[Round 18] Only Time Will Tell

[Alana Devar]

(( Holodeck One ))

:: She waited just outside of holo-deck one for the doctor to arrive. She had said she wanted it done and over with which had disappointed Emmalyne a bit. After all, she used to be a counselor; you would think she would be more willing. Oh well, perhaps there was a reason she left counseling. Why did everyone wish to avoid evaluations and counselors, she wondered. Sometimes she felt like a pariah. She grinned and tossed her head a bit saucily. No matter, she loved her job and was able to help a lot of people as well as maintain the mental health of even more that then never had problems so, all in all, a good thing. She caught sight of the doctor approaching.::

::Emirry approached the holodeck. She never liked seeing counselors... which was strange, because she loved being a counselor and how she could help people with counseling methods. She sighed to herself. Em had stopped trying to figure out why she disliked counseling appointments and had started figuring out how to avoid them. No dice this time though...::

Scott: Doctor MacGowan, I hope the hour was not inconvenient for you. You did say as soon as possible. :: Her smile was kind, but also merry.::

MacGowan: ::Em smiled.:: It's no problem. ::She might have disliked having to be here, but Scott was only doing her job. No reason to take it out on her.:: I've come prepared as well.

Scott: You have your program, excellent; will you tell me a bit about it before we proceed?

MacGowan: ::Emirry paused. How to do that...:: It's based on an ancient concept that each of us have our own inner temple, normally reached through meditation. This program is my baby. I worked on it for two years to get everything just right and full of detail. It's a recreation of my personal inner temple.

Scott: I can hardly wait, shall we? :: The experience would be interesting she was sure. The doctor had been a counselor, which always made them either more apt to go to extremes; either by trying to evaluate themselves for you, or clamming up and not giving you anything with which to work. Emmalyne could already sense the wall around the doctor.::

MacGowan: I suppose we shall.

::Emirry tapped a few commands and loaded the program. When the computer chirped to signal that it was ready, the two women entered.::

::The doors closed behind them and they were enveloped in the program. It was almost surreal. The two stood in the center of a small dance studio. It was full of natural light and a cool breeze, though there were no windows to be seen. One wall of the studio was mirror covered and then other was where the balance bar was. These things however, seemed to not affect the pattern of evenly space doors and passageways.::

MacGowan: This room, the center for me personally is where I've always felt most calm, level-headed, and collected. The dance studio. ::She paused.:: Each door is a portal into a different part of a person. When the inner temple is reached in meditation, it's said the doors lead to things like your spirit animal or past life memories.

::She looked around at her own creation.::

MacGowan: Things are a little different here. Would you like the tour?

Scott: Most definitely, I am very intrigued. I have always found dance to be a great form of exercise and expression myself. :: She smiled. She was familiar with and held the concept to be valid, though she had never really attempted to create her own inner temple in such a manner. She had a few different programs to reflect different moods. MacGowen, had really taken and run with it and she was impressed.::

MacGowan: ::Emirry walked over to the first "door". It was actually strings of beads covering a doorway, the strings were unaffected by the breeze. Emirry lightly pulled the beads aside.:: This is my dream beach. ::The space beyond the door was beautiful. The sand was white and the sea was bright blue.:: I love the water, and beaches have always been my favorite places. I go there to relax.

Scott: You can hardly find a better place to relax than a beautiful beach on a warm sunny day. :: The scent of the salt air was a nice touch.::

MacGowan: ::The next door was made our of dark thick wood.:: This leads to my home in Washington. I go there when all I want to do is retreat.

Scott: Your safe place. :: As such Emmalyne did not ask to get a peek inside.::

MacGowan: ::Emirry moved on quickly. She moved to the next door. It was set into the mirrored wall. This door was very different; it was cold and made of harsh metal. it was a very imposing piece.:: Inside there... the computer basically loads a very intense training program I have. I do a form of martial arts that is hardly artistic. But it is very useful. That and the program helps me blow off steam and center.

Scott: :: Nodding her understanding.::

MacGowan: ::The next doorway was on the other side of the mirrored wall. This doorway was blocked only by a red velvet curtain.:: That is the stage. ::She paused.:: I've never felt happier then when I was performing.

Scott: Your happy place. :: She smiled.:: And what do you perform on that stage?

MacGowan: Music mainly. But I dabbled in acting.

Scott: Another thing we have in common it seems. I very much enjoy singing and acting, though usually it was just for play for family and friends. However the queen happened to be at one of our sex performances and requested a court appearance. Since that time she has requested me on several occasions and you cannot very well refuse the queen on something like that, you see.

MacGowen ::Emirry smiled.:: I would imagine not. ::Emirry moved to yet another door. It was made out of bamboo.:: Inside there is a lush forest with a large tree stump sat in a small clearing. It's the perfect spot for meditation.

::There was one last doorway. In front of it hung the blackest of black curtains. From underneath the curtain a faint fog could be seen...::

MacGowan: Welcome to my world counselor.

Scott: It is most impressive. Each room has some specific representation, yet can be utilized in more than the one way. :: She noticed that MacGowen did not say anything about the black draped door way.:: Have you completed then, or is it still a work in progress?

MacGowen: It's complete. For now. Should something within me change, this program would have to reflect that. I try and keep it up to date.

Scott: :: Nodding again.:: I am glad. I would have been concerned if you said it was complete.

MacGowen: ::Emirry fought back a grin.:: And why would that be?

Scott: Now, who is evaluating who here, Dcotor? :: She grinned with a knowing look.:: You know as well as I do that if you had said it was complete, it would indicate the possibility of some issues such as inflexibility, an unwillingness to deal with change and possibly a stagnation of personal growth.

MacGowen: ::Funny how she hit on something Em had been feeling for awhile without even realizing it. Emirry was not inflexible. It just seemed like the things around her and stopped developing, despite her best efforts.:: A diagnosis I would have come to myself, well done. ::She smiled lightheartedly.::

Scott: Thank you. :: a gracious nod on her head along with a heart-felt smile.:: It is always most difficult to evaluate and counselor, is it not? ::Not waiting for an answer, as they both knew it was, she looked at the last unmentioned door.:: You did not say what was behind the black curtain. Is it an as yet unexplored area or, more likely, your darker side?

MacGowen: Niether, counselor.

Scott: :: There was no prodding, she simply waited for her to go on.::

::Emirry didn't look at the door, or the counselor. Emirry always thought that good counselors should be met with honesty, so here went nothing.::

MacGowan: That houses events that occurred in my life. Events I choose not to revisit unless necessary.

Scott: I take it from your tone that these are painful events.

MacGowan: ::She sighed and crossed her arms.:: Have you read my complete file, Ms.Scott?

Scott: To be honest, no. I usually do not read the full file until after the first evaluation as I do not wish to cloud my perceptions with the conclusions of others. I prefer to come to my own conclusions and then compare them to the file afterward.

MacGowan: In it, is a previous evaluation that holds a line of particular note. There are events that have occurred in my life that will never see the inside of a counselor's office. Events that rarely ever graze the ears of anyone. Call it what you will, unproductive, unhealthy, I've heard it before. I stand by my choice.

::Emirry truly hoped she had not come off as brash or rude, it had not been her intention. But the events stored in that place were hers and hers alone.::

Scott: :: There was no immediate response as Emmalyne took a moment to carefully structure her next words.:: Doctor, I am not sure what others would have you do but I am not about to press you to visit events in your life that you are not willing to visit. That is not my purpose.. :; a slight pause :: at this time.

Also, it seems to me that you have dealt with these events in some form. :: nods to the curtain.:: I do not think it any more healthy to dwell on then to ignore the past, good, bad or indifferent. If, however, you ever find you need to talk about what is in there, then I shall certainly be here for you.

MacGowen: ::Emirry fell silent. Truth be told she hadn't dealt with them. At all. Never even touched them. That was the purpose of the room, to lock them away somewhere they wouldn't have to be dealt with...::

Scott: You are surprised I am not eager to learn all your deep dark secrets?

:: She smiled with a kind honesty.:: I will admit I am curious, but, I am not heartless, nor ruthlessly pursuing to publish some paper at your expense. My instinct is to render aid. That aid will be useless unless it is wanted. The only time I might insist is in an extreme case where you became much changed and I feared for you. I firmly believe, that as long as one is not being detrimental to either oneself or those around you, that one should deal with things as they feel they are able.

MacGowan: ::Emirry looked at her, almost studying the younger woman. Perhaps Em had finally become good at hiding these things. :: Well I appreciate that.

Scott: Trust me, I observe all the time and if I note a problem, I will pursue it in order to help the one who needs help, not because I am nosey. I really would rather no one had horrible things happen to them that caused them such great pain. I would wish for a perfectly wonderful life for everyone, but, that is not reality. Reality deals many blows and my desire as a counselor is to help those who are hit hard and stumble to rise and walk tall again.

:: Her passion for her work was obvious in her and the reason why she chose her path was good and true and she figured the doctor knew what she meant. She wished more than anything to ease suffering, not increase it, not take advantage of it and certainly not profit from some else's pain. The righteous conviction of her words sparkled in her amethyst eyes.::

MacGowan: ::Emirry nodded.:: I see where you're coming from. ::Emirry thought for a moment, had she ever really stood and walked tall after those two marked events?::

:: They stood quiet for a moment and then she tilted her head and posed a question.::

Scott: I understand that you actually missed much of the last mission due to an illness. Are you completely recovered now?

MacGowan: Yes, thankfully.

Scott: That is good. You enjoy your work, yes?

MacGowan: oO For the most part. Oo Absolutely.

Scott: And is there anything on your mind that you do wish to discuss?

MacGowan: No.

::It was time to lighten the mood. She could see the woman was uncomfortable. There would come a time when she had to deal with whatever haunted her, but that time was not yet here.::

Scott: Will you play something for me? I would love to hear you.

MacGowan: ::Emirry gave a small smile.:: Sure.

::She stepped through the red velvet curtain and held it open for the counselor to follow. The stage was bare, but very large. The lights were on so the audience portion of the theatre was barely visible. Off on the far side of the stage stood a piano that seemed a little old. Emirry didn't walk towards it though. Instead she pulled up to stools for them to sit on and opened the guitar case leaning on a near by wall. It was a simple acoustic, hardly anything compared to Em's actually instrument. But, she preferred it that way.::

MacGowan: ::She sat on one of the stools and positioned the guitar.:: Have a seat. ::She smiled.::

::When the two were sitting comfortably (or as comfortable as one could be on the little seats) Emirry began to play. Her fingers moved swiftly and gracefully over the lower-toned strings producing an intricate rich melody. Her eyes closed as the sound filled the acoustically wonderful room. It was clear to see the emotion that went into each note and each variance of the melody. Em loved playing and didn't do it nearly often enough.::

MacGowan: ::The melody came to an end and Em looked up.:: I'm no virtuoso, but I do what I can.

Scott: You play very well, Doctor MacGowen. Thank you for allowing me the pleasure of hearing you play.

MacGowan: ::She stood and put the guitar back in its proper place. Without turning to look back at Scott, Em spoke quietly.:: I don't want you to have the wrong idea. For some reason, I feel I can't be dishonest with you. Those few events in my life that I choose to keep locked in that room, I haven't dealt with them. Despite the fact that it's been years...

::She sighed and turned around.::

MacGowan: Well, if that's all I should be getting back to sickbay.

Scott: I think we have done all we can here. Before you go, however, I would like to say this - I said you have dealt with it in some form, not that I felt you had come to terms with it completely. So far you have managed quite well, despite whatever it is that you have hidden behind the black curtain. At some point, when you feel you are able, you will have to face it in order to conquer it so that it does not conquer you. Do not let it taint or control the rest of your life. And I hope when you do need to face it, you will have someone you trust right there beside you.

:: She checks the time and her brows raise with surprise.::

Scott: And I hate to evaluate and run, but I have a meeting with the Captain in a few minutes. Please excuse me.

:: She headed for the door then stopped and turned to MacGowen.::

Scott: I am here if you do need me. :: She reiterated before slipping out of the holo-deck.::

Counselor Emmalyne A. Scott

USS Eagle

And

Doctor Emirry Rayn MacGowen

USS Eagle