[2005: FEB-MAR] What If...?

[Alana Devar]

“I don’t think we have a choice.”

The voice was calm, collected and almost as deadpan as the man’s expression. Shadows danced between them but the woman could see the lack of remorse playing along the lines of his lips. How could he be so cruel, so uncaring?

“Don’t think?”

The woman laughed half insanely over his brainless, insensitive answer and responded in kind through narrowed eyes, venom dripping off her tongue.

“We have plenty of choices, Devyn. We can say no. Hell, even you have a choice to see what this does to her. If you would stop gallanting across the sea of stars you would realize and you would know that your daughter needs you,” the angry mother shouted hotly as embers burned in her smoldering gaze.

Down the sterile halls echoed the cries of a young girl. The screams grew louder, glazed in curdles of sheer agony, with the sounds of ripping straps and wailing nurses. Taking the man by the hand, Arianna force-led him to the solitary room in which their child laid motionless now… her face devoid of any conscious acknowledgement of their presence.

“See her…”

“I do…”

“No…,” Arianna whispered. “See her inside. You know this is not right. We can help her more than anything that would anesthetize her of the ways of our people.”

A hand reached out and touched the girl’s damp forehead. Something then awakened in him… something that he hadn’t seen or felt before. Instantly, Devyn knew Arianna was right.

…

Crimson life dotted into thick streams and drizzled down the length of her arm, onto the pristine white skirt and to the gathering already splattered on the platform. Twisted fingers rose in front of the mirror that was held in the other hand, attempting and trying to veil the image of the young woman with swollen eyes and blistered lips. The girl moaned and fidgeted, full of disgust of what she saw, and fought vigorously at the sight of herself with more slices before someone called out hysterically to her.

“Alana!”

A set of arms wrapped around the twenty-year-old and the sharp object was removed from her grip. Alana had been sitting by the window in the University, watching the trails of ships breaking the atmosphere into space. She had been there… once… twice… perhaps even three times. Memory often faded her now. The nurse was mystified, but Alana knew what she was doing.

“I cannot ever go there… to the stars, to see the planets, to be at home.”

The nurse just nodded, chopping it to the other woman’s state of mentality and barely listened to the continued rambling.

“I was there once before. I was in the Academy you know. I lived a life like you, though different.”

The soft hum of a dermal regenerator skimmed over Alana’s face and arm; the Betazoid was otherwise oblivious, still lost in her recollections.

…

Alana Devar. Promising Ensign, refrained from even Cadet.

She had graduated with top honors at the University of Betazed before transferring to the Academy to pursue her passions and indulgences in medicine. Her parents had opted out of Vulcan treatments and laid their faith in the good doctors and professors in the same University in which Alana would later graduate from. As a result from refusing Vulcan methods, this young woman had found another way in dealing with her extreme abilities. The doctors at the university would invent and decide on something so preliminary and primitive that it would forever change the Ambassador’s daughter for the rest of her life.

It was deemed the Kam Du’Faul – a method so unheard of that even the Vulcans sneered at the idea. It was a step back to old science. Removing certain areas of her brain and draining levels of telepathic/empathic chemicals (that would also be counter-treated with drug therapy), the doctors rejoiced when the girl was finally able to screen and smile without having the constant mental noise badgering her psyche.

Or so they thought…

…

“It all happened here… at the Academy, where I stood on the highest pedestal that I could but fall the mightiest fall that I could ever tumble to.”

Devar blinked, barely registering the nurse as she was taken by the arm and forced into the hall.

“In the middle of training for a final… the final simulation in which I would finally be deemed a full-fledged Ensign and I would transfer into something more extravagant… my future… my life… but, something happened.”

That something was envy. That something was directed to another student. Alana thought she could handle herself in the bigger scheme of everything but when it boiled down to the instant where she was going to be showed up by a peer (after all her hard work… after all the progress she had shown and THEY had to favor another and ignore HER), the woman just exploded.

The pride the other cadet felt mingled into what was left untouched in her brain. It warped and manifested into a large problem for the trainer, for Alana and all the cadets in that holodeck that day. But before anything could be done it would be too late.

“I was the best in that class you know,” Alana smiled half madly as the objection tried to lay her down in a fresh clean bed. The harness straps flew over Alana’s wrists; she quickly grabbed the nurse by the hand. The mirrored image into the other woman’s soul widened and Devar found solace in that fear, in her reflection of those pupils that channeled that emotion to her.

“Everyone of them… because they didn’t recognize. They didn’t respect me enough to know…”

…that she had the power to kill. During the final stages of the simulation, in which Alana glided the shuttlecraft back onto the simulated home ship, the Bajoran Commander boasted on Cadet Sulan’s performance. Things went black from that point (for Alana anyway), but the nurse knew the story all to well. She whispered after a gulp.

“You killed them, miss. You used your abilities in the saddest way.”

Peering upward, to the lights above, Alana blinked back the tears swelling and cresting onto her reddening cheeks.

“I did…”

“Yes… that is why you are here. That is why you are not safe out there. You used your mind to kill them. Their brains are dead… they are lifeless… they are cold.”

“Cold?”

Just like me…? Alana bit her lower lip, riding through the memories as they flooded back like an untamable wave, fierce and heavy.

…

“WHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?”

A scream filled Alana’s throat and knotted there as she cried, dropping to her knees. The bodies of her comrades fell lifelessly as the grid of the holodeck phased back into the normal black and yellow matrix; a swarm of officers flooded in, arrested her, and cared for the newly dead.

How could a single thought do so much damage? Was her telepathic ability so fierce that even such a provocation could cause such a travesty? A directed plan, foolish but not malicious in a sense, killed without and beyond her will.

Alana would since be locked in the University in which she was born, in which she was treated, in where she graduated, and where she would eventually end… All because of choices and sacrifices, tailored to be made and unmade, though inevitably not repairable.

Edited March 3, 2005 by Alana Devar

[Alana Devar]

FINAL VERSION

“What If…?”

“I don’t think we have a choice.”

The voice was calm, collected and almost as deadpan as the man’s expression. Shadows danced between them but the woman could see the lack of remorse playing along the lines of his lips. How could he be so cruel, so uncaring?

“Don’t think?”

The woman laughed half insanely over his brainless, insensitive answer and responded in kind through narrowed eyes, venom dripping off her tongue.

“We have plenty of choices, Devyn. We can say no. Hell, even you have a choice to see what this does to her. If you would stop gallanting across the sea of stars you would realize and you would know that your daughter needs you. Be a FATHER for Goddess sake, Devyn!” the angry mother shouted hotly as embers burned in her igniting gaze.

Down the sterile halls echoed the cries of a young girl. The screams grew louder with each breath, glazed in curdles of sheer agony, and the sounds of ripping straps accompanied by wailing nurses carried and bled into the hysteria. Taking the man by the hand, the golden-haired Arianna force-led her husband to the solitary room in which their child laid motionless now… their daughter’s face devoid of any conscious acknowledgement of their presence. Her slender, fragile body lay pale and frigid amid torn and folded linens.

Behind those dark eyes that shimmered like glass… those eyes that warmed Arianna’s heart ever since she was born, she knew her dear child still lived, yearning a life of freedom. Even though life was trapped behind those shimmering black lagoon, the essence of the girl still lived. It was like into a deep abyss that ate at everything that lived inside but the madness would break. The Goddess would see to that.

Arianna urged on to the man to see… to see what she saw and to see the being they had created together by their love.

“See her…”

“I do…”

“No…,” Arianna whispered, still red-eyed with stinging tears. “See her inside. You know this is not right. We can help her more than anything that would anesthetize her of the ways of our people.”

A masculine hand reached out and touched the girl’s damp forehead. Something then awakened in him… something that he hadn’t seen or felt before. It was like a flame, weaving wildly in his body, rattling his heart. A young girl’s smile appeared and faded on an abstract level in his mind and it burned so bright that it blinded him into tears.

And, in that happy, but agonizing moment through those tears shed Devyn knew Arianna was right.

…

Crimson life dotted into thick streams and drizzled down the length of her arm, onto the pristine white skirt and to the gathering already splattered on the platform. Twisted fingers rose in front of the mirror that was held in the other hand, attempting and trying to veil the image of the young woman with swollen eyes and blistered lips. The girl moaned and fidgeted with full disgust of what she saw. She fought vigorously at the reflection of herself with more slices on the underside of her arm before someone called out hysterically to her.

“Alana!”

A set of arms wrapped around the twenty-something-year-old and the sharp object was removed swiftly from her grip.

Alana had been sitting by the window in the University, watching the trails of ships breaking the atmosphere, treading into space. She had been there… in the stars… once… twice… perhaps even three times. Memory often faded her now, but Alana did remember the stars. How they dotted and morphed into golden ribbons in warp. The nurse was mystified, but Alana knew what she was doing… what she was thinking.

“I cannot ever go there… to the stars, to see the planets, to be at home. The home in which I consider my home.”

The nurse just nodded, gathering it to the other woman’s state of mentality and barely listened to the continued rambling.

“I was there once before. I was in the Academy you know. I lived a life like you, though different. It wasn’t so different but different just a little.”

The soft hum of a dermal regenerator skimmed over Alana’s face and arm; the Betazoid was otherwise oblivious, still lost in her recollections. The stars, her life…

…

Alana Devar. Promising Ensign refrained from even Cadet.

She had graduated with top honors at the University of Betazed before transferring to the Academy to pursue her passions and indulgences in medicine. Her parents had opted out of Vulcan treatments and laid their faith in the good doctors and professors in the same University in which Alana would later graduate from. As a result from refusing Vulcan methods, this young woman had found another way in dealing with her extreme abilities. The doctors at the university would invent and decide on something so preliminary and primitive that it would forever change the Ambassador’s daughter for the rest of her life.

It was deemed the Kam Du’Faul – a method so unheard of that even the Vulcans nearly lapsed into ‘emotion’ and laughed at the idea. It was a step back to old science. Removing certain areas of her brain and draining levels of telepathic/empathic chemicals (that would also be counter-treated with drug therapy), the doctors rejoiced when the girl was finally able to screen and smile without having the constant mental noise badgering her psyche. It took the better part of five years to see results, but with the young girl entering her pre-teens no one would have been the wiser.

Or so they thought…

…

“It all happened here… at the Academy, where I stood on the highest pedestal that I could but fall the mightiest fall that I could ever tumble to.”

Devar blinked, barely registering the nurse as she was taken by the arm and forced into the hall.

“In the middle of training for a final… the final simulation in which I would finally be deemed a full-fledged Ensign and I would transfer into something more extravagant… my future… my life… but, something happened.”

That something was envy. That something was directed to another student. Alana thought she could handle herself in the bigger scheme of everything but when it boiled down to the instant where she was going to be showed up by a peer, the woman just exploded. Something overwhelmed her inside… and, for the first time, Devar wasn’t the object of the limelight and attention.

Professors at the Academy did not say what an amazing road she had traveled like the others at Betazed had. That and the pride the other cadet felt mingled into what was left untouched in her brain. It warped and manifested into a large problem for the trainer, for Alana and all the cadets in that holodeck that fateful day. But before anything could be done it would be too late.

“I was the best in that class you know,” Alana smiled half madly as the objection tried to lay her down in a fresh clean bed. The harness straps flew over Alana’s wrists; she quickly grabbed the nurse by the hand. The mirrored image into the other woman’s soul widened and Devar found solace in that fear, in her reflection of those pupils that channeled that emotion to her.

“Everyone of them… because they didn’t recognize. They didn’t respect me enough to know…”

…that she had the power to kill. During the final stages of the simulation, in which Alana glided the shuttlecraft back onto the simulated home ship, the Bajoran Commander boasted on Cadet Sulan’s performance.

Things went black from that point (for Alana anyway), but the nurse knew the story all to well. She whispered after a gulp.

“You killed them, miss. You used your abilities in the saddest way.”

Peering upward, to the lights above, Alana blinked back the tears swelling and cresting onto her reddening cheeks.

“I did…”

“Yes… that is why you are here. That is why you are not safe out there. You used your mind to kill them. Their brains are dead… they are lifeless… they are cold.”

“Cold?”

Just like me…? Alana bit her lower lip, riding through the memories as they flooded back like an untamable wave, fierce and heavy.

…

“WHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?”

A scream filled Alana’s throat and knotted there as she cried, dropping to her knees. The bodies of her comrades fell lifelessly as the grid of the holodeck phased back into the normal black and yellow matrix; a swarm of officers flooded in, arrested her, and cared for the newly dead.

How could a single thought do so much damage? Was her telepathic ability so fierce that even such a provocation could cause such a travesty? A directed plan, foolish but not malicious in a sense, killed without and beyond her will.

This incident repelled the young woman away to the Academy. Many thought of her as a doer of wrong, causing some hysteria in the Federation. It was decided that the troubled Alana would be locked in the University in which she was born, in which she was treated, in where she graduated, and where she would eventually end… All because of choices and sacrifices, tailored to be made and unmade, though inevitably not repairable.

…

Epilogue

In our universe, Alana Devar’s parents took advantage of the Vulcan training, thus eliminating a significant part of the mental noise that she has grown used to into her adulthood. This option did not go unpunished, however.

In her adulthood, Alana has often had trouble distinguishing her Betazoid side from her Vulcan training, thus creating a conflicted woman between passion and logic. In a sense, she may be considered mad by some, but to others just a normal woman in turmoil. She is in a constant state of flux of her faith to the Betazoid Goddess, Karawati, and by Vulcan mediation and teachings. This has also hampered her love life in many ways.

This was an attempt to see what would perhaps happen if her mother decided that the teachings that the Vulcans would permit onto her daughter would be ‘not wanted.’ What if Mr. and Mrs. Devar had decided on sticking solely on their own ways, without exploring other fields in fear that the Vulcan’s logic would bleed into their daughter’s passion? Would she become stoic? Would she too become logical, unbearing and plain trapped into a sea of what was right over senses and intuition?

The Alana Devar in this universe is a conflicted woman, undoubtedly, but a lot more healthy than a woman strictly driven by passion that, coupled with a powerful mind, would be capable to kill with a thought…

Edited March 12, 2005 by Alana Devar