Alieth Posted September 12, 2021 Share Posted September 12, 2021 How to write a good and awesome paced action scene by @Alleran Tan. Slow beginning, nice and in the mood of the previous scene, sudden snap to action, breathtaking description and..... Awesome job mate! ((Tunnel Fork, Darime Underground)) Wandering down an unexpected fork in the tunnel, one that wasn't on any maps, team JAMS—Jona And Mallora, Serren—were feeling pretty crammed in by the low ceiling. Or at least, Jona and Serren were. Mallora seemed to be doing much better. And the heat... and the smell... Okay, so everything wasn't so great after all. To make things worse, there was a hot, possibly radioactive, electronic thing on the other side of the wall. Mallora indicated it was a malfunctioning generator and he had no reason to doubt that assessment. But they had come to a fork in the road, one that wasn't on either of their maps. ch'Ranni: Great. Which one do we take? No way to know. Tan: Fifty-fifty shot. But if I had to guess... the new tunnel would probably be more interesting. That generator isn't going anywhere. Mallora stepped over to the place where the cooler passage split off from the main tunnel. There was a pile of loosely scattered rocks on the ground almost marking the divide between dug tunnel and natural cave. Waving her tricorder at the two passages, she examined the flow of data on the screen. Vossti: Sirs? I think there's a scuff mark here. ::she pointed to one of the larger oblong rocks about the size of a Trill honeymelon.:: Like someone stepped on this rock on their way through. Mallora looked at them questioningly. Tan: That would likely be our cadets then. Jona mulled the decision while the doctor leaned against the surface of the wall. The Betazoid doctor seemed a touch startled as she directed her tricorder to the walls of the tunnel. Vossti: What? ::hesitantly:: I'm checking for structural instability in the tunnel, but it looks fine both here and in the cave beyond. ch'Ranni: Good call. I think the last thing any of us wants is to have a few tons of rock and dirt falling on our heads. What does your scan show? Serren definitely didn't want that. But he really had no idea what they were looking at. Vossti: Response Tan: But it's stable for now, right? ch'Ranni: Right. Stable for now. That's the best we can do. Head into the natural tunnel and see where it leads. From the scuffs the doctor saw, we can expect that someone has passed through here before. That's enough to warrant a look. With Serren in the lead and the doctor bringing up the rear, they maneuvered themselves and their equipment into the side tunnel. In doing so they left behind the cramped passage as the natural one opened up above their heads. The sheer relief he felt when he was able to finally stretch out was delightful. But it wasn't just the high ceiling that brightened his day. The ceiling was dotted with bright shining geodes, reflecting and refracting the light all around them. ch'Ranni: The rock and crystal formations are amazing here. It was hard to disagree. Jona pointed to a yellowish patch of geometric crystalline growth on one passing stalagmite with his hand torch. It flashed and glittered in the beam of light with an almost internal glow. ch'Ranni: I saw some of this crystal in the ceiling of the main cavern. Tan: ::Softly,:: This is beautiful. Vossti: Response ch'Ranni: Record and sample everything. There's no telling what data the Pelian researchers may find useful. Vossti: Response Tan: Aye, Commander. Serren absently pulled out his tricorder and began taking a routine scan. Vossti would no doubt be on it too, but it was good to have a second set of data just in case. With Serren and Mallora working, Jona took a wander around the cavern. Serren idly shook his tricorder, urging it to scan faster. The sooner they were done with the scan, the sooner he could check out the beautiful geological formations. His eyes flicked down to his device, watching a tiny bar fill up on a too-small screen. Why didn't they make these things a little bigger, just so looking at them didn't strain the eyes so— ch'Ranni: ::calling out:: Whoa! Watch out! Serren's head snapped around. Time itself seemed to slow down; body instantly flooded with adrenaline, he assessed the situation in a flash. Hidden crevice. Deep. None of them had seen it. Jona, off-balance, arms pinwheeling. A split second away from disaster. Tan: Jona! Serren exploded into motion. His tricorder fell out of his hands, clattering onto the ground, and he slid out of his heavy pack in one smooth motion. Trill legs pumped furiously as he transitioned instantly from "relaxed scanning" to furious sprinting, closing the distance between himself and Jona. ch'Ranni/Vossti: Response Too late. He was going to be too late. He... Did a risky and dangerous thing, totally against his training, that risked sending him off the edge as well. Serren leapt forward like a hunting cat as Jona tumbled backward. His arms outstretched, reaching, reaching... trying to grab any part of Jona he could. A boot. Serren landed bodily on his chest, sliding on the smooth rock, shoulders over the edge. One hand had managed to grab hold of Jona's left boot, holding on with every ounce of his strength as he caught his buddy mid-fall. Tan: ::Grunting,:: I got you! But then the full weight of the guy was transferred to his arm, to his shoulder, and then to his whole body; threatening to pull him over the edge too. Serren's fingers held on to Jona's ankle as tightly as he could, his blue buddy swaying ominously below him. He felt himself sliding forward too; the weight pulling him over... kicking frantically, his boot hooked around a crystal formation, snagging there. Serren held on as tight as he could as Jona dangled over the abyss below. It all happened in just a few seconds. ch'Ranni/Vossti: Response Serren's training kicked in, voice totally bereft of its normal levity. His tone was clipped, calm, and professional despite the strain on his shoulder, ankle, and whole body. They'd need all three of them to get out of this. Serren shifted his posture, grabbing hold of Jona's boot with two hands now. Much better. Tan: Vossti. Rope in my bag. Tie it off on a strong-looking crystal, or use a climbing piton if you can't find one. Just anchor it. Commander, do you think you can put on a climbing harness upside down? Or freeclimb a rope? It was that or something much more primitive, like a lasso around the arm. ch'Ranni/Vossti: Response -- Lieutenant (j.g.) Serren Tan Security/Tactical USS Gorkon O238704AT0 3 Quote Link to comment
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.