Salak

I think I can count the number of Indy crew who check the forums on one hand, plus simming's been slow over in our corner the last few days. In fact, the sim count on Saturday hit the dizzying heights of... zero. There were 42 hours between sims at the weekend.

Ah, that... *shifty eyes* I have my moments

But... but... I don't drink Coffee!

Well I say for Jhen and I, but I'd gone to bed 2 hours earlier... I saw sunset and sunrise before turning in... Yup, my sleeping patterns are messed up again

Actually, it was 9:10am for Jhen and I over here in the UK

My best sims tend to come at about 2am, when I'm partly asleep I had a bit more than two shandies, lol... I think the Absinthe hit pretty hard.

Good, because I had quite a bit to drink last night and so won't be getting mine out today I expect.

Yup...

That's quite good Syrak, don't do yourself down! 2-3 pages to go!? Think mine's only a page long...

With its current status, I hope it'll be up by this weekend, never mind next one...

I'm expecting to rely quite heavily on my ability to describe, I'm struggling to see how a significant amount of dialogue will add a lot to the first half of the story... My first couple of lines as they currently read (as a teaser ) : I might redraft it to hold the drifting ship back a few lines, just describe the nebula at first. We'll see.

I now have a beginning, an ending written and a few random sketches courtesy of more train journey time, so hopefully WILL get my entry in for once!

Good good...

Just got back, but got absolutely zero writing done on either train journey... The screaming kids in the three rows immediately behind me killed any chance of concentrating on the way there and I was half asleep on the journey back

I tend to get the outline in my head, commit it to paper so I don't forget it, then add to it with other ideas. The final story comes out of that melting pot. Or with sims, I write pretty much the first thing into my head, with the "Vulcanise" checker running in my head as I do so. It's led to a few... non-fluid reading bits of description recently though.

Hope to get some work done on an entry on the Train on Friday, maybe again on the train back on Monday... in between having my head buried in Astronomy Now and National Geographic magazines Might actually finish my entry before the deadline for once?

Just told Lt.JG Ehlanii this on IM but I'll post my views here too. I'm afraid I have to criticise the beginning. Not only is there a typo ("theACEO", missing space.) but the first two paragraphs of description are a bit disjointed together. Either would be fine in an individual sim from either of you, but in a JP, they really need to be combined. I like seeing the situation from both sides but we get the setting repeated twice in quick succession so perhaps a more general overview may have been better, try and work the two together? However, that is perhaps my one main issue with what is otherwise a very well written sim. I especially liked the bit around "oOThat came out a lot harsher than I intended.Oo " and Kolks reply. If it weren't for the opening, I'd probably rate 5 stars but that really did hinder the flow trying to get into the sim. I pondered briefly 3 stars but such is too harsh given how well written it is after about the 3rd line. Thus I've rated this at 4 Stars.

IMHO, Quite possibly the best sim I've read since Stinging Truths a month ago. Would be proud if I'd written this, and the fact English isn't JV's first language makes it even more impressive in my eyes. I wouldn't have nominated it if I didn't think this, but simply Brilliant.

NOMINATORS COMMENT: Please note the author of this sim has a first language of Spanish, not English. (( Pod Odyssey )) :: The commotion was big. The Pod was crowded, resembling one of those cargo ships, delivering refugees or dissidents. The main difference was that those people were all Citizens and Officers of the Federation, in a desperate run for reaching safe ground. Annette Garrison recalled memories from his initial trip to the Aurix Colony when she was a small child. The transport ship was filled with machinery and living stock, ready to be installed and settled on the brand new Colony :: :: She walked among the people, noticing the different expressions and comments coming from everyone, civilians and officers. The rumors about the Captain going crazy or worst, a possible infiltration of Dominion agents trying to steal Federation technology and intelligence data from the Crew and Passengers with the Captain's help were floating in the air :: :: The crowd came into a panicked state when the Pod rocked violently due the attack coming from the Son'a ship. The people with a view to the outside through the windows screamed and yelled when they saw the Warship firing against the Pod. Annette and several Crewmen tried to calm the people down. Lights flickered and a creepy sound of metal crunching above them added more tension to the situation :: :: A group of Security officers appeared and helped the crew to gain a more controlled state. Doctors and nurses appeared, talking to the passengers. Then, they all felt a small, almost unnoticeable bump, causing the people to stare with uncertainty on their eyes. Another person next to a window yelled about the Shuttles forming up and pulling the Pod with their tractor beams. Other person notified the destruction of the Son'a Warship by the Discovery, making the crowd to cheer in response. :: :: Annette approached to one of the Windows where she could spot the Discovery at the distance. But something was happening. Two small points of light were swarming around the ship, opening fire. The blasts caused the Discovery's shields to glow, confirming the shooting, then a volley of Quantum torpedoes appeared from below the Ship in direction to the points of light, detonating in space :: GARRISON: oO What is happening out there? Oo :: A soft sob, as if trying to supress a scream from a woman next to her made Annette to turn. To her surprise, Mira Kaschenko was standing just a few meters away from her, looking in shock toward the Discovery on another window. Mira covered her mouth with one hand, while tears rolled over her face. Not getting the picture, Annette wanted to ask her what was going on, but she halted, after remembering Mira was after Julio too. Actually, Mira had the advantage after the night trip on that Catamaran. But something in Mira's expression told her that something terrible have happened. Fighting against her pride, she moved toward the Russian woman :: GARRISON: What is going on, Mira? :: Not getting a response from the shocked officer, Annette grabbed Mira by the arms and pulled her away from the window, forcing a direct conversation :: GARRISON: What is going on?! KASCHENKO: He... he... he's gone! GARRISON: Who is gone? What do you mean? :: starting to feel worried :: KASCHENKO: They... they were last in leaving the ship... they boarded a couple of Fighters... they... (turning to the window again) GARRISON: A couple of fighters? Those points of light? Who were on those fighters? KASCHENKO: McCall, Eskyys... Mitchell... and... and... (turning back to Garrison, showing her red sunken eyes) ... and Julio... :: A cold chill ran over her spine. Releasing Mira's arms, she moved toward the windows, noticing the Discovery at the distance, flying quietly, with nothing flying around her :: GARRISON: You mean... they were... they are... :: The two women stared in silence to the big empty space in front of them. The crowd continue their doings around them, but neither one of the two women seemed to notice the commotion. Only when the strong voice of a man called for their attention, they both could react :: TINOCO: There! I can see them! (holding a big electronic binocular) :: The people gathered around to the group of Marines, trying to know more about what they were talking. Annette and Mira stared at each other and then moved, fighting with the crowd, trying to reach the Marine :: TINOCO: Lt. Sati, inform the Bridge we have visual contact with the two fighters. It seems they have no power and are flying adrift. KASCHENKO: Captain Tinoco! Can you see if they are alive? TINOCO: Unable to tell, Ensign. But their ships look intact... at least from here. GARRISON: Can we send shuttles to rescue them? TINOCO: That's unlikely to happen Ma'am. We are been pulled toward a derelict vessel. We need all the shuttles in order to reach that ship. (Turning to Mira) I've recommend that you report to your Chief and put any skill you have in order to help us reach safe port. KACHENKO: Aye, Captain! (turning and leaving the area) GARRISON: What can I do? TINOCO: (Noticing the pin on her dress that marked her as an enrolled civilian) You can help here, assisting the Civilians. We will need to make an orderly evacuation of the Pod once we get to that derelict. Understood? :: Garrison nodded in response and started to prepare the people. At least, her experience at Aurix could be of any help in this moment :: TBC -------------------------------- Annette Garrison Civilian USS Discovery B & Ens. Mira Kaschenko Science Officer USS Discovery B & Cpt. Pezib Tinoco Security Advisor/Marine USS Discovery B

Exactly the same on Indy... when I can make sense of it in the first place. No insult intended to the other ships, you both have talented writers, but thank goodness the JM's nearly over Might stand half a chance of keeping track of things now.

Duly noted. Not having read dune or anything, I didn't even skim the Golden Path article. I'm thinking more Nebulae and sunrises at the sec After all, the Latin for Gold (Aureus) translates literally as "Shining Dawn"

If I think of something (and I just got a vague idea what the title might mean) to enter, I might actually make the deadline this time... ...well, we can hope. EDIT: Oh, and kudos to the Admiral too, yup! EDIT2: *stumbles across Dunes' Golden Path on Wikipedia trying to find out the equivelant of Path in Latin and/or Ancient Greek* ...I'll guess that'd be where the challenge title idea came from? I'll read/watch Dune at some point, I've still only played one of the computer games. [Emperor: Battle for Dune if anyone's curious]

Fine, I'll look into it. I have a few unsubmitted drafts from past challenges amongst the random stuff at http://salak.livejournal.com by the way, along with my submitted past entries. Hope they might give you something to read if you feel so inclined until I can pull this together.

I've posted what little I have in the Character Cafe.

Well I'll put my outline up later maybe but trying to get it into a story I didn't manage to get past the first few lines