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  1. The post-mission chat scene between @Talos Dakora and @Addison MacKenzie just kept getting brilliant-er as its two writers developed it. But to kick off the new Artemis quips, quaps and quotes thread, I chose to showcase this particular snippet. I'm imagining the inaccurate-but-comical impression sounds like Tina from Bob's Burgers.
  2. With the new ship up and going now, it's time for an appreciative quote thread. Did someone write a quote that was hysterical? Absolutely soul-destroying? Or maybe just the best thing you've ever seen? Well post about those little quotes here. I'll go first. This little interaction between @Karrod Niac and @Toryn Raga from their intro JP made me snort. 🤣
  3. I guess you may already know that but USS Arrow simulation was just launched last Monday. In order to celebrate such unique event here are the nominations for the Top Funny Quotes of the Season. 🤣😆😂😝
  4. Please post any funny lines or memorable quotations from sims from our crew!
  5. My godness here @Ian OConnor nailing the best humour every time. You rocks mate!
  6. Explore the universe as seen through the eyes of the crew of the OEB!
  7. I figured instead of having a monthly thread, we could just keep a running thread of funny instances in our sims.
  8. A huge welcome back to Jay, the writer of Maxwell Traenor and the Artemis' newest Engineering Officer. And he came out of door swinging with this one Between him, Savel and Solas, the Artemis is once again suffering from the Vulcan TakeoverTM, but with quality sims like this one, I don't think we mind 🤣
  9. This JP between @Karrod Niac writing for Saros, and @Alieth is so pleasant and funny. And it was really nice to see more of Alieth's life. Beautiful. Also quite funny in some parts.
  10. This JP was wonderful in so many ways. From @Dekas getting all flustered or miming the cartoonishness of @Quentin Beck, to @Karrod Niac trying to keep his cool (only somewhat successfully), I had a really fun time with this 2-parter. Here are both parts, combined for your reading pleasure:
  11. This made me snort. I always appreciate being made to sound like a mirthful pig. lol Nice one, @VLen Kel
  12. Gnaxac is rudely awoken by an incoming call from his arrogant sister Madri in this wonderfully biting sim. Lt. Gnaxac - Family Matters, Or Does It? (google.com)
  13. Ayooooo, new Aurelian just dropped from @Hiro Jones and I'm already smitten with this pigeon. So good.
  14. Did someone on Denali Station say something funny? Gut wrenching? Thought provoking? Feel free to post those things here. I'll start. --- Absolutely classic @TLea being secretly excited about the prospect of something blowing up. It's good every time. 😉
  15. OOC: When your CO mentions that her character adds the replicator in her Ready Room as a priority.... ((Ready Room - USS Eagle)) Ensign Tes Eyna walked into the room. Her hair was a mess, her uniform was a mess, she was a mess. Less than an hour early she was in her lab, working on some obsolete alien device, trying to figure out how to connect current interfaces to such an old technology, when the alarm had spread through the decks and a violent hurt had shaken the ship. All priorities changed in the blink of an eye and together with her engineer mates she rushed to grab her emergency kit and presented herself to her superior officer to claim a repairing job. Shields and hulls were first on the list, in good company with ODN and EPS network. At least that was what they used to teach her when she was a student; so it was with great surprise and bewilderment that she found herself heading for the Ready Room on Deck 1. It was on her own skin that she found out that the priorities on the higher decks were very different from the ones she had expected. She adjusted the engineering kit strap over her shoulder and straightened one of the chairs that had fallen. She took a careful look around while rolling up her sleeves and then she walked slowly around the room while reaching for an elastic in her pocket and tied her hair in a messy ponytail. “All right, so this is a real emergency.” She put another chair in order. “It must be some kind of joke.” she murmured. “Oh my… I bet it's because the Lieutenant has discovered I made fun of her game!” she slapped her left hand to her face, leaving a dark stain of something on her forehead. “She is punishing me.” She sighed and crossed the room reaching for the main screen on the other side. She was just preparing to get her scanner ready when her PADD notified an update. She took the device and turned the display on to read. Her eyebrow frowned and she read the message four times to be sure she was understanding right. “Are they serious? The replicator is the first on the list?” she commented with a dissatisfied grimace. “The replicator in the ready room? Who in the world needs it?!” She was in disbelief. She scrolled through the display loading the messages three times in the hope to receive some other task to fulfill, but there was only one message: fix the replicator in the ready room asap. “If this is a joke, Tartal will pay for it.” she commented dryly as she ran the first scans on the broken technology. An overload of the power supply had burnt one of the components of the energetic line. It was not a big task,nor a dangerous one. In true honesty, it was a boring task: divert the supply line from the part, isolate the part, remove the part, replace the part, power the part, test the part. She dropped the engineering case on the floor and took the instrument to adjust the damage. She was nearly done with the substitution of the pieces that her PADD notified her of orders. “What’s next? Hot water in the guest's empty bathroom?” She read carefully, twice. “Be sure it makes good coffee. You don’t want to disappoint the Commodore.” Instinctively, she looked up from the PADD and glanced around to make sure no one was approaching, and if they were, that they had no more than half a pin on their collar. She breathed a little bit easier realizing she was still alone. “Coffee for the Commodore” she commented. “All right then, although I sincerely believe too much coffee is death, I will support your choice of life. I am a Starfleet officer after all.” She removed the panel covering the circuits of the replicator. A faint scent of smoke filled the air. Easy enough, she was able to remove the broken component and substitute it with another. As the replicator reinitialized itself she began to mentally scroll the list of her mates who could have betrayed. Clark maybe? Or T’rr’at? Or even worse, could he be Tirin? Names ran in her head, but she could not find a suspect beyond any reasonable doubt. A low bip distracted her from the thoughts. The device was asking for an order. She tipped on the screen. The typical fading in sound was accompanied by a glowing light ìin the replicator camera. A cup of glass filled with a dark brown liquid generated from nowhere. The smell seemed good, too, bad Enya hated coffee. “All right, you look good enough to me.” She cut it short and typed on the control panel to destroy the cup. She closed the task on the PADD and notified her superior about the result. She collected all her things and headed towards the door. “Coffee.” She shook her head while exiting. “What did my granny say? From coffee you learn how darkness can make things clearer.” Ensign Enya Simmed by ============ Ensign Drex Science Officer Denali Station D240011D14
  16. ((Apex Hot Springs - Arentis)) Kim sat quietly, feeling the odd juxtaposition of the warm water around her body against the cold air above her, and thought. She'd texted her parents about her promotion and awards. They'd been ecstatic for her and soon several messages had come in from subspace from friends and relatives. Cypria, the local social media and messaging service, had several messages congratulating her. Neocypriate Serving members of Starfleet were often given pages -- and sometimes shrines -- on the service. She thought of the sort of impact she might make on the ship. Her home, New Cyprus, had been a place of contradiction. Its past was dark and gritty, many of its buildings living on as husks of their former selves, surrounded by a bright and happy jungle of new constructions, the skyline promising a bright future in spite of where the world had been. Kim had contributed to that future, adding holographic elements to civic landmarks and town squares. She'd had a budding architect phase during her youth. At 16 she'd been obsessed with Theodore Frudagar's landmark textbook on holoarchitecture. The field had been mocked over the years for its transient creations and compared to laser graphiti, in which artists would tag buildings not with paint but rather temporary light displays. Such things had begun in the early 21st century in protest against political leaders on Earth. There had been something of a back-handed self congratulatory tone in that passage. Not merely a husk. While many criticized holoarchitects for doing nothing but defacing and twisting the intentions of the original architects who'd planned the spaces in which they worked, the holoarchitects who chafed under such criticism were quick to point out that buildings were just dead husks. A few called them canvases. The truth was that holoarchitecture and architecture itself were merely two sides of the same coin. Frudagar's premise rested on the idea of storytelling through both static and moving structures. New Cyprus's story was one of rebirth and transformation. Kim wondered. What was she transforming into? What parts of her were static? Which ones could she change? The water around her bubbled and frothed as the mountains beyond sat in stoic silence. -- Lt. Jg Kimberly Stapledon Engineer USS Constitution-B I238601KB0
  17. (( This is the last sim in the exchange between the two, an emotional relatable end to this scene that needed to be shared )) ((Lieutenant JG T’Ama and Ensign Flores’s Quarters - Deck 19, USS Constitution-B)) Rachel spoke up and lifted the light aluminum cane off of the floor below her, demonstrating that she had just gotten back from sickbay. She sighed and realized that she was going to have to come clean with what exactly had happened. It was not something that she could keep a secret forever. Her injuries were affecting her too much to hide. T’Ama: Oh… okay. Flores: There was an accident on Arentis. An anti-grav hoverboard suffered a serious malfunction and propelled me into a wall head-first at full speed. T’Ama: ::alarmed:: Were you wearing a helmet? The whole thing was embarrassing, cosmic justice for her arrogance. She shook her head, fully revealing the patch of missing hair and the small osteogenic stimulator over the burr hole in her skull. Obviously, given the severity of her injury, she had not taken the right precautions. Flores: No, I wasn’t. T’Ama: Fyrshi… It took a second to recall the medical terms for what had happened, how to describe the traumatic brain injury in terms worse than a simple concussion. Flores: I suffered contusions and subdural haema-something. T’Ama: Toma. How are you doing? Flores: Honestly, not great. I’m off duty and basically useless as an engineer. I can’t recall basic technical facts and have difficulty with decision making. ::She sighed:: And I sort of killed Dunsel. Bits of shattered monitor were still on the ground below the replicator with data lines exposed, and one of Dunsel’s googly eyes was just barely hanging on after being knocked loose by her swing with the cane. T’Ama: ::gasping:: Dunsel!! ::walking closer to survey the damage:: Ohhhh, he had a face! Rachel felt a single tear fall down her cheek. Even though it felt perfectly justified at the time, she now felt very bad about it. Especially since it also inconvenienced her friend and roommate. Flores: I’m sorry. ::She wiped her eyes. Her mouth twisted into a sad, forced smile.:: But don’t worry, you don’t have to deal with that anymore. Privileges of rank! It was bitter, jealous, angry, and self-serving. She was going to find a way to rain all over T’Ama’s parade and make her promotion an issue for herself, somehow. And it of course assumed the worst. Something she’d been doing since she woke up in the state she did. Of course her roommate would leave at the very first opportunity and she’d be left to cope with everything alone. T’Ama: What do you mean by that? Rachel frowned at the change of tone. As if she hadn’t just said what she said. Flores: Merely a statement of fact regarding quarters assignment policies. T’Ama: ::firmly:: That was a guilt trip, and I don’t do those. Which it absolutely was. As much as she wanted to be mad some more and deny it, it was absolutely true. She was still angry about everything that had happened. She was disappointed with her inability to manage her condition. And she was honestly a bit scared of having to deal with it all without somebody regularly around to talk to. So maybe it was okay that she… Flores: oO Nope, don’t you dare say that Rachel. That’s not an excuse to treat a friend like crap. Oo She still wasn’t herself. Hell, she should probably still be in sickbay if she was going to break replicators and say terrible things to people. Less than one word into trying to mount some defense or excuse she gave up and admitted defeat. It had been a rude, ignorant thing to say. And it had been exactly as T’Ama called it. A guilt trip. Flores: Well- ::Beat:: Yeah, it was. You’re right. I would give a heartfelt apology but I’d already started thinking about other stuff… Apology undercut by a defensive bit of sarcasm, it seemed that her roommate had lost her patience for the Rachel Flores Mental Acrobatics Exhibition. T’Ama: Okay, I’m getting overwhelmed and I have a shift starting in 37 minutes. I’m sorry this happened to you and that you have to deal with this. I hope you fully recover. I’m going to go now. There were no more words to say. It was a bit too late to say something to actually apologize. She watched T’Ama do a quick inspection of her uniform in the mirror before heading for the door. As much as she wanted to ask her to wait, to say something to try and salvage the conversation, she had to respect T’Ama’s wishes not to talk about it further right now. T’Ama: Bye, get better! Rachel replied quietly. Flores: ::Meekly:: Bye. T’Ama left and Rachel thought about what had just happened. She’d certainly made better choices than that. Looking down at the cane she thought about hobbling back to sickbay where she couldn’t hurt the feelings of anyone besides the medical staff. Ellie had mentioned that emotional and behavioral control was something that her brain injury could impact. Although that didn’t make her feel any less awful about it. She cursed under her breath and wished she could immediately fall back asleep and not have to think about what she had done. Flores: You’re an idiot, Rachel.
  18. I got a good laugh out of this one from @Quentin Beck. It's amazing. I love Beck. I love him so much.
  19. @Alieth the depth in which you write a Vulcan is always impressive but I love love love everything about the lore, the detail and the history in this sim.
  20. @Hiro Jones and @Dekas you really got me in the feels with this one!
  21. Today is very much the sort of day where everything is good, so everything deserves appreciation. Like this entire sim from @Kirsty L. Carpenter. The narrative descriptions of visuals and thoughts are perfect and I think everyone's with me when I say, GET 'IM, KIRSTY.
  22. There was one of these for the Victory and I seen other ships with a simular topic, so here is a new one for a new ship, who wants to be the first to put up a funny Quote from one of the crew??
  23. Since transferring to Amity Outpost from the Gorkon, Ensign @Torvi Ylvor has been doing an excellent job establishing Torvi's presence on the Amity team while also exploring the feelings of instability and uncertainty she's experiencing as the newest member of the crew, still finding her footing. This sim, which picks up at the end of a Ribbons Ceremony not long before the start of our next Mission, was a particularly impressive exploration of past trauma, current uncertainties, and hope for the future that was worth appreciating in full. Heres the link: https://groups.google.com/g/sb118-amity/c/8DQnd67nkM0/m/lcSyZtKoBQAJ
  24. I may have a soft spot for BajCardies. Even more if they are this awesomely written like @LuxaLorana's ((Cargo Bay 5, Deck 11, USS Ronin)) Teryn Lo hadn't moved much since they had brought him here. He preferred to remain anonymous. Not because he was incredibly secretive. He wasn't exciting enough to have secrets. He just liked his own space and the room to observe. He was curious, he'd never been on a Starfleet vessel. He'd never really remembered being on any ship, except the intercolony shuttles, and they had long since given up on space travel. He must have travelled at one point, he wasn't born on Grus Beta Three. His biological mother had told him that. Space. The final frontier they called it. The ship they were on was magnificent. He'd managed to get himself situated near a window on the runabout that had taken them here. Once he'd worked up the courage to open his eyes and the rumbling of the runabout settled after they left the planets atmosphere. The USS Ronin. He couldn't breath as he took the wonder of it. The beauty of her nacelles, the way in which each part of her served its own unique purpose but despite that it all worked as one. A sum of all it's parts. Like him. He was Bajoran. He was Cardassian. He was also an orphan. Of sorts. All of these things, meant that he was alone. Even Mother Emzai hadn't favoured him like she had the others. He asked too many questions. Or maybe he asked the wrong questions. He couldn't quite get it right. He wanted to know things. How they worked. Father Kipal had shown him the secret room below the administrative centre, he said that he'd be important in the experiments. This had caused Mother Emzai to become incredibly angry and she banned him from the building. He never knew what he had done wrong. Now, he just watched as the mounting tensions rose in the cargo bay. At first the Starfleet officers were kind, courteous and respectful. Everyone was grateful to be free of the planet, and then more colonists came. Rumours began to circulate. Mother Emzai had been held at gunpoint by Starfleet, and others had been shot. The planet had been attacked by the Ronin. They were being forcibly removed and held here against their will. Then the gold shirt officers had arrived, with weapons and now the Ronin. This beautiful emblem of safety, had begun to feel like a prison. He wanted to go back home. It was the only place he'd ever felt safe after his mother had abandoned him. She was a Cardassian geneticist, who had worked on the mining project with Father Kipal. Bris: Gorva told me they're going to take you to Cardassia. Teryn hadn't seen the human sidle up next to him. Bris was an orphan like him. Mean spirited in the way that children could be when everyone that was supposed to be kind to them … were never kind. For Bris, it hung around him like a shadow. Teryn was often the butt of his jokes and he figured he should hate Bris, but he understood him. He was angry that they'd been left. As much as Mother Emzai offered a home, and he loved her for that. He always knew that somehow that kindness came with a price and that price meant that one day they'd serve the colony too. Teryn: What are people saying? Really? Bris: :: sighs and shrugs shoulders :: They said that Father Kipal was murdered. :: genuine fear:: I don't know if I believe that. You know people talked about Kipal before. Remember? The screams? Teryn remembered the screams. Pure terror and rage. He still heard them in his nightmares. Kipal would look at them at times, like they were food rather than persons. It made him frightened to sleep. Teryn: Mother Emzai will come. She will explain to Starfleet and they'll let us go. They'll see we're good. :: to Bris :: We're good, right? Bris: I'm human so … maybe I'll be okay. They might take me to Earth or a colony or something. You, I don't know? Bajorans won't want you and the Cardies … well you're mother didn't take you so … maybe they'll put you in a prison or something. Teryn felt the tears begin to form, he touched the Titanium bracelet his mother had given him the night she had left. For him it was a promise, that she'd come for him one day. Bris grabbed him and pulled him to his feet. He nodded towards a group of Starfleet officers, one of them was a giant, colourful bird. Bris: Stop hiding and let's go and find out! Teryn allowed himself to be dragged along. Dekas: I’ve got Dr. Jones on their way to help out in here as well. We need to de-escalate. Tzim-Shah/Solana/Carpenter: Response Dekas: Absolutely. I do think having at least one of you with me might help keep things a little easier with people who are dealing with the anger part of this. Tzim-Shah/Solana/Carpenter/Any Grus Betian NPCs: Respose Bris: :: whispers to Teryn :: De-escalate. They've got the guns :: laughs :: Give me a gun and I'll de-escalate. Teryn: :: fear:: Don't make them angry at us. Another human joined the officers. Dekas: ::to Hiro:: Oh you have no idea how good it is to see you. We need all the help we can get. Teryn thought that the bird man seemed kind. They all did. He wanted to ask the bird man questions, he'd never seen someone … so alien before. Teryn: :: whispers to Bris about Dekas :: What species are they? Bris: You've never seen an Aurelian before? Dumb big birds. My Dad used to fry them for dinner. Delicious. Bris bent over into a bird pose, and begun to flap his arms and squawk out loud. Teryn looks at the alien, his eyes wide in horror. oO please don't shoot us Oo Tzim-Shah/Solana/Carpenter/Jones/Any Grus Betian NPCs: Response Tags/TBC Teryn Lo (14) Grus Beta Three Lt JG Luxa Lorana Science Officer USS Ronin A240004LL2
  25. So all the ships have a thread - why not the Academy? I see some gems over there too! This from Adea made me chuckle:
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