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Francis_deMarc

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Everything posted by Francis_deMarc

  1. The years had been hard to deMarc, harder than he thought that he would ever have a right to be placed against him. He felt the shuttle, another boring box with pylons, shaking a bit as it blasted him through the atmosphere yet again. He didn't know what this was going to be, he didn't know what the entire experience would bring, but he knew that it would not be a fantastic thought to be late. Operations: =/\= Operations to deMarc. =/\= deMarc: =/\= deMarc. =/\= Operations: =/\= We show docking in two minutes, sir. =/\= deMarc: ::So glad that you could d that on your own:: =/\= Aye Oper
  2. The Greatest Ride of All - Nerreht Another interesting take on the challenge. Ramirez seems to be the brash sort at this 'roast' of his life. I do enjoy the way that the story goes from a more subdued daughter to a racus DJ type of a character. One thing that I would say is that this type of a story can break from the normal posting format. As a narrative, it reads easier than the script style that we use during our posts. Not an overwelming thing, but a bit of a detraction. I do enjoy the characters a lot, and would enjoy reading more of this author and the characters they have brought
  3. Heaving... Inheritance - LtCmdr Brice Another great piece of writing in this contest. Each and every persoon seems to have made their mark on the judges, and this one is no difference. It always amazes me, as a writer, when someone hits on something new and different. I enjoy the way that the auther, in this case, writes about an author. It's also something different when the auther can write a lot with a single word "Grimp". You can almost see a surly and cantankerous grouch just saying "Grimp". I enjoyed it a great deal.
  4. Letters on Planet Tune - Lt Firestarter This is an interresting story, from a normally prose type of contest. I truely enjoyed the way that you used the letters back and forth from Cantata to Stanza. The musical backgrounds, of course, are a happy part of my life, as I love music. The fact that it goes from love and affection to hate and back again, mirriors the tale, or is trail, of music. The music being planet, the entirety of music is also a great thought. I loved this and would enjoy hearing some more of the two.
  5. Feedback: The Other Temple by Major Sakorra Jefferson Reed Religious overtones in a Civil War are the worst type. There is nothing more sacred (intended word usage) than religion and the battle to keep an established theocratic belief over anyone else. I truly enjoyed the story, and the way that the main characters, again, were really characters with depth and distinction. I also enjoyed the conversations in time and space with the main character, however, this one section of the story was a bit difficult to track with no attribution to the speaker for each of the lines. The concept of Ci
  6. Feedback: Death of Perfection by Commander Toni Turner Another solid entry by Commander Turner. The main speaker addressing the Cadets in an auditorium gives an interesting twist to the plot of this story. The personal parallels between the character's fight with his friend, and the battle of the civil wars they fight daily was a great one to throw in, something that Toni does in most of her stories. The only critique I have is that I would have liked to have heard more about this story; what is the civil war that is going on? What are the ramifications? You get some glimpse in the final
  7. Feedback: The Cost of the Greater Good by Lieutenant (Jg) Iolo Madoc Llewelyn Wow... Just... Wow... Our current mission deals with a civil war on a planet, so this topic is a fitting one for my character and personal thoughts. You gave me some good, devious ideas, that had I not been mid-mission, would have made a good thought process. I especially liked the way that you developed the story, telling it from the point of two brothers, a most used thought in civil war stories. One area that I struggled with was the formatting of the story - it was a bit mushed together, but that is more a cosm
  8. Grandeur LtCmdr Toni Turner Well, I liked all of the stories this month's submissions. The theme is a good one, one which I often remember playing out when I was a child, thinking how great it would be to be in charge... but finding that if my friends didn't like the decisions, that they would "take their ball and go home" . So much the similar with this story. As with Commander Walker, I have read LtCmdr Turner's writings since she started. Her grasp of good drama and story are all greatly evidenced, especially in this most recent challenge. I admit I was drawn into the story until the f
  9. You Saved My Life Tonight Cmdr Ben Walker Short and to the point, definately a good work by Commander Walker. One of the things I have gotten by reading Ben's work over the years is the ability to evoke an emotion. In this case, the imagry portrayed by the young child as they look up into the stars was very evocative. I really enjoyed the parallel of the Commander and the young boy, almost wondering if they were the same character, set at different times? I would have liked to see a little bit more exploration of the young child, but all in all a great effort.
  10. A Free Lunch - Carmen Maria A humorous ending to this story. The dinner party was a good dialogue, adding in a good bit of naritive as well. I am more drawn to the stories that are a good mix of naritive and dialogue, and in this case, I found myself thinking that it was a perfect mix of the two. The females as they stalked the party gave the idea of a pack (is that what one calls it?) of sharks looking for a good bit of tasty food for their dinner. Add in the monkey man at the end and the charming conversation, what with the main character extending hospitality to the stranger, and you ha
  11. Hospitality Reaches Across Many Borders - Idril Mar Very well written story. It reminds me of a number of other such stories that talk about the ghosts of the past, sometimes Will o' Wisps that float around bogs, the souls of those dead before their time. The way that Mar writes is very engaging, drew me in right away. I especially like the Good day to die reference. Glory is fleeting at some times, and the Hospitality angle is a good one. One area that I enjoyed was the naritive section of the attack; a vivid description of the debris floating around. One thing that I would change is to
  12. A Daughter, An Officer, and A Friend by Lt. Delinda Sharee Powerful piece of writing here. The format you chose was not one that many would pick for this type of challenge, but you did a good job of using the medium to put a glimpse into the your main subject. It is easy to forget that Starfleet Officers, any officer in any service, has a family who will wonder where or how they are serving, what are they doing, and in this case, how did they die. When I read fiction, I love how it takes you away and immerses you. Your story did that and more, it made me say "Give me more... show a flas
  13. The end of the line, A glimpse into the life of a double agent LT(jg) Tracey Townson A very good piece of writing here. It truely tells the other end of the spy business that the Bond films, and many others in the 'Spy' genre seem to forget. Once exposed, the spy, even the double agent, faces a rather ignoble ending at the end of a rope or a fire arm. I like the way that you brought in the innocent angle of the children in the story. It goes a long way towards giving your primary character a personal touch. The only critique that I have of the story was that it ended too quickly. A bit mo
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