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[Round 10] Nightmares Revealed


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((Sickbay, USS Eagle))

MacGowan: So, talk to me. What's been going on?

Devar: Argh, let's see…

::She hesitated.::

Devar: …where to begin?

MacGowan: Just dive right in. It's easier that way.

Devar: I think… I think what's been bothering me most lately are my


::Arista Devar looked up to Em, her hazel eyes sparkling with honesty

and sadness. Emirry gazed at her with utter empathy. She was no

stranger to plaguing nightmares.::

MacGowan: Tell me about them. ::Emirry held back her own emotions,

like a good counselor should. Now wasn't the time for memories to

come snipping back.::

::Arista reclined back in the chair.::

Devar: The nightmares started right after my first mission to

Cart'hen III. I usually do dream at night but the nightmares that I

have been having are reoccurring and are so vivid. They are so real

and they… they scare me, Em.

MacGowan: I understand. ::She paused.:: Do you have any idea why now?

Or, why Cart'hen III?

Devar: I think it's because the planet and its people remind me so

much of my life before Starfleet. You would think growing up in such

a place as the "infamous Mirror Universe", to quote my former Science

Professor, would prepare me for such an awful

Environment but it only haunts me.

::She paused then continued with her raspy voice.::

Devar: I try to act all composed and confident, because I am a

Starfleet officer and I have to push all personal reservations aside

to get the job done.

::It seemed as if Arista was trying to coach herself along as she

raised her eyebrows.::

Devar: But I would be lying if I said Cart'hen III didn't affect me

in that way.

MacGowan: Sometimes, that happens because we haven't fully dealt with

our past yet. ::She leaned back, her dark eyes caring and

sympathetic.:: Can you tell me a little more about your nightmares?

Devar: The nightmares don't deal with the planet in particular, but

other things. Cart'hen only triggers them.

MacGowan: What do they deal with?

Devar: They…

::The blonde Betazoid bit her lower lip as she felt her cheeks grow

hot. She couldn't help it. A trail of tears trickled down her face

and she wiped them away with the backs of her hands. She took a

moment to center herself.::

Devar: I don't mean to get all emotional here.

MacGowan: It's alright.

::Arista sighed and swallowed. Her heart rate jumped as she


Devar: My husband, Em. My dreams or nightmares or whatever you want

to call them. They deal with my husband and daughter. Both passed

away six years ago.

::She controlled herself and the tears dried, leaving only red eyes.

There were few people in the Fleet that knew about her family. She

didn't really have plans to discuss her personal woes with just

anyone, but Arista knew she could trust Em with this information.::

::Emirry opened a drawer in her desk and took out a container of

tissues. She placed it on her desk in front of Arista. Emirry stood

and briefly walked to the replicator in her office. She ordered a

glass of cool water. For half a moment Em hesitated at the

replicator. Personal loss like the one Arista spoke of was something

Emirry, as an El-Aurian hybrid, feared deeply. However, she hadn't

experienced it.::

::She took a breath and turned back to Devar. On the way to her seat

she placed the glass of water down in front of her.::

MacGowan: Here. Sip this.

::Emirry looked down at her, her eyes softly smiling. Em decided to

sit in the seat next to Arista this time.::

MacGowan: I know it's difficult to handle something like this. And

even more so while trying to do your job. But you're taking the right

first step in talking to someone.

Devar: I know you're right but it all makes me feel weak.

MacGowan: I think it shows strength. Something you have an abundance

of. ::She leaned forward slightly and spoke a little softer.:: Even

if you don't realize it all the time. ::Em gave a small smile and

leaned back.::

Devar: Thanks. It's just…

::Arista sniffed and rubbed her nose with a tissue, not looking

directly at the other woman. Em's warmth eased the tension.::

MacGowan: I don't have all the answers for you, but I can help you

while you search for them.

::Em's willingness to help and listen was just what Arista needed.

Hazel eyes look to Em's for guidance.::

Devar: Where do I go from here?

MacGowan: My best advice right now is get everything out. Everything

you're feeling, just get it off your chest. No matter how miniscule,

no matter how monumental. Put it all out there.

::The onslaught of melancholic emotions lifted slightly, parting the

fog and allowing the blonde to think more clearly. She sorted through

the details in her mind and, after a few seconds of silence, they

started to bluntly reveal themselves in her voice.::

Devar: I lost Adam and Jasmine…

::She cringed as the names of her husband and daughter were brought

out to the open but her words did not skip a beat.::

Devar: …in a world much like Cart'hen III. Do you think that's why,

whenever I'm on that wretched planet, I have horrible dreams about


MacGowan: Especially since you consciously see so many connections

between the two.

Devar: Do you think it could be connected to my PTSD, too?

MacGowan: I think your PTSD makes it more intense, and probably

harder to deal with.

Devar: Maybe so. It's just been hard trying to sort out even after

all these years and my life now. Starfleet was the one that gave me

the news that they had passed away, but for some reason I have

disbelief in that.

MacGowan: ::Em gave a curious look.:: Why's that?

::Arista sighed and rolled used tissues in her hands.::

Devar: The trans-dimensional rift that brought me to this timeline

has never been discovered. How can Starfleet really know that they

are gone? I guess that's what torments me so much. Who am I to say

otherwise, especially when Intel says this one thing, you know? I

guess my heart wants them to be alive.

MacGowan: ::Em nodded.:: That's absolutely understandable. You don't

have very much closure.

Devar: Somewhere, deep inside, I knew and wished I could have done

more. My daughter was only a few hours old when we were separated. I

never had the chance to bond with her like a mother should.

::Em's voice was soothing.::

MacGowan: You have to let the guilt go, find acceptance that it's not

your fault… ::She paused.:: Tell me about your husband.

Devar: Adam?

MacGowan: ::Em gave a small nod.:: Mhmm.

::Arista looked down, focusing her sight on the rolling tissues, and

continued in a whisper.::

Devar: Adam and I met right after I was brought into an Alliance

mining camp. He was the right hand man to my Overseer but it was all

a façade. He was actually a Terran Resistance fighter under the guise

of a genetically enhanced Klingon-Human hybrid. It had taken him

years to build the Overseer's trust but he used his status to work

the system from the inside out. Out of the darkness from my years

there, his gentleness towards me evolved into love and we managed to

have an affair that defied the system we were prisoners in.

::Taking a breath, she looked to Em for encouragement. Her voice was

almost inaudible.::

Devar: He would use his status to protect me to a degree and we would

sneak rendezvous behind storage doors or Adam would arrange meetings

in his own quarters under cover stories. It all grew sloppy and it

would later prove disastrous because, while we were able to keep the

relationship under the radar for a number of years, even managing to

marry in a simple to-the-point ceremony, the Overseer caught wind and

it all went downhill from there. My pregnancy was the initial cause

of speculation and, when the child was born, suspicions were


::Emirry's heart ached for this woman, but knew under her pain was

strength and hope. In a supportive gesture, Em reached out and put

her hand on Arista's.::

Devar: Adam went missing for a couple of days after our love affair

was discovered. The Overseer, unable to unleash his wrath on the man

he trusted for a decade, lashed out on me and kept me from my

daughter. When Adam finally showed with his men in a grand and fiery

fashion, bombing the mining facility, he didn't explain much of

anything. His main concern was helping me escape, answers to come

later. He stayed behind to search for Jasmine and rescue her, saying

he would find his way back to me. He never has, six years later.

Those were my last memories of them. We had so many dreams of what

our lives together would be when we were finally free. I was foolish

to believe they would be anything but dreams.

::She hung her head in silence, unmoving, with golden ringlets of

hair hiding her face. The heartache was palpable.::

MacGowan: Dreaming's never foolish.

Devar: Em, I… I still love him. Do you know what it's like being in

love with a ghost? It's like a part of you is missing and, no matter

what you try to do to encourage positive energy that black part of

your heart is always there.

::She looked up, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. A hand

raised to her nose, wiping it gently.::

MacGowan: ::Em handed her a tissue.:: It's alright to cry.

Devar: I guess I'm a really messed up girl. The only thing that has

held any substance in my life since has been Starfleet and being the

best person I can be with what has been dealt to me.

MacGowan: You're not messed up, you've just been through a lot. And

having the focus you do on your career, is more then most could


Devar: I still find myself hoping to see him mysteriously appear at

my door with our child in his arms, though the likelihood of that

happening is nil. I suppose that's my heart's wishful thinking.

MacGowan: But if holding on to that helps you, then why not? ::Em

gave a soft smile.::

::Arista's face warmed into a small smile.::

Devar: I do feel better talking about it all. I feel like I've

rambled on, though, and I'm sure you have other things to do.

MacGowan: ::Em sighed a little.:: I suppose I do. ::She stood:: The

next time you feel like talking, don't hesitate to find me.

Alright? ::She smiled.::

Devar: I am… very grateful for that. Thank you.

::The two of them walked into the main part of sickbay. In confiding

in Em, Arista felt at peace for the first time in months.::


LtCmd Emirry Rayn MacGowan

CMO, USS Eagle


LtCmd Arista Devar


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