[2008: JUL-AUG] Feedback

[Idril Mar]

This thread is ONLY for moderators to post their feedback as they write it. All other posts will be DELETED.

Remember: you are under no obligation to accept or follow the feedback provided. It is only provided as a courtesy to challenge participants, and only reflects the personal opinion of the person writing it. If you don't like the feedback, we don't want to hear about it -- just close the thread and move on.

PS: I have been told I'm a little blunt at times... please don't take any feedback as anything but my honest opinion!

[Idril Mar]

“Idol”

This story is a Ferengi commercial for an action figure, the “Action Fleet Supreme Commander 'Wipe 'em down' 'Your Money or Your Life' Acquisition Trooper Eternal.” While it seems to be that this might make a good advertisement, bringing to mind the cartoon series “Super Robot Monkey Team Hyper-Force Go,” it is also not really a story.

[Idril Mar]

“Surf’s Up”

Sometimes it takes a mental cleansing to regain and retain our sanity. Some people go running, other find solace in a good book, while others, such as the character in this story, find it challenging Mother Nature with a wooden board. I know personally that in all of there is a little boy or girl aching to come out and this story shows that well. My concern is twofold: first, the author would have done well to proofread one or more times before posting this story. Second, this sort of venting is almost adult in its maturity. Even with both of those points in consideration, it is an excellent story.

[Guest]

"Q-uer Aeternus"

Jackford Kolk

This story was a huge amount of fun. I really liked the way the Q was portrayed as a impudent, grumpy child. But instead of throwing his toys out of his cot, he destroys entire planets and civilizations.

The writing was spot on; we see things from Q’s point of view, but have enough perspective to see how childish he’s behaving. The humour is in all the right places, subtle.

The story, appropriately enough, spans aeons of time, the rise and fall of billions and billions of people but this is just background to the tale of a Q trying to become a perfect god - and failing thanks to another one of his kind, playing a practical joke at the expense of all us mere mortals.

A very interesting take on the theme and a definite success.

Nice one.

[+ Francis_deMarc]

You Saved My Life Tonight

Cmdr Ben Walker

Short and to the point, definately a good work by Commander Walker. One of the things I have gotten by reading Ben's work over the years is the ability to evoke an emotion. In this case, the imagry portrayed by the young child as they look up into the stars was very evocative. I really enjoyed the parallel of the Commander and the young boy, almost wondering if they were the same character, set at different times? I would have liked to see a little bit more exploration of the young child, but all in all a great effort.

[+ Francis_deMarc]

Grandeur

LtCmdr Toni Turner

Well, I liked all of the stories this month's submissions. The theme is a good one, one which I often remember playing out when I was a child, thinking how great it would be to be in charge... but finding that if my friends didn't like the decisions, that they would "take their ball and go home" . So much the similar with this story. As with Commander Walker, I have read LtCmdr Turner's writings since she started. Her grasp of good drama and story are all greatly evidenced, especially in this most recent challenge. I admit I was drawn into the story until the final lines where the children 'broke character'. Wondering up until the end how it was within the guidelines,a nd then having the answer slapped in my face. An excellent description and very much inspiring fond and not so fond memories of my own childhood.