Jordan aka FltAdmlWolf Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 This thread is ONLY for moderators to post their feedback as they write it. All other posts will be DELETED.Remember: you are under no obligation to accept or follow the feedback provided. It is only provided as a courtesy to challenge participants, and only reflects the personal opinion of the person writing it. If you don't like the feedback, we don't want to hear about it -- just close the thread and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marine Captain Llewelyn Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Reptillian Twins, by GreekleI have to say at the outset that this story roped me in from the beginning. Where are we? What are we doing here? That was a little hard to get a handle on at first, along with getting my head around just what a "mentor" was, but as the story progressed it unfolded in a logical and thought provoking way. I honestly did not see the twist coming at the end and it left me floored. I kind of got the overall situation, but rather than being the kind of story I initially was thinking it was, I found myself charmed by the interaction between the protagonist and the innocent but potentially menacing antagonists. This story struck a chord because of its time honored Star Trek tradition of social commentary, but its delivery was neither preachy nor accusatory. Although the subject matter is bound to be controversial, the ending packed a punch that endured without political or social overtones. Very nicely done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marine Captain Llewelyn Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Only One Constant by NemitorWell constructed "slice of life"/ lower decks type of narrative. I did find myself wondering if we were in a bar prior to the Federation's founding, was the treaty with "fill in the blank", etc. and that was a bit dissapointing. Although it became clear that we were in the Federation later, I would like to have known when and what the treaty in question was about. and was sometimes confused as to who was carrying on the conversation with the protagonist. Having said that, I really appreciated the fact that Federation citizens aren't a homogenized, two dimensional construct in this story. The commentary about the costs of life in the Federation beyond monetary comparisons really struck home because too often on screen the Federation citizen seems oblivious to the sacrifices that those individuals outside of their immediate sphere of influence have to make to maintain the standard of living for the greater society as a whole. The ending left me wanting to know more, but that's not a bad thing, as it leaves the protagonist's identity for each reader to determine for themselves. Good Job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marine Captain Llewelyn Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 A Vikings Call by Toni TurnerSweeping and epic, this story picks up the reader and plops them down smack dab in the middle of...well, I wasn't really sure where, or when, but I could definitely tell it was a desperately pitched battle. I was confused, wondering if this were a holosimulation, an actual battle, or a dream/ hallucination. Jem H'dar with swords? Something to do with Vikings? I wanted to care more about the protagonist, to understand the internal dialog that seemed to be the culmination of some process of self discovery, and that was a bit dissapointing. The fact that I wanted this information however is testament to the story's ability to draw me into the conflict, to almost hear the clashing din of battle. The well conveyed desperation of the struggle and resolute bravery of the protagonist against seemingly impossible odds, however, made this a memorable and almost surreal literary journey. Nice work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ Francis_deMarc Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Letters on Planet Tune - Lt FirestarterThis is an interresting story, from a normally prose type of contest. I truely enjoyed the way that you used the letters back and forth from Cantata to Stanza. The musical backgrounds, of course, are a happy part of my life, as I love music. The fact that it goes from love and affection to hate and back again, mirriors the tale, or is trail, of music. The music being planet, the entirety of music is also a great thought. I loved this and would enjoy hearing some more of the two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ Francis_deMarc Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Heaving... Inheritance - LtCmdr BriceAnother great piece of writing in this contest. Each and every persoon seems to have made their mark on the judges, and this one is no difference. It always amazes me, as a writer, when someone hits on something new and different. I enjoy the way that the auther, in this case, writes about an author. It's also something different when the auther can write a lot with a single word "Grimp". You can almost see a surly and cantankerous grouch just saying "Grimp". I enjoyed it a great deal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ Francis_deMarc Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 The Greatest Ride of All - NerrehtAnother interesting take on the challenge. Ramirez seems to be the brash sort at this 'roast' of his life. I do enjoy the way that the story goes from a more subdued daughter to a racus DJ type of a character. One thing that I would say is that this type of a story can break from the normal posting format. As a narrative, it reads easier than the script style that we use during our posts. Not an overwelming thing, but a bit of a detraction. I do enjoy the characters a lot, and would enjoy reading more of this author and the characters they have brought to life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daydan Taboo Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Discovering an Inheritance by Captain Tyr WaltasA ships log, nice touch Tyr, it is funny how something that as a Captain we do every day can cast such a long shadow, it makes us realise howinsignificant we are, and yet we can touch history, what one person can achieve, I liked that Tyr took the story away from himself thinking aboutthe people who had touched his life and put their mark on history... In UFOP we are explorers looking at the great unknown to inspire us, butrightly so, we are still such a mystery to ourselves, what drives us, whatpaths our own desires take us on.... Nice, quite a tough group this time around Tyr, lots of ideas.... I always enjoy reading peoples stories, I find the voting the hardest... In my honest opinion you are all winners... Keep up the good work Tyr, always a pleasure... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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