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Vice Associate Director Shaggee Rod'gurs - A Motivated Employee is a Productive Employee


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You're killing me, @Geoffrey Teller, you're killing me!

IC: 

 

((Employee Productivity Recovery Center - Endless Golden Penetrator))
 
Alieth: In addition, your knowledge about the biology of your species will help us to stabilize the injured. The more patients we can send to the Thor, the more optimal our performance will be.
 
Shaggee was aghast and his head bobbed from side to side, his neck rigid with indignation.  
 
Rod'gurs:  Help you treat the injured?  I'm not certified for that.  It would be a violation of my contract!  
 
Jehe: You are contractually forbidden from rendering aid to others in an emergency?
 
Trying to be patient with these increasingly bizarre outsiders, Shaggee spread his hands and spoke as he would to an intern.  
 
Rod'gurs: 'Employees of the Saldanian Corporation are contractually forbidden from performing any duties for which they are not explicitly trained and certified via SalCorp Employee Enrichment & Productivity Improvement centers.  Violation of this policy is grounds for employment and employee termination under subarticle....' 
 
Shaggee rattled off the book, chapter, section, subsection & codicil number from memory.  HIs childhood nursery had the words 'Do only what you're told and nothing else' painted on the wall.  It had been drilled into him before he even began his internship and it had served him well his whole career.  
 
Alieth: I am sure you want to reassess your priorities in this matter. 
 
Jehe: Consider it this way - the more of them you help us treat, the more...resources can be returned to service and placed back in um....back into the workforce. It could be...initiative! That's it. You'd be showing initiative. Best interests of your employer and all that.
 
For the first time since they had appeared, the aliens seemed to be making sense to Shaggee.  He forced his head to stop bobbing.  
 
Alieth: Think of it as safeguarding corporate property: while your contract does not precisely include this function, your superiors will certainly reward the safeguarding of the company's assets and your involvement in it.
 
Alieth: It is the only logical course of action.
 
For a moment, Shaggee seriously reconsidered taking his break.  The tiny aliens made an interesting proposal and it was the kind of thing his favorite interactive hero, 'Refuse Recycler Ron'a,' would do to help her corp.  She'd file the appropriate forms later, but in the moment she'd seize the opportunity to improve the fiscal footing of the corp, whatever it took.  Shaggee swelled with pride as he imagined him standing alongside her, the Recyclers anthem ringing in his tympanic canals.  In his excitement, he even shouted out her catchphrase.  
 
Rod'gurs: PROFITS OVER PEOPLE!  Lets get fiscal!  
 
Shaggee bounded forward with his confidence significantly outsteping his competence.  They came to an injured secondary technical supervisor he'd met once during a seminar on why ethics were improper in the workplace.   
 
Alieth: Any ideas about what could happen with them?
 
Shaggee looked over the man and, based on an popular medical series he'd seen a half an episode of, made a diagnosis.  
 
Rod'gurs: Ah, yes, ruptured flosfus.  Worst case I've seen since the MedicAcademic.  He's a goner.  
 
Alieth: ...His...flosflus…. : She took a pause, longer than usual, before she kept speaking:: And you consider it a substantial impairment?
 
Shaggee curled his fingers dramatically.  
 
Rod'gurs: Yes, he'd need a massive loan to get that treated and it's way outside his compensation band.  His productivity is compromised...we've done all we can.  
 
Alieth: ...I see…
 
The alien slipped a credit tab on the injured mans uniform then moved on.  Shaggee was feeling even more confident, now grasping the intricacies of the aliens ingenious credit assessment system.  They moved on from one injured person to the next, the aliens occasionally asking questions and Shaggee guessing at the answers.  They seemed satisfied and Shaggee wondered for the first time in his career if he'd been misallocated as a child.  Shaggee shook off the unsettling thought and realized an unscheduled employee conference had been called, with many of the remaining semi-productive crew attending.  The aliens seemed concerned.  
 
Jehe: (Whispering to Alieth) Doc, might want to make a general announcement about covering costs. Everyone seems hesitant to accept help.
 
Alieth: I suppose you are correct.:: Gazing from the intelligence officer to Rod'gurs and back to the former::  I am open to suggestions
 
Rod'gurs:  Well, these employees aren't as flexible and resourceful as I am.  It's why I'm a vice associate director.  I scored at least 3 points higher on the competency exam than any of them.  I should write up a memo.  Or maybe a presentation.  Do you think we could access one of the training auditoriums?  I could have slides together in a few clicks.  
 
Jehe: Response.
 
She pondered the ideas for a while.
 
Alieth: ::nodding:: That sounds about right. Let us proceed.
 
Rod'gurs:  Oh a spontaneous announcement?  Well, I haven't had the opportunity to have the verbage reviewed by the departments litigation advisor.  ::Shaggee gestured angrily::  He's on the floor over there, not working.  ::Shaggee shrugged.::  Fine, I'll get the emergency motivator.  
 
Jehe: Response.
 
Shaggee headed for the sealed compartment on the far wall and opened it with a irises scan.  His account was invoiced for the equipment rental charges and a hefty deposit.  The emergency motivator wasn't terribly powerful, but it would be enough to fill the room with Anroc's majestic voice.  He returned to the aliens and inclined his head, prepared.  
 
Rod'gurs: Wrap your hands around this handle and your words will fill this room, but your voice will carry all the authority and timber of Shipmaster Anroc himself.  You should feel honored, these are normally only used for mass terminations.  You should inform them that their credit accounts are being assessed and they will all be invoiced before the end of the next salary period.  That's all completely routine.  
 
Alieth: Indeed, they will have this offer at their service in exchange for keeping the assigned tags at all times as they will be traded for…
 
Rod'gurs:  Advise them that under the circumstances, a one time non-transferrable hardship stipend will be applied to their accounts if, and only if, they accept our terms and conditions.  Feel free to add in any clauses or addenda your back office requires.  
 
Jehe: Response.
 
Alieth: Once they have been transported to our starship the... Starfleet Corporation will request a series of biometric data that will constitute payment for the services provided. I repeat, you will only be asked for only data, and you may refuse to share what you consider to be inappropriate.
 
The tiny alien was doing surprisingly well.  Shaggee wondered how many motivation seminars she had run in her career, and suspected the number was quite high.  
 
Alieth: For more information, listen to the instructions of the Ensign Sehe and the Vice Associate Director Rod'gurs who will instruct you on the evacuation process.
 
Shaggee took back the emergency motivator and spoke into it with fervor.  
 
Rod'gurs:  Remember to ask yourselves 'what have I done for the corp today?'  Today, fellow employees, your answer can be 'not dying,' so you can continue being productive associates.  Ok, lets get moving, a transcript of this meeting will be available as soon as we find a living member of the stenographic staff.  
 
Jehe: Response
 
Employees began moving out of the compartment and towards lifts that would take them back up towards the command deck.  Those that couldn't move were carried and Shaggee noted with pride that each and every one wore their new credit assessment tags visibly and proudly.  
 
Rod'gurs:  So, do you think I can take my break now?  
 
Jehe/Alieth:  Response
 
Rod'gurs:  Oh, well.  Do you think we should go with them?  
 
Jehe/Alieth:  Response
 
Tags/TBC
 
==============
Shaggee Rod'gurs
Vice Associate Director Of Crew Fulfillment & Disposal
Endless Golden Penetrator
V239509GT0
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