Emirry

((Sickbay, USS Eagle)) MacGowan: So, talk to me. What's been going on? Devar: Argh, let's see… ::She hesitated.:: Devar: …where to begin? MacGowan: Just dive right in. It's easier that way. Devar: I think… I think what's been bothering me most lately are my nightmares. ::Arista Devar looked up to Em, her hazel eyes sparkling with honesty and sadness. Emirry gazed at her with utter empathy. She was no stranger to plaguing nightmares.:: MacGowan: Tell me about them. ::Emirry held back her own emotions, like a good counselor should. Now wasn't the time for memories to come snipping back.:: ::Arista reclined back in the chair.:: Devar: The nightmares started right after my first mission to Cart'hen III. I usually do dream at night but the nightmares that I have been having are reoccurring and are so vivid. They are so real and they… they scare me, Em. MacGowan: I understand. ::She paused.:: Do you have any idea why now? Or, why Cart'hen III? Devar: I think it's because the planet and its people remind me so much of my life before Starfleet. You would think growing up in such a place as the "infamous Mirror Universe", to quote my former Science Professor, would prepare me for such an awful Environment but it only haunts me. ::She paused then continued with her raspy voice.:: Devar: I try to act all composed and confident, because I am a Starfleet officer and I have to push all personal reservations aside to get the job done. ::It seemed as if Arista was trying to coach herself along as she raised her eyebrows.:: Devar: But I would be lying if I said Cart'hen III didn't affect me in that way. MacGowan: Sometimes, that happens because we haven't fully dealt with our past yet. ::She leaned back, her dark eyes caring and sympathetic.:: Can you tell me a little more about your nightmares? Devar: The nightmares don't deal with the planet in particular, but other things. Cart'hen only triggers them. MacGowan: What do they deal with? Devar: They… ::The blonde Betazoid bit her lower lip as she felt her cheeks grow hot. She couldn't help it. A trail of tears trickled down her face and she wiped them away with the backs of her hands. She took a moment to center herself.:: Devar: I don't mean to get all emotional here. MacGowan: It's alright. ::Arista sighed and swallowed. Her heart rate jumped as she whispered.:: Devar: My husband, Em. My dreams or nightmares or whatever you want to call them. They deal with my husband and daughter. Both passed away six years ago. ::She controlled herself and the tears dried, leaving only red eyes. There were few people in the Fleet that knew about her family. She didn't really have plans to discuss her personal woes with just anyone, but Arista knew she could trust Em with this information.:: ::Emirry opened a drawer in her desk and took out a container of tissues. She placed it on her desk in front of Arista. Emirry stood and briefly walked to the replicator in her office. She ordered a glass of cool water. For half a moment Em hesitated at the replicator. Personal loss like the one Arista spoke of was something Emirry, as an El-Aurian hybrid, feared deeply. However, she hadn't experienced it.:: ::She took a breath and turned back to Devar. On the way to her seat she placed the glass of water down in front of her.:: MacGowan: Here. Sip this. ::Emirry looked down at her, her eyes softly smiling. Em decided to sit in the seat next to Arista this time.:: MacGowan: I know it's difficult to handle something like this. And even more so while trying to do your job. But you're taking the right first step in talking to someone. Devar: I know you're right but it all makes me feel weak. MacGowan: I think it shows strength. Something you have an abundance of. ::She leaned forward slightly and spoke a little softer.:: Even if you don't realize it all the time. ::Em gave a small smile and leaned back.:: Devar: Thanks. It's just… ::Arista sniffed and rubbed her nose with a tissue, not looking directly at the other woman. Em's warmth eased the tension.:: MacGowan: I don't have all the answers for you, but I can help you while you search for them. ::Em's willingness to help and listen was just what Arista needed. Hazel eyes look to Em's for guidance.:: Devar: Where do I go from here? MacGowan: My best advice right now is get everything out. Everything you're feeling, just get it off your chest. No matter how miniscule, no matter how monumental. Put it all out there. ::The onslaught of melancholic emotions lifted slightly, parting the fog and allowing the blonde to think more clearly. She sorted through the details in her mind and, after a few seconds of silence, they started to bluntly reveal themselves in her voice.:: Devar: I lost Adam and Jasmine… ::She cringed as the names of her husband and daughter were brought out to the open but her words did not skip a beat.:: Devar: …in a world much like Cart'hen III. Do you think that's why, whenever I'm on that wretched planet, I have horrible dreams about them? MacGowan: Especially since you consciously see so many connections between the two. Devar: Do you think it could be connected to my PTSD, too? MacGowan: I think your PTSD makes it more intense, and probably harder to deal with. Devar: Maybe so. It's just been hard trying to sort out even after all these years and my life now. Starfleet was the one that gave me the news that they had passed away, but for some reason I have disbelief in that. MacGowan: ::Em gave a curious look.:: Why's that? ::Arista sighed and rolled used tissues in her hands.:: Devar: The trans-dimensional rift that brought me to this timeline has never been discovered. How can Starfleet really know that they are gone? I guess that's what torments me so much. Who am I to say otherwise, especially when Intel says this one thing, you know? I guess my heart wants them to be alive. MacGowan: ::Em nodded.:: That's absolutely understandable. You don't have very much closure. Devar: Somewhere, deep inside, I knew and wished I could have done more. My daughter was only a few hours old when we were separated. I never had the chance to bond with her like a mother should. ::Em's voice was soothing.:: MacGowan: You have to let the guilt go, find acceptance that it's not your fault… ::She paused.:: Tell me about your husband. Devar: Adam? MacGowan: ::Em gave a small nod.:: Mhmm. ::Arista looked down, focusing her sight on the rolling tissues, and continued in a whisper.:: Devar: Adam and I met right after I was brought into an Alliance mining camp. He was the right hand man to my Overseer but it was all a façade. He was actually a Terran Resistance fighter under the guise of a genetically enhanced Klingon-Human hybrid. It had taken him years to build the Overseer's trust but he used his status to work the system from the inside out. Out of the darkness from my years there, his gentleness towards me evolved into love and we managed to have an affair that defied the system we were prisoners in. ::Taking a breath, she looked to Em for encouragement. Her voice was almost inaudible.:: Devar: He would use his status to protect me to a degree and we would sneak rendezvous behind storage doors or Adam would arrange meetings in his own quarters under cover stories. It all grew sloppy and it would later prove disastrous because, while we were able to keep the relationship under the radar for a number of years, even managing to marry in a simple to-the-point ceremony, the Overseer caught wind and it all went downhill from there. My pregnancy was the initial cause of speculation and, when the child was born, suspicions were confirmed. ::Emirry's heart ached for this woman, but knew under her pain was strength and hope. In a supportive gesture, Em reached out and put her hand on Arista's.:: Devar: Adam went missing for a couple of days after our love affair was discovered. The Overseer, unable to unleash his wrath on the man he trusted for a decade, lashed out on me and kept me from my daughter. When Adam finally showed with his men in a grand and fiery fashion, bombing the mining facility, he didn't explain much of anything. His main concern was helping me escape, answers to come later. He stayed behind to search for Jasmine and rescue her, saying he would find his way back to me. He never has, six years later. Those were my last memories of them. We had so many dreams of what our lives together would be when we were finally free. I was foolish to believe they would be anything but dreams. ::She hung her head in silence, unmoving, with golden ringlets of hair hiding her face. The heartache was palpable.:: MacGowan: Dreaming's never foolish. Devar: Em, I… I still love him. Do you know what it's like being in love with a ghost? It's like a part of you is missing and, no matter what you try to do to encourage positive energy that black part of your heart is always there. ::She looked up, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. A hand raised to her nose, wiping it gently.:: MacGowan: ::Em handed her a tissue.:: It's alright to cry. Devar: I guess I'm a really messed up girl. The only thing that has held any substance in my life since has been Starfleet and being the best person I can be with what has been dealt to me. MacGowan: You're not messed up, you've just been through a lot. And having the focus you do on your career, is more then most could manage. Devar: I still find myself hoping to see him mysteriously appear at my door with our child in his arms, though the likelihood of that happening is nil. I suppose that's my heart's wishful thinking. MacGowan: But if holding on to that helps you, then why not? ::Em gave a soft smile.:: ::Arista's face warmed into a small smile.:: Devar: I do feel better talking about it all. I feel like I've rambled on, though, and I'm sure you have other things to do. MacGowan: ::Em sighed a little.:: I suppose I do. ::She stood:: The next time you feel like talking, don't hesitate to find me. Alright? ::She smiled.:: Devar: I am… very grateful for that. Thank you. ::The two of them walked into the main part of sickbay. In confiding in Em, Arista felt at peace for the first time in months.:: TBC LtCmd Emirry Rayn MacGowan CMO, USS Eagle & LtCmd Arista Devar ACMO, USS Eagle

Everything in her life was almost perfect. Her days were spent as she had always wanted to spend them, captaining a starbase, making sure everything ran smoothly. She spent time with her friends, and she had an amazing man by her side. Well, sort of. They were friends. But the closest of friends. She had never felt closer to anyone, and he had confessed the same to her one night over dinner. One day, she knew, they would be together officially. And what a happy day that would be. Not just for her, but for every one of their friends as well. It seemed like everyone wanted them to take that step. But neither of them wanted to do it first. Maybe they were scared, she couldn't really say. But she was willing to wait for him. Willing to wait until things fell into place. One night, she sat alone in her quarters reading an old paperback book when her door chime rang. The visit caught her off guard. Had she had an appointment? Surely not this late... She wasn't sure who it could be. “Come!” She called out, setting the book down. And he walked in. He walked in and his eyes tore her apart. Right away she knew something was wrong. She could feel it in the air he had around him. A string of fear was pulled inside her and she stood. Her eyes sparkling with a brilliant concern as she spoke softly to him in the dim light of her living area. “Is everything alright?” “Yes.” His answer perplexed her, he sounded so sure and calm. “With your permission, I'm requesting a transfer.” He paused a short moment before plunging into his breathless explanation. She could have sworn her heart stopped. “I love it here and I always have. But I'm tired of watching starships come in and out. Tired of watching the admiralty come and go.” He took two taunting steps closer to her and lowered his voice. His words were almost haunting. “I'm tired of watching what I can have and knowing that if I stay like I am, it will always be just out of reach.” She took a few steps back and turned away from him. Looking out the viewpoint, she tried to fight off the feeling of pain building up in her. The light from the stars lit up her face in the dim room, but it failed to light up her heart as it normally did. Why was he doing this? He could have all he wanted here, if he'd just try. Slowly a subtle anger was stirred inside her. “Are you alright?” His voice was low and soothing. It always was. Hadn't that been part of the problem? Hadn't that been what pulled her to him in the first place? “No and I don't know why you'd expect me to be.” She turned to face him, stern as ever, her eyes sharp and piercing. Her words had come off harsher then she'd meant them to. She tried to calm down for a moment. “I respect your choice, even if I don't agree with it. If this is what you really want...” “It is.” He was being so short, she wondered vaguely if she had angered him, or if he had already been angry. “Then I'll write your letter of recommendation shortly.” There was this pause between them. What else needed to be said? What else should be said? They looked at each other for a long moment. “You're dismissed.” It came out much colder then she had thought it would. She watched as he walked out of her quarters and as the door swished closed behind him. She all but dropped down on the couch. This hadn't been what she wanted. She had never intended for any of this to happen. She had just wanted time. She had just wanted more time. This wasn't part of the plan. She wanted it all. And she was so close to having it. She had become a captain, and managed to maintain a group of friends. She had scientific papers published, she had the privilege of running this starbase. She'd had a wonderful man by her side. He had been the perfect man. He was caring, calm and collected, but passionate. He was her counter part. He was everything she wanted, and more importantly everything she needed. But her timidness and assumptions had gotten the best of her. And now he was leaving. How could she have done this? Years he sat next to her everyday. They helped each other with everything. They were as good as being together. But other than stolen glances and dimly lit meals here and there, they were only friends. Every one around them saw it for what it was, two people too scared to act. And now, now it didn't matter because he was leaving. A transfer to starfleet command. He always had wanted more then he could get out of being here. Would her being with him have changed that? Could she really have made him stay? He had wanted a name for himself, something that she hadn't ever thought of for herself. Maybe that should have been her warning that this blissful “relationship limbo” couldn't last. That one of them would have to make a move and it just might have to be her. But she hadn't. She had feared his rejection. She had cared so much for him, that the idea of him saying “no” had killed her. Though she hadn't ever thought he'd say “Goodbye.” And so here she was now, sitting alone on the couch in her quarters, her eyes staring absently into the seemingly empty space. What had become of her almost perfect life? It was only now that she realized tears had been streaming down her face. She wondered how long they had been falling. Her eyes burnt with the newly acknowledged presence. When a tear fell onto her hand, she looked at it blankly. Reality finally fully hit her. She was going to be without him. For the first time in years she wouldn't have him there. And with the harshness of it all, the coldness rising inside her, all she could find herself doing was sobbing. * * * He had gone back to his quarters and began to carelessly pack. He knew it had hurt her, but she had hurt him! For God's sake, how long did she expect him to wait around for her to be ready? He loved her. He loved her with everything he had. But being so close to her, yet being without her all day everyday was killing him and he wouldn't do it anymore. He tossed his clothes into the suitcase, leaving some behind. This would be good for him. Away from her, he could finally get over her. He understood her and how she was. He should have seen this coming. What he didn't understand was why. Why couldn't they have this? He knew they both wanted it. It felt sometimes like she was deliberately trying to frustrate him. The situation angered him thoroughly. Taking out another bag he began packing his things. He was unfocused as he threw various objects into the bag, His mind was racing. He hoped she'd be happy, once he was gone. Maybe then she wouldn't feel like he was pestering her all the time. Though he would never admit it later, tears streamed down his cheeks. Not tears of sadness, and certainly not of regret, but of anger. How could she do this to him? He had done everything he could for, been everything for her and this was his thanks? He came upon a picture of the two them. It was a picture of them when they had organized a shore leave for their senior staff. She was beautiful. They both looked so happy together. His hand trembled and in a burst of unwanted emotion he threw the picture to the bed. He would miss her desperately, but he would get over it. He had to. It wasn't a choice anymore. Not anymore. He sank down onto the bed. He felt miserable. He knew this wouldn't be easy, but he had no idea it would do this to him. What would he do without her to help and guide? Tears still streamed out his eyes but he no longer registered them, they didn't matter. Softly, almost tentatively, he placed a hand on the picture, as if touching it too harshly could brake it, or the memory itself. His voice was only the ragged whisper of a broken man. “We were almost perfect.”

I think that is a very good idea. It makes it much more interactive.

Anyone from my class still hangin' around?

It is! But fun, and a cool challenge

Lol sounds like your have fun! I can in right before our mission started but its a really odd mission becuase everyone except for us new ensigns are playing secondary charicters

Well done everyone! I hope you all like your ships as much as I like mine!