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May/June 2012 Responses and Winners!


Tony, aka Kells
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Greetings, everyone, and thanks for your patience! I'm pleased to announce that the judges for this round -- Fleet Captain Toni Turner, Lieutenant Commander Arden Cain, Lieutenant Alleran Tan, and Commander Aron Kells -- have conferred and selected a winner and a runner-up from the entries.

The winner of the May & June Writing Challenge, with her story, "Time Is...," is Kali Nicholotti! Our runner-up, with his entry into his ongoing saga, "The Broken Clock - Time for a Last Stand," is Eyas Wulfantine! Congratulations to you both!

The May & June stories and rules, save this response thread, have been moved to the 2012 Hall of Fame. Stay tuned for news today regarding July's special contest....

Edited by Aron Kells
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"A Broken Clock - Nine Lives"

by S'Acul Aveunallliv

reviewed by Aron Kells

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The first thing that I appreciate about this story is that it made me work! It presents two apparently unrelated narratives sequentially, tied together only by a reference to Kilratha, and without tripping over any clunky explanations insists that its readers connect the two together. It's also written in a loping, easy style that helps carry the reader through the future captain's hellish [...]pit to the surface of Cait. The choice of Cait and the Caitians should be no surprise, given the author's primary character, but it's always welcome to see a little-known race from the Trek universe examined well in a short story, as is done here.

My principal suggestion for this story is to look at the work the dialogue is doing. Trek dialogue has become, over the years of shows, movies, and books, almost a standard dialect, from the basic computer responses to the "dammit!" fists on the table. How can you break the mold? How can you make what these characters say different than what's gone before? How can you invent the next step in the evolution of Trek writing? I don't just ask these questions of the writer of this story, but of all the writers participating in this challenge. You're creating the future!

But, in regard to this story, I was very impressed, and I thoroughly enjoyed the read. Thank you!

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The Broken Clock - Time for a Last Stand

by Eyas Wulfantine

reviewed by Toni Turner

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If ever a title fit, Eyas certainly named his manuscript correctly. And with that in mind as I began reading, masterfully crafted words began to set up the scenario, putting me smack dab in the middle of the of Lieutenant Weyland's malnourished, cold, fearful, yet brave squad.

At no time did Eyas give an inkling of hope for the squad, but truthfully, I found myself rooting for them to be victorious despite their adversaries, and Eyas delivered on that too. The entire squad made their last stand, and in doing so, they fulfilled their mission. Their deaths allowed others of their kind to live.

Eyas entry was the total package. A fast moving drama of the hardships of war. I was impressed with his story telling, and his ability to leave the reader with hope. It was a truly inspired "Last Stand." Excellent work, Eyas!

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To live a memory best left in the past

by Tal Tel-ar

reviewed by Arden Cain

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Once again Commander Tal Tel-ar has written a wonderfully detailed story. The rich details used to create the planet and local tribe produced the desired atmosphere flawlessly. Giving the reader the basic history of the planet and its people is also awesome as it allows one to speculate further toward the end of the story.

This is honestly one of the hardest themes that I have had to judge. As always the entries are all great but the theme, a broken clock, isn't the easiest thing to represent both in a literal or metaphorical sense. The one thing that this story really lacked, in my opinion, is a more definitive use of the competition's theme.

Overall though I honestly did enjoy reading this piece. There was just the right moment of action in the fight scene so not to make it the focus of the piece. The way you place the emphasis on the timing of the fight was also a great touch. The suspense and drama you packed into that fight just like the rest of the story was remarkable. I look forward to seeing more.

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Time is...

by Kalianna Nicholotti

reviewed by Alleran Tan

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This story had me from "My name is Commander Stewart, and I am from the future.".

I have to admit I really liked this entry, and I think it captured the topic choice perfectly. There was a use of the metaphorical clock, along with the literal one, seemed like a deliberate attempt to show that this story was paying attention; it wasn't just "a story with a clock", it was a story that was *about* a clock. This was very good to see.

I had a lot of trouble finding something wrong with this story since it was executed expertly, articulately written and quite philosophical. I thought it was perfectly crafted and, despite some serious competition from the other entries, I would be surprised if this one didn't win.

Well done, Commander.

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