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Tony, aka VAiru

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Everything posted by Tony, aka VAiru

  1. Greetings, everyone! Want to read the Challenge entries, but don't have time to sit down at your computer? Need a way to take them with you on your tablet or mobile device? Now you have it! Please enjoy this full compilation of the "Run Shivers Down My Spine" Writing Challenge, available with all the entrants' stories and judges' comments. This is a PDF document with interior hyperlinks to each story for your ease of navigation, so do please read at your leisure. Let me know if you enjoyed this easy way to read! Also, if you would prefer to have this as an ePub or .mobi file for your Nook or Kindle, let me know by replying below! The conversation is easy, and I'll do it and post new versions if anyone would like. Thanks for reading! Get yours here!
  2. "The Last Night on Lookout"Writer's Character: Leland BishopJudge's Character: Cassandra Egan Manno Though its style is strong and it's exactly as long as it needs to be -- those qualities by which I usually form my first judgments regarding a story -- "The Last Night on Lookout" refuses to be so relegated. The morbid images, crafted so subtly by the author, are what stuck with me: Whether it's the final sentence of the opening paragraph that so wonderfully plays with language and image ("choking ... on Lookout") or it's the final line ("How sad it was that the poor man beneath him hadn't had time to shave"), this story refuses to sit down quietly and instead forces the reader to consider it head-on. That's really a fancy way of saying that I was hooked, so kudos there! I expected this Challenge to be ripe with grit and horror, "The Last Night on Lookout" puts an especially terrible spin on things by showing them through the POV of a young Leland Bishop. There's a loss-of-innocence quality to the story, directly addressed within ("...he would never be called Lee again..."), though I don't think that's the story's primary throughline. Rather, this is a story about bearing witness: How does one see the truly awful and ever come away from it? It's a wonderful area to explore via writing, and given that this event is part of Leland's past, I would be very interested to see how he develops, both through sims and, hopefully, in future Writing Challenges! Show us, here and again (and again and again), how his life has been shaped by these events and the sort of daily witness he brings to bear upon his current life, and I think the result will be quite satisfying. I would caution the author to dig more deeply into the story's statements of large, ephemeral concepts like "pain," "dark," and "forever." They're such absolute terms that they can often (though not always, of course) be hard to qualify, and I think this story is done a disservice by relying upon lines like "It was rewarded. With pain." I know -- I know, because the story has demonstrated it already! -- that it's capable of more, and while this particular instance of pain won't stick with me, that image of the unshaven man certainly will. Show me the specifics and I'll be with you all the way! In the end, I'd call this a strong story that fixed its gaze on a terrible memory and refused to look away. Great, great work from someone who promises to be a new talent in the Writing Challenges! *** "Adsit Anglis Sanctus Georgius"Writer's Character: Idril MarJudge's Character: Sal Taybrim This was a moody little piece; full of great imagery and a neat little folk tale tie in. I like the language in the piece. It had a nice, readable cadence and the easygoing style of a folk tale or a ghost story told around the campfire. Full of little details like the union jack on the uniforms, this was a fun piece that I enjoyed reading. In the end I found myself wanting this story to be longer. While it was a solid entry, it did not put shivers down my spine because it didn’t have much suspense or build up. As a folk tale it works well, but as a scary story it needs to slow down and indulge in the fear of a massive battle against a vicious enemy. I also think this story could use more characterization. We know enough about the main character to like him – the little details draw us in and make him seem realistic. But he needs to face more conflict, get pushed to the edge of fear and still persevere. Make your reader’s heart pound a little, make them wonder if the protagonist will survive before the tale wraps up. Again, a nicely readable little piece that could be expanded with just a little effort into an excellent stand alone tale. This one has a lot of potential and strength! *** "Dawn’s Early Light"Writer's Character: Hannibal ParkerJudge's Character: Sal Taybrim This story is highly evocative in its scenic portrayal of war. The description is tight and the story flows smoothly. The writer displays a solid command of military knowledge and it reads like watching a documentary of a historical battle. Unfortunately the greatest strength of this story also reveals its greatest weakness. The ‘documentary’ feeling allows an excellent overview of a battle, and a strong plotline, but along the way we develop no empathy for any of the characters. Usually the death of a struggling young Ensign would be a minor tragedy, and the heroic wishes of an up and coming Sergeant would be a building character draw. But both of these feel like footnotes to a history book rather than character revelations that draw a reader in. This story displays a common problem with posts-submitted-as-stories: the reader is not given enough reason to care about the characters. I understand that players in sims care deeply about the characters they sim with because they have had months, sometimes years to form bonds with those characters. But as a stand alone story your characters are what will drive your readers’ interest. You must build empathy for your characters or you will quickly lose the reader’s interest no matter how evocative your settings are or how well constructed the plot is. Strong characterization builds suspense and desire to keep reading – that feeling that the reader ‘has to keep turning the page.’ I found myself wanting a reason to root for the marines, other than the fact that ‘they were humans.’ This was cleanly written and the language was easy to read. I can see how it would make a strong game post for readers who were already deeply committed to the main character, but as a stand alone piece you need to reveal the thoughts, feelings, goals, desires and narrative of your main character so the audience has a reason to really be invested in whether or not he lives or dies. ***"A smile is full of teeth" Writer's Character: Marcus Dickens Judge's Character: Toni Turner "A smile is full of teeth" is a fast paced, well-written story chronicling the study of a new reptilian species as it teaches its offspring the finer points of survival. (I'm putting that very mildly.) Marcus draws the reader in on the premis that his Captain Rashuu is taking a team to make a diplomatic call on the species, but when he fails to introduce his security officer as such, he tips the reader off that something is amiss. And with that now firmly in mind the reader is reminded of the theme and anticipates the "chill" that they are suppose to feel when the punch line is delivered. For impact on the punch line, it may have been better to make the readers forget the theme, than to remind them. As the team separates, the doctor and security officer go to view the offspring. The descriptions of the bloodthirsty varmints were vivid enough, and some what frightening. At least enough to make the medical officer heave the contents of his stomach onto the floor, and graphic enough to believe the host cleaned it up to study their guests which was another tip off to their fate. When Marcus cut back to the Captain and the science officer who had gone with their hosts for refreshment, chills didn't run up my spine, but rather I had an overwhelming urge to burst into laughter. Well done, Marcus! Very... um ... very entertaining story. *** "Blunt Forces"Writer's Character: Atherton GrixJudge's Character: Akeelah D'Sena This story evolving around Cadet Ellen Cain is something most Starfleet Officers have been through: the question if one is ready for this 'real world' out there on a ship or not. The doubt and struggle with the things that still have to be learned is easy to identify with. In addition, also picturing a scene that everyone, be it officer or not, will have to face: an obstacle that feels impossible to overcome and having no choice but face it. Atherton Grix has done a good job trying to bring the main character of Ellen closer to the reader and sympathize with the cadet when she fights the overpowering enemy, gets thrown into duty to find a solution, while she is not sure she is ready for the task and to overcome her fears and set habits of action. Commander Herodion on the other hand is more of a supporting actor. We do not hear much of her back-story other than she is an ex Marine Captain who constantly seems to save Ellen from being killed. It would have been nice to see a little more characterization of this character, to make her appear less like a holodeck character that only is there to give the story a frame. I did enjoy the flashback in between to give us a little more background about what happened in the first part of the story, and will happen in the third. It gives the story a little more depths and gave Atherton the chance to describe the character, thoughts and feelings of Ellen a little more than it would have been possible in the action scenes. I did have to read several parts a few times, because of very long sentences and very little punctuations. That made it difficult for me to really get into the story, because I had to think about the meaning of things depending on where I'd put a (missing) comma. Also the one or other word seemed to not be fitting, though could be guessed in context. Maybe with a little more experience in both of these areas it will be much easier to read and to follow without interruptions, which will make the story flow better. While the story was set in a scenario every one of us might experience in either Roleplay or in the figurative sense in Real Life, it was more of an action and experience piece to me, than a chill causing one. But for the felt genre it has been a good story, that would make me curious what became of Ellen after she has jumped head on into her new experience. Especially the open end of the possible dangers still luring in the dark invites a second part to be written. I have finished the piece with a smile, reading the little bantering between cadet and commander, showing that even in the fearful atmosphere we can find something to smile about. *** "Her Greatest Fear"Writer's Character: Rune JolaraJudge's Character: Ren Rennyn Rune Jolara's flashback to a horrible experience of her youth is a feast of horror for the senses. The story makes no attempt to define its character or present location at the beginning. That became an asset. The language of the opening speech sets up the coming flashback and gives just a glimpse of how Rune feels about what she is remembering. The sense of dread felt by her 16-year-old self was obviously still felt years later, and as a reader, I felt it too. That feeling continued to grow as Rune was subjected to shockingly extreme treatment. Every sense was engaged. As she felt, saw, heard and even tasted one awful thing after another, I felt it too. The entire experience of the attendants' attempt to break Rune down, to numb her, was described in one sensory image after another. It is beautifully described, and leaves a tangible impression of what she went through. "Her vision exploded into a kaleidescope of colors and confusion." - That phrase in particular jumped off the page at me. The reasons for Rune's rough treatment at the Attitude Readjustment Center become apparent when, at the end, we learn where she is in the present, and to whom she is relating this disturbing memory. This was a perfect bookend to the suspense of not knowing who she was talking to at the beginning of the story. As a self-contained unit, the story might have been improved by spending a little more time describing the reason for Rune's "adjustment," how she feels about it now, and perhaps giving a little more explanation of Rune's relationship with Dura Refa, and Refa's motivations for turning on Rune. As a feast for the senses, the story touched on every nerve, and succeeded admirably in conveying the feelings of pain, panic and more. *** "The touch of the Sleeper"Writer's Character: Della VetriJudge's Character: Cassandra Egan Manno This is a solid story, a double-braid that considers two archaeotechnology specialists on the one hand and their subject on the other. Perhaps it's the theme or the time of year, but I saw this as a nice riff on Frankenstein's basic territory, and it was a pleasant little riff! There's a good escalation of tension throughout the piece, and it's handled well: I felt the sort of full-body realization of my heartbeat that means that what I'm reading is doing a good job of scaring me -- or at least signaling to me that it's about to do so. The exposition was handled well, and the proportions of the braids seemed appropriate: It was much easier for me to get into the heads of Helena and Yuri than to connect with their subject (who I shall call, as in the title, "the Sleeper"), though I also applaud the choice of the braid, as knowing the Sleeper intimately was something I was privileged to know as a reader and it helped round out a story that might otherwise have otherwise revolved around the scans of the two scientists. By the end, I'm ready for the Sleeper's revelation in the final section, and I was pleased with that end. My major quibble with this story is that it didn't end there! The last part of that final line -- "...but there was no hint of anything but almost mindless dedication to the task at hand and a total disregard of the fact that simply fulfilling their assigned role was going to leave almost the entire population extinct" -- is the sort of existentially terrifying (literally!) line that I thought this story was going to end with, but then we came back to Yuri and Helena one more time. In my mind, the story really belonged to the Sleeper; Yuri and Helena were really devices by which the story explored it, and even though we spent less time in the POV of the Sleeper (which, as above, is a choice I applaud), I was certain that this story was going to end me with the Sleeper. For future stories, I'd challenge this author to consider what the story's accomplishment and focus would like to be by its end. If, here, those were answered by the story of Yuri and Helena and the Sleeper was secondary, then the return to their braid was a good choice -- but if the Sleeper was the stronger presence and its awakening was more central, then I would abstract that into a general guideline to end with the strongest character. One more small note: Yikes! Science fiction racism! I'm always a little uncomfortable when Federation members (especially leading Daystrom scientists!) begin speaking in this way (with regard to the Ferengi), as it strikes me as something that would have been left far behind us. My advice here: Don't do it. Again, I thought this was a really solid story with some excellent tension, a strong choice for its structure, and a compelling throughline that kept me fully present in its world. Excellent work, and I look forward to reading more! *** "Horrifying Flashback"Writer's Character: Gwen GardenerJudge's Character: Cassandra Egan Manno This story is a good example of flash fiction, which some might define (rigidly) as a story of less than 300 words. Though "Horrifying Flashback" clocks in at just over that (343 words), I'd still call its intent that of a piece of flash fiction: It's attempting to tell a full story in a very limited space. It succeeds there, because it packs a whole lot of time, action, and events into its 343 words. However, in this case, I would have recommended a longer story to give this narrative the space it would seem to deserve. "Flashback," as a term, does connote something brief, perhaps instantaneous, and I congratulate the author for extending that idea into the story's brevity. I wasn't convinced that there was anything more flashback-like about the story, though, and I would challenge the author to especially consider the senses: What did Aurora see? What could she touch? What did she hear, taste, smell? Then, move beyond that: Does she remember a particular flash of a pain (and if so, describe that moment!), or perhaps a scent that seems incongruous given her incarceration and reminds her of something beyond the cage (and if so, what is it? What does it remind her of?). Put me more in those moments, and the experience of the story will ultimately be more gratifying. The good news for "Horrifying Flashback" is that, as it's presented, it's a good summary or outline for the true story. Expanding upon what's here, engaging the senses, and really capturing the reader on a visceral, emotional level will be what really make things work here -- and I think that a retelling of these events, greatly expanded in those ways, would be a fine entrant in a future Writing Challenge! *** "Heritage of the Lost"Writer's Character: Nathaniel WilmerJudge's Character: Toni Turner Mr. Wilmer's story was one full of sentences that kept the reader anticipating what would be in the next. Dropping the descriptions of Charlotte Farnsworth's life in between the the status of the antiquated house played well throughout the story, and made the reader want to know more about her, and of her mad grandfather. Wilmer's strong command of the English language, grabbed this reader's attention and never failed to deliver the unwritten promise of the drama and suspense of Charlotte's heritage, and when the end came, all he had written came to life all over again. “Trelane.” Charlotte choked on the name. “Your name… is… Trelane….” And there was no question (or question mark) or doubt as to the identity of the specter who dwell within the pistol. Very well played! An excellent read. *** "Dressed to Kill...Part Two"Writer's Character: Hannibal Parker Judge's Character: Akeelah D'Sena This story reminded me of a female version of a bigger and badder version of James Bond, from the get go. Kamela is sexy, confident, focused on her job and deadly. She has a plan set in mind, and did not bat an eye to go through with it, after all it was her job. It was an easy read and did flow from start to end. The choice of words and structure made it easy enough to follow the story and dive in without the need to stop and wonder or sort out things oneself. Hannibal did a great job with describing the scene, locations and atmosphere. I could see it all in my mind, imagine the details, the loud music and lights, even the ugly pig like face of Treudeau, who is the archetype of the disgusting dealer, from his attire, over the women surrounding him to the bad breath and his believe he gets whatever he wants, because he has the money to buy it. The story succeeded to activate the mind-cinema and pull me along the story-line. That being said, I did not have any chills reading the story, apart from the thought of being in that cold water in the night. To me this story reads more like an action flick. The perfect secret agent movie with a little twist of a rarely seen female action hero. I would have wished to see a big longer part about Kamela finishing her actual job, which to me looked more like a side note than the highlight of her task. Though just when I thought that this had been too easy, and that she was being too sure of herself with too little problems in the execution of her plan, Hanniball threw a curveball, and the well laid out plan of escape was destroyed. I did enjoy the twist, when Kamela suddenly had to cope on her own fearing for her life. I would have enjoyed feeling a bit more of her fears, though. She obviously had those, but were a little too superficial for my taste. Exploring on those a little more through the whole story would have helped to be pulled into the story a little more. *** "Dust in the Wind"Writer's Character: Irina PavlovaJudge's Character: Ren Rennyn I always thought I wanted to go to Ba'ku. This story may have changed my mind. Pleasantly disturbing imagery runs through this tale of dashed hopes and spoiled plans. The descriptions - those descriptions! - of Irina's body decaying around her certainly Ran Shivers Down My Spine. This month's contest theme was certainly exemplified in this story. Body horror is the use of graphic images to describe anatomical decay. The idea is to make the audience imagine what it would be like if that happened to them. This story succeeds by showing the destruction of Irina's body from her perspective, right down to the bones. Instead of watching this process from an external vantage point, the reader is part of Irina's terrible experience. Another benefit of this story is its setting. This horrifying event takes place in a well-known paradise. The inclusion of Irina's young daughter as a witness clinches the terror. The story was chilling. There are a few typographical errors that could have been corrected before submission. These are minor. The story itself is a strong example of using an established character to tell a stand-alone story. All elements of Irina's past that needed to be understood for context were explained within the story. The science fiction elements at work here really cemented this as a Star Trek story, much to my delight. The events of Irina's life are inextricable from the universe we write in, and the story derives from elements - transporters, Ba'ku - that are unique to Star Trek. This is a strength I would look forward to seeing more of in future entries. I will add that I leave this story with a slight fear that the cones in my eyes will be fused by radiation. That is another shiver down my spine. Well done!
  3. Thank you to each of our many entrants in this round! The judges were extremely pleased with your efforts, and though we had five judges for eleven entries(!), that didn't make deciding upon a winner any easier. But, just in time for Halloween, I'm proud to bring you the results of the "Run Shivers Down My Spine" Writing Challenge for September and October 2014! Our winner, with his story "Heritage of the Lost," is the writer behind Nathaniel Wilmer! We have a rare situation with our runner-up: Our judges rankings' resulted in a tie, which means we have two stories and two writers who will share the honor: "The Touch of the Sleeper," by the writer behind Della Vetri, and "The Last Night on Lookout," by the writer behind Leland Bishop. Congratulations to these three writers and to the rest of our fine entrants! I'd like to recognize my fellow judges for this round: the writers behinds Fleet Captain Toni Turner, Lieutenant Commander Sal Taybrim, Lieutenant Ren Rennyn, and special guest Lieutenant Commander Akeelah D'Sena. Each of them worked hard to make sure that their reviews were thoughtful and detailed and that their rankings were especially well-considered, given the number of stories, and that they were all submitted prior to Halloween. My thanks to them! EDIT: Please also look out for our free, downloadable Writing Challenge collection, coming on Halloween!
  4. This Challenge is now over! Thanks to everyone who entered. The judges will have a winner and a runner-up named by Halloween!
  5. Great! The Challenge will be open through tonight -- and through whenever I close it tomorrow morning -- so if anyone else has any last-day entries, make sure to get 'em in!
  6. I love all the new entries! Thanks for submitting them!
  7. Standard prose is the norm for the Writing Challenges. Most writers do choose to skip sim formatting, but others don't -- take a look at our archives (including this year's!) to see some examples. Oh, and if you're feeling adventurous, feel free to play with formatting and do something wholly unexpected! The only hard-and-fast rules are the ones you see above, so everything else is open and ready to be played with.
  8. True! But there are no rules against entering multiple stories, either, and when the question was asked about a previous Challenge, I decided it'd be better to have more stories. If you want to enter multiple stories, go for it!
  9. As we leave summer and move towards the cool fall (for some, at least -- it was still over 100ºF for me today!), I ask you to throw your thoughts toward the future, and in the spirit of the maybe-not-so-distant-now Halloween, consider our newest Writing Challenge: RUN SHIVERS DOWN MY SPINE Writes Jess, the writer behind Jalana Laxyn and the winner of our previous Challenge, For the next challenge I would like to see something that would run shivers down our spines. Be it something unbelievable, something so touching one gets goosebumps, something so cruel you want to scream, or is it something spooky? What causes shivers for you? Surely there are no shortage of things to trigger your fears from Trek, whether you tend toward the bombastic villains of TOS, the body horror and loss of freedom that the Borg bring, or the frightening clash of political ideology in DS9. But what else might you write? What other fears lurk in the shadows of Trek? As Jess asks, what makes you shiver? We look forward to finding out! As of today, Wednesday, September 3rd, this Challenge is open! We'll ask that all of your submissions come in by Saturday, October 25th -- enough time for the judges to convene and to reveal our Master of Chills and Shivers on Halloween itself! As always, please remember:*Your work must be completely original.*You must be the sole author of the work.*Your story must take place in the Star Trek universe, but may not center upon canon characters. *Sign your final draft as you would a post on your ship.*Your story must be between 300 and 3000 words. For any questions you might have, remember that you can always post questions to this thread or visit the Writing Challenge website. Please also take a look at our new wiki page! And don't forget to get your copy of our mobile compendium of the July & August Challenge! Good luck!
  10. Greetings, everyone! Want to read the Challenge entries, but don't have time to sit down at your computer? Need a way to take them with you on your tablet or mobile device? Now you have it! Please enjoy this full compilation of the July & August Writing Challenge, available with all the entrants' stories and judges' comments. This is a PDF document with interior hyperlinks to each story for your ease of navigation, so do please read at your leisure. Let me know if you enjoyed this easy way to read! Also, if you would prefer to have this as an ePub or .mobi file for your Nook or Kindle, let me know by replying below! The conversation is easy, and I'll do it and post new versions if anyone would like. Thanks for reading! Get yours here!
  11. "Fatal mistake" Writer's Character: Jalana Comments from Judge 1 (Character Cassandra Egan Manno) I'll admit that, upon my first reading, this story was a heartbreaker. Poor Claire, the kidnapped kindergarten teacher, sentenced to death for wearing green! Where this story could have been preachy or ham-fisted, however, it's pleasingly abrupt; I thought the end, which ends without rescue or execution, but with Claire alone and despairing, is incredibly strong and incredibly gutsy. Well done! I also like the scope of the story: There's no galaxy at stake here but, as many stories did this time around (and I love that they did), the major stakes are personal and manifest in monologue or dialogue. Claire, with the unknown lizard alien, jogs between the two, and the result is a pleasing but distressing story about what happens to a Starfleet officer when there is no rescue at the end of the day. Very strong stuff! Claire's fear and despair are written very convincingly, and I'll admit that my only sticking point in this story is that they might have been too convincing for the ultimate reveal that Claire's sin was that she wore green. The crime seems too cartoonish because of its buildup, and I'd challenge this writer to think about her strengths (emotional writing, character creation, pacing) and question the decision of the crime's reveal. For example, I could see a story in which the first thing Claire understands is that she's been sentenced to death for wearing green. As a result, she not only despairs but has to grapple with the absurdity of the situation, and I think that recognition (of absurdity) would make this story even stronger. The Federation may be all about IDIC (the Vulcan philosophy of Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations), but some of that starts to look exceptionally absurd when seen close up, especially when it tries to kill you. Comments from Judge 2 (Character Ren Rennyn) This story, with its twist ending, could be compared to a Twilight Zone-style tale, where the resolution is unexpected and unjust, leaving the reader off-balance at the end. The identity of the main character, not a Starfleet officer, but a teacher, is smart and effective. Claire was brave enough to join a mission to deep space, but didn't sign up for something like this. I instantly felt for her, and the tragedy of her end is enhanced by this.Claire is disoriented by darkness, bright lights, and untranslated speech. The alien speech had me just as disoriented, putting me into the story to sense what Claire must feel. It punctuated her thoughts, adding layers of confusion. More could have been made of Claire's growing ability to see and identify details, but it forms a strong line through the story as it stands, up to the moment her fate becomes clear. The identification of colors - the aliens' blue and purple uniforms, their red eyes - cleverly foreshadows the final surprise without giving it away. There are a few spelling and grammatical errors, particularly in the use of run-on sentences. These could easily be improved by some light editing. The creativity and strong use of details in this story had me on the edge of my seat throughout. ***** "Fashion Misunderstanding"Writer's Character: Idril Mar Comments from Judge 1 (Character Ren Rennyn) Here's an engaging story that capably combines personal characterization with established Star Trek canon. There are several elements at play here - Klingon history, Kirk and Archer references, and use of a well-established 118 character - that could easily overpower or confuse the story. Instead, the elements are well-balanced and used to good effect. Without knowing a great deal of Mar's established history, I have enough of a sense of her that the story entertains me without interruption. References to canon play their part without stealing focus. Klingon and Trill characteristics are explained in brief where they effect the story, feeding the reader information as needed, leading to the final joke. The story works for me as a Star Trek fan, and would work for a non-fan as well. The third-person narration is told mostly from K'tal's perspective, but a couple of times, it shifts to Mar's perspective in a way that can be jarring. Smoothing this out would take the story all the way from sim style to short story style, Either way, it's an entertaining story and well told. Comments from Judge 2 (Character Sal Taybrim) I admit I am a fan of lighthearted stories. I find they often put less focus on flowery writing and get to the nitty gritty of plot and character development than the dark and brooding stories. I found this an enjoyable little story arc. Tightly written and amusing. I found the language was clear and the descriptions clean. It is a good, solid entry to the challenge. To make this story better, I would love to see a stronger development of K’tal as a Klingon. I admit I found myself wondering what species he was at first because he didn’t really seem very ‘Klingon Warrior.’ A good strong characterization would not only make this story shine brighter, but could bring out even more comedy. I also think you could explore the relationship K’tal had/has with both Mar hosts. Develop how well he knew Azulay and how he reacts to Idril. These relationships and the development and humor that comes from them could bring their piece from a good story to a great one. Or in other words – character development is the difference between a story that I am glad I read, and one that I want to read all the sequels to.***** "Dressed to Kill........" Writer's Character: Hannibal Parker Comments from Judge 1 (Character Cassandra Egan Manno) This story takes the Challenge's topic and runs with it! The story chooses for quiet reflection for its short length, and it eschews dialogue entirely, a choice I was excited to see this writer had made! Well done! The colors here are sumptuous, and the repetition of colors and color-related words -- aqua blue and tanned, notably -- immediately create the evocative atmosphere (tropical, vacation, even paradisical) I think the writer had in mind. I'll admit that the story's description of Kamela left me a little uncomfortable. She appears to be less of a character and more of an object for the unthinking consumption of the reader; it's notable that the only time in which we get to see her thoughts, outside of physical descriptions of her, are when she's thinking of a pair of men (Parker and Tredeau). I can see shades and flashes of Kamela as a competent professional -- an SFI agent, a very respectable and professional position -- but I would like to see her thoroughly explored as a character, not as an object. I would challenge the writer to put her in a situation in which there are no romantic moments or thoughts of love or seduction involved. How will she respond? What sort of intelligence agent is she? Show us the character beneath the blue and tan and I will happily follow you! Comments from Judge 2 (Character Sal Taybrim) This entire piece feels like one long gratuitous camera-pan up a half naked woman’s body that is oh so prevalent in today’s action movies. (Except in some Marvel movies where they pan up, say, Thor’s naked chest so the ladies get their cookies, too…) So I am of a mixed mind of this: it takes the theme and runs with it, making the intentions extremely clear. I like clarity, and I like it when a story can clearly communicate what it is and what it is doing in a short space of time. On the other hand I found myself a bit bored with what seemed like a typical titillation trick and wanted to see the actual action and characterization of the story. You know, the good parts where the seduction and subsequent assassination happens, or we find out about what makes Kamela tick. My biggest problem with this story is the sixth paragraph. It should the most engaging part of the story, the part where it brings everything else together and binds it into her motivation for this intensive fashion focus. But the language falls apart. This paragraph is very difficult to read. There are too many pauses, run-on sentences and rambling narrative. Right in the area where you need to punch your readers with the raison d'etre. Re-writing this to make this paragraph concise and focused would really help tie to this story together, as well as emphasizing the idea that Lieutenant Allison is doing this for a reason: her mind is focused, clear and every bit up to this part has been meticulously planned for this very good reason. Grammar Nazi quibble: Way too many ellipses. Seriously, three is all you need unless you’re going to start writing in ASCII. Also, don’t use ellipses when a comma will do, it breaks the flow of your writing.***** "Re: Implementation of a New Fleetwide Uniform" Writer's Character: Atherton Grix Comments from Judge 1 (Character Sal Taybrim) This one is interesting because it completely breaks from the normal forms and puts the action into the tone of a first person letter. At base I think this is a very interesting structure. I like the tone, I like the idea of a story communicated in correspondence. The writing is very clean and easy to read. The problem? It is much too short. There is no story structure that is uncovered in this piece, and no characterization. We don’t get a feel for Commander Eckleston – while the letter keeps the same professional tone throughout I found myself asking questions like ‘is she obsessive? Is she pedantic? Has she posed these changes before? Do her colleagues like her or dismiss her as a harpy always pressing the same topics over and over again…’ There is so much potential in this story that remains unexplored. If you like the correspondence format, consider the following ideas to strength your storytelling within the piece:Write a much longer letter. Make the personality writing the letter of the sort where she/he will rant, rave/lecture/somehow recap the story to this point. How many times have new uniforms been proposed? What prompted the proposals? What is Commander Eckleston lost a child to a problem with the current duty uniform and was seeking to correct this or she is obsessive about bio-polymer fabric because she developed the technology…. Write a correspondence with several letters that develop the plot. How the letter is taken by the person receiving it matters a lot to a developing plot. Always focus on what the story is – this becomes your plot. Make sure your story, no matter what form it takes – tells a story. If it just sets a story up, your audience will keep scrolling down, looking for the next installments and get disappointed when they don’t show up! Comments from Judge 2 (Character Toni Turner) Mr. Grix's offering was refreshing due to the unusual format. I think we all tend to forget that letters can tell a story as well as manuscripts. But in this letter, I think that mark was missed. While it did make me want to see the new uniform and promised that the attachment would show it, I was disappointed that, alas, the attachment didn't materialize. Although the reason the "Think Tank" had come up with the idea was clear, I found myself wanting to read more about the hazards of the current uniform, or better, Commander Eckelson's personal tribulations with it (e.g. Did it ride up in embarrassing places? Did women have to tape the necklines to prevent fall out? Was static cling a problem? Were the skirts too short/too tight or pants too floppy?). The point is, it was a well written letter, but it missed the chance to be a great story, when there was so many stories to be told. Having said that, I loved the format, and Grix's writing style, and would like to see more of it. Keep up the good work! ***** "Dress Greens"Writer's Character: Irina Pavlova Comments from Judge 1 (Character Cassandra Egan Manno) Wow! I've read and reviewed several stories involving Irina and her struggles to assimilate into times and places unfamiliar to her, and I think this may be the finest entry I've read. The titular focus that allows Irina to access her thoughts and feelings, her dress greens, are a clever gateway for the storytelling, and there's an emotional depth here that I appreciated and seems entirely warranted by Irina's situation. The recitation of Irina's vitali statistics -- her height, her weight, even the height of her shoes' heels -- compare favorably with other post-war writing I enjoy, most notably with Tim O'Brien, specifically his often-taught short story "The Things They Carried." In future stories of Irina -- and I hope there are many more to come! -- I would strongly urge the writer to continue uncovering her emotional underpinnings. I found the sections when Irina was most cerebral, dealing in her own mind without lots of external action, to be the most effective way to explore those underpinnings, and I thought that, again, her inspection of her uniform and her awards, as well as her reactions during Waltas's speech, to be very fine. However, I was a little disappointed when she actually ran from the hall. In my mind, it would have been more effective to watch Irina think about running away, but not actually doing it -- because she is, after all, an experienced professional, and she would know that such an action would accomplish nothing -- but I want to see, in the story, the fruition of that realization. I was a little distracted by some common mistakes (comma splices or omissions, confusion with its/it's, your/you're, etc), so I would recommend running future stories through spelling and grammar checks to ensure that the presentation is the best it can be!Comments from Judge 2 (Character Toni Turner) Irina Pavlova hit new heights in characterization and descriptions in this story of a woman surviving 219 years and finding herself dumped into a virtually new world. The only thing that had stayed the same was that she was a Marine. But a Marine whose fear of the alien world made her reluctant to step into the future. The descriptions of the only uniforms she had were so vivid, I could visualize them. I imagined the physical changes of her body made her uncomfortable. But despite all the struggles, in the end, she faced the future for her child Kudos on a nice piece of work, Irina. Well done! *****A final, general note from the writer behind Judge Sal Taybrim: Consider reading your piece out loud, either to yourself or to another listener. This will highlight where your language stumbles and when things do not flow properly. I found that several stories were trying to paint an intriguing picture of what was going on, but I was continually tripped up on fractured structure. It was much like looking at an abstract piece of artwork, trying to gather enough clues to piece the whole scene together.
  12. Thank you to all our entrants in the "Fashion" Writing Challenge! Before I reveal the winner and runner-up of this Challenge, I want to note that the judges had an extremely difficult time declaring a winner this time, and at times it looked as though there would be a three-way tie. As it was, there were single-point differences between our top three contenders, so I want to offer those two who made it to the top with some hearty congratulations! Our winner for this round is the writer behind Jalana with her story "Fatal mistake"! Our runner up is by the writer behind Irina Pavlova with the story "Dress Greens"! Congratulations! I'd like to recognize my fellow judges for this round: the writers behinds Fleet Captain Toni Turner, Lieutenant Sal Taybrim, and special guest judge Lieutenant Ren Rennyn. My special thanks to the judges for writing extra reviews for this round to ensure that every story received two!
  13. Sorry for the delays, folks. We had some unavoidable circumstances crop up during judging. However, results are in and will be posted this evening. Thanks for your patience!
  14. This Challenge has ended! Thanks to everyone who entered. The judges are now convening and will have results for you before September begins!
  15. Welcome to the last Writing Challenge of the summer of 2014! Appropriately, this Challenge is going to be hot! FASHION The winner of our May & June Challenge, Brian, aka Lieutenant Ren Rennyn, offers the following prompt: I'm rewatching TOS, and got to "Is There No Truth In Beauty?", where (spoilers) Dr. Miranda Jones' elaborate dress turns out to be a sensor web that allows her to "see." It got me thinking about how fashion is used in sci-fi, whether as a plot device, or to set the scene, define a culture, or place us in a certain time. There are plenty of ways an entry for this Challenge could unfold, and in addition to Brian's example of Dr. Jones, I'll offer these inspirations from TNG, courtesy of io9: Seasons 1-3 and seasons 4-7. As of today, Tuesday, July 1st, this Challenge is open! All entries must be received by Monday, August 25th in order to be considered for this Challenge. As always, please remember:*Your work must be completely original.*You must be the sole author of the work.*Your story must take place in the Star Trek universe, but may not center upon canon characters. *Sign your final draft as you would a post on your ship.*Your story must be between 300 and 3000 words. For any questions you might have, remember that you can always post questions to this thread or visit the Writing Challenge website. Good luck!
  16. Greetings, everyone! Want to read the Challenge entries, but don't have time to sit down at your computer? Need a way to take them with you on your tablet or mobile device? Now you have it! Please enjoy this full compilation of the May and June Writing Challenge, available with all the entrants' stories and judges' comments. This is a PDF document with interior hyperlinks to each story for your ease of navigation, so do please read at your leisure. Let me know if you enjoyed this easy way to read! It's available here!
  17. "Reality of command"Writer's Character: Atherton GrixJudge's Character: Toni Turner This was a well-written entry, in that it told the story of why and how Commander Cain found himself in such a predicament. It was indeed a complicated turn of events as Mr. Grix explained in detail, giving the reader a satisfactory account of the circumstances that brought Cain to the point of almost losing his career in Starfleet. Although I liked the story, I kept waiting to find a better sense of remorse in Cain. And the fact that he chose to become a political pon, rather than face a court marshal for disobeying orders that caused fatalities, didn't say much for Cain's ethics, nor the Admiral's for offering him another ship. For those reasons, I had a difficult time equating that this was a true "Reality of command" in all cases. But that is not to say it doesn't happen in our real time, or that it won't in the future. Overall, it was a very solid story. Well done, Mr. Grix! & "Reality of command"Writer's Character: Atherton GrixJudge's Character: Cascadia Rainier This was an interesting take on the overall theme this month, offering a glimpse of the aftermath of an obviously difficult decision that caused the death of others and the downfall of a Starfleet command officer. Of course, as we learn as the story comes to its end, things are not always as they appear. A secondary course of action is interjected towards the end, giving the afformentioned officer another way out - a way that he takes. Overall, the story has all of the components of a potentially good tale, with a plot that is not only alluded to having already happened, but one that is played out throughout the story itself. I enjoyed reading the story, having met Cain IC at least once. At the same time, I felt as if some of the spelling errors detracted somewhat from the overall feel of it. I also felt that the story ended on a flat note, without actually having climaxed to its potential heights. Finally, it's never made even remotely clear just why this Nova class was needed by this Admiral, or why it's important enough to wipe clean a court martial worthy offense, which might have offered a lot of depth to the story otherwise. Still, on its own, the story was certainly intriguing and appeared to close the chapter of an officer who had been with the fleet for some time (and whose writer has moved on to a new character) which is always nice. There is the potential for a future, despite the actions leading to the current point, and we may not have seen the last of Arden Cain. This was a great addition to a very strong showing this time around. Thanks for sharing this with us and I look forward to future entries! *** "Orders and Consequences" Writer's Character: Kaitlyn FalconJudge's Character: Toni Turner Mr. Falcon spun a tale reminiscent of "Swiss Family Robinson," taking into account that command was more like a family decision. It was simple question of going fight the Fury without back up, or follow orders? . . . but Mr. Falcon made it much more than that with words that flowed seamlessly from on sentence to the other as he presented every provocative thought. I kept asking myself if he ever stopped to realize that Starfleet Command could have had a plan in mind for the Fury that any interference would have messed up. Regardless, the story held my interest, and was well worth the time to read. Well done presentation, Mr. Falcon! & "Orders and Consequences" Writer's Character: Kaitlyn FalconJudge's Character: Cassandra Egan Manno Good work here! Many Challenge stories that center on established characters will either spend no time offering those characters origins or they'll spend too much time hashing through a character the writer has known for much longer than the audience. In this case, neither is true, even though this writer has clearly written for Robert Falcon for a long time. The story itself is paced well and has a clear arc toward its conclusion, and I applaud it for being able to juggle so much when not just Robert himself but multiple characters and the Yorktown are part of an ongoing plot. However, I'll offer one note for potential revision there: It seems to me that there aren't necessarily stakes for Robert here, and that, by the story's end, though things may change in the future, we haven't been shown and have no guarantee that the events of the story and Robert's musings will have an impact upon what happens next. I would like to see more of these stories entered in future Challenges, but I think that they'll only be stronger if they're forced to stand alone not just in terms of their characters but also in the consequences for those characters. All in all, some very good work here, and I do look forward to the next entry! *** "River of Time"Writer's Character: Irina PavlovaJudge's Character: Cascadia Rainier This story was an interesting tale involving everything we love about sci-fi; time travel, distant worlds, and impossible plans. Underneath it all was the idea of right and wrong in a quite ambiguous sense. Was it right to want to go home? How would that change time? Was it the right choice to avoid the plans that were made? We can all relate to the desire to return to a point in our past to right the wrongs made, and in this story that return is possible. The question remains, however, is it right? As such, this story really fills in the theme of this particular writing challenge. It was easy to read and easy to follow. The biggest downfall in my eyes, and a place where potential improvement might be made next time, is near the end. The turnaround from a well planned mission to return to her home back in time to her crying and scrapping the plan was overly fast compared to the rest of the story. I feel as if this emotional part of the story had so much more potential and could have been far more impactful if given the attention other aspects of the story had been given. I really wonder where it could have gone had this climax been as deep as the rest of the story. Aside from that, the entry was a good example of good writing challenge material. I wholly enjoyed the read and I can't wait to see what you enter next time. Time travel is a topic we all consider, being involved in science fiction. Is it right though? That is something we can only really explore here, and you've done a fine job of that and more!& "River of Time"Writer's Character: Irina PavlovaJudge's Character: Sal TaybrimThis story was very smoothly written. I felt the descriptions and dialogue flowed well, and carried the reader along at a good pace. I particularly appreciated your attention to canonical detail in this work. There are a lot of little historical facts in there that ring true from various Trek episodes. This grounds this story in a canonical reality and gives a little headnod to readers who know Trek canon well. I also appreciate you posting the song that inspired this work and your thought process behind it. I believe that having a song as inspiration helped give this story a strong narrative form. To make this story stronger, I think you could add more emphasis and exploration of Pavlova’s internal conflict. It is such a fast turn around that it leaves the reader wanting. Starting with the conversation with T’Sal the story could slow down and get fleshed out. There is the classic sci-fi debate of time travel (does one small chance cause a cascade effect that could drastically alter history, or does time flow like a raging river and one small change is but a tiny pebble thrown within) – how does T’Sal convince Pavlova that her journey will drastically alter history (after all, Kirk brought Gillian Taylor back with him on his slingshot and history seemed ok…). Perhaps most importantly exploring what about the Duronis Embassy really calls to Pavlova. What can outweigh the desire for home? What about the people mentioned has formed such a strong bond with Pavlova that she turns back? Overall I feel that this is a very good structure and a strong idea that could use more fleshing out to make the whole narrative feel complete. This story shows good improvement and I look forward to seeing further entries! *** "The Wind Knows a Song for the Ages"Writer's Character: Ren RennynJudge's Character: Cassandra Egan Manno "The Wind Knows a Song for the Ages," Ren Rennyn I both admire and commend this story first for its cleanliness and its solidity, and though that might sound like faint praise, I use it very intentionally to start off this review. The writer knows what he's doing, not just with regard to his work on the level of the sentence, but also when I consider the arc of the story overall; Dr. Atell's character arc is pleasant to track and is both suited and sized for a story of this length; and the plot of the story isn't either overly simple or too ambitious, given the story's length. "The Wind Knows a Song for the Ages" -- which, by the way, is an absolutely fantastic title -- is one of those rare stories for which I can't immediately suggest a direction for revision, mostly, in this case, because it's built so well. If I had one recommendation for this writer's future stories -- because I certainly want to see more from him! -- I'd ask him to have more fun with experimentation. What would happen to the story if it wasn't wrapped up quite so neatly, or if it was first or second person, or if it was epistolary? This story shows off the writer's chops very well, so I'd encourage him to break his mold. However, I don't want to detract from the fact that this was a very good story told excellently -- very good! & "The Wind Knows a Song for the Ages"Writer's Character: Ren RennynJudge's Character: Sal Taybrim This story gets major kudos for keeping me engrossed and guessing to the very end. I particularly like how you created characters for this, instead of taking already created characters. These characters were given life and personality in a very short amount of time, in a way that sucked the reader in. In many ways this feels like a piece that was created for an audience and it shines for that fact. I felt like as a writer, you were crafting a piece for others to enjoy, to chew on and think about. I greatly appreciated reading it. In the end, the only thing I wished for was a little more insight into Altell and why she was so driven, and so focused on her scientific preservation over the life of her lab assistant. Truth be told this is a minor quibble – something that came out on a second reading. The first reading I was simply hooked on finding out what they would find and whether Roupo would make it through. This story makes the reader struggle with the concept of ‘right’ as it carefully balances in a morally grey area. I find that balance is the most intriguing part of the story in the end, the question of whether it is more right to preserve life or knowledge. Overall a fascinating and thought provoking read!
  18. Thank you to our entrants in the "Do What Is Right, Not What Is Easy" Writing Challenge! As it's the last day in June, I'm pleased to bring you the results of this Challenge. The judges agreed unanimously that "The Wind Knows a Song for the Ages," written by the writer behind Lt. JG Ren Rennyn, should be our winner! Please join us in congratulating him and our runner-up, the writer behind Lt. Kaitlyn Falcon and "Orders and Consequences." Many congratulations to you both and a big thank you to all of our entrants! I'd like to recognize my fellow judges for this round: the writers behinds Fleet Captains Cascadia Rainier and Toni Turner and Lieutenant Sal Taybrim. My special thanks to the judges for writing extra reviews for this round to ensure that every story received two!
  19. This Challenge is now over! Thanks to all our participants, and the judges hope to have a decision for you by the end of the month!
  20. Maybe you could take the basic theme or idea of your sim and revision it into a different story for the Challenge?
  21. Unfortunately, that you cannot do. The Challenge rules state that all stories must be original, so the story must be one written specifically for the Challenge. However, you should feel free -- if you write using sim style -- to repost your Challenge entry to your ship list after you've submitted to the Challenge!
  22. A really good question! I don't think we've ever had someone do so before, but there's nothing in the rules against it, so I can't see why not, so: sure! Submit multiple stories!
  23. (( Counselling Suite, USS Garuda )) ::When he was still a young child on Earth, the juvenile advocate in New York City insisted that he be entered into regular therapy sessions. The distaste from those days still lingered with him as he pressed his finger to the panel next to the counseling suite. :: :: He had nothing against counselors, of course - those he’d dealt with were some of the most sincere people he’d ever met. It was the therapy process that made him uncomfortable. Seeking it out made him feel as if he were still broken in the same way that eight-year-old boy on Vulcan had been all those years ago. :: ::The doors opened, and the tall security officer stepped into the room. He’d spent the better part of his life avoiding offices like this one, but it was nice. The Garuda’s normal lighting had been replaced with a full spectrum “skylight” that mimicked real sunlight so accurately that it warmed the skin. There were several soft chairs and sofas, as well as a coffee table, and a much larger table off to one side of the room. Pieces of art were scattered around, and fresh -- or freshly replicated -- flowers stood in a vase on the table. There was no sign of a desk or personal workspace; all in all, it looked more like a living room than an office.:: Delano: Good morning, Commander Valen. :: The younger officer eyed the furniture as if evaluating his options. He finally settled on a small sofa that looked more practical than some of the other options. :: Valen: Call me Carys. ::She deposited herself in one of the chairs nearby, legs crossed.:: I'm not one for formality. ::That much was evident from her uniform. Jacket unzipped, the teal collar underneath unfastened to below the hollow at the base of her throat, she was hardly a good example of a neat and perfectly pressed officer.:: Delano: Of course, Com-- Carys. :: The man’s cheeks blushed green. :: Delano: I’m still getting used to that. The Academy is so rigid compared to actual Starship duty. At least compared to the ships I’ve served on. I’ll try to remember. ::She grinned at him, a quiet chuckle escaping her lips.:: Valen: All I can ask. So what can I do for you? Delano: I was going to make an appointment, but the counseling suite isn’t far from my quarters and ::He paused, then started again.:: I’ve been having a little trouble lately, and I’m not sure if it’s something I should be concerned about. Valen: ::She nodded.:: This is a good place to find out. What's the trouble? :: He looked at the carpet and adjusted his position on the sofa. :: Delano: (quietly) It’s hard to explain. :: He took a moment to collect his thoughts before continuing. :: Delano: I’ve been an officer for over a year now, but I still feel like I’ve just left the Academy. I’ve been thinking about home a lot lately, and now… I don’t know. I worked so hard to get out here. Now that I am, I’m wondering if it was all a mistake. :: He looked to the counselor. :: Delano: Maybe I’m just homesick. Valen: Where's home? Delano: Earth. Near a place called Seminoe. Valen: Do you find that you're thinking about anything in particular? ::She gestured in the air.:: Places you've been, people you spent time with, certain events? :: That was another question that was difficult to answer. :: Delano: Juvenile records are sealed once a minor reaches adulthood, correct? Valen: They are. :: He nodded. :: Delano: There was an incident when I was very young. A boy from my school class was teasing me and I lost control. I hurt him… badly. When it was settled,I was sent to five years on Vulcan, effectively exiled from Earth while my father arranged for me to learn some basic Vulcan meditation techniques. If he hadn’t intervened, I would have been in a correctional facility instead. I’ve been thinking a lot about that moment. What happened. Why. How it shaped me. Delano: (After a pause, he added) And my parents. Home too, of course. I miss the people I left behind, but I’m under the impression that much is normal. ::She offered him a smile, and nodded.:: Valen: It certainly is. ::She paused.:: If you think back to that time, how you felt. Are there parallels to how you're feeling now? Delano: Parallels? No, not exactly. Shadows, maybe? I talked to a lot of counselors after it happened. As an adult, it seems pretty obvious now that I felt like an outsider. The kids in school used to make fun of my ears and eyebrows and such. It used to make me so angry. What I’ve been feeling now - I’m more depressed than angry. Valen: Anger can lead into depression, especially if you believe that you *shouldn't* be angry. You can start to internalise the anger, feeling guilty about it, trying to hide it from others, and so the slippery slope begins. ::She let that rest for a moment, then continued.:: Has there been anything in particular on the Garuda that's troubled you? Delano: There was the incident with Doctor Saveron when I first came on board. :: He explained how the Vulcan’s unexpected appearance had brought back unbidden memories and emotions from the time he’d spent on Vulcan. :: Delano: For a very brief moment, all the shame and frustration of those years just came back at me, and I nearly lost control. :: As she nodded, he flushed again, averting his eyes. :: Delano: This probably isn’t the kind of thing you would want to hear from a security officer. ::She smiled in response, the silver chains of her earring swaying as she tilted her head to the side.:: Valen: It's why I'm here; you've realised you have a problem, and you need a little help with it. It's no different than heading to sickbay with the 'flu. Delano: Perhaps, though I don’t think this is going to be as simple as a hypospray. Valen: True enough. ::She chuckled.:: But then I'd be out of a job, wouldn't I? :: He mirrored her smile as best as he could. In a way, it felt good to talk about this with someone. He hadn’t been this candid with anyone for a very long time. He trusted the Carys, but Evan had always valued his privacy. Only his family - and Mei’konda - knew all of this.:: Delano: One of the security professors at the Academy at a lecture used to say something like: ::He lowered his voice to sound more authoritative :: Delano: “Behind every good security chief is a really good ‘shrink.’” Valen: Wise man. Delano: I thought it was a joke, but I guess I know what he meant now. ::She smiled at him, offering a nod.:: Valen: When we're inside our own heads, dealing with things on our own, it's easy to fall into circular thinking. We can just go around and around, never making any progress, feeling worse with every circuit. A good counsellor can help you step outside of that, give you the tools to recognise unhelpful thought processes and provide you with the tools to get past them. ::She paused, tapping her leg in thought.:: Valen: So you've told me a lot about what brings your mood down. What makes you feel good? Delano: I honestly enjoy my work. Even when I was in Operations, I felt productive and useful. Everyone on Garuda has been very welcoming. Valen: It's great that you're fulfilled by your work, but there's more to life than our jobs. What do you do with your own time? Delano: Outside of work? I guess I like being active. Solving problems. Improving myself. Helping others. Always working towards a goal. I spend a lot of time in the gym and using exercise programs on the holodeck. But I guess that’s just part of my job. :: He looked genuinely surprised. :: Valen: You look as though you've never thought about it in that way before. Delano: I mean, I always have enough to keep me busy. But I was never much for idle hobbies. Alora-- Lieutenant DeVeau, I mean, was suggesting I try taking up a musical instrument a few days ago. Valen: If you enjoy it, that's reason itself to pursue it. Many people find it helpful to have an outlet completely unrelated to their work. Learning an instrument might suit how you like to spend your hobby time -- progressing, improving, working toward a goal -- while with the advantage that you'll never have to fret about how your progression may or may not affect your work. Delano: It sounds like a good idea. I’m not sure music is the right direction for me, but I’ll come up with something. Valen: We've covered a lot of ground so far. I think it might be an idea to leave it there for today, unless there's anything you want to talk about? Delano: Not really. I just felt like I needed someone to talk to about all of this. I really appreciate you making the time without an appointment. ::She beamed a smile at him, rising from her chair.:: Valen: It's no problem. I'll schedule another session, if that sounds good to you. Just let me know if the time doesn't fit into your schedule, and we'll rearrange. Delano: Thank you, Carys. Valen: I'll see you soon. === Lieutenant (JG) Evan Delano Assistant Chief of Security/Tactical USS Garuda and Commander Valen Carys Counsellor USS Garuda
  24. Welcome to our first summer 2014 Writing Challenge, everyone! For this round, and as the heat begins to creep up, we'd like you to consider a potentially divisive topic: Do what is right, not what is easy As chosen by the winner of our last round, Travis -- aka Lt. JG Tyler Kelly -- this may be one of Starfleet's guiding principles, or it might be a justification for atrocity. He writes: I think it would be interesting to write about a time when you have to make a choice between the greater good and simply 'going with the flow.' Maybe a superior officer gives an order that you have a moral objection to. Maybe there are people dying of a curable disease on the planet below but the Prime Directive tells you that you can't intervene. As Starfleet officers our characters face these kind of decisions from time to time and it can be a very interesting idea to explore. What do you think? Do any of these scenarios sound familiar to you as a writer or any of your characters? How can you take this idea and apply it beyond what you might expect? We look forward to finding out! As of today, Monday, May 5th, this Challenge is open! All entries must be received by Tuesday, June 24th in order to be considered for this Challenge. As always, please remember:*Your work must be completely original.*You must be the sole author of the work.*Your story must take place in the Star Trek universe, but may not center upon canon characters. *Sign your final draft as you would a post on your ship.*Your story must be between 300 and 3000 words. For any questions you might have, remember that you can always post questions to this thread or visit the Writing Challenge website. Good luck!
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