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Lt. Jg. Geoffrey Teller & Ens. Wil Ukinix - Shore leave Traditions - Part I


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((Main Engineering, USS Veritas - Stardate 239512.30))


::Finally working together again in Main Engineering, Ensign Wil Ukinix and Lt. Jg. Geoffrey Teller monitored the status of the crippled USS Veritas as it slid into its docking berth at Esperence Starbase.  The damage to the ship from their recent adventures had been extensive and the yardmaster was estimating the repair time in months. The nav deflector itself was a lost cause, the melted and fused remains of which would have to be cut out of the hull and replaced entirely before the ship could be spaceworthy again.::

::The status board showed that the docking clamps and support umbilicals were attached and secured.  With systems switched to external power, Teller took the warp core offline and stood back from his console with a sigh.  After all the work they had done to bring the ship back online, it hurt to shut it down again so soon, but Teller knew it was only thing to be done.  As the thrum of the core ceased, Ukinix slid down the ladder from the upper deck and bounded over to the status board cheerily, slapping Teller’s shoulders::  


Ukinix: Well now that’s all sorted, what do you say we go down to the planet.  Get a couple of beers or something. We should have a quiet celebration after getting off Limbo.


Teller:  Sounds like as good a plan as any - last time I was here I was just passing through on my way out to the Veritas, didn’t have much of a chance to look around.


::Wil walked over to the nearby console.  He knew nothing about Esperance, so he decided to look it up on the Starfleet database.::


Ukinix: The largest city on Esperance is “Adelaide”.  Huh, ironic. ::Looking at Teller:: My grandparent’s winery on Earth is north of a city named Adelaide.


Teller:  That’s a weird coincidence.


Ukinix: Actually I don’t think it’s coincidental.  ::Looking on console:: The main part of the city is surrounded by parks and has a similar grid layout.  In fact ::smiling ironically:: some of the street names are the same.


::Wil brought up a detailed map of the city centre.::


Ukinix: “Rundle Street” seems to be a hub for bars and restaurants.  We could head there for a few quiet brews.


Teller: Sounds good, I’m going to hit my quarters and change - last thing we want is to be in uniform down there, we’ll attract every lowlife and scam artist in town.  I’ll meet you in the transporter room.


Ukinix: We’ll have to go up to transporter room one, two and three are out of action.


Teller:  Still better than a shuttle.  ::shudder: Meet you there in a few minutes.  


((Rundle Street, Adelaide, Esperance))


::It was sunset. There were people everywhere, of all different species, and it was noisy from everyone's chatter.  Roads, in the traditional sense, were redundant here. Rundle “Street” was a wide, luxurious promenade, with tracks for the hover light rail that ran down the middle.  On each side of the walkway were door to door bars, restaurants, and nightclubs. Wil had read on his console that this eastern end of the 2.5km street was upmarket - the other western end was known for having a seedier reputation.  They both looked around, deciding which establishment to go to first.::


Ukinix: ::Raised voice::  So much for a couple of “quiet” beers!


Teller:  Sounds like music to me Wil - I got enough peace and quiet on Limbo to last me two lifetimes.  Lets just pick a place at random, I bet the ale all comes from the same place anyway.


::Wil laughed when he saw an establishment that looked out of place in the rest of the upmarket locales.  One of the interior walls was covered in fake wood - and hanging from it were many different types of analogue clocks.  One of the other walls had flags painted on it, which Wil assumed was the flags of the old countries of Europe. Hanging from that wall was lots of cowboy hats.  The people behind the bar were wearing English police “bobby” hats, chequered shirts and vests. In the middle of the otherwise open front of the establishment were a set of saloon doors made out of fake wood, for no particular reason.  Behind the bar was a small replica of the Eiffel tower.


Ukinix: “Ancient Earth European Cowboy Beer Bar”.  That’s so bad, it’s perfect.


Teller: ::chuckling:: It looks like the builder knew a guy who hung out with a guy that visited a guy who heard about a guy that had seen a guy who once told a story about a guy who had been to Earth, then said ‘yeah...that’s what humans like.  Earth Stuff.’


Ukinix: C’mon, it looks really trashy.  We have to check it out. Just for one drink, then we’ll go somewhere better.


Teller: I’m telling you right now, I’m grabbing one of those hats.


((Several drinks later))


::Teller’s scalded taste buds still smarted as they shambled back onto the highstreet and both men squinted against the bright light after leaving the dim ‘pub.’Teller’s oversized cowboy hat somehow sat so oddly it did nothing to block the glare::  


::Geoffrey and Wil walked back into Rundle Street from the ‘Earth’ themed bar.::


Teller:  I wonder how they got the idea that European beer is best served boiling?!


Ukinix: Sorry about that Chief. ::cheekily:: That had to be seen to be believed.  But at least we’ve had a drink now. You pick this time.


Teller: Yeah once I explained the idea of second degree burns to them, the ale was entirely serviceable.  How about that place?


::Teller pointed across the street to ‘Lusty Andorian Maid,’ which had a number of brightly lit holosigns advertising diversions and potables from across the quadrant.  Loud music leaked from the doors every time a patron entered or exited.::


Teller:  With a name like that, how could we possibly go wrong?  I’m buying this round.


((Several more drinks later))


::Geoff and Wil stood on the stage of the Karaoke bar, belting out another old Earth shanty to the amusement and catcalls of the well sauced crowd::


Teller/Ukinix::  OOoOHhHhhHHhHHh


Keelhaul, that filthy landlubber, send him down to the depths below

Make that [...] walk the plank with a bottle of rum and a yo-ho-ho!


::The crowd cheered as both men finished the song by chugging down the entirety of their drinks before stumbling off stage towards the bar.:


((Several local “Eagle Eye Meadows” Whiskies later))


::Geoffrey and Wil had said goodbye to their musical fans and were still in the heart the seedier western end of Rundle Street.  Wil had to look a few times at the front of the establishment in front of them to read the name properly - “Rocksoff”.::


Ukinix: What - what is this place?


::A large, well dressed Orion male approached them from the front of the establishment.::


Orion: Best holosuite in the city!  Any pleasure or delight you like.


Teller: ::hiccup:: Hard pass….I’m not letting some ::hiccup:: poorly programmed forcefield rummage around…::hiccup::


::Wil just simply shook his head.::


Orion:  But sir we’ve got a special tonight….::the Orion trailed off as Wil and Geoff wandered further down the street::


Teller:...don’t want to catch a computer virus!  


Ukinix:  Let’s call it a night.  ::Lifting his hand:: I’m having trouble focusing.


Teller:  One more round, then we’ll pack it in.  Hmm...ya know…::hiccup::...that holosuite place does give me an idea...::hiccup::….I wonder how small we could make a holo-emitter?

Feb 13Wil Ukinix

((Numerous Romulan Ales Later))


Ukinix: Ah mate, bloody people from Adelaide.  They’re - ::drunk laugh:: they're either chardonnay sipping [...]-clowns, or feral bogans... Letsss drink to em anyway, cos they're a losst cause.


Teller:  ::hiccup:: To the boggarts!  ::hiccup::


Andorian:  Hey!  What’d you say about people from Adelaide?!


::Teller found himself having trouble focusing on the large Andorian fellow with tattoo sleeves on his arms and a purple mohawk who had drawn himself up in front of their table, along with several of his very large friends of different species, including a human.  Everything seems pretty funny, though, especially the way the room kept drifting back and forth.::


Ukinix: Nah, I was jussst talking about - about - about people from*Earth* Adelaide, mate.  Not here.


::The Andorian’s human friend spoke up.::


Human: I’m originally *from* Earth Adelaide before I moved here.  And let’s get one thing clear.  We’re not your mates - ::challenging voice:: mate.


Ukinix: ::To human:: So which one *are* you, Earth Adelaide.  ::quiet burp::.  Chardonnay ssssipping [...]-clown, or...


::Wil pointed at the human male’s mullet hairstyle..::


Ukinix: Ah.  Feral bogan.


::The Andorian grabbed Wil’s top and yanked him out of his seat.  Wil tried to do the same back to him, but struggled to get past the man’s huge arms.  So instead he kicked him in the ankle, which made him let go of Wil.  He stepped back, as his friends moved closer.::


::Teller came to his feet, wobbling slightly, and leaned against the table.  His display of bravado did not impress the locals.::


Teller:  Look buddy ::hiccup:: we’re all just having a good time.  How about I buy you and your….::hiccup:: girlfriends here a round?


::The Andorian’s human friend pushed Teller on the shoulder.::


Teller: ::lopsided grin:: Won’t your ::hiccup:: girlfriends be jealous if we go out dancing?


Andorian: Stupid Pinkskin!


Teller:  Ugly Smurf!  


::The situation quickly deteriorated after that.  The lead Andorian flipped their table out of the way, scattering drinks and other patrons, most of whom looked on the tussle with bemused boredom.  Teller felt himself being lifted off the floor by the Andorian who had at least a half meter on him before sailing over and landing behind the bar.  Wil joined him on the floor a few moments later, ricocheting off the back wall and dislodging several bottles which clattered to the ground.  Undeterred, both men helped each other up as the remainder of the Andorian’s friends pushed their way forward.  With a smile and an incoherent war cry, both men launched themselves back over the bar and collided with the lead Andorian, toppling him to the ground in a fury of poorly aimed blows. ::  


::The brawl turned into an impromptu interspecies wrestling match, as Wil, Geoff, the Andorian and his friends all got tangled up on the ground.  Wil continued to taunt the ‘bogans’ as Geoff got lifted into the air on the large Andorians shoulders.  Remembering a tip from his mentor Old Jan, he grabbed both of the Andorians antenna and yanked hard, causing the azure man to cry out in pain and toss Teller off like an angry rodeo bull.  Landing in a heap in a partially occupied booth, Teller apologized to the mildly startled locals, grabbed and finished one of their drinks, then rejoined the fray::


::Finally, several security personnel stepped in and pulled the melee apart.  They first bounced Teller and Ukinix out of the bar, followed by the lead Andorian and his burly friends, with stern warnings not to return.  As Teller and Ukinix began laughing and dusting themselves off, Wil felt a large hand on his shoulder.  Wil put his fists up ready to fight again, but the much larger Andorian put his palms up in a sign of friendly surrender..::


Andorian: Woah woah woah! Hey.  If we get thrown all out together, we all go to the next bar for a round of drinks.  It’s local tradition!  C’mon pinkskins, whaddya say?


Teller: ::rubbing his jaw:: I’d say you got a pretty good right, Papa Smurf.  Who are we to ignore local tradition, right Wil? 


::Wil jumped up to put his arm around the Andorians shoulder.::


Ukinix: Alright, but it’s your buy first, bogan!


Andorian: ::Laughing:: Cheeky [...]! You’re on!


::The group of them began shambling down the street together, nursing their wounds and supporting one another while continuing to trade crude jokes and laughing insults.:: 


((A lot of Romulan Ale Later))


::Teller became aware of the sound of raucous laughter.   Pushing against the drunken haze, he looked around to see what appeared to be the interior of a poorly lit and questionably hygienic tattoo parlor.  Across the room, several of the locals they had previously tussled with were drinking and laughing happily while Wil flipped slowly through a catalogue of images for his own tattoo.  An ill tempered Bolian holding a laser etcher approached Teller.::


Bolian:  I’ve got the burner all heated up for you if you’re done trying to teach me how to sing old human songs.  You sure about the image?


::Teller had no memory of the singing lesson or choosing an image, but nodded dreamily and rested his head back in the chair.  He dimly realized he still had a bottle of something in his right hand and took a long pull on the cold, bitter beverage as awareness pleasantly faded..::  


((Quite a few more drinks later, Engineering Lab, USS Veritas))


::Teller awoke to a pounding sound that he at first imagined was only in his head.  Taking stock of himself, he found that he was propped precariously on a worktable in the Engineering lab, back aboard the Veritas, and that Wil was snoring loudly a few feet away, draped boneless over a stool.  The pounding grew more distinct and seemed to be accompanied by impossibly loud, angry yelling.  Angry Klingon yelling, Teller’s addled brain eventually worked out.  Blearily taking in the room, his eyes finally settled on a shiny crimson prosthetic arm sitting on the workbench, connected to several diagnostic and charging panels.  Reeling, Teller stumbled his way across several empty beverage containers and half-consumed food packs to Wil, who he had to shake awake.::


Teller:  Uh..Wil...did we...borrow G’var’s new arm last night?  


::Wil could hear Teller talking in his dream.  Which made him realise that he was in a dream.  Which made him snap awake.  He sat up quickly, which made him grab his head - he had a throbbing headache, and still felt a little drunk.  He eventually squinted his eyes, to look at Geoffrey, before what his Chief had said sunk in.  His eyes snapped open, and his head turned to look at G’var’s arm.  Without G’var attached to it.::


Ukinix:  ::Covering his mouth::  Mate, we need to get this back to her-


Teller:  Well I’m pretty sure she’s on the other side of that door and she doesn’t sound happy.  


::Wil’s eyes and mouth opened wide as he stood up.  He could hear G’var yelling.::


Ukinix: ::Quietly:: I’m a dead man.


Teller:  Ungh my head.  What the hell did we do to it?  And why does my arm hurt? 


::Teller rolled up his sleeve and his eyes went wide at the image on his bicep.  A stylized rendition of the Veritas, similar to the one printed on the coffee cups for his cafe, but with one very notable and very naked addition.::


Ukinix: What the hell is… hang on, is that-


Teller:  Uh...I think it’s supposed to be...you can kinda tell by the...perkiness.  


::Wi’s jaw dropped, before looking away.::


Ukinix:  That creeps me out.


Teller:  I know I know, I guess the guy took some artistic license.  She’d need a back brace! 


Ukinix: Mate, you need to get that off.  I’d hate to think if-


::Wil grimaced for effect.  Then he jumped when there was another bang on the door from G’var.  Wil looked at Teller in horror.::


Teller:  Ungh, one problem at a time.  Look around for a tricorder, we need to figure out what we did to this thing ::Teller gestured to the prosthetic:: and quick, cause I’m pretty sure she’s going to break through that door soon. 


::Teller rummaged around the debris on the floor and tables, finding several more empty beverage containers, one partially dismantled phaser emitter, a half-eaten hasperat, one large cowboy hat, a brochure from someplace called ‘Pegasus Pallox’s Spare Parts Emporium,” and several components that could’ve been a holo-emitter before being torn apart by a pack of wild targs. His head was pounding.::


::Wil’s ankle felt sore, and he didn’t know why.  But he ignored it as best he could, as he spotted a tricorder in the corner - next to several empty bottles of beer.::


Ukinix: Looks like we got a replicator working after all.  I don’t even remember doing that.


::Amid the mess, Teller found and opened the compartments med kit.  Digging around for a capsule of inaprovaline, he set the dosage and pressed the hypo against his neck.  The injector hissed and Teller’s headache immediately began to clear.  He attempted to toss the hypo to Wil but his aim was wildly off and the hypo bounced off a console before landing on the floor.::  


::Just then, the door slid open to admit a furious one armed Klingon tactical officer.::


((Continued in ‘Shore Leave Traditions - Supplemental, with special guest star Lt. JG G’var!))




Lieutenant JG Geoffrey Teller

Chief Engineer

USS Veritas - NCC 95035

Capt. R. Rahman, Commanding




Ensign Wil Ukinix
Engineering Officer
USS Veritas

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