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Ensign Kettick: Differential diagnosis of a defective device


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@Kettick It took me organizing my inbox to get the chance to fully appreciate this one for the absolute gem of a sim that it is. There are a number of specific little narrative quotes I could pinpoint, but when I tried to do that I just found that the ones that came after it were equally funny and added to the humor in the most perfect ways. So I'm going to agree with Sera's assessment that your inner monologue was hysterical. And I think every person deserves a good laugh out of this one. Because I was wheeze laughing.


((Main Engineering, Deck 15, USS Juneau))

Dekas: ::Clearing his throat:: Are, ah, any of you free to help me with a problem I’m having?
The Aurelian's voice drew Kettick's attention away from the broken phaser gun he was trying to fix. A good thing too, he was beginning to harbor uncharitable thoughts towards whoever had tried to use it as a space heater during their last camping trip.
Dekas: I’m Dekas by the way.
The Vulcan engineer with the most traditional fur walked towards the Aurelian, Kettick one step behind her, and extended her hand in the traditional salute of her people.
Sera:  Greetings Ensign Dekas.  What is the problem?
The Remmilian nodded briskly, in what he hoped was an appropriate greeting among equals.

Careno: Response

Dekas: Right. There’s a replicator that is really giving me an issue. It isn’t responding to the normal line of fixes, and I think some extra eyes could help me sort this all out a lot faster.
That was an expression that would have caused him no end of trouble, once. But now, he knew that the Aurelian was not suggesting he needed multiple ocular grafts, but the professional opinion of one or several of his peers.
Given the fact that the replicator was at present faintly smoking, his professional opinion was somewhere in the vicinity of a pained wince.
Careno: Response

Sera:  Have you attempted to ‘turn it off and turn it back on?’

Dekas:  Response

Sera: Well, as that usually fixes this type of device, further diagnostic studies should be performed…or we could simply replace the entire unit?
Kettick: We should do our utmost to minimize the downtime. Due to widespread caffeine addiction among the Engineering crew, it has been suggested that this replicator be taken off the Master Minimum Equipment List, for fear its absence would compromise Juneau's flight worthiness.
Dekas:  Response
Careno: Response
Kettick: I also have a sonic hammer at hand, in case you want to try the illogical but time-honored 'percussive maintenance' technique.
Careno: Response
Dekas: Response

Sera tilted her head in assent. 

Sera:  I will obtain my tricorder and hydrospanner and assist you.  The diagnostics I was working on can continue to run in the background without direct supervision for sometime before becoming corrupted.

Dekas:  Response
Kettick tilted his head to the side, in thought. The little green flashes coming from inside the casing were most distressing, if somewhat pretty.

Kettick: I will try to look into the access logs, to see if someone has tried to make it replicate a forbidden substance... again. Similarly, reviewing the code for any unauthorized addition might be worthwile.
If crewman Jerroh had tried to replicate their infamous "coffin varnish" recipe again, Kettick would put forward a motion for drowning them in the vile stuff.
Careno/Dekas/Sera: Response
Kettick: The probability that it has become sentient and is currently trying to communicate via smoke signals is low. And my other hypothesis would necessitate jury-rigging a flamethrower, but I am reasonably certain we managed to find and destroy all the eggs last time.


Ensign Kettick
Engineering Officer
USS Juneau
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