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Ryan Horn

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Everything posted by Ryan Horn

  1. Good Morning all, Congratulations again to our last rounds winner, Talus Rhun...who will be joining the judging for this round, and has come up with the following: "What if the Cardassians had occupied Earth instead of Bajor?" This could be a story on how the Federation was perhaps founded on Bajor..with Earth being the location of the wormhole, or perhaps the Cardassians were defeated by Bajor but took Earth. Or possibly that the Federation put so much effort into Bajor that Earth was too undefended to hold against a surprise attack! Or.... Whatever you decide... let us know! Guidelines: To participate, create a new thread. The subject of the thread must be the title of your story. If it is a Work In Progress, denote that with the heart post icon. If your work is complete, use the horizontal arrow post icon. Items not marked with an icon or marked with the WiP icon will not be considered for judging and will be moved to the "Character Cafe" forum at the end of the contest. Your work must be entirely your own. No co-authoring. You are welcome to create any character you so desire, but they must be from the Star Trek universe. No "canon" characters allowed. (i.e.- No one who has been on a show.) Want to participate, but can't start a new topic? Why didn't you view the "Read Me First!" forum? You'll need to ask a moderator or Senior Member to create a thread for you! Length: No more than 3000 words accepted. Beginning Date: Tuesday, November 17th Ending Date: Friday, December 18th. See Also: the Writing Challenge Website Challenge: "What if the Cardassians had occupied Earth instead of Bajor?"
  2. Review of "Darkening Skies": Reviewed by Lt. Whale I quite liked the twist in this one -- the funeral being faked, the exploding ship being a failed assassination attempt. There was some initial difficulty on my part following who was doing what in the first section, but the subsequent sections had better flow. I really liked how events from the sims were incorporated (the Phoenix, the DS17 bombings) and that the end of the story wasn't REALLY the end of the story.
  3. "End of Days" by Eliaan Deron Feedback by Toni Turner I have to say at the beginning, I am not a fan of stories that jump back and forth between place to place, but this particular story drew me in masterfully, making me thirst for the jumps to find out what would unfold.Eliaan gave just enough information in from the "KS Reclaw" to give credence to the next "Fellara Prime" segment, and visa versa, making me try to guess what had happened. At one point I had almost thought that the Fellarans were a minute race trapped in the device and Jados would find a way to help them, but then... BAM!... he hit us with a social statement that couldn't be denied. Once a species has been obliterated, it cannot be resurrected, and all that's left are remnants of what use to be, and of the price we pay for progress. The cries, "Help us. Somebody... please help us." could very well come from a species that we cannot understand, nor can they understand us. Jados asked the questions, "Where was the honour in this act? How could it be justified? How would he be able to deal with this?" He, then, looked at himself and he "seemed monstrous." It made me ask, "Is this how our children's children will look at us? Will they feel the shame of our apathy? The bottom line is this story was well-written, entertaining, and evoked a sense of responsibility in me with the message it carried. Excellent job, Eliaan. "Good Name for a Shuttle" by Tal Tel-ar Feedback by Toni Turner I dearly loved this story. The action was great, making me see the predicament the character was in, and feel the pain of losing Kincaide, who he undoubtably cared deeply about, as well as the others who died in the same room. It was heart-wrenching... “He smashed his fist against the bulkhead again and again, screaming his rage into the silent interior. The echoes screamed back.” The “Wow Factor” was there, and continued throughout the story, then came the ending that honestly surprised, and delighted me, leaving me envisioning father and son, wheeling the butts of their guns at the Jem 'Hadar, like a scene straight out of history. The only things I found distracting were the spelling errors, and errors in contractions, like “could’t.” I would have liked to have seen more attention to spell check before it was posted. As far as anything else, I have to say that I was impressed by Tal’s storytelling abilities. Good job, Tal.
  4. The Darkness within... Do you remember the first time you saw the episode with the Borg? That it wasn't just that they would win...but that in losing you'd become them. Much like any zombie thriller, there is something about fighting a battle that you can't overcome. In reading this story, there was that same feeling. The main character did everything she could to survive, but at the end was unsuccessful. My only regret is that there isn't a way to see the second "episode" of this story! Reviewed by Capt. Ben Walker. Starfleet priority two I really enjoyed this story. While we normally discuss the shipboard politics, romances, and actual missions...this story dealt with the relationships that occur and are split. I also felt that the title was equally telling, that to Starfleet, interpersonal relationships are secondary to the mission. No matter what it does to the individuals put into that ultimate Koyabashi Maru. Excellent job! Reviewed by Capt. Ben Walker.
  5. And...after pulling in a guest judge from the Executive Council(Thank you Captain Mar!), we have the runner up! Good name for a Shuttle, by Lt. Cmdr Tal Tel-ar! Congrats to both the winner and runner up!
  6. Good afternoon all, I need to apologize, as there was an error in the judging process. Due to some confusion..the order of the stories was inverted in the grading from a judge. Obviously that shifts the values some. The story, "The Darkness within" by Ensign Tallis Rhul is the winning entry for this round. Congratulations Ensign Rhul! There is currently a tie for Runner up..which is being resolved. However, news like this needs to go out quickly. An update will go out when we have the runner up finalized.
  7. Congratulations to this Challenge's winner, Lt. Cmdr Cara Maria for Darkening Skies. And to the Runner up, The End of days, by Dr. Eliaan Deron! As Toni suggested, this was not an easy call for the judges. We had to break a three way tie for first...and that was only broken by 1 point between them! Excellent stories all! We'll have the individual reviews up sometime tomorrow! Looking forward to seeing what comes next from everyone! Capt. Ben Walker USS Ronin
  8. Good Morning all, Congratulations again to our last rounds winner, David Whale...who will be joining the judging for this round, and has come up with the following: "The Gathering Darkness" Whether it's a story about evil forces, black holes, or death itself... come up with something following the standards below. Have fun..and good luck! Guidelines: To participate, create a new thread. The subject of the thread must be the title of your story. If it is a Work In Progress, denote that with the heart post icon. If your work is complete, use the horizontal arrow post icon. Items not marked with an icon or marked with the WiP icon will not be considered for judging and will be moved to the "Character Cafe" forum at the end of the contest. Your work must be entirely your own. No co-authoring. You are welcome to create any character you so desire, but they must be from the Star Trek universe. No "canon" characters allowed. (i.e.- No one who has been on a show.) Want to participate, but can't start a new topic? Why didn't you view the "Read Me First!" forum? You'll need to ask a moderator or Senior Member to create a thread for you! Length: No more than 3000 words accepted. Beginning Date: Monday, September 21st Ending Date: Friday, October 23rd See Also: the Writing Challenge Website Challenge: "The Gathering Darkness"
  9. The Gauntlet of Atlas: This was a great story, reminding me in some ways of "The Sixth Sense" in the twist at the end. I found myself rereading the story again, noting that the phrasing that I thought so clearly indicated one thing...actually had been left very open to interpretation. It was very well written, pulling me into the story from the opening lines, and leaving me just as shocked and grudgingly amazed at the audacity and success of the thief as the guard who she'd conned. Excellent story, well worth the victory in this round...and I hope to see more!
  10. Liberty Falls: The description of an engineering crew going through a gauntlet, while the ship they serve is going through its own was very well done. As I read the story, I could envision the ship falling to pieces, as well as the difficult choices of how to send your team to safety. The final gauntlet, as she sacrificed her life to save her sister's, was a great completion to the story. Unfortunately, the ending description of her heroic effort pulled me from the story. As she is carrying her sister on her back the heat is killing her. But there was nothing to say why her sister was not similiarly affected. Or perhaps she was affected and the effort was for nothing, but that did not appear to be the suggested attempt. Definitely a well written story, very visceral, and plays to the fact that even in the Star Trek Universe, people do die despite the technology at hand. An enjoyable read, and I look forward to more in the future!
  11. This thread is only to provide feedback on the stories received. Please post any comments to the discussion topic. Thank you.
  12. Congratulations to our winner, David Whale ("The Gauntlet of Atlas"). Tallis Rhul ("The Darkest Night"), is our runner-up! Final reviews coming in over the next few days. Next challenge will probably begin sometime in the next few days.
  13. Please use this thread for any discussion or questions about this writing challenge.
  14. Guidelines: To participate, create a new thread. The subject of the thread must be the title of your story. If it is a Work In Progress, denote that with the heart post icon. If your work is complete, use the horizontal arrow post icon. Items not marked with an icon or marked with the WiP icon will not be considered for judging and will be moved to the "Character Cafe" forum at the end of the contest. Your work must be entirely your own. No co-authoring. You are welcome to create any character you so desire, but they must be from the Star Trek universe. No "canon" characters allowed. (i.e.- No one who has been on a show.) Want to participate, but can't start a new topic? Why didn't you view the "Read Me First!" forum? You'll need to ask a moderator or Senior Member to create a thread for you! Length: No more than 3000 words accepted. Beginning Date: Friday, July 24th Ending Date: Monday, August 24th See Also: the Writing Challenge Website Challenge: "The Gauntlet" Good Luck!
  15. Just figured I'd raise the flag again on this... Alternately...if we don't have the winner...perhaps we should just start the next contest while this one finishes? Don't want to lose too much momentum...
  16. Haven't seen any movement here for a couple weeks...how goes the reviews?
  17. Passing through the starry void, two people looked out into the stars. Looking out into the infinite velvety blackness, the boy dreamed of the stars. How he would soar through the cosmos on wings of fire. To see wonders undreamt of, experience the thrill of discovery, to set foot where no human had ever been before, to find friends where he'd never looked, and defeat dishonorable enemies with honor and respect. He wanted to experience all the glories the stars represented. He couldn't wait. Looking out into the infinite velvety blackness, the Commander stared out into the stars. He wondered what threats lay behind them. Would the star they were near explode? Would some alien race deprive them of power? Or perhaps some enemy would need to be saved, or some supposed friend would betray them. All the dangers of the Galaxy lay before him, waiting to gobble up the ship and crew. And from what he’d seen, those dangers couldn't wait. In small but similar rooms, two people turned off the monitor in front of them. The final images of the most recently released mission report from Starfleet faded off as the boy let out a long awed sigh. It was another epic adventure, the ship nearly destroyed, the crew pushed beyond the edge of reason. Only to be saved by the heroism and brilliance of the Captain. Once again the day was saved, the enemy defeated, and all was right with the Federation. He couldn’t wait for another exciting mission. The final images of the report from Starfleet faded as the Commander let out a long tired sigh. He sighed again as he went back to the work in front of him. The ship's last encounter had left them bereft of nearly fifteen percent of the crew, mostly from security. Despite what the Counselor said, it was his responsibility and another black mark on his soul for those who had died. At times like this he wondered how the crew could continue, moving from one near tragedy to the next. It seemed like they were almost cursed, never experiencing the safety, the normalcy, that other ships had. No, it seemed like every mission they had, something went wrong. Some unexplained event changed a completely standard situation into something nearly inescapable. What he wanted most was a quiet, simple, straightforward mission. In a small home, on a small street, in a small city on a remote world, a man drove up to his house. The man strode into his home, tired and worn out from the stresses of the day. The petty rivalries at work, the mind numbing repetition of his job, the idiocy of his supervisors, all of these things and more seemed to grind the life out of his very soul. And worse, knowing, with absolute certainty, that it would take so little to just give in. To go along with the corporate vibe, paying empty compliments to petty dictators, to smile and nod at other people while planning their failures to suit his purposes, to become an empty shell, devoid of life or wonder. Successful in every way measured by his fellows, but no longer looking with hope, with bright eyes full of wonder, at the beauty of life around him. As he contemplated his soul’s destruction, the small boy inside him reminded him again of what it was like to be a child. To look into the sky with eyes alight at the possibilities around him. To laugh, free of care, to live by a sense of honor despite the lack around him, to do the right thing, even if no one would notice if he didn’t. Once again, he looked inward at the child within, laughing at the ridiculousness of his earlier thoughts and sat down at his computer. They’d both write about the perils and progress of a Commander in Starfleet, whose life was anything but boring and all the child had ever wanted to be. And with each story, the laughter of the eternal child within would restore the soul of the writer without.
  18. Not sure if it'll help much...but posted my story.. (And as I can't seem to find the arrow icon..I used an exclamation point..*blush*)
  19. Another one relating to the now near burning down of the Inn where the Ronin crew stayed at. Having watched enough burning buildings, the thought that it had no real intelligence but a voracious hunger really describes any fire well.
  20. The Fire - Consumption ((Conference Room, Inn on the Moor, Whitby England)) ::The hungry creature suddenly burst into life. If it had cared, it might have wondered what brought it into existence. It may have thought of thanking the bipedal creature that fired the phaser that managed to catch the supply closet on fire for giving it life. But it didn't care, and, really, it didn't have brains so it couldn't think.:: ::All that mattered was consumption. And quite wonderfully, it had been birthed in a place with plenty of things to consume. It licked hungrily at the chemicals, burning with a hot fury, but they fed without satisfying.: : ::It could feel itself growing in size and power. The more it fed, the bigger it grew. It sent out little pieces of itself, younglings that would also grow big and strong on the chemicals - and the wood the bottles of chemicals had been sitting on. It stretched out its arms, encompassing the room and realized that the whole building was likely made of wood. There would be plenty to eat.:: ::It greedily licked at the door, and burst from the room. This place was like an all-you-can- eat buffet. It ran down the antique carpets and lapped at the walls, threatening to destroy everything. Suddenly, it felt pain. It was coming from the ceiling. WATER!:: Fire: Noooooooooooo! ::Water was its antithesis, its arch enemy. How had it found him? It pushed itself bigger, and tried to burn hotter, hoping to evaporate the water before it could hurt. For a second, it thought it might be successful.: : ::Then it ran into something. It was hard and invisible, but it was there - with desperation, the creature realized that it couldn't be consumed. It coughed and sputtered. The water was raining down and it couldn't burn hot enough to quench it. It was trapped and loosing... oxygen. That was it. It needed oxygen but the oxygen was... disappearing. Where was it going? It saved up all its energy, determined to hit the invisible barrier with everything it had, hoping that it could break through. With a final burst, it burned hot and bright, consuming the last of the oxygen in the area. It sputtered and sizzled and went out.:: ::Steam hissed up from the charred floor as the sprinkler system drenched the area, cooling it. The supply closet was an empty wreck, a shadow of what it had been before. The few shelves that hadn't been turned to ash clattered to the burnt floor. Broken glass littered the area and shriveled, melted plastic was permanently sealed to some of the boards. Steam and smoke filled the area enclosed by the fire suppression force fields, ensuring that there would be no oxygen to allow the creature to be reborn like the legendary Phoenix.:: ::The Inn still stood...::
  21. Quick question... I thought I'd seen earlier that you shouldn't post your own simms... Is that still in place? Or did I simply misread? Thanks..
  22. Hrm...I think I see the Admiral's point. After all...If I write the worlds best tragedy....how does that compare to Toni writing the worlds best comedy? For someone to "judge" the work...there has to be some sort of definition to compare. Personally, I like the themes in general. Especially, as some of my RL friends have said, I always come at them from such a strange angle. Still planning on working on the trickster theme...just need two seconds to rub together to write it..
  23. Toni, You missed the point I was trying to make... I would agree that the judges are all very impartial and unbiased. I was trying to say that the people who would vote on the stories would be equally unbiased, as I feel that most people here are. (Was meant as a compliment to everyone in UFOP...not a denigration of our judges.. And I understand your points about self-review...but what I feel works may not work for others...
  24. As for the popularity contest... Part of the voting would be to do the write up of why you voted for who you did. Yes, it does allow for friends to vote for friends. However, and I am not by any means accusing anyone of this, the judges aren't immune to that either... Accepting the above as a negative, the positive would be more feedback. Soo...along these lines...why not have a popular vote with feedback...and an "unbiased" vote from the judges...who aren't required to provide feedback. Also, Toni, what do you mean?
  25. My personal viewpoint on this... I enjoy writing the stories...and it's nice if I win or "runner up".... But for me the real "payout" is the comments after. If we don't want the judges to make a commentary....it feels arbitrary to me. I know it's not having judged once...and trying to decide between two very close stories can be very difficult. But...if they have gone through the process of determining one to be better than the other...they've already got a reason... However, as this is all volunteer...perhaps we should put this back on the people writing. Instead of 3 impartial judges...have everyone who enters votes on everyone elses stories. Three rules for this though. 1. You can't vote on your own. 2. You vote for top 3...1st gets 4 points toward "winning" 2nd gets 2, 3rd gets 1. The totals are summed up to see who wins... 3. If you vote, you have to put in some comments on any story you vote on. This way we have more feedback, and remove the effort from the judges. Thoughts?
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