually of Italian heritage. "Nothing I know is real." - Elijah Zarlin

PLEASE stop posting about Ann Coulter and her comments about "disowning your gay children." The only reason she's saying it is to sell books. She's been photographed with gay friends in the past, and she basically doesn't believe anything she says. Get it? The more you hate her, the more money she makes from being invited on TV, which in turn sells books.

It's only 9pm and we have nothing to do. Don't normal couples go out and drink or something when they're bored on a weeknight? I don't know, that just sounds weird.

This is the first day in San Francisco that Hank and I have off together, so we're touring the city! Hey, did you know they have a Chinatown here, just like in LA?!

Mid-night asthma attacks: still one of the scariest moments of your life, even with a rescue inhaler. I can't imagine what it's like for people without them/without health insurance.

Leaf-blowers at 6:15am? Sure, why not? Howabout 2 leaf-blowers and a hedge trimmer? Great! Maybe we can add a lawnmower in there too?

What I want to know about the VP debate is: when am I going to be able to leave work, pull up the live stream of the debate, and seamlessly pick up where I left off on the commute home? *ahem*3rdworldcellservice*

Is there a sports thing going on? Why is everyone in the office and city cheering?

Just once I want to live in an apartment where the handles on the cabinets aren't conspiring to pull my headphones off me after every move I make. JUST ONCE.

I don't like getting my hair cut anymore. No one compliments me on my long my eyelashes, and I never got a piece of candy for sitting still and not crying through the entire thing. Plus, I have to pay. Totally bunk.

Sarah Lane: "What are you talking about? I'm not a hipster!"

[entire office]: *LAUGHTER*

Okay, that's it! Decision is made! I AM buying tennis balls to throw from our 4th story windows at the people on the street who annoy me. Yesterday it was a cabbie who honked his horn for two minutes waiting for his fare to come outside. This morning it was a group of white ladies in an exercise bootcamp, with the head moron screaming "that's it, keep it up ladies! watch for traffic! cross the street! let's go!" AT 6-EFFING-15 IN THE MORNING. Want to lose weight? Go to a park or a gym -- don'...