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PNPC Por'kus - A Tellarite in trouble?


Tal Tel-ar
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((Maintenance shaft 43-A, USS Apollo))

:: Por'kus grunted as he forced his stocky frame to slide another 5 inches deeper into the bowels of the ship. He should have just used the transporter, it would have been quicker and he would not have had to wriggle along like some kind of bug. ::

:: He paused, sweat running into his face messing with his vision. Unfortunately he was so cramped that he could not do anything about it. When had these maintenance shafts gotten so small? He could remember how easy it had been to squirm through them when he was back on the USS Tokyo. ::

:: Sure that was over 5 years ago but still. He had not put on that much weight had he? ::

:: With another grunt he pulled himself even deeper into the ship. Then tried to do it again. For some reason he could not budge. Try as he might he could not move. Even when he tried to push himself back he could not. He was stuck. ::

:: Next he tried to reach his communication badge but it was wedged between his chest and the side of the shaft. There was not enough room for him to try and reach it with his hand. With his arms over his head like they were he could not bend them in any way that would be helpful. ::

:: After almost 10 minutes of intense effort that succeeding in doing nothing other than making him sweat like a fat man in a sauna Por'kus finally gave up and started to yell for help. ::

Por'kus: HEELLLPPPP!!!!! :: He yelled at the top of his lungs. Then he waited a few minutes before he did it again. ::

:: After a while he heard a faint reply. ::

((Corridor, USS Apollo))

:: Loleh's shift had ended and she walked along the corridors reading a fascinating article on Quantum Physics and Time Travel. It was not unusual for her to wander the corridors while she read. Many times she would finish reading and find herself on a completely different deck with no sense of how much time had passed. This time, however to stopped when she heard a faint sound that seemed to resemble a cry for help. Her pointed ears honed in on the sound and she followed it every time she heard the yell. Eventually she found herself at the hatch of a maintenance shaft, which seemed rather peculiar. ::

Loleh: ::Leaning into the shaft:: Hello?

Por'kus: Hello...

Loleh: ::a little louder:: Hello, I am Lieutenant jg Loleh Rejock. Do you require assistance?

Por'kus: Of course I need assistance. I wouldn't be yelling for help if I didn't. :: He snapped at her. ::

Loleh: oO No need for an attitude... Oo What seems to be the problem?

Por'kus: I'm wedged in.

Loleh: hmm.. :: her brain began analyzing the situation. :: Can you clarify what you mean by wedged in?

Por'kus: STUCK!! As in I can't move.

Loleh: I see. And how long have you been stuck up there?

Por'kus: I don't know... about 2 hours I think...

Loleh: 2 hours?! :: she found herself amused at the situation and took out her tricorder to scan what was trapping him. ::

Por'kus: Just get me out...

Loleh: I am working on it. :: Worst case scenario, she could input the coordinated in the transporter and beam him out, however the thought of using a transporter made her shudder. Besides, it took more skill to calculate the best way to move the pieces to free him. She climbed into the shaft and started making her way toward the stuck voice. ::

((In the Maintenance Shaft))

Por'kus: Hurry it up... I need to [...] like mad...

Loleh: [...]... I am not familiar with that terminology. What does it mean? :: She continued towards him. ::

Por'kus: [...]!!! Take a leak... Urinate....

Loleh: There is no need to get agitated. I am, after all, helping you... unless of course you would like me to leave you here? :: She desperately hoped that she outranked this mystery person after talking to him the way she had. ::

Por'kus: Agitated... leave me here... are you nuts... I'm sweating like crazy, stiff, sore and now I need to [...] and you want to leave me here??

Loleh: Very well, I will leave you here then. ::She turned back::

Por'kus: Get back here. Of course I want help. I don't plan to spend the rest of my life here.

Loleh: :: Smiling :: That is much better. Now. I am almost to you and I will be able to calculate the direction and force to which we will need to move you to break free.

Por'kus: Good luck. I've tried everything and not been able to budge myself even a tiny bit.

Loleh: Would you please trust me?

Por'kus: Trust you... better yet just get me out of here...

:: She saw his legs and knew she had a challenge ahead of her. She first theorized that the heat in the shaft must have caused the man to swell and make his size too large for the given space. ::

Loleh: How did you get here if you do not fit?

Por'kus: Are you trying to say I'm fat?

Loleh: I am saying that your size is greater than the circumference of the shaft.

Por'kus: I'm just big boned. Besides I managed to get this far... then I got stuck...

Loleh: Interesting.. :: She began reaching up to get a feel of the situation. ::

Por'kus: The shaft must be smaller here... :: As he said it he could feel her hand slid up his leg towards his waist. ::

Loleh: Has the shaft always been this small to you? :: She started feeling around the man to see if his uniform had caught on anything. ::

Por'kus: OK.... So maybe I am a little larger than I use to be... what has that to do with getting me out? :: Now he could feel her hand checking to make sure he was not caught on anything. ::

Loleh: I am merely pointing out that if you lost some weight, this would no longer be a problem and you could do your job better. :: She took another step up and worked her way around his waist. oO I should have ignored his cry for help.. I could be reading right now! Oo ::

Por'kus: I do not need to diet... they need to make these #$%^&* shafts all the same size. :: Somehow she had managed to work around his legs and was now checking his other side. Unfortunately her hand was ticklish as hell and he was not sure how much longer he could stifle the giggles. ::

Loleh: I am certain that there is a logical explanation for the size of the shaft. And you would be much healthier if you dropped a few pounds.

Por'kus: Ha..ha..ha.. ha.. ha..

Loleh: :: She looked at the man, quite confused. :: I hardly see what is so funny about this situation.

Por'kus: I don't find this funny... your tickling me.

Loleh: Well stop moving. I can't see up there so I have to feel out if you are caught on something.. I'm just.. about.. finished.. :: She started sliding her hand back towards her. ::

Por'kus: Whhooo... watch the hand lady... I don't know you that well...

Loleh: :: blushing :: My apologies. Now you are not caught on anything so I will just have to unlodge you myself.

Por'kus: Just watch what you push... Last thing I want to do is have to call my mommy and tell her you took my virginity... Now do you really think you can get me free??

Loleh: Uh, sure I can! :: She was thankful he couldn't see how slender she was. She was hardly strong.. she was a scientist, not a security officer. She defeated things with her mind, not biceps.. ::

Por'kus: You don't sound too sure... you're not some 85 pound bookworm science geek are you? Nah... the gods couldn't hate me that much...

Loleh: What other options do you see?

Por'kus: : Well I could hang around while you run and get me about 2 dozen burgers and a couple shakes... or risk getting a rather abrupt proctology examine... go ahead give it your best...

Loleh: Okay then, here goes nothing.

:: She wrapped her arms around his legs, using one leg to brace herself on the sides of the shaft. She began pulling on the stuck man with no luck, when his comm badge chirped. ::

Knight: =/\= Bridge to Crewman Por'kus. =/\=

Por'kus: =/\= What?? =/\=

Knight: =/\= I need you to go over to the Rigek. They have some systems that could use your tiny fingers on. =/\=

Por'kus: =/\= Now! Are you kidding. I'm stuck right in the middle of a very tricky removal problem. =/\=


Knight: =/\= Well get your chubby little self unstuck! We need you over there in ten minutes and we do not have time for you to take a little vacation...have you been eating those apple fritters again? =/\=

:: She enjoyed talking with him. Sometimes it gave her a chance to be as rude as she wanted to be from time to time, and someone like Por'kus expected it. She could get away with talking to him different from others. She did not always do so, instead, sometimes she was overly nice to him. It was fun to watch him squirm. ::

Por'kus: =/\= You have got to be kidding. Take my advice give up cooking and stick to your day job. Those things tasted like used underwear. Yeuucckk. =/\=

((Corridor))

:: Sherana was heading back to the Arboretum when the Orion botanist noticed the hatch to one of the ships maintenance tubes was open. She could hear weird noises echoing from inside. They sounded like sick animals or someone being crushed while carrying an enormous weight, one that was way too much for them. ::

:: She walked closer and just when she peeked inside she heard a loud voice of a woman echo down to her. ::

Loleh: STOP FIDGETING! :: She continued pulling. ::

:: Sherana straightened up again as the words flew into her face, just when a male gruff voice followed. ::

Por'kus: I'm not fidgeting... your touching my manhood... by the way what are you doing later? Just thought I would ask as you now know me better than my last girlfriend... now stop playing and start PUSHING...


:: The Orion's eyebrows rose. What in Kahless' name where those people doing in that tube? ::

Loleh: Well can you try sucking in your stomach or something? :: Loleh looked at the man with disgust. She was starting to want to use the transporter.. despite her phobia she wouldn't mind the risks it brought if used on him. ::

Knight: =/\= Is everything okay, Por'kus? =/\= :: A large smiled formed on her face. It was funny listening to the banter back and forth. She was not sure if it was the funnier part, or the fact that he was stuck in the first place. She thought of just beaming him out of there, which would take a few seconds. Instead, since he didn't think of it...she wouldn't bring it up until she had to. Instead, she chose to deal with a few minutes of comic relief from the little Tellarite. Of course, perhaps little was not the best descriptive for the man. ::

Por'kus: Again with the fat jokes... I'll give it a try... :: He tried to talk low enough that his helper could hear him but the comms badge did not. A foolish try as he knew the badge would pick up everything. :: =/\= Just my assistant getting a little fresh... nothing to worry about. =/\=

:: Loleh continued her futile attempts. There was no physical way for her to pull him out. The math did not work! ::

Knight: :: He sounded like he was calming down, and she could not have that. He was much more comical when he was agitated. It was interesting listening to the man squirm, she almost wanted to head down and see it for herself. ::=/\= How long do you think it will be until you are out of there? =/\=

Por'kus: =/\= I don't know... as soon as possible. =/\= It's not working, try harder. :: He hissed under his breath as he tried to suck it in even more. ::

Loleh: :: grunting :: I'm doing the best I can! It's not my fault you're so big! :: She wasn't normally so rude, but it was the only way to talk to this Porky guy. ::

:: This was really too strange, it sounded a lot like they enjoyed their time with each other in this tube, though when it came to that Sherana liked it less talky and more growly. Though she understood when other people liked it differently. But why here and in that way? ::

:: She peeked her head back into the tube and cleared her throat. ::

Sherana: You might want to close the hatch if you want to copulate, everyone outside can hear you.

Por'kus: What did she say? :: He was not sure what the strange female voice had said. ::

Loleh: :: holding back the urge to vomit at the thought. :: She thinks we are copulating. Apparently everyone can hear us! :: turning down to the newest member of the party. :: I assure you, we are NOT copulating.

Knight: =/\= You seem to be taking your time, Por'kus. Are you enjoying yourself? =/\ :: She figured the jab would get him riled up a bit more. Enjoyment was not among the top things the man was capable of. The fact that he was stuck was probably rough for him. He needed to swallow his pig-headed pride and get help. Now she was doing what she could to keep the fire going. ::

Por'kus: =/\= Whoooaaa, I'm just stuck... no need to start throwing around unfounded accusations, heck I still have my pants on for goodness sake. =/\=

Sherana: ::raising her voice so he could hear her:: That is beneficial. The friction of the fabric is less than that of skin and will help to get unstuck better than if you have lost them already.

Loleh: That is true. Also, I would not be helping if your pants were not on.

Knight: =/\= Do we need to send reinforcements? Perhaps replicate some lubricant of some sort? =/\=

Por'kus: =/\= Look just get your shapely butt up here and give her a hand, either that or keep your comments to yourself. =/\=

:: She could not help but laugh again. Of all the things she was told about her rear end, shapely was not something she heard before. She had no intention of actually going down there to help him pull himself out of the tube. Instead, she would keep laughing until she dangled the thought of beaming him out of there. ::

Sherana: My... butt is not shapely. :: At least she never had seen it that way, though others might disagree. The Orion shook her head and sighed. Apparently whoever the woman with him was did not really get him out of it, so she could need a helping hand. Sherana put her things down and climbed into the tube. Though seeing the whole thing from closer made it pretty clear that they could not do much with squeezing in and getting stuck themselves. :: There must be another way to do this without getting wedged in as well.

Loleh: If you could get on the other side of the maintenance shaft, you could push while I pull, I suppose. Or we could tie something around him and pull from the corridor?

Knight: =/\= Who is that helping to pull our stout little figure out of the hole that you managed to cram yourself into? =/\=

Por'kus: =/\= How should I know. I can't see who they are... =/\=

Loleh: I told you, I am Lt. jg Loleh Rejock ::rolling her eyes:: Perhaps you should try listening.

Sherana: You could ask. ::Looking to Loleh:: I'll check if I can find something to bind around him, so we can pull without getting stuck ourselves. ::With that she crawled backwards again.::

Knight: =/\= Is any progress being made down there? =/\=

Por'kus: =/\= I don't know they're too busy playing with my manhood it seems like. =/\=

:: She laughed to herself once more. If Tellarite anatomy was consistent, the third leg was even shorter and stubbier than he was. She doubted that either of the women helping him would tell it was even there. Of course there were some things that were to cruel for her to say, even to a Tellarite. ::

Loleh: Oh bother! Anatomy is NOT my field of interest... :: She looked at Sherana, shaking her head in disgust. ::

Sherana: I'm not playing with anything, you are not my type.

Knight: =/\= Trust me Por'kus, I am pretty sure that they are not enjoying it at all. =/\=

Por'kus: =/\= If that's true then I should be the one pressing charges for sexual assault... either that or I own them a few bars of latnium for the good time. =/\=

Loleh: I assure you there is nothing sexual about this...

:: Sherana shook her head. Seeing the figure and hearing that voice, the tone of voice, she had a good idea what species that man belonged too. She had met the one or other, though did not really have a problem with it. Who was raised and trained among Klingons was pretty much used to that kind of talk. Sherana hit the ground again, only half listening to further conversations inside. ::

Sherana: ::shouting into the tube:: If you keep complaining, we'll just leave you in that shaft.

Knight: =/\= Well payment would be a good compensation, along with the years of counselling they will both have to endure after this little adventure. =/\=

Loleh: That's an understatement!

Por'kus: =/\= Ha, ha, ha. You're a regular comedian Lt. =/\=

Knight: =/\= So...how much longer should I let you try to get unstuck byyourself before just having the transporter room beam you out of there? =/\=

:: She listened to the moment of silence when it finally clicked for everyone. In that moment she felt just as cruel as the tube holding his chubby little body in place. She could have shared the solution at the start of the conversation, but with a few minutes to kill it was better to wait. ::

:: Loleh kept quiet for a moment. This Knight person had a good head on her shoulders. oO I need to get out more and meet these people! Oo ::

Loleh: I was hoping to avoid that...

Por'kus: =/\= Avoid it... oh no you're not one of them are you? Listen Lt. Do it. Get me out of here. =/\=

Knight: :: letting out a laugh. :: =/\= I could have done it minutes ago, but this is pretty funny stuff. It is like watching a holo-comedy, but I am stuck listening to it instead. =/\=

Por'kus: =/\= Oh I'm so glad that you were enjoying it. My day is not complete unless I have brought a smile to your face. Now get me out of here. This is uncomfortable as heck. =/\=

Loleh: Well it wasn't pleasant for me either!

Por'kus: =/\= Who cares. At least you can climb out on your own. Now if you ladies can stop your gossip fest maybe you can get with the program. Remember I'm still stuck here. =/\=

Knight: =/\= I will relay your situation and have them beam you to the nearest corridor. =/\=

Loleh: Listen, if you are going to beam out of here, I am leaving. I don't want to be anywhere near that..

Por'kus: I knew it. You are one of them. What makes you wakoos tick. How can anyone in this day and age be so weirded out by simple science?

Loleh: I just prefer keeping my molecules together, just the way they are. I'm a physicist, not a matter stream! :: She began climbing back down towards the hatch. ::

Por'kus: A scientist??? You're a scientist!!! Well that explains the inexperienced hand massage. :: He should have known. An engineer would have gotten him out in no time. ::

Knight: =/\= Just keep your shirt on...they will get you of there in a few seconds. :: snickering :: Bridge out. =/\=

Loleh: It's ok. I understand you're lashing out at me. You are intimidated by a female who is smarter than you.

Por'kus: Nah, I can handle that. After all I'm an engineer, we actually do things. :: Something about this woman just rubbed him the wrong way and it had nothing to do with her actual hands. Those had felt pretty good even if she had no idea what she was doing. No. It was something else. ::

Loleh: The more you deny it, the more I know it is true.. :: She continued climbing down. ::

Por'kus: It's not women that bother me. I like women it's egg head scientists I have a problem with. Scientists, think things up and then come to us engineers to make them work. Remember that. :: That was it. She had to be an officer. It was not bad enough that she was a scientist but he was sure of it now. She just had to be an officer as well. ::

Loleh: Keep telling yourself that, big man. I'm out of here!

Por'kus: Good. We would not want you to be scared of a simple matter stream. They would probably make me clean up the puddle. :: He heard her grunt of disgust and felt pretty good with himself. Best [...] day he had, had in a while other than getting stuck. It wasn't that often that he could let loose and grumble and complain with-out getting into trouble. Last good chance he had, had was back on Starbase 118 in that Tellarite diner. ::

:: Just then he felt the familiar tingle as his body was broken down into it's individual molecules and transported elsewhere on the ship. ::

((Main Engineering, USS Apollo))

:: Por'kus materialized in main engineering. A few seconds later his tool kit appeared as well but he did not see it as the second he had fully materialized he made a mad dash for the bathroom. ::

:: A few moments later he walked back out of the bathroom looking very pleased or at least as pleased as it was possible for him to look. When he saw his tool kit which reminded him of the job awaiting him his face clouded over and got it's normal grumpy look again. ::

:: He considered going back into the bathroom and dropping his comms badge down the toilet but knew it would only result in him having to dig through sewage looking for it so instead he activated it and spoke. ::

Por'kus: =/\= Crewman 2nd class Por'kus to Lt. Knight. =/\=

Knight: =/\= Go ahead. =/\=

Por'kus: =/\= Ok. Tell me more about this problem that needs my special attention. =/\=

Knight: =/\= All I know is a transporter repair is needed, and anything else they may need done. Check in with Ensigns Kapoor and Pierce when you get there. =/\=

Por'kus: =/\= Would that be an older style Cardassian freighter? =/\=

Knight: =/\= Yeah, Groumall type. Pretty old indeed. =/\=

Por'kus: =/\= Yeah I'm familiar with the problem. Did you send over the replacement parts yet? =/\= :: As he asked it he picked up his tool kit, opened it to make sure nothing was missing. ::

Knight: =/\= All spare parts and supplies have been sent over, we just have a man power shortage. =/\=

Por'kus: =/\=Ok. Ok. I understand. Beam me over and I'll get to work. =/\=

Knight: =/\= Getting a lock now...happy repairs! Knight out. =/\=

:: He stood calmly waiting to be beamed over. Then it dawned on him that he had not eaten yet and just as he was about to talk, to let Lt. Knight know he wanted to eat first the transported effect dissolved him into a couple million particles and deposited him on the aged freighter. ::

((Cargo Hold of The Rigek, Oribitting Quatal Minor))

:: Por'kus materialized inside what was obviously a working freighter. It had about a thousand years worth of smells, age and rust everywhere and it took him a moment to adjust. In some ways it felt a little like coming home. ::

************************************************

This sim brought to you by

PNPC - Crewman 3rd class Por'kus a Tellarite Engineer

With the help of the following

PNPC - Lt. jg. Loleh Rejock a Al-Leyan Scientist

PNPC - Lt. jg. Susan Knoght a Human Engineer

PNPC - Civilian Sherana Caelin a Orion Botanist



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